A random assortment of reports, thoughts, ramblings and information. Pretty much a view inside my wonderfully complicated, sometimes broken, and entertaining mind.
Daily Communication
This is something that I am struggling with right now, and I thought I would share my frustrations and get some opinions, if you are willing to offer them.
I am a tad bit needy. When I am in a relationship, I want to spend time with that person. I want to get to know that person. I want to know how their day was, if their grandma is having surgery, or if they watched a really funny movie. I want to be friends first, and D/s second.
It is especially important for me to have that connection with somebody who I am giving up control to. I have to feel connected. I have to feel like I matter to them. I want them to inquire about my day, and my life, and listen when I share those things with them.
I know this can seem pretty needy, and maybe that intimidates some people, but I really don't think it is too much to ask.
I was daily communication. It is so nice to get a good morning and a good night message from somebody. I would also hope that most days we would get a chance to talk live, exchanging a few messages about our day.
Some days there isn't always time for a live conversation. So it could even be a message in the morning to say "Good morning, I have a super busy day ahead, I hope you have a good day. Hope to chat more later". That took me less than 60 seconds to type. But it means sooo much.
If life is getting super busy, a heads up would be nice too. Did your parent get sick and you are going to be disappearing for a few weeks? Please let me know!! When my aunt was out on life support, I made sure to tell my close friends where I would be disappearing to. I made sure to tell my sub that I wouldn't be around as much, and negotiated what rules he should follow in my absence. I didn't just disappear with no trace.
It doesn't take much time or effort to say "Hi" to somebody!!! So why is it so difficult for me to find somebody else who gets that!?
I am a tad bit needy. When I am in a relationship, I want to spend time with that person. I want to get to know that person. I want to know how their day was, if their grandma is having surgery, or if they watched a really funny movie. I want to be friends first, and D/s second.
It is especially important for me to have that connection with somebody who I am giving up control to. I have to feel connected. I have to feel like I matter to them. I want them to inquire about my day, and my life, and listen when I share those things with them.
I know this can seem pretty needy, and maybe that intimidates some people, but I really don't think it is too much to ask.
I was daily communication. It is so nice to get a good morning and a good night message from somebody. I would also hope that most days we would get a chance to talk live, exchanging a few messages about our day.
Some days there isn't always time for a live conversation. So it could even be a message in the morning to say "Good morning, I have a super busy day ahead, I hope you have a good day. Hope to chat more later". That took me less than 60 seconds to type. But it means sooo much.
If life is getting super busy, a heads up would be nice too. Did your parent get sick and you are going to be disappearing for a few weeks? Please let me know!! When my aunt was out on life support, I made sure to tell my close friends where I would be disappearing to. I made sure to tell my sub that I wouldn't be around as much, and negotiated what rules he should follow in my absence. I didn't just disappear with no trace.
It doesn't take much time or effort to say "Hi" to somebody!!! So why is it so difficult for me to find somebody else who gets that!?
Am I asking too much?
How often do you communicate with your partner?
If you aren't in a relationship currently, how often do you expect to be in contact with that person?
If you are somebody who doesn't want or need a lot of communication, would you be willing to share your perspective?
How often do you communicate with your partner?
If you aren't in a relationship currently, how often do you expect to be in contact with that person?
If you are somebody who doesn't want or need a lot of communication, would you be willing to share your perspective?
Total Comments 9
Comments
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No! Asking for someone to take 60seconds to say "Hey, i am thinking about you but today was busy. We'll catch up tomorrow" is perfectly reasonable.Quote:Are you asking too much?
Or they can come with "Hi, i'm going to be real busy tomorrow so i might not message. Sorry"
Both are good!
As close to daily as i can manage. It's important to me to maintain that connection, especially in the first weeks/month of a relationship.Quote:How often do i communicate?
If know i'm going to be busy i'll say so. If i was busy, i'll say so. If not daily it'll be as close as i can physically manage, although that'll be due to a lack of wi-fi, because taking 60seconds to say hi is nothing.
So last summer someone on here contacted me. She was brilliant and wrote a wonderful long message.Quote:Example:
I was working 60+ hours a week, and had incredibly limited internet access (a dodgy wifi dongle with 1gb allowance).
