This is a truly enjoyable ramble of thoughts. It so perfectly captures the mixed tumble of thoughts and feelings that so many people express, and more feel. There is a real relationship, the everyday life reality of a true partner with who you can meet and conquer the world. There are those countless tumbling dice of dreams, needs, wants, and sometimes fears, that some part of us cannot live without. But as they tumble around our minds and our spirits, it is hard to know which we can fit into our real lives, that place where we eat and sleep, and work and play, and love and grow. So don't worry about the tumble and the jumble because most of us reading have the same kind of tumble going on and we are glad to know that we are not alone.

hi rose, i am new to all of this. i am the dom and my bf is the sub. just wondering what sort of fun things did you enjoy doing?

I'm reading this and I feel guilty. I wouldn't say my conversations are awkward...but since I'm not coming here to play, I'm not coming here as much. And I hate to say that because it sounds like the friends I have here are somehow secondary

"When I get older I want to be to younger"
I tell myself that a lot.

I hope you're alright, and I know exactly what you mean. Good conversations are hard to come by when you hardly have enough time to talk to yourself.

Just found this post and got curious lovely post that is insightful, well written and shows a lot about how amazing a person you are very interesting read rose shall have to read more of your blog posts... *hugs*

Loved reading this, and very happy you decided to share it.

I'll pass the link on to Frosty, could give her ideas for the end of year muahahahaha

@**Mandi** I'm glad you asked that. I was wondering what everyone was talking about.

Ohh! Okay! Thank you.

Yeah, I have always just gone to the blog button. I never scroll down that far

Okay, I feel like I am going to sound extremely silly asking this since everyone else seems to know what is going on but what is/ how do you get to the "top 9" list mentioned in this?

Because at first I just assumed it was the blog list but then I realized that I have never had this problem (with unavailable blogs showing up) so I figured it was because I wasn't in the right place to have the problem in the first place.

Anyway, sorry if it is a stupid question!

I am obviously guilty of this, as I have been pre-posting my blog series. I never realized that it posted in the top 9 list. I will keep this in mind in the future, however, the reason I chose to do it this way, is because I wanted them spaced out at specific dates and times, and my life has been really hectic lately. I apologize for any inconvenience.

It is a stupid feature that future dated blogs are posted in that list. I can understand them listing it under that persons blog section, but by posting it on that list, I can understand how frustrating that could be.

@ Kemosahbee - That may be a good idea, as like I said, I didn't even realize that they were posted on the top 9 list.

Thanks for posting this. We should reach out to people who do this and let them know to call it to their attention.

I actually didn't realize for the longest time that it would show up right away in the blogs when I would schedule a post - I figured it was like queuing posts on Tumblr, but it's more like a tease/frustrate option.

Rose thank you I wondered why that was happening when I went on to the blogs

It has been awhile since we have chatted I am glad to hear things are going good between you 2!! Even though you gave up d/s for him think at how far he has come with you from the very start all the things he was scared of that he now loves :P

I think it is fantastic you can trace your desire to submit back so far - it's gotten me thinking a little deeper into my own past. And I think that it is very good that while submission is something that is clearly very important to you, that you haven't allowed it to dictate your ability to be happy. I admire that. Thank you for posting this, and I wish you all the best.

It is so interesting to read how different people experience submission in a different way, and how it can affect our lives so differently.

Even though you feel like you don't need to submit anymore in order to be happy, it sounds like it really did help you on your road to happiness, and I am so so happy for you.

Good luck with everything.

Eeeeee I am so happy that other people are writing on this topic. It's something that is different for everyone and I think it's a good thing to reflect on (:

I really need to get to work on the last part of mine!

Lovely to read, thank you!

Rose

Thank you for blogging this, another way you may consider looking at your current relationship is that yo have been the perfect sub and out of Love and submission to him have forsaken the D/s lifestyle.

When in previous relationships I have not been able to either introduce D/s or felt I could not breach it when feelibg Submissive I did what I can Silent Subbing, doing what ever they wanted and putting their needs before mine, it helped to deal with the D/s Desire

Mr Charcol

Rose, I am new and so I believe you were in "GD", way back is what it sounds like.

I am happy to hear how you have met someone offline and it has become something really special to you. It is good in how he has try to please you, in that effort to prove to you how important you are to him, and how much you mean to him. The thing is once you are into this, it is really very hard to really kick the habit, no matter how hard or how much you try to get away from it. But there is only that amount of understanding that a guy really can give to a woman, who has felt this is that fullfulment that was so very needed in her life. With you still thinking about the past, and how you have not overcome the needs and the feelings in missing it is hard. It can only be overcome by you as time goes on, and with that deep caring, and the pure happiness that you have stated you are getting from your offline boyfriend.

Yet, with that thoughts of how it was, and how you share that you at times are missing that control feelings can really go either way. But with that determine factor of how you feel that you are done with this lifestyle, means you truly know what you want and that is your big plus in your life.

Hi! I am relatively new as well, and just wanted to introduce myself and say nice to meet you.

I have actually been in a very similar position as you. I won't give you any advice as I know that this post wasn't about that, and you are intelligent and intuitive and will make a decision on your own that will be right for you. But I do want to wish you luck and happiness with whatever you choose to do.

I've tried not revealing my D/s to the guy I've been dating and we're not even serious about each other, but I still haven't managed to keep myself from bringing a few things up. I imagine I will eventually meet a guy I'd be willing to give it up for. But I think it will also be rather difficult for me. Thank you for this window into what's possible. And I hope your talk goes well.