A random assortment of reports, thoughts, ramblings and information. Pretty much a view inside my wonderfully complicated, sometimes broken, and entertaining mind.
My First Punishment
Tags asslvr, butterfly, emotion, punishment
If you read my recent blog about my bracelet, you will understand that it is very very important to me. It is also a rule, that I must wear it everyday.
That being said, the moment that I realized that I forgot my bracelet at home on my night stand, was a very sad and disappointing moment. I was on the phone with Sir when I realized it, and I almost wanted to cry. I was so angry at myself for forgetting, I was sad that I wouldn't have a piece of him with me that day, I was disappointed that I let him down.
Since this was essentially the first time I ever really broke a rule, Sir had to punish me. I could tell that he wasn’t happy about it, and he hates to see me sad, so that didn’t help. I cried through every one of the 50 lines I had to write that said “I will remember to wear my bracelet for Sir”.
Afterwards though, I felt like a weight had been taken off my shoulders. I have always been so afraid of punishment, and doing one with Sir was still scary, but it wasn’t the same.
Before, I would be more terrified about the physical punishment, but with Sir, I was more terrified of letting him down and disappointing him. We always knew that there would be a time that I would need to be punished, but I never knew what to exactly expect.
Sir and I have a list of all of our possible punishments and we have grouped them from mild to severe, and we know which rules warrant which type of punishment, so I did know what to expect that way, however I didn’t know what feelings to expect from either one of us.
Just as I knew that a punishment was inevitable, I know that it is important. I need to know that there are consequences to my actions and I can be bratty, and stubborn and determined, and I need to know that consequences are imminent if I step out of line. It is a very important part of having rules, for why have rules, if there aren’t consequences for breaking said rules.
During and after, Sir made it very clear that he still loved me and was proud of me, so once I finished the punishment, I felt a sense of accomplishment that we both survived our first punishment together.
Sir was very concerned throughout about how sad I was, but I wanted to stress again, that yes, I was sad that I was being punished. I felt like I let us both down, but I want to thank him for punishing me and being so supportive of me throughout the punishment. I will always be sad during a punishment, but I will always love you and I know you are fair, and I could never be mad at you for punishing me.
That being said, the moment that I realized that I forgot my bracelet at home on my night stand, was a very sad and disappointing moment. I was on the phone with Sir when I realized it, and I almost wanted to cry. I was so angry at myself for forgetting, I was sad that I wouldn't have a piece of him with me that day, I was disappointed that I let him down.
Since this was essentially the first time I ever really broke a rule, Sir had to punish me. I could tell that he wasn’t happy about it, and he hates to see me sad, so that didn’t help. I cried through every one of the 50 lines I had to write that said “I will remember to wear my bracelet for Sir”.
Afterwards though, I felt like a weight had been taken off my shoulders. I have always been so afraid of punishment, and doing one with Sir was still scary, but it wasn’t the same.
Before, I would be more terrified about the physical punishment, but with Sir, I was more terrified of letting him down and disappointing him. We always knew that there would be a time that I would need to be punished, but I never knew what to exactly expect.
Sir and I have a list of all of our possible punishments and we have grouped them from mild to severe, and we know which rules warrant which type of punishment, so I did know what to expect that way, however I didn’t know what feelings to expect from either one of us.
Just as I knew that a punishment was inevitable, I know that it is important. I need to know that there are consequences to my actions and I can be bratty, and stubborn and determined, and I need to know that consequences are imminent if I step out of line. It is a very important part of having rules, for why have rules, if there aren’t consequences for breaking said rules.
During and after, Sir made it very clear that he still loved me and was proud of me, so once I finished the punishment, I felt a sense of accomplishment that we both survived our first punishment together.
Sir was very concerned throughout about how sad I was, but I wanted to stress again, that yes, I was sad that I was being punished. I felt like I let us both down, but I want to thank him for punishing me and being so supportive of me throughout the punishment. I will always be sad during a punishment, but I will always love you and I know you are fair, and I could never be mad at you for punishing me.
Total Comments 3
Comments
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I know this was a very mild punishment, but it felt a lot more painful than that, being your first punishment. The fact that you mailed me the lines speaks volumes about how you feel. I'm very proud of you sweetie.Posted 08-26-2014 at 08:01 PM by Mr. Devious 
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I found that the worst part of a punishment is not the punishment itself but rather knowing I have disappointed Shadow.
I know what its like!Posted 08-27-2014 at 07:14 AM by Subbiebrookie
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@Asslvr - Thank you Sir. It did really mean a lot to me, and I wanted you to have those lines as a reminder that I do take us seriously and that I wanted to do better in the future.
@Brookie - Agreed. He could have asked me to eat chocolate cake as a punishment and I still would have cried. It wasn't the fact that I had to spend 30 minutes out of my day to write him lines, but that I had done something careless that disappointed him. I would never want to do anything to deliberately hurt or disappoint him.Posted 10-03-2014 at 11:51 AM by Butterfly
