Humiliation and How It Can Be Utilized in Online Play
Tags bdsm, bdsm education, dom, humiliation
Introduction
Just a quick introduction as this is my first kinky essay. Hopefully as I continue to write these my writing will get better. This is one of my likes as it encourages me to do research on kinky things and get to better understand them and further, enjoy them in the bedroom. This is a great way for me to discover new things but also get new ideas for things I have done many times before. So without too much more rambling here is the first topic of discussion. Humiliation and how it works in online play.
What is humiliation
First of all before we get too into the full subject of this discussion we need to break it down and understand what each part actually means. So, humiliation, what does it mean? Well, Oxford languages defines it as “the action of humiliating someone or the state of being humiliated.” This doesn't give us much so I searched for what does humiliating mean. “making someone feel ashamed and foolish by injuring their dignity and pride.” Also from Oxford languages.
When you think about it, shame and foolishness bring the same blush to our faces as being aroused does. Our bodies often create the link of flushed cheeks and feeling warm to arousal, so it's not such a far stretch to see why people enjoy humiliation in the bedroom. “humiliation is a strong emotion, and like anxiety, fear, and shame, can arouse the nervous system. This doesn’t mean sexual arousal. Rather, your body is at attention. But for some people, that might pave the way for erotic arousal” bad girls bible. I'm not saying this is a universal thing as obviously not everyone gets horny from being humiliated. What I'm saying is it makes sense that with other contributing factors like; enjoying less power in the bedroom, having a kinky mindset, and just being more hornier than the average person, that someone would actually enjoy this.
I am someone that someone is me.
So what counts as humiliation? We know what it is now but how do we use it? The answer is simple. It depends on the person. What one finds humiliating the next person might see as normal, for example, if someone drops their phone while walking in the street, one person might instantly flush in embarrassment, whereas another might just pick it up and move on without batting an eyelid. I can't speak for everyone on kinky humiliation and what turns them on, but I can speak about me and what aspects I find humiliating (in that special kinky way).
One of the biggest ones for me is names, using my name is a, little weird and b, not reinforcing the power hierarchy. Being called names like slut and slave and stupid is a form of humiliation, as out in public on the street I would never let anyone talk to me like that but in the bedroom I crave it. Need it even. The fact that someone calls me slut is a knock to my pride but the fact I enjoy it is what makes it even more humiliating. Another one that is a lot more controversial is feet. The fact you would literally lower yourself to someone else's feet, the lowest part of their body, physically putting yourself beneath them. Do that and tell me it doesn't hurt your pride just a little, tell me that you don't feel foolish. as a human putting someone else's feet above your entirety, literally or figuratively, is a huge relenting of any power you hold. To then take that one step further and service their feet gives them ultimate power over you, and leaves you with none. And finally, literally the act of being a submissive. Voluntarily letting another human tell you what to do or ‘own’ you. Telling someone who doesn't like humiliation not to cum would be like a painter to not paint. They would laugh in your face. Whereas someone who does like humiliation will put their pride aside and say yes sir, Because what's more humiliating than not even having control of how or when you pleasure yourself.
What is online play?
In this context online play refers to a couple of people who are into BDSM who largely (or only) have interactions online. This can be via messenger apps, kinky websites, skype or others, but the main form of communication is using the internet. We have all heard horror stories of finding people online so why do we risk it? The simple advice is be careful and cautious and to not share more than you are ready to, however the why is that it's a deep craving whether this is on a dating app like tinder or a kinky site like getdare there is always risk but we do it because of this deeply wound desire to have someone. This desire could be for a boyfriend, but this desire could also just be a strong need to be a submissive. For a lot of people it settles them, calms them, it even sometimes feels more like the natural order of their lives rather than their vanilla day to day life/work. So they risk it because something in them needs to. This is their (our) meditation, or tv time, or even replaces drinking for some people. To some it's a healthier alternative to other things we distract ourselves with. Online play when used correctly can hugely benefit both parties of the online partnership.
So exactly how is humiliation used in online play?
Bad girls bible has an amazing post about different ways it works which I will link at the end. That is one of the main references for this post as I use that website a lot due to it being very informative and not just sex sex sex. They split it very well into 4 different categories so I will do the same but further elaborate on what each section means to me personally and hopefully this could help other people contextualize it a little more.
