A random assortment of reports, thoughts, ramblings and information. Pretty much a view inside my wonderfully complicated, sometimes broken, and entertaining mind.
Asking for help - My new rules
I have a hard time asking for help! I know, surprise surprise! But the thing is, everybody needs help sometimes.
I just recently moved across the country. I was really unhappy where I was. I was stressed all the time, I carried around alot of emotional baggage from being abused for years by my dad, going through a really rough break up after being together for 6 years, drug dealing uncles, family members getting arrested for stealing, and a whole lot of people lying to me.
Don't get me wrong, there was a lot of good things in my life too ...
but I thought if I moved away, and moved in with Asslvr, got to be here with my best friend, my soul mate, that everything would magically get better. But guess what? That didn't work so well.
I still get stressed, I still have to deal with the emotional baggage (who packed that into the car anyways!), I still have to deal with the drama from home, and now I have to deal with feeling isolated and lonely and helpless and homesick too!
I have still had days where I want to self harm, I have still had days where I am so sad that I just want to curl up and cry, I have still had days I don't eat or drink anything because my stomach is turning so much from stress that I don't feel like it ...
it was so hard for me to admit to myself that I needed help. And then to step up and ask for help? Yikes! That was even harder!
I never expected this to happen. I thought this was going to be my happily ever after, I thought it was going to be perfect and happy and all of that Disney crap! But it isn't ...
But that is ok! We have had a lot of great times together in the month since I have moved here. We have had lots of fun playtimes, lots of hugs and kisses and snuggles, and laughs. He makes me so happy everyday. He makes me feel safe. But it has also been a bit chaotic and we have had arguments and we both have to make adjustments. But that is life. and I am willing to put the effort in if he is.
But all of this led me to asking Asslvr for help.
He worries about me a lot because of the above reasons. And since I have moved here we have been enjoying just being a couple rather than actively practicing D/s. Believe me, we have had our share of playtime (mmmm, delicious playtimes), but we had taken a break from me having regular rules.
But I spent a lot of time thinking about it, and I finally asked Asslvr if we could implement some rules again. However, this time I wanted them to be a bit different. I still crave the aspect of control from him, but I also wanted the rules to help encourage me to be healthier and happier.
We started simple but here are a few that we have implemented:
I will drink 4 large glasses (I have these disney cups with straws that I am always drinking out of) of water each day. If I don't manage to do so, the following day I will only be allowed to pee once for every glass of water I drink.
I had noticed that I had stopped drinking as much as I used to. I would go hours and hours without drinking anything, and because of this I was getting dehydrated. I would start to get cramps in my legs and side that would keep me up at night, which obviously affected my sleep. This rules gives me an incentive to remember to drink water during the day.
I will eat two healthy meals a day (or three healthy smaller meals/snacks). One of which will be before dinner time. If I don't manage to do so, I will edge that night and not be allowed to cum until the following day when I have eaten my two meals. If I do this more than one day in a week, I will edge one more time for each occurrence.
I have always fought a rule like this. Food control is somewhat of a limit for me because of the abuse I endured growing up. But it was getting unhealthy. It isn't as though I am starving (I am overweight), but I had noticed that I would go all day not eating, and then eat dinner when Asslvr got home. But when he was getting ready to go to bed, I would be so hungry and ready to eat again, that I couldn't sleep. And it isn't healthy to eat that late at night either. So this rule helps me to force myself to eat at least something in the morning or early afternoon before Asslvr gets home for dinner time. He is really good with working with me and compromising when I am being stubborn (or when I am trying to convince him that fruit is dinner).
I will ask Sir for permission to pee when we are together in person and there is nobody else around. If I forget to ask or choose not to, I will need to go pee with the door open, the next time I need to pee.
This rule is solely to satisfy my craving for control. It also makes me a little blushy, so it really makes me feel subby. I find it a lot easier to deal with my emotions when I am in a subby mindset than when I am holding things in.
