A random assortment of reports, thoughts, ramblings and information. Pretty much a view inside my wonderfully complicated, sometimes broken, and entertaining mind.
Financial Domination/Control
Financial domination is a hot topic on getDare. Most people know that it is a bannable offence. The ban list is full of "$$$" or "findom" as the reason people are banned. However, there is more to financial domination than just asking for/demanding money.
When you hear financial domination, the first thing you think about is people asking for monetary tributes, demanding that somebody pay them for their services or taking over somebody's bank account for their own gain. Those are the exact scenarios that are banned on getDare.
I have seen reports from people in the past for ads that have "Financial Domination" listed. However, it isn't the act of financial domination that is banned from getDare, it is asking for money from our users, or selling yourself or services/items you provide.
Financial domination doesn't have to mean taking somebody's money. It doesn't have to mean taking advantage of somebody. It can literally mean controlling somebody's finances. Maybe a better term would be "Financial Control"
And this is what Icemaiden and I are embarking on with Jaro.
We have started this adventure by giving Jaro two rules:
These two rules provide Icemaiden and I with a lot of power over Jaro's everyday life. It makes Jaro think every day about the choices he is making. Does he want to splurge and go out for dinner today with a friend? That means he might need to make a cheaper meal at home later this week. If he spends under the allotted amount each week, he is allowed to save that amount to spend in future weeks as well. It adds a lot of small decisions that regularly remind Jaro that he is not the one in control.
Financial domination/control isn't something that has to be detrimental to an individual. It doesn't mean that Icey and I are having Jaro buy us gifts or send us money. We aren't taking his hard earned cash. We are just assisting him by controlling what and when he can spend his money. This type of control can be very powerful, and when done right, it can be amazing.
Financial domination/control is a huge responsibility. It takes a lot of trust! We are taking this control at a slow pace, and we are being responsible with the great power that we hold. Jaro trusts us to help him make these financial decisions, no matter how small they may be at the moment. He knows that we are not out to harm him financially, but instead we want to help him make good financial decisions.
In the future, Icey and I may decide to take the financial domination/control a little further. We may ask Jaro to provide us with a breakdown of exactly how much he makes and what he spends his money on. We may add further restrictions to his spending, maybe add an allowance for entertainment, personal hygiene, clothing, etc. We may ask him to purchase certain toys or household items that we feel would be of benefit to him. What we will never do is ask him to send us money, go into debt to purchase items we want him to have, or deny him the basic necessities for life.
In conclusion, I guess I just want to reiterate that Financial Domination/control doesn't have to be evil or bad or greedy, it can be a great source of control in a trusting D/s relationship. Also, mention of the word doesn't have to mean an automatic ban from getDare. If done correctly, it can be a legitimate form of domination.
As always, if anybody has any question for the three of us, or for me as a mod, I would be happy to answer it here in the comments, or through a PM.
When you hear financial domination, the first thing you think about is people asking for monetary tributes, demanding that somebody pay them for their services or taking over somebody's bank account for their own gain. Those are the exact scenarios that are banned on getDare.
I have seen reports from people in the past for ads that have "Financial Domination" listed. However, it isn't the act of financial domination that is banned from getDare, it is asking for money from our users, or selling yourself or services/items you provide.
Financial domination doesn't have to mean taking somebody's money. It doesn't have to mean taking advantage of somebody. It can literally mean controlling somebody's finances. Maybe a better term would be "Financial Control"
And this is what Icemaiden and I are embarking on with Jaro.
We have started this adventure by giving Jaro two rules:
1. He must ask permission to spend over 15 euros on any one item. Icey and I will listen to what the desired purchase is and why he feels he needs it. We then make a decision whether the item he is asking for is something that is needed or if he should save his money instead.
2. We have given Jaro an 80 euro allowance each week to spend on food and household cleaning items. This includes items such as paper towel, kleenex, cleaning supplies, all food and drink, etc. In order to decide on this amount, we had Jaro track his spending for over a month and we took those numbers into account and decided on an average amount to start with. If Jaro is not able to get all of his essentials for under 80 euros a week, he must ask us permission to spend more. We may allow this depending on the reason, or we might deny him. Another option is providing him with a penalty for spending over the required amount.
These two rules provide Icemaiden and I with a lot of power over Jaro's everyday life. It makes Jaro think every day about the choices he is making. Does he want to splurge and go out for dinner today with a friend? That means he might need to make a cheaper meal at home later this week. If he spends under the allotted amount each week, he is allowed to save that amount to spend in future weeks as well. It adds a lot of small decisions that regularly remind Jaro that he is not the one in control.
Financial domination/control isn't something that has to be detrimental to an individual. It doesn't mean that Icey and I are having Jaro buy us gifts or send us money. We aren't taking his hard earned cash. We are just assisting him by controlling what and when he can spend his money. This type of control can be very powerful, and when done right, it can be amazing.