Verbal humiliation online
Verbal humiliation is one of the easiest forms of humiliation to do online but I have to preface this by saying it's not for everyone. You can't just jump in and start calling a sub slut or filthy whore. You need consent first. In Fact you need consent first before even bringing up humiliation as some people just don't enjoy it and in that case it would be extremely rude. However once you have consent out of the way you need to go more into the specifics. With my current master he started out super respectful and would just say good girl a lot but I like to be degraded more than that so I asked him to push it further and now I believe he likes getting creative with it. Should he ever say something that I don't like though I have every right to say to him ok that is a word I don't like please don't say it again and I know 100% that he would respect that and never use it again, but at this stage we haven't found anything off limits verbally. Master really enjoys putting me in wedgies too and it has started to really be something I enjoy too, but whenever I'm in a wedgie now I must refer to myself as “wedgie bitch” and wedgie bitch only. This is another incredible version of verbal humiliation. Using restrictions makes the sub really have to think about what they are saying and to not have free speech because otherwise you won't get an orgasm is super kinky and super hot to me.
Public humiliation online
Public humiliation can be a toughie as we all see the public as out on the streets and in the open so this can be a huge limit for some people and is one of mine. However, what a lot of people enjoy is online public humiliation, for example this blog post of one of masters tasks and he's asking me to post it publicly exposing a lot of my desires to the internet public, do you now see how public can actually be different things. You also have a hidden public, this can be things such as a wedgie in public, or wearing a buttplug out of the house under your clothes, or even listening to erotic audio through your headphones rather than music. Just anything to keep you horny and thoroughly owned while out in public acting like you're just any other human going about their day. But you're not, you're hiding a dirty secret, you're a sub. Doing things like this can keep me super wet and squirmy literally all day even if my master is asleep.
Physical humiliation
Physical humiliation is literally any physical task that the master asks you to do. Does he tell you to wedgie yourself? Physical humiliation. Does your master make you kneel for him? Physical humiliation. Does he ‘force’ you to eat from a bowl on the floor? PHYSICAL HUMILIATION! People are always surprised at just how much fits into this category but literally anything you do physically for your dom that you find humiliating is in this category. One of my favorite's as mentioned earlier is feet servicing feet, licking them, cleaning their shoes, gagging on socks is the dirtiest thing I can think of that I am willing to do but am I wet every single time, absolutely because I know I am physically humiliation myself whilst serving my master, I am being of service in the most debasing way, and i find the fact that I willingly do something so out of our societal norms so thrilling and one of the biggest shows of devotion to my master. But it can also be tame like position training, physically learning positions and their names so that when your dom says position 3 you can do so immediately is just as much a show of devotion just in a less debasing way, but still humiliating.
Sexual humiliation
Finally sexual humiliation. This is the one I like the least, mainly because the description on the website is just things that don't appeal to me but could to some of you so I'll still give you a little run down. The Bad Girls Bible definition is “can involve insulting someone’s sexual performance or body, comparing them to someone else, or even having sex with someone else.” insulting my blowjob technique is fine, I'm not great at them and I don't enjoy them but its practicing service so thinking about that side of it keeps me able to do it but never eagerly wanting to. Insulting someone's body again is fine if they consent but I would rather you humiliate your sub on what they are willing to do more than the size of their waist as not everyone can control it, and it can bleed too much into vanilla bullying with people that don't consent so just be wary. Comparing can be a sexy type of humiliation, having two subs compete for a reward can be good but if you make it too repetitive you'll end up pushing one away due to just not feeling needed or wanted and that's not the feeling anyone wants from a healthy BDSM relationship. And finally having sex with someone else… I actually don't see anything wrong or humiliating about this personally unless you are in a romantic relationship i.e. boyfriend(s)/girlfriend(s) and that has been set out as a huge no no, but for me and my master we are in different countries and he ever wanted something physical, I don't want a boyfriend right now, so if he wants to sleep with someone that's his prerogative as long as it doesn't affect our dynamic I'm ok with it. I know to a lot of people that could be controversial so just make sure you know what you want from the situation and keep that communicated. You should both be happy and fine to explore all the humiliation that you want to.
Conclusion
My final thoughts. Most things in the BDSM world can be classed as humiliation it just depends on personal stand points. Most people don't even realize that they are into humiliation until someone points it out (making it more humiliating), so my advice to anyone as always is do your research. Be safe, and explore all possibilities as you might find out you're actually filthier than you thought. Humiliation is a vast topic and often overlooked when it comes to being online only but actually no matter the dynamic there are ways to incorporate it if you really try.
