Welcome to this kittens blog! Sit back, pop some popcorn,
And enjoy, my fellow freaks and geeks!
And enjoy, my fellow freaks and geeks!
Turns out I've been lying to myself for 7 years
Hello my fellow freaks and geeks!
It's been a LONG time since I've posted here on my blog, but life has been HECTIC to say the least.
(TLDR at the bottom)
The long and the short of it is, I've been identifying as "nonbinary" and using "boy mode" to be safe while driving the semi through states like Tennessee, Texas, Florida, and Georgia. Unfortunately, "boy mode" would cause severe dysphoria (wich I'd ignore) and result in months of under the masc mask depression. Eventually it would be too much to handle and I'd shave my face and go fem again, becoming SUPER happy, only to once again dysphoric about the Manish parts of my body that I can't change with simple "Hollywood magic"
That dyphoria induced depression would sap my energy I needed to do the extensive work it takes to look fem without HRT, and I'd end up being put right back into "boy mode" and the cycle continues.
Then, about 1 week ago, it hit me like a fully loaded frieghtliner barreling down cabbage hill with no breaks, "Boy mode is just a character skin I wear to feel safe in the trucking industry and girl mode is the only time I actually feel happy and at home in my skin. Holy shit am I trans???"
I did some further research (diving into r/traaaaa and r/eggirl) and HOLY SHIT IM REALLY TRANS
I started to come out to my friends and family, and I shit you not, EVERY ONE OF THEM SAID THEYVE KNOWN FOR YEARS and they were just "waiting for me to realize who I was and accept it instead of trying to find every excuse in the book to not be trans."
And looking back at my life and actions the past 7 years, it's painfully obvious that I was an egg. >_< I'm so mad that I didn't realize it sooner thanks to my own DEEP SEEDED transphobia (probably put there by my shithead father) like, I've always been very supportive of other trans people, but when it came to me it was "there's no way I'm trans" *insert eye roll emoji here* goodness I was the big dumb.
I came out to my wife (we've been together 10 years, and married 6 years) and apparently not only did she already know as well, BUT SHES BICURUOUS AND SAID WE SHOULD DO AN OPEN MARRIAGE. (She's ace, and wants to explore being biromantic, but also doesn't want to continue "forcing me to not be sexual at all when she knows I'm hyper sexual" her words) *surprised Pikachu face)
I'd always thought she was straight, but it turns out I WAS WRONG ABOUT THAT TOO!!
Anywhosels, now I get to look around for another partner for sexy fun times!! (She just doesn't want me to bring them home cuz she doesn't want to hear me getting plowed (understandable, she's sex repulsed and I'm a screamer)
So now I've got a telehealth appointment with planned parenthood this upcoming week for HRT, and as long as everything goes well, I should be going in for an initial bloodiest at the end of the month, and be on hormones by mid September! ^u^ IM SO EXCITED! IM FINALLY GETTING TO LIVE THE LIFE IVE ALWAYS WANTED TO LIVE!
and I swear, if hrt doesn't give me at LEAST b-c cups, I'm getting a damn boobjob in 5 years. I want CLEAVAGE, there's so many cute tanktops that I feel look way better with cleavage.
Bottom surgery is also on the table as well as facial feminization surgery, but we're gonna wait to see how HRT effects me first before doing those.
Well, that's it for now my fellow freaks and geeks! Have a gay day!
(Might change my name from Taylor to Sylvia or Gwendolyn, not sure yet)
TLDR; Turns out I'm trans, my entire familly and all my friends knew for years and were waiting for me to figure it out, my wife is actually bicurious, I'm now in an open marriage, and I'm hopefully starting HRT in a month and a half.
It's been a LONG time since I've posted here on my blog, but life has been HECTIC to say the least.
(TLDR at the bottom)
The long and the short of it is, I've been identifying as "nonbinary" and using "boy mode" to be safe while driving the semi through states like Tennessee, Texas, Florida, and Georgia. Unfortunately, "boy mode" would cause severe dysphoria (wich I'd ignore) and result in months of under the masc mask depression. Eventually it would be too much to handle and I'd shave my face and go fem again, becoming SUPER happy, only to once again dysphoric about the Manish parts of my body that I can't change with simple "Hollywood magic"
That dyphoria induced depression would sap my energy I needed to do the extensive work it takes to look fem without HRT, and I'd end up being put right back into "boy mode" and the cycle continues.
Then, about 1 week ago, it hit me like a fully loaded frieghtliner barreling down cabbage hill with no breaks, "Boy mode is just a character skin I wear to feel safe in the trucking industry and girl mode is the only time I actually feel happy and at home in my skin. Holy shit am I trans???"
I did some further research (diving into r/traaaaa and r/eggirl) and HOLY SHIT IM REALLY TRANS
I started to come out to my friends and family, and I shit you not, EVERY ONE OF THEM SAID THEYVE KNOWN FOR YEARS and they were just "waiting for me to realize who I was and accept it instead of trying to find every excuse in the book to not be trans."
And looking back at my life and actions the past 7 years, it's painfully obvious that I was an egg. >_< I'm so mad that I didn't realize it sooner thanks to my own DEEP SEEDED transphobia (probably put there by my shithead father) like, I've always been very supportive of other trans people, but when it came to me it was "there's no way I'm trans" *insert eye roll emoji here* goodness I was the big dumb.
I came out to my wife (we've been together 10 years, and married 6 years) and apparently not only did she already know as well, BUT SHES BICURUOUS AND SAID WE SHOULD DO AN OPEN MARRIAGE. (She's ace, and wants to explore being biromantic, but also doesn't want to continue "forcing me to not be sexual at all when she knows I'm hyper sexual" her words) *surprised Pikachu face)
I'd always thought she was straight, but it turns out I WAS WRONG ABOUT THAT TOO!!
Anywhosels, now I get to look around for another partner for sexy fun times!! (She just doesn't want me to bring them home cuz she doesn't want to hear me getting plowed (understandable, she's sex repulsed and I'm a screamer)
So now I've got a telehealth appointment with planned parenthood this upcoming week for HRT, and as long as everything goes well, I should be going in for an initial bloodiest at the end of the month, and be on hormones by mid September! ^u^ IM SO EXCITED! IM FINALLY GETTING TO LIVE THE LIFE IVE ALWAYS WANTED TO LIVE!
and I swear, if hrt doesn't give me at LEAST b-c cups, I'm getting a damn boobjob in 5 years. I want CLEAVAGE, there's so many cute tanktops that I feel look way better with cleavage.
Bottom surgery is also on the table as well as facial feminization surgery, but we're gonna wait to see how HRT effects me first before doing those.
Well, that's it for now my fellow freaks and geeks! Have a gay day!
(Might change my name from Taylor to Sylvia or Gwendolyn, not sure yet)
TLDR; Turns out I'm trans, my entire familly and all my friends knew for years and were waiting for me to figure it out, my wife is actually bicurious, I'm now in an open marriage, and I'm hopefully starting HRT in a month and a half.
