A random assortment of reports, thoughts, ramblings and information. Pretty much a view inside my wonderfully complicated, sometimes broken, and entertaining mind.
I don't do that ... I am a Dom/me
I want to preface this blog by saying that I respect that everybody has limits. There are many different reasons for somebody to list something as a limit. It may be a mental or physical health thing, it could be that you just hate it, no matter what the reason, it is valid.
However ... I am sick and tired of hearing D types say that they can't or won't do something because they are a Dom/me or top. That is just dumb.
Edging is something that a lot of subs do, but it doesn't mean that only subs can enjoy it. Edging can be pleasurable for both men and woman, both Dom/mes and subs. Completing an edge does not make you a sub.
The same goes for things like anal, spanking, bondage, etc. These things are kinks! Anybody can enjoy them. They are not role dependent.
Just because it is something that you have your sub do, doesn't mean you can't enjoy it. It isn't the task that makes you a Dom/me, it is you taking control.
You could demand that your sub pleasure you by fucking you in the ass if that is what you like. You are still in control, you are still the dominant, but you get to enjoy pleasure too! There is nothing wrong with that.
But freaking out because somebody said *spanks you* with the reasoning that you are a big and mighty Dom and therefore you don't get spanked is just flat out dumb. So is downright refusing to try a prostate massage because you see that as something that only sub males do.
You are missing out!
End of rant.
However ... I am sick and tired of hearing D types say that they can't or won't do something because they are a Dom/me or top. That is just dumb.
Edging is something that a lot of subs do, but it doesn't mean that only subs can enjoy it. Edging can be pleasurable for both men and woman, both Dom/mes and subs. Completing an edge does not make you a sub.
The same goes for things like anal, spanking, bondage, etc. These things are kinks! Anybody can enjoy them. They are not role dependent.
Just because it is something that you have your sub do, doesn't mean you can't enjoy it. It isn't the task that makes you a Dom/me, it is you taking control.
You could demand that your sub pleasure you by fucking you in the ass if that is what you like. You are still in control, you are still the dominant, but you get to enjoy pleasure too! There is nothing wrong with that.
But freaking out because somebody said *spanks you* with the reasoning that you are a big and mighty Dom and therefore you don't get spanked is just flat out dumb. So is downright refusing to try a prostate massage because you see that as something that only sub males do.
You are missing out!
End of rant.
Total Comments 16
Comments
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Agree totally. Love the "you could demand your sub pleasure you" part. The whole rant is just good, lol... Love the gifs
Posted 08-23-2018 at 01:59 PM by Joan Sky 
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Amen. Sounds like another story from the chat room.Posted 08-23-2018 at 02:10 PM by Kifla
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From what I recall of the chat room, there's often random requests that pop up and get ignored by everyone, lolQuote:Originally Posted by Kifla
Amen. Sounds like another story from the chat room.Posted 08-23-2018 at 02:27 PM by Joan Sky
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This time it is actually not a chat room story, it was a culmination of a few private conversations I have had with male doms.Quote:Originally Posted by Kifla
Amen. Sounds like another story from the chat room.Posted 08-23-2018 at 02:56 PM by Butterfly
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I agree everything you said in your post. I generally don't like being on top/take the lead during sex. But I've always had the fantasy that my Master will make me dominate him, just for his own pleasure, because he enjoys it. And in the meantime, even though I get to be on top, I'm still his submissive and his pleasure still stands before mine. I mean, that's quite sexy isn't it! It doesn't matter who spanks who, it's the submissive being under controlled no matter what they do, and their pleasure remains second place under every circumstances.Posted 08-23-2018 at 06:31 PM by suballyzon
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I agree with youQuote:Originally Posted by suballyzon
I agree everything you said in your post. I generally don't like being on top/take the lead during sex. But I've always had the fantasy that my Master will make me dominate him, just for his own pleasure, because he enjoys it. And in the meantime, even though I get to be on top, I'm still his submissive and his pleasure still stands before mine. I mean, that's quite sexy isn't it! It doesn't matter who spanks who, it's the submissive being under controlled no matter what they do, and their pleasure remains second place under every circumstances. and yeah, I've had that fantasy too. In the older book club here, we read a story that had a similar instance and I wrote this ~
"I liked how considerate Miss Lark when she allowed for a rare and temporary 'switch'. It made sure Abby's injury had minimal disturbance, but as a submissive also allowed her to have the rare experience of expressing a rare part of herself. For Miss Lark to allow her to do that speaks volumes. And it was nice to see how open and loving she was.
In a similar vein (but not quite), I have also imagined scenarios before in which a submissive was in a dominant position (and the Dominant in a submissive one) while retaining their essence. So the Dominant would still be dominant in submissive position, and the submissive would still be submissive in the dominant position. It would still be apparent even in silence. The eye contact and touch, the aura... All of it in a relaxed/natural manner ~ even when it gets faster and rough. Can you imagine that?"Posted 08-23-2018 at 07:04 PM by Joan Sky
Updated 08-23-2018 at 07:07 PM by Joan Sky -
I would beg to differ here due to my personal experience. I agree it is wrong to generalise that if you are a D type then you can't do/receive tasks whether as a bottom even for others or even as a Dom instructing their sub to do it and being a dominant does not necessarily cause one to not do tasks or freak at it. There is no cause and effect relationship between dominance and not doing tasks.