This has been my first kinky essay task and I have really enjoyed it so please let me know if you want to see more of them and also what kind of topic you would like me to do. If you have read all of this thank you ever so much, any feedback would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you for your time,
SimpleSub
https://badgirlsbible.com/erotic-hum...gradation-kink
Just a quick introduction as this is my first kinky essay. Hopefully as I continue to write these my writing will get better. This is one of my likes as it encourages me to do research on kinky things and get to better understand them and further, enjoy them in the bedroom. This is a great way for me to discover new things but also get new ideas for things I have done many times before. So without too much more rambling here is the first topic of discussion. Humiliation and how it works in online play.
What is humiliation
First of all before we get too into the full subject of this discussion we need to break it down and understand what each part actually means. So, humiliation, what does it mean? Well, Oxford languages defines it as “the action of humiliating someone or the state of being humiliated.” This doesn't give us much so I searched for what does humiliating mean. “making someone feel ashamed and foolish by injuring their dignity and pride.” Also from Oxford languages.
When you think about it, shame and foolishness bring the same blush to our faces as being aroused does. Our bodies often create the link of flushed cheeks and feeling warm to arousal, so it's not such a far stretch to see why people enjoy humiliation in the bedroom. “humiliation is a strong emotion, and like anxiety, fear, and shame, can arouse the nervous system. This doesn’t mean sexual arousal. Rather, your body is at attention. But for some people, that might pave the way for erotic arousal” bad girls bible. I'm not saying this is a universal thing as obviously not everyone gets horny from being humiliated. What I'm saying is it makes sense that with other contributing factors like; enjoying less power in the bedroom, having a kinky mindset, and just being more hornier than the average person, that someone would actually enjoy this.
I am someone that someone is me.
So what counts as humiliation? We know what it is now but how do we use it? The answer is simple. It depends on the person. What one finds humiliating the next person might see as normal, for example, if someone drops their phone while walking in the street, one person might instantly flush in embarrassment, whereas another might just pick it up and move on without batting an eyelid. I can't speak for everyone on kinky humiliation and what turns them on, but I can speak about me and what aspects I find humiliating (in that special kinky way).
One of the biggest ones for me is names, using my name is a, little weird and b, not reinforcing the power hierarchy. Being called names like slut and slave and stupid is a form of humiliation, as out in public on the street I would never let anyone talk to me like that but in the bedroom I crave it. Need it even. The fact that someone calls me slut is a knock to my pride but the fact I enjoy it is what makes it even more humiliating. Another one that is a lot more controversial is feet. The fact you would literally lower yourself to someone else's feet, the lowest part of their body, physically putting yourself beneath them. Do that and tell me it doesn't hurt your pride just a little, tell me that you don't feel foolish. as a human putting someone else's feet above your entirety, literally or figuratively, is a huge relenting of any power you hold. To then take that one step further and service their feet gives them ultimate power over you, and leaves you with none. And finally, literally the act of being a submissive. Voluntarily letting another human tell you what to do or ‘own’ you. Telling someone who doesn't like humiliation not to cum would be like a painter to not paint. They would laugh in your face. Whereas someone who does like humiliation will put their pride aside and say yes sir, Because what's more humiliating than not even having control of how or when you pleasure yourself.
What is online play?
In this context online play refers to a couple of people who are into BDSM who largely (or only) have interactions online. This can be via messenger apps, kinky websites, skype or others, but the main form of communication is using the internet. We have all heard horror stories of finding people online so why do we risk it? The simple advice is be careful and cautious and to not share more than you are ready to, however the why is that it's a deep craving whether this is on a dating app like tinder or a kinky site like getdare there is always risk but we do it because of this deeply wound desire to have someone. This desire could be for a boyfriend, but this desire could also just be a strong need to be a submissive. For a lot of people it settles them, calms them, it even sometimes feels more like the natural order of their lives rather than their vanilla day to day life/work. So they risk it because something in them needs to. This is their (our) meditation, or tv time, or even replaces drinking for some people. To some it's a healthier alternative to other things we distract ourselves with. Online play when used correctly can hugely benefit both parties of the online partnership.
So exactly how is humiliation used in online play?
Bad girls bible has an amazing post about different ways it works which I will link at the end. That is one of the main references for this post as I use that website a lot due to it being very informative and not just sex sex sex. They split it very well into 4 different categories so I will do the same but further elaborate on what each section means to me personally and hopefully this could help other people contextualize it a little more.