Financial domination/control is a huge responsibility. It takes a lot of trust! We are taking this control at a slow pace, and we are being responsible with the great power that we hold. Jaro trusts us to help him make these financial decisions, no matter how small they may be at the moment. He knows that we are not out to harm him financially, but instead we want to help him make good financial decisions.
In the future, Icey and I may decide to take the financial domination/control a little further. We may ask Jaro to provide us with a breakdown of exactly how much he makes and what he spends his money on. We may add further restrictions to his spending, maybe add an allowance for entertainment, personal hygiene, clothing, etc. We may ask him to purchase certain toys or household items that we feel would be of benefit to him. What we will never do is ask him to send us money, go into debt to purchase items we want him to have, or deny him the basic necessities for life.
In conclusion, I guess I just want to reiterate that Financial Domination/control doesn't have to be evil or bad or greedy, it can be a great source of control in a trusting D/s relationship. Also, mention of the word doesn't have to mean an automatic ban from getDare. If done correctly, it can be a legitimate form of domination.
As always, if anybody has any question for the three of us, or for me as a mod, I would be happy to answer it here in the comments, or through a PM.
Total Comments 6
Comments
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Question: If you and Icy decide he needs to get something, does that come out of the allowance? (I understand that could also be conditional; if you want him to try a certain meal, then that may be yes due to food but if it is something small as a "reward" to him, could be no.)Posted 07-14-2018 at 09:25 PM by Blue Fox 
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We currently make requests for him to purchase certain items, mostly toys (ie. Icey requested that he add a studded paddle to his list, and I have asked for numbing cream), however we do not demand that he purchases those items. It is something we may work up to in the future, but right now it is his own free choice and can tell us no, or wait to purchase them.Quote:Originally Posted by Blue Fox
Question: If you and Icy decide he needs to get something, does that come out of the allowance? (I understand that could also be conditional; if you want him to try a certain meal, then that may be yes due to food but if it is something small as a "reward" to him, could be no.)
In the future, if we ask for a specific item, it will most likely not come out of his allowance. However, it would depend on the circumstances. It is something we would all discuss and negotiate before making a decision.
We are still in the working things out stage. For example, Jaro would like to purchase some new clothes sometime soon, and because of the time difference and schedules, we are not able to be with in contact with him while he shops, so therefore he cannot ask permission. So we have given him a temporary allowance of 500 euros to spend on any clothing item he wishes without permission. If he feels he needs to spend over the 500 euros, he needs to ask our permission and then we can make a decision. It is all about trial and error and learning how to handle little situations like this.Posted 07-14-2018 at 09:32 PM by Butterfly
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Thanks for sharing, Butterfly! I've always been interested in this sort of lifestyle control - it isn't exactly invasive, but it is constant and demanding of submission. I'll be very excited to hear more about how this works out! I hope you all enjoy yourselves
Posted 07-14-2018 at 10:55 PM by 420jenni
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Cool. I realize this is a huge undertaking and will take a while to find out what really works for y'all. I hope that it is mutually enjoyable by all.Quote:Originally Posted by Butterfly
We currently make requests for him to purchase certain items, mostly toys (ie. Icey requested that he add a studded paddle to his list, and I have asked for numbing cream), however we do not demand that he purchases those items. It is something we may work up to in the future, but right now it is his own free choice and can tell us no, or wait to purchase them.
In the future, if we ask for a specific item, it will most likely not come out of his allowance. However, it would depend on the circumstances. It is something we would all discuss and negotiate before making a decision.
We are still in the working things out stage. For example, Jaro would like to purchase some new clothes sometime soon, and because of the time difference and schedules, we are not able to be with in contact with him while he shops, so therefore he cannot ask permission. So we have given him a temporary allowance of 500 euros to spend on any clothing item he wishes without permission. If he feels he needs to spend over the 500 euros, he needs to ask our permission and then we can make a decision. It is all about trial and error and learning how to handle little situations like this.
Posted 07-15-2018 at 06:15 AM by Blue Fox
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I haven't looked at it from that ankle yet / hardly seen. It takes a lot of time and investment from the dominating/controlling side, so my utmost respect! It showsyou are really taking care of him.
By the way, it sounds very interesting, would be something new to me...Posted 07-15-2018 at 02:49 PM by Kinkygames
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It is definitely a different type of control, and yes it is a lot of responsibility and takes a lot of care, but that is where my partnership with Icey makes things so much easier! And really we have only dipped our toe into this so far.Quote:Originally Posted by Kinkygames
I haven't looked at it from that ankle yet / hardly seen. It takes a lot of time and investment from the dominating/controlling side, so my utmost respect! It showsyou are really taking care of him.
By the way, it sounds very interesting, would be something new to me...Posted 07-25-2018 at 09:04 AM by Butterfly