Twice per week I will ask Sir if I can make him cum, I must say "Sir" when asking. If I forget, the following week he may ask for a blowjob whenever he wants.
This rule has a duel purpose. It helps me to feel controlled, but it also helps to alleviate some of my guilt. I struggle with feeling as though I get more than I give in our relationship. I am always the one laying on the bed (tied or not), receiving the pleasure and pain and orgasms. I feel like there is no way Asslvr could get as much out of this as I do. So this way, I have to remind myself to specifically take care of him at least twice during the week.
I will spend a minimum of 2 hours a week writing stories, blogs, in my journal, or letters home. If the total is not met, an hour is added to the following week.
I have been feeling really bored and restless lately. But then I feel unmotivated to do anything. I have a lot of things I should be writing, but I just don't. This rule really can help to motivate and inspire me to write more, and gives me a purpose, something to do to break up the monotony of applying for jobs and waiting to hear back. Writing also gives me an outlet for all the feelings, fears and thoughts that I keep bottled up in a week.
Every Tuesday I will give myself an enema (*blush*), shower and make sure I am ready for Sir when he gets home. I will message him to ask how he wants me to be waiting for him. If I do not do so, I must edge 20 times before cumming again.
This rule is very VERY fun! It also makes me extremely blushy. It's purpose mostly lies in making me feel subby, and giving us something to look forward to in the middle of the week, so that we don't overlook playtime if we are busy or stressed.
I will cum at least 10 times a week. Up to 3 of those orgasms may be while I am alone. If we do not succeed, Sir will have 2 days of no touch the following week.
This rule is purely for fun, although it makes me kind of conflicted. I love cumming, but oh how I would love for Asslvr to be on no touch as I tease him mercilessly.
I know that it isn't a lot of rules, but it is perfect for us right now. There is just enough structure and control there that it is helping to keep me sane.
The most important part of those rules, is that each one comes with a clear and defined "consequence". Yes, I know that it is pretty much a punishment ... but I don't like that word, and for that reason we have never really had any defined punishments or consequences before. I just did what I was told because it made Asslvr happy. And even though that is still something I like to do, it just isn't enough when it comes to things like drinking or eating. I am too stubborn and when I get in that mindset, I will rebel and just tell him I am not going to listen. So it is very important that we wrote them out this way.
It is hard for me to ask for help. Especially from Asslvr. It is hard for me to admit that I am not ok, that I am not doing as well as I expected I would, that I am scared and hurting and sad. But look what happens when I do! I am shown that I am not alone. So maybe it isn't so bad after all. And now that I am here, even if thing aren't magically better, at least I never have to do it alone again. And THAT is what makes the move worth it.
I just recently moved across the country. I was really unhappy where I was. I was stressed all the time, I carried around alot of emotional baggage from being abused for years by my dad, going through a really rough break up after being together for 6 years, drug dealing uncles, family members getting arrested for stealing, and a whole lot of people lying to me.
Don't get me wrong, there was a lot of good things in my life too ...
but I thought if I moved away, and moved in with Asslvr, got to be here with my best friend, my soul mate, that everything would magically get better. But guess what? That didn't work so well.
I still get stressed, I still have to deal with the emotional baggage (who packed that into the car anyways!), I still have to deal with the drama from home, and now I have to deal with feeling isolated and lonely and helpless and homesick too!
I have still had days where I want to self harm, I have still had days where I am so sad that I just want to curl up and cry, I have still had days I don't eat or drink anything because my stomach is turning so much from stress that I don't feel like it ...
it was so hard for me to admit to myself that I needed help. And then to step up and ask for help? Yikes! That was even harder!
I never expected this to happen. I thought this was going to be my happily ever after, I thought it was going to be perfect and happy and all of that Disney crap! But it isn't ...
