When You're Really Not In The Mood.
For quite a while Master and I haven't been able to play as much as we used to due to life getting in the way and then I had one illness after another for quite some time.
There's no question about the fact I am always his but when I am not actively playing or able to follow rules after some time I start to become...let's say independant.
And when I get to that stage even the simplest things are just not something I want to do. And then I fuck about and complain and whine and decide to be adoreably bratty about whatever he has asked me to do and keep stalling for time and dragging it out.
I'm someone that needs consistency in most things or I end up completely scattered. I need routine. I don't like routine, but I'm aware enough to know that I need it. So when my routine goes out of whack-well, so do I. And it's very obvious almost immediately.
Either he or I said once- I forget which of us- that I'm the type of person who needs a good spanking daily to keep me in line. (Which actually makes no sense because I know I'm a damn good slave and spanking isn't discipline for me. It's something I love.)
Yet he's noticed that when we have done spanking before I become much more subservient in the aftermath of it. I think I'm just the same as always regardless of if I've just had a spanking but he disagrees.
So let's say he is right for a moment (Doesn't happen too often.) and I do become more subservient afterwards...what about when you're not in the mood to even start it?
A dom can only do so much when the relationship is online, he can't physically put me over his knee. (One day. Pretty please. But I might bite you and spank you in return.) And it isn't that I don't want to make him happy or to do as he asks me. I wouldn't be with him if that were the case.
And yet...yet at times I still struggle with these things. I want us to work together and for each of us to be happy and I know that sometimes I need a "sharp shock" as he puts it to bring my head back into a submissive mindset. And I want to be there, I like it there. I love it there! But how to get there?
I already know that something such as a spanking session would bring me back to that place....but when I'm in this place? I don't even want to start it even though I want to be back in the original place where I should be.
And now I don't think I'm making any sense whatsoever. I also don't even know what the point of this is...although I did finally figure out what I was trying to say and ten minutes ago when I started writing I had no idea so-progress?
If you want to be in that place but you dont want to do something to get to that place, then how will you ever get there?
*Addendum as per request.
After starting on some spanks from my dice task tonight (Which Master has increased from 200 per ass cheek to 4800 between boobs to be done over the course of a week- MEAN!!) I'm feeling closer to where I should be. Not fully there but closer than I was.
Of course throughout the spanks done tonight I was my usual sarcastic self and Master added more after saying I didn't count correctly again. Liar. And there were points during these spanks where I didn't really want to continue because of how I've been/was feeling.
But watching him watching me and allowing me to giggle at the things I said even mid session and just be myself still...I reminded myself that what I always want the most is to make him happy and proud. So even though I didn't want to continue at some points (and if I don't want to continue spanking something really needs changing.) I pushed through it and kept reminding myself why.
And afterwards and now I feel calmer again. More how I should be and more...agreeable? I'm not sure if that's the right word. But I'm sure he noticed I was doing things as soon as he told me to instead of going off on tangents or purposefully waiting and stalling. Which hasn't happened for a while.
Soooo...I'm very glad I pushed through the not wanting and wanting to stay in that stubborn little place and I feel much more content again and am looking forward to the rest of the spanks again.
There's no question about the fact I am always his but when I am not actively playing or able to follow rules after some time I start to become...let's say independant.
And when I get to that stage even the simplest things are just not something I want to do. And then I fuck about and complain and whine and decide to be adoreably bratty about whatever he has asked me to do and keep stalling for time and dragging it out.
I'm someone that needs consistency in most things or I end up completely scattered. I need routine. I don't like routine, but I'm aware enough to know that I need it. So when my routine goes out of whack-well, so do I. And it's very obvious almost immediately.
Either he or I said once- I forget which of us- that I'm the type of person who needs a good spanking daily to keep me in line. (Which actually makes no sense because I know I'm a damn good slave and spanking isn't discipline for me. It's something I love.)
Yet he's noticed that when we have done spanking before I become much more subservient in the aftermath of it. I think I'm just the same as always regardless of if I've just had a spanking but he disagrees.
So let's say he is right for a moment (Doesn't happen too often.) and I do become more subservient afterwards...what about when you're not in the mood to even start it?
A dom can only do so much when the relationship is online, he can't physically put me over his knee. (One day. Pretty please. But I might bite you and spank you in return.) And it isn't that I don't want to make him happy or to do as he asks me. I wouldn't be with him if that were the case.
And yet...yet at times I still struggle with these things. I want us to work together and for each of us to be happy and I know that sometimes I need a "sharp shock" as he puts it to bring my head back into a submissive mindset. And I want to be there, I like it there. I love it there! But how to get there?
I already know that something such as a spanking session would bring me back to that place....but when I'm in this place? I don't even want to start it even though I want to be back in the original place where I should be.
And now I don't think I'm making any sense whatsoever. I also don't even know what the point of this is...although I did finally figure out what I was trying to say and ten minutes ago when I started writing I had no idea so-progress?
If you want to be in that place but you dont want to do something to get to that place, then how will you ever get there?
*Addendum as per request.
After starting on some spanks from my dice task tonight (Which Master has increased from 200 per ass cheek to 4800 between boobs to be done over the course of a week- MEAN!!) I'm feeling closer to where I should be. Not fully there but closer than I was.
Of course throughout the spanks done tonight I was my usual sarcastic self and Master added more after saying I didn't count correctly again. Liar. And there were points during these spanks where I didn't really want to continue because of how I've been/was feeling.
But watching him watching me and allowing me to giggle at the things I said even mid session and just be myself still...I reminded myself that what I always want the most is to make him happy and proud. So even though I didn't want to continue at some points (and if I don't want to continue spanking something really needs changing.) I pushed through it and kept reminding myself why.
And afterwards and now I feel calmer again. More how I should be and more...agreeable? I'm not sure if that's the right word. But I'm sure he noticed I was doing things as soon as he told me to instead of going off on tangents or purposefully waiting and stalling. Which hasn't happened for a while.
Soooo...I'm very glad I pushed through the not wanting and wanting to stay in that stubborn little place and I feel much more content again and am looking forward to the rest of the spanks again.
Total Comments 2
Comments
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Well the answer to that is. I turn into a dick and lecture you for 90 minutes, making you so very upset. And then i tell you again to do the thing you decide to be adoreably bratty about, and this time you do it and all works out... eventually.Quote:If you want to be in that place but you dont want to do something to get5 to that place, then how will you ever get there?Posted 03-19-2016 at 02:56 PM by AbusiveMaster 
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Quote:Originally Posted by AbusiveMaster
Well the answer to that is. I turn into a dick and lecture you for 90 minutes, making you so very upset. And then i tell you again to do the thing you decide to be adoreably bratty about, and this time you do it and all works out... eventually.
Turn into a dick?
I will not listen to any lectures, nooope!Posted 03-19-2016 at 02:57 PM by IceMaiden
