A random assortment of reports, thoughts, ramblings and information. Pretty much a view inside my wonderfully complicated, sometimes broken, and entertaining mind.
Facing fears and pushing limits: Self Esteem
I am back from my break and ready to continue talking about facing my fears and pushing my limits. Let's get started, shall we?
I have never thought myself to be attractive or sexy. I am overweight and have been told all my life that I am fat, ugly, etc. I have really bad self esteem and self confidence, and so when it comes to getting naked in front of somebody, I do everything I can to stall or prevent it from happening.
Even on our first two trips together, I was too self conscious to let Asslvr see me completely naked. I was always wearing some sort of lingerie or covering myself somehow. And I was completely ready to keep the trend going on this trip. However, there was one place I couldn't escape nakedness: the shower!
Showering together is something we had talked about, and I liked the thought but I was dreading it. There would be no hiding behind dimmed lights, a robe, cute lingerie or a strategically placed blanket in there. So, when Sir told me to get in the shower and he would meet me in there, I froze. I think my heart stopped, my face turned bright red and my heart nearly leaped out of my chest .... but I was also very excited. I wanted to be all soapy and wet in the shower with Sir.
So I did it. I went to the bathroom, quickly undressed and got in. I tried to hide a little bit by soaping up, but soap is slippery and doesn't hide much at all. And thus the waiting began.
Finally, after the longest 5 minutes ever, Sir came in and climbed into the shower. I was faced away from him with my hands covered over myself. At first I was so nervous I couldn't look at him, but eventually I turned around nervously and .... and .... he was smiling at me. Wait! What? He wasn't disgusted with what he saw? Smiling? I was shocked. He just looked happy to be in there with me. He reached over and started playing with my nipples a little bit, rubbing the soap all around me.
Then it was my turn. I grabbed the soap and started to suds him up. As he started to wash his hair, I surprised him and grabbed his hard cock and started to stroke him. He tensed as I continued to stroke faster, getting him closer and closer, and finally I said "Please cum for me Sir" and he exploded in my hand and all over my tummy.
I am so glad that we took this step because not only was it very sexy, (and I hope it is not the last shower Sir and I will be taking together), but it was also a great first step to give me a bit more confidence during the remainder of the trip.
Because of us taking this step, I felt confident enough to let Sir try a few different positions that left me much more vulnerable, later in the trip. For example being on my knees on the bed, legs spread, head down, ass in the air, as Sir fucked my ass with my toys.
Since returning home, I have noticed a difference as well. It will probably surprise a lot of you to know that Sir and I very rarely go on cam together, and I have never played on cam. I also don't take a whole bunch of photos for Sir. But in the last month, I have taken photos of things I never thought I would be brave enough to. I am really starting to believe that Sir thinks I am wonderful regardless of how I look, and I am getting less and less scared to let him see me.
I have never thought myself to be attractive or sexy. I am overweight and have been told all my life that I am fat, ugly, etc. I have really bad self esteem and self confidence, and so when it comes to getting naked in front of somebody, I do everything I can to stall or prevent it from happening.
Even on our first two trips together, I was too self conscious to let Asslvr see me completely naked. I was always wearing some sort of lingerie or covering myself somehow. And I was completely ready to keep the trend going on this trip. However, there was one place I couldn't escape nakedness: the shower!
Showering together is something we had talked about, and I liked the thought but I was dreading it. There would be no hiding behind dimmed lights, a robe, cute lingerie or a strategically placed blanket in there. So, when Sir told me to get in the shower and he would meet me in there, I froze. I think my heart stopped, my face turned bright red and my heart nearly leaped out of my chest .... but I was also very excited. I wanted to be all soapy and wet in the shower with Sir.
So I did it. I went to the bathroom, quickly undressed and got in. I tried to hide a little bit by soaping up, but soap is slippery and doesn't hide much at all. And thus the waiting began.
Finally, after the longest 5 minutes ever, Sir came in and climbed into the shower. I was faced away from him with my hands covered over myself. At first I was so nervous I couldn't look at him, but eventually I turned around nervously and .... and .... he was smiling at me. Wait! What? He wasn't disgusted with what he saw? Smiling? I was shocked. He just looked happy to be in there with me. He reached over and started playing with my nipples a little bit, rubbing the soap all around me.
Then it was my turn. I grabbed the soap and started to suds him up. As he started to wash his hair, I surprised him and grabbed his hard cock and started to stroke him. He tensed as I continued to stroke faster, getting him closer and closer, and finally I said "Please cum for me Sir" and he exploded in my hand and all over my tummy.
I am so glad that we took this step because not only was it very sexy, (and I hope it is not the last shower Sir and I will be taking together), but it was also a great first step to give me a bit more confidence during the remainder of the trip.