Verbal humiliation online
Verbal humiliation is one of the easiest forms of humiliation to do online but I have to preface this by saying it's not for everyone. You can't just jump in and start calling a sub slut or filthy whore. You need consent first. In Fact you need consent first before even bringing up humiliation as some people just don't enjoy it and in that case it would be extremely rude. However once you have consent out of the way you need to go more into the specifics. With my current master he started out super respectful and would just say good girl a lot but I like to be degraded more than that so I asked him to push it further and now I believe he likes getting creative with it. Should he ever say something that I don't like though I have every right to say to him ok that is a word I don't like please don't say it again and I know 100% that he would respect that and never use it again, but at this stage we haven't found anything off limits verbally. Master really enjoys putting me in wedgies too and it has started to really be something I enjoy too, but whenever I'm in a wedgie now I must refer to myself as “wedgie bitch” and wedgie bitch only. This is another incredible version of verbal humiliation. Using restrictions makes the sub really have to think about what they are saying and to not have free speech because otherwise you won't get an orgasm is super kinky and super hot to me.
Public humiliation online
Public humiliation can be a toughie as we all see the public as out on the streets and in the open so this can be a huge limit for some people and is one of mine. However, what a lot of people enjoy is online public humiliation, for example this blog post of one of masters tasks and he's asking me to post it publicly exposing a lot of my desires to the internet public, do you now see how public can actually be different things. You also have a hidden public, this can be things such as a wedgie in public, or wearing a buttplug out of the house under your clothes, or even listening to erotic audio through your headphones rather than music. Just anything to keep you horny and thoroughly owned while out in public acting like you're just any other human going about their day. But you're not, you're hiding a dirty secret, you're a sub. Doing things like this can keep me super wet and squirmy literally all day even if my master is asleep.
Physical humiliation
Physical humiliation is literally any physical task that the master asks you to do. Does he tell you to wedgie yourself? Physical humiliation. Does your master make you kneel for him? Physical humiliation. Does he ‘force’ you to eat from a bowl on the floor? PHYSICAL HUMILIATION! People are always surprised at just how much fits into this category but literally anything you do physically for your dom that you find humiliating is in this category. One of my favorite's as mentioned earlier is feet servicing feet, licking them, cleaning their shoes, gagging on socks is the dirtiest thing I can think of that I am willing to do but am I wet every single time, absolutely because I know I am physically humiliation myself whilst serving my master, I am being of service in the most debasing way, and i find the fact that I willingly do something so out of our societal norms so thrilling and one of the biggest shows of devotion to my master. But it can also be tame like position training, physically learning positions and their names so that when your dom says position 3 you can do so immediately is just as much a show of devotion just in a less debasing way, but still humiliating.
Sexual humiliation
Finally sexual humiliation. This is the one I like the least, mainly because the description on the website is just things that don't appeal to me but could to some of you so I'll still give you a little run down. The Bad Girls Bible definition is “can involve insulting someone’s sexual performance or body, comparing them to someone else, or even having sex with someone else.” insulting my blowjob technique is fine, I'm not great at them and I don't enjoy them but its practicing service so thinking about that side of it keeps me able to do it but never eagerly wanting to. Insulting someone's body again is fine if they consent but I would rather you humiliate your sub on what they are willing to do more than the size of their waist as not everyone can control it, and it can bleed too much into vanilla bullying with people that don't consent so just be wary. Comparing can be a sexy type of humiliation, having two subs compete for a reward can be good but if you make it too repetitive you'll end up pushing one away due to just not feeling needed or wanted and that's not the feeling anyone wants from a healthy BDSM relationship. And finally having sex with someone else… I actually don't see anything wrong or humiliating about this personally unless you are in a romantic relationship i.e. boyfriend(s)/girlfriend(s) and that has been set out as a huge no no, but for me and my master we are in different countries and he ever wanted something physical, I don't want a boyfriend right now, so if he wants to sleep with someone that's his prerogative as long as it doesn't affect our dynamic I'm ok with it. I know to a lot of people that could be controversial so just make sure you know what you want from the situation and keep that communicated. You should both be happy and fine to explore all the humiliation that you want to.
Conclusion
My final thoughts. Most things in the BDSM world can be classed as humiliation it just depends on personal stand points. Most people don't even realize that they are into humiliation until someone points it out (making it more humiliating), so my advice to anyone as always is do your research. Be safe, and explore all possibilities as you might find out you're actually filthier than you thought. Humiliation is a vast topic and often overlooked when it comes to being online only but actually no matter the dynamic there are ways to incorporate it if you really try.
This has been my first kinky essay task and I have really enjoyed it so please let me know if you want to see more of them and also what kind of topic you would like me to do. If you have read all of this thank you ever so much, any feedback would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you for your time,
SimpleSub
https://badgirlsbible.com/erotic-hum...gradation-kink
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