But that is ok! We have had a lot of great times together in the month since I have moved here. We have had lots of fun playtimes, lots of hugs and kisses and snuggles, and laughs. He makes me so happy everyday. He makes me feel safe. But it has also been a bit chaotic and we have had arguments and we both have to make adjustments. But that is life. and I am willing to put the effort in if he is.
But all of this led me to asking Asslvr for help.
He worries about me a lot because of the above reasons. And since I have moved here we have been enjoying just being a couple rather than actively practicing D/s. Believe me, we have had our share of playtime (mmmm, delicious playtimes), but we had taken a break from me having regular rules.
But I spent a lot of time thinking about it, and I finally asked Asslvr if we could implement some rules again. However, this time I wanted them to be a bit different. I still crave the aspect of control from him, but I also wanted the rules to help encourage me to be healthier and happier.
We started simple but here are a few that we have implemented:
I will drink 4 large glasses (I have these disney cups with straws that I am always drinking out of) of water each day. If I don't manage to do so, the following day I will only be allowed to pee once for every glass of water I drink.
I had noticed that I had stopped drinking as much as I used to. I would go hours and hours without drinking anything, and because of this I was getting dehydrated. I would start to get cramps in my legs and side that would keep me up at night, which obviously affected my sleep. This rules gives me an incentive to remember to drink water during the day.
I will eat two healthy meals a day (or three healthy smaller meals/snacks). One of which will be before dinner time. If I don't manage to do so, I will edge that night and not be allowed to cum until the following day when I have eaten my two meals. If I do this more than one day in a week, I will edge one more time for each occurrence.
I have always fought a rule like this. Food control is somewhat of a limit for me because of the abuse I endured growing up. But it was getting unhealthy. It isn't as though I am starving (I am overweight), but I had noticed that I would go all day not eating, and then eat dinner when Asslvr got home. But when he was getting ready to go to bed, I would be so hungry and ready to eat again, that I couldn't sleep. And it isn't healthy to eat that late at night either. So this rule helps me to force myself to eat at least something in the morning or early afternoon before Asslvr gets home for dinner time. He is really good with working with me and compromising when I am being stubborn (or when I am trying to convince him that fruit is dinner).
I will ask Sir for permission to pee when we are together in person and there is nobody else around. If I forget to ask or choose not to, I will need to go pee with the door open, the next time I need to pee.
This rule is solely to satisfy my craving for control. It also makes me a little blushy, so it really makes me feel subby. I find it a lot easier to deal with my emotions when I am in a subby mindset than when I am holding things in.
Twice per week I will ask Sir if I can make him cum, I must say "Sir" when asking. If I forget, the following week he may ask for a blowjob whenever he wants.
This rule has a duel purpose. It helps me to feel controlled, but it also helps to alleviate some of my guilt. I struggle with feeling as though I get more than I give in our relationship. I am always the one laying on the bed (tied or not), receiving the pleasure and pain and orgasms. I feel like there is no way Asslvr could get as much out of this as I do. So this way, I have to remind myself to specifically take care of him at least twice during the week.
I will spend a minimum of 2 hours a week writing stories, blogs, in my journal, or letters home. If the total is not met, an hour is added to the following week.
I have been feeling really bored and restless lately. But then I feel unmotivated to do anything. I have a lot of things I should be writing, but I just don't. This rule really can help to motivate and inspire me to write more, and gives me a purpose, something to do to break up the monotony of applying for jobs and waiting to hear back. Writing also gives me an outlet for all the feelings, fears and thoughts that I keep bottled up in a week.
Every Tuesday I will give myself an enema (*blush*), shower and make sure I am ready for Sir when he gets home. I will message him to ask how he wants me to be waiting for him. If I do not do so, I must edge 20 times before cumming again.
This rule is very VERY fun! It also makes me extremely blushy. It's purpose mostly lies in making me feel subby, and giving us something to look forward to in the middle of the week, so that we don't overlook playtime if we are busy or stressed.