Because of us taking this step, I felt confident enough to let Sir try a few different positions that left me much more vulnerable, later in the trip. For example being on my knees on the bed, legs spread, head down, ass in the air, as Sir fucked my ass with my toys.
Since returning home, I have noticed a difference as well. It will probably surprise a lot of you to know that Sir and I very rarely go on cam together, and I have never played on cam. I also don't take a whole bunch of photos for Sir. But in the last month, I have taken photos of things I never thought I would be brave enough to. I am really starting to believe that Sir thinks I am wonderful regardless of how I look, and I am getting less and less scared to let him see me.
Total Comments 12
Comments
-
Self-esteem is a very difficult thing to get into a comfort zone with. I'm also overweight and for a very long time I also had a hard time dealing with myself. I still am a little self-conscious about my "endowment." But I have learned to come to grips with things. I like myself and who I actually am. And if a person can only like someone based on looks alone, I don't see them as worth my time. I am glad that you and Mr. Devious were able to take this step.Posted 05-06-2015 at 06:31 PM by Komodo Jones 
-
i'm so glad you were able to push through your fears! it seems like it certainly paid off
also kudos to asslvr for being able to give you a safe and comfortable environment to test out new experiences, however nerve wracking they may be!Posted 05-06-2015 at 07:24 PM by lola.fox
-
Its not looks that matter (or at least they shouldn't). It's about personality and what's inside. Trying new things always brings a fear but by going through with it you have shown an inner strength which I truly honestly prefer over any sort of looks.Posted 05-07-2015 at 12:38 AM by sparklystar
-
Wow, this was wonderful to read, thank you You and asslvr are incredible, I am so impressed and happy for you that you were able to push through and have such a good experience.Posted 05-07-2015 at 05:47 AM by naughtylittlegirl
-
Wow! I am so happy for you! I know how big of a step this was for you and I'm glad asslvr was there to help you through it! You two are so wonderful together. Good job on facing a big fear and chipping away at it together!Posted 05-07-2015 at 07:07 AM by pet monkey
Updated 05-07-2015 at 09:02 AM by pet monkey -
Sweetie, you know how much I love you and how important it has been for me to do anything I can to help build your self confidence. That will never ever stop, I will be here complimenting and reassuring you every single day.
I'm so proud of how far you have come. I am so proud you are believing me when I tell you how sexy you are. I'm so proud of your blogs. I'm so proud of our trust and our amazing relationship. I am so proud of YOU!Posted 05-07-2015 at 09:02 AM by Mr. Devious
-
This is 100% pure awesome!
Posted 05-07-2015 at 02:10 PM by Iodine
-
It totally is. Also shower sexy times are totally awesome too!Quote:Originally Posted by Iodine
This is 100% pure awesome!Posted 05-07-2015 at 10:30 PM by Happy Me
-
So much yay for this blog!
Posted 05-08-2015 at 05:07 PM by kittenlyss
-
This is truly wonderful blog post; thank you for sharing it.
It's a very easy thing to get locked into the mindset that we are lesser, and withdrawing from others, dwelling on it, can increase that feeling and the harm it does. To actually see and feel adoration, and let the safety of such feelings take you further and open new possibilities and thought is a beautiful and precious thing.
More power to you.Posted 05-09-2015 at 09:41 AM by StrawDog
-
Awww, this was really cute!
I don't always think I look sexy, but it's not about that. It's when you feel sexy that you are sexy!
Also: penises don't lie. The shower fun time sounds like proof enough that you are sexy and desirable indeed.Posted 05-09-2015 at 11:32 AM by drwarschauu
-
Sorry for taking so long to respond to your comments. As always I love hearing your feedback and stories and I cherish each and every one of them.
@KJ - Thank you. Self esteem is something that can be so hard to build up, but if you can gain the confidence in yourself with the help from others, things get much easier. I agree that people who judge somebody by their appearance only are missing out, and they aren't worth my time. I may not be the most beautiful person in the world, but I have a beautiful heart.
@Lola - Thank you. He does a fantastic job of making me feel so safe and comfortable and loved. He doesn't get enough recognition for it.
@Star - Thank you. I really am discovering how strong I am, or can be. It is another struggle of mine, but Asslvr really does bring it out in me.
@NLG, Iodine, Happy, Lyss and Colo - Thank you all so much for your continued support.
@StrawDog - Thank you. It is hard to open my mind and actually let myself start believing the things that Asslvr says, but the more I hear them, the harder it is to deny them. But I find that the more I believe him, the better I feel, and the more confident I become, it really is a beautiful thing.
@DrW - I have a hard time feeling sexy too, but Asslvr does a fantastic job of trying to get me there. Hehe ... I guess penises don't really lie ... they use their brain power for other things :PPosted 05-20-2015 at 05:34 PM by Butterfly
Updated 05-20-2015 at 06:17 PM by Butterfly