However, coming to the point of disagreement in generalising if you are a Dom and freak out with mentioning of being spanked is dumb universally for all dominants, from my experience I have found that there definitely is a correlation between having a dominant mindset and refraining from doing tasks (or freaking out at mention), and while I can't generalise for all the dominants it holds good at least for me. In the last few months that I was exploring domination, because of having a dominant mindset towards my last sub, I had been completely out of touch from doing tasks since I am not capable of both mindsets even towards two separate individuals or bottoming with many intense kinks/receiving tasks (with an exception of light game forfeits) in the same time period as practising domination, so when I posted in Cass's PM party thread, I started freaking out within receiving the first 5 PM dares and later realised it was because I wasn't in the bottoming mood those days and it was related to me domming someone else.
So, I respect your views, however I do believe that at least for some dominants, being a dominant to someone is related to having a reluctant (in absence of a better word) attitude (or even freaking out) towards receiving/doing tasks in general though the reasoning that you project for it as they doing so to protect their image of being a 'big strong dom' and refraining from potential pleasure may seem misguided. I have the same reaction to tasks when in a dominant mindset like it is alright for me to spank myself if I wish so voluntarily but there is a chance I may freak out if someone says *spanks you* (as it is more mainstream power play than something like *pokes you* imo) out of the blue and it may be related to me exploring domination at the time, however my reasoning is different as explained in my second paragraph above.
Summary - there is no cause affect relationship between the two but there definitely is some correlation at least for some individuals with intelligent reasoning behind (albeit different reason from the one mentioned in the blog) in my opinion
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PS: Sorry Joanna to pop your bubble, but you ain't bottoming me from the top..lol, even as a sub for my pleasure, or even in your imagination as it would lead to dissonance in my illogically challenged mind. I have other ways of deriving pleasure
Posted 08-24-2018 at 11:09 AM by nina@
Updated 08-24-2018 at 11:42 AM by nina@ -
Thank you Nina for sharing your side of things. I too struggle with being in both a dominant and submissive mind set at the same time and I do acknowledge that doing certain tasks (although for me not all tasks) will push me into a more subby mindset at times.
However, I think the point I was truly trying to make that was that doing tasks does not make one submissive. Choosing not to do certain tasks for any reason is perfectly ok. But the mindset that anal or spanking is only for submissives is wrong. They may not be something that work for you as a top and therefore you may refrain or even have a freak out about it, but I just think the notion that it is only because you are a Dom that you can never ever be spanked (yourself or by others) or edge or do anal is just dumb.Posted 08-24-2018 at 11:51 AM by Butterfly
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I understand what you said and agree with it too. It was an old post I made years ago in an old book club that I dug up. I don't want to bottom you from the topQuote:Originally Posted by nina@
PS: Sorry Joanna to pop your bubble, but you ain't bottoming me from the top..lol, even as a sub for my pleasure, or even in your imagination as it would lead to dissonance in my illogically challenged mind. I have other ways of deriving pleasure
Posted 08-24-2018 at 11:56 AM by Joan Sky
Updated 08-24-2018 at 12:02 PM by Joan Sky -
yes, if it is just for the sake of a notion that someone refrains from pleasure then it is illogical. For me it intervenes in my dominant mindset.Quote:Originally Posted by Butterfly
I just think the notion that it is only because you are a Dom that you can never ever be spanked (yourself or by others) or edge or do anal is just dumb.
It is safe to conclude then, that it is not the reaction that is dumb but the reasoning you mention behind the reaction is 'dumb', as I have the same reaction albeit for different reasons.
@Joanna.. don't worry.. just playing with your mind <3<3Posted 08-24-2018 at 12:05 PM by nina@
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Yes! That is exactly what I was trying to portray.Quote:Originally Posted by nina@
It is safe to conclude then, that it is not the reaction that is dumb but the reasoning you mention behind the reaction is 'dumb', as I have the same reaction albeit for different reasons.
Posted 08-24-2018 at 12:08 PM by Butterfly
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See how we achieved consensus in a polite manner. If everybody did it there would be no flaming and we would restore WORLD PEACE
Posted 08-24-2018 at 12:15 PM by nina@
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MeanieQuote:Originally Posted by nina@
@Joanna.. don't worry.. just playing with your mind <3<3
*hug* <3
Phew...Posted 08-24-2018 at 12:19 PM by Joan Sky
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I agree a lot of kink isn't just one sidedPosted 08-24-2018 at 06:39 PM by CagedHiruzen
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I some what question if not wishing to have a sub type *spanks* may also be experience related. I know when I first considered how I should act while being dominant I was thinking about how obedience was important and should be punished for acting out but as I met and talked with people I found I would far rather have/be some one who talks back than some one who just does a thing mindlessly. Plus it gives the opportunity to give that cheeky "oh really?! Well..." smile. Nothing is more fun than twisting what a D/s partner says back on them.Posted 08-25-2018 at 02:34 PM by Ly Ph
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I agree that some D types don't like bratting or banter. For me I love it. But again that is a completely different reason than just "I am a Dom and therefore cannot be spanked". Also when I typed *spanks* it was not to MY Dom but a friend who was a Dom.Quote:Originally Posted by Ly Ph
I some what question if not wishing to have a sub type *spanks* may also be experience related. I know when I first considered how I should act while being dominant I was thinking about how obedience was important and should be punished for acting out but as I met and talked with people I found I would far rather have/be some one who talks back than some one who just does a thing mindlessly. Plus it gives the opportunity to give that cheeky "oh really?! Well..." smile. Nothing is more fun than twisting what a D/s partner says back on them.
Posted 08-25-2018 at 03:47 PM by Butterfly
