I agree with naughtylittlegirle.

Nope, you aren't a bad submissive at all. Not all submissives are, nor should they have to be, into humiliation, and respect for the dominant shouldn't have to be based on blind submission (I personally think submission is better when it is a conscious choice rather than an across-the-board knee-jerk reaction) nor on the submissive being somehow less than the dominant. They are complimentary. And while there is an imbalance of power and control, because the submissive does give up power and control to the dominant within the specified limits, it does not mean that one has an inherently different value as compared to the other. For some, a difference in status is part of that power dynamic, but I agree with you, it isn't necessary to D/s.

I'd rather be with someone who respects me and values me infinitely more than someone who puts me down in order to feel superior and believes I am less than what I am.

There's nothing wrong in being embarrassed about the things you want in the bedroom (that's how most people go through life), but experience has shown that even a good life gets better when you communicate with your loved ones. (I suffered from the same bedroom shyness when I was younger and married. The regret... I can't forgive myself.)

Well, I'm sure I am quite a bit older than you, and I have spent the last twenty years wishing my life away hoping that my wife would express to me the feelings you wish to express to your boyfriend. It's nearly too late for, me but you have plenty of time. My advice, just tell him what you want. Please don't waste the time you still have to share and explore your desires by bottling it up. Just ask him. If he is for you, he will be delighted that you have made the first step. Us guys can be too reverential and our fear of appearing weird can prevent us from bringing the subject up. But should the woman bring it up.....WooHoo! Let's just do this stuff instead of perving online! Please let me know how you get on.

I know I am a bit late with my comment, but I wanted to say that I am the same way! I do everything I can to stay in control of my everyday life. I have a hard time listening to others tell me what to do. I am independent, and like things my way. I like to organize, color code, plan. I am in control.

But sometimes it gets to be too much and I need a break, and that is when I crave submission the most. I need to know that I am going to walk into that bedroom and not have to worry about anything. It is almost like being dominated is a big fluffy blanket that is wrapped around me and blocks out the rest of the world. It is a vacation from my own world. And it is wonderful.

Thank you for posting this.

I'm so sorry to hear about everything you are dealing with. I too have felt this sense of being overwhelmed and drowning. Of being alone and not able to get help. I know it's hard to believe, especially from a stranger but everything will be ok. And if you ever need a friend to talk to, I'm a great listener.

It's so refreshing to find others that articulate how I feel! I'm new to being a sub. Can relate to being in control over every aspect of my educational and professional life and to being a perfectionist in everything I do. I expect more of myself than others do and can also be very critical of myself when I fall short of my expectations. I want to be dominated completely in the bedroom! My H of 20 years does not relate. Additionally, after an accident 5 years ago he is unable to hold an erection. I'm currently in two online relationships with men who you with being Dominant but wish I could find a true/experienced Dom. Thank you for your post.

This is absolutely on of the keys to my submissive nature. I can finally relax!! I can just follow orders, or experience sensations. I can stop calculating and worrying about all of the variables in all of the things around me. I over bondage and blackmail and other forms of strict control that makes me genuinely feel that I have as little say in a situation as can be done safely because the more control I have, the more my mind works and the less I relax and enjoy the experiences and sensations that are happening.

Oh! Oh! *raises hand* Me too. I read this yesterday and got busy and didn't comment. I am also really a LOT like you describe, and submitting is a woonnnddderrrfffuuulll stress release.

Yes, I know precisely what you mean.



I get a unique sense of freedom when I submit, particularly to my Dom because of the trust between us. It sometimes feels intensely counter-intuitive, given the habits and even instincts I've developed in the rest of my life, to give up control and even just to involve someone else in handling certain things.

I think one of the most incredible things is that I virtually stumbled into this aspect of submission. I had no idea it would be like this, but I was found by the most wonderful Dom and...yes, I can identify with much of what you wrote

People should just always be nice. Unfortunately they are not. I am happy you wrote this!

Well said!

Even if it is not on the limits of some people (and it is in your case), one is not obliged to send pictures. Those limit lists are not set in stone, just an indicator to allow for good dares. a dare receiver may rightfully decline any dare he/she gets.

the dare sender on the other hand may stop sending dares to him/her at any time.

I love this: 'So let's get this straight: if you don't respect me enough to acknowledge my boundaries and leave them alone, then I don't have to respect you enough to speak to you.'

And this: 'Respect, keep in mind, is earned and not given. Behave respectfully, communicate your intentions, and then and only then will I be willing to call you whatever title you want.'

And this:'You'll make my experience and your experience so much better on this website. And I won't be forced to insult or ridicule you.'

And your face.

So well said! I am bookmarking this for future reference.

Well said. Sorry to hear you've been having issues.