I will cum at least 10 times a week. Up to 3 of those orgasms may be while I am alone. If we do not succeed, Sir will have 2 days of no touch the following week.
This rule is purely for fun, although it makes me kind of conflicted. I love cumming, but oh how I would love for Asslvr to be on no touch as I tease him mercilessly.
I know that it isn't a lot of rules, but it is perfect for us right now. There is just enough structure and control there that it is helping to keep me sane.
The most important part of those rules, is that each one comes with a clear and defined "consequence". Yes, I know that it is pretty much a punishment ... but I don't like that word, and for that reason we have never really had any defined punishments or consequences before. I just did what I was told because it made Asslvr happy. And even though that is still something I like to do, it just isn't enough when it comes to things like drinking or eating. I am too stubborn and when I get in that mindset, I will rebel and just tell him I am not going to listen. So it is very important that we wrote them out this way.
It is hard for me to ask for help. Especially from Asslvr. It is hard for me to admit that I am not ok, that I am not doing as well as I expected I would, that I am scared and hurting and sad. But look what happens when I do! I am shown that I am not alone. So maybe it isn't so bad after all. And now that I am here, even if thing aren't magically better, at least I never have to do it alone again. And THAT is what makes the move worth it.
Total Comments 10
Comments
-
Yay! You know how I feel about rules, and it's awesome that the two of you are using them in such a helpful and constructive way. Bravo!Posted 07-31-2015 at 05:48 AM by pet monkey 
-
I love your new rules! And I'm glad you asked for help.
In my own experience, moving in with someone, no matter how wonderful, can bring up new stresses (it's all the different routines and expectations!). The same goes for moving to a new place. But even though it doesn't mean any old issues magically disappear -- and in fact big changes can even raise some new ones now and then -- it sounds like you and Asslvr have just the right attitude toward finding a way to work through them.Posted 07-31-2015 at 06:03 AM by kurious kat
-
These rules are great. I love seeing how your relationship is evolving and how you're using D/s to improve yourselves.
Moving is incredibly stressful and incredibly lonely. Don't judge yourself harshly for that.
And arguments are also perfectly normal. The secret to happily ever after is not "never argue" but rather "forgive and forget".Posted 07-31-2015 at 09:15 AM by madl
-
Although we have agreed on certain things about rules, I never quite shared your enthusiasm for having rules, but these are different. Although they are imposing on my life, I think it is in a good way and it makes me feel really good.Quote:Originally Posted by colosubguy
Yay! You know how I feel about rules, and it's awesome that the two of you are using them in such a helpful and constructive way. Bravo!Posted 07-31-2015 at 10:49 AM by Butterfly
-
I'm really not so naive that I thought everything would be perfect but I never thought it would be this hard. I'm glad I asked for help too. The biggest change I have to make I guess is to realize that I don't have to do things on my own anymore. I know we are both willing to work through things. I didn't move 3500 km away just to get scared and run back home after a month.Quote:Originally Posted by kurious kat
I love your new rules! And I'm glad you asked for help.
In my own experience, moving in with someone, no matter how wonderful, can bring up new stresses (it's all the different routines and expectations!). The same goes for moving to a new place. But even though it doesn't mean any old issues magically disappear -- and in fact big changes can even raise some new ones now and then -- it sounds like you and Asslvr have just the right attitude toward finding a way to work through them.Posted 07-31-2015 at 10:55 AM by Butterfly
-
It really is crazy for me to look back and see how much I have evolved and grown over the past year. I know instill have my ups and downs but the transformation is amazing. And my attitude about somethings has completely changed as well.Quote:Originally Posted by madl
These rules are great. I love seeing how your relationship is evolving and how you're using D/s to improve yourselves.
Moving is incredibly stressful and incredibly lonely. Don't judge yourself harshly for that.
And arguments are also perfectly normal. The secret to happily ever after is not "never argue" but rather "forgive and forget".
I think the loneliness is the worst part for me right now. Even though I have asslvr, I miss my family and best friend. I miss their hugs and being together face to face instead of through a screen.
Asslvr used to always tell me he isn't a fighter. He doesn't like to argue and neither do I. But it's important. Because if you aren't arguing than it means you aren'i communicating.Posted 07-31-2015 at 10:59 AM by Butterfly
-
I know it's been said, but I agree, moving is hard! And it's okay for you to have a rough time with everything - I am glad you are finding good ways to work through it
And I love that you posted your rules, thank you! I've been kind of fascinated with rules lately, still a bit too chicken to post mine, but I loved reading yours. Isn't it wonderful how the ones that induce the most blushing and embarrassment, that feel the hardest to do, are the best ones?
(And I like the word 'discipline' instead of 'punishment' - and 'consequence' is good too - because it isn't just about a looming threat or fear of disappointing someone, but about learning and growing and rewards for things done well.)Posted 07-31-2015 at 02:25 PM by naughtylittlegirl
-
Our new life, although filled with love, happiness and fun, has had some challanges. I personally am happier than I ever have been. That is all thanks to you my sweet Butterfly.
You know I will always try my hardest to give you what you need. I know we can work through anything and our love will endure the test of time.
I am loving the rules too, even though a couple are hard, a couple are blushy, I think they are a nice balance.
You also know how much it hurts me when we have to deal with "consequences" but I am always so proud of you when you get through it.
You are amazing sweetie... I love you♡Posted 08-01-2015 at 08:34 AM by Mr. Devious
-
It really is hard. So much harder than expected, but there are so many good things about moving and I have to start reminding myself about those too.Quote:Originally Posted by naughtylittlegirl
I know it's been said, but I agree, moving is hard! And it's okay for you to have a rough time with everything - I am glad you are finding good ways to work through it
And I love that you posted your rules, thank you! I've been kind of fascinated with rules lately, still a bit too chicken to post mine, but I loved reading yours. Isn't it wonderful how the ones that induce the most blushing and embarrassment, that feel the hardest to do, are the best ones?
(And I like the word 'discipline' instead of 'punishment' - and 'consequence' is good too - because it isn't just about a looming threat or fear of disappointing someone, but about learning and growing and rewards for things done well.)
When you are ready, we would love to read yours. I have never really wanted to share a set of rules of mine before (and with Asslvr we have changed them so many times that they are constantly outdated anyways), but these ones mean so much more to me right now, that I thought I would share them.
The thought of disappointing Asslvr is enough of a punishment for me, but I know that every time I forget a rule or don't do it the right way, it doesn't necessarily disappoint him, it just means I have to try harder and do better next time. The only time we use punishment is if I deliberately don't do something, which almost never happens. I would much rather focus on consequences to help motivate me to remember and do my best, and rewards for completing things.Posted 08-04-2015 at 10:36 PM by Butterfly
-
I love you too. So much! It has been difficult for me, but I want you to know that I am so thankful and grateful for everything you have done and been for me during this transition, and over the past year. You have been my rock. and I don't feel like I have told you how much I appreciate that.Quote:Originally Posted by asslvr
Our new life, although filled with love, happiness and fun, has had some challanges. I personally am happier than I ever have been. That is all thanks to you my sweet Butterfly.
You know I will always try my hardest to give you what you need. I know we can work through anything and our love will endure the test of time.
I am loving the rules too, even though a couple are hard, a couple are blushy, I think they are a nice balance.
You also know how much it hurts me when we have to deal with "consequences" but I am always so proud of you when you get through it.
You are amazing sweetie... I love you♡
Please know that the struggles I am dealing with right now, are not your fault. This would have happened no matter where I would have moved to or with who. It is just the culmination of everything and it is all a little bit overwhelming, but I know we can get through it.Posted 08-04-2015 at 10:42 PM by Butterfly