Yet i was able to make time almost every day to write to her. The message were so great i was happy to spend my 10minute breaks writing to her, then when i could get wifi up i'd send it.
I did this because i value regular communication so highly in a partner, especially in those first days of something.
That's not for everyone, but i feel if i'm going to be Dom-ing someone taking time to talk with them isn't even a question, it's a necessity.
Equally i'm well aware that in the past i sucked at regular communication, but that was something i identifyed as a problem and have worked hard to correct in the last 2 years.Posted 04-10-2018 at 03:05 PM by Hammarling 
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Thank you for agreeing with me. I know some people don't need that connection, but for me it is necessary. For me, submitting to somebody takes a lot. I am giving a piece of myself to that person, and I need something in return.Quote:Originally Posted by Hammarling
That's not for everyone, but i feel if i'm going to be Dom-ing someone taking time to talk with them isn't even a question, it's a necessity.
Equally i'm well aware that in the past i sucked at regular communication, but that was something i identifyed as a problem and have worked hard to correct in the last 2 years.
I also like being able to send long messages to somebody: PMs, reports, etc. But I think there is something to be said of a live chat session as well. I feel like it is so much less formal and I can really let my guard and be myself.Posted 04-10-2018 at 03:22 PM by Butterfly 
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Nope, you're asking for what you want/need out of a relationship. Healthy relationships should satisfy the needs of everyone involved.Quote:Am I asking too much?
That depends. my Mistress and i communicate at least a few times a day. Irl subs/slaves, when I've had them, either communicated daily if they lived with me or a few times a week if they didn't. Serious online relationships usually daily, and casual online ones intermittently. I do tend to get burned out of online interaction and disappear for long stretches, but those who know me well understand that part of me, and are still are still at least friends if not more when I return.Quote:How often do you communicate with your partner?
If it's serious, daily. If it's just casual play, whenever I feel like it. Lately I've been turning down lots of offers/requests from people wanting to be dominated, because I don't feel like I have the time to commit. I've had a few people rebuff "well I won't take that much of your time" or "that's okay, just giving rules and tasks is fine." What many don't get is that's not fine with me. If I actually take on a sub/slave/pet, I devote substantial time to the task, because it matters to me. I don't do things at a lower quality/lesser level of effort than I'd want someone to show me in return.Quote:If you aren't in a relationship currently, how often do you expect to be in contact with that person?Posted 04-10-2018 at 07:25 PM by perkygirlie
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A note or two daily is completely reasonable -- especially if a quick hi, or two-sentence note about some small thing in their day is agreed to be acceptable. Even quick notes help to build a habit of looking out for each other, as you devote regular, active attention to each other.Quote:Am I asking too much?
At least daily, and ideally, twice a day! Occasionally we skip - but that's rare enough that it generally comes with an apology or explanation, and almost never happens without some forewarning. It's a little thing, but definitely makes a difference.Quote:How often do you communicate with your partner?Posted 04-10-2018 at 09:10 PM by kurious kat
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I think regular communication is essential in order to develop and sustain a good relationship. And by regular, I mean at least twice a day.
In fact, when Sir and I started off, he made it a rule for me to send at least a morning and evening mail. With the guarantee that he would always send a reply.
Nowadays, it has become normal to send an email first thing in the morning. During the day we send several emails and before bedtime too. We chat during our lunch breaks.
When we’re too busy, we’ll let the other know.Posted 04-10-2018 at 11:36 PM by little pet
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Do you disappear without a trace? or would you tell those that you are in a relationship with or really close to?Quote:Originally Posted by perkygirlie
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That depends. my Mistress and i communicate at least a few times a day. Irl subs/slaves, when I've had them, either communicated daily if they lived with me or a few times a week if they didn't. Serious online relationships usually daily, and casual online ones intermittently. I do tend to get burned out of online interaction and disappear for long stretches, but those who know me well understand that part of me, and are still are still at least friends if not more when I return.
I have done this on many occasions as well. For me, I get pleasure out of building the relationship and investing my time into somebody. Giving a dare here or there can be fun, but it isn't something that I would be interested in doing long term. I have high standards for myself, and I take pride in the tasks that I give out, and doing it half assed would just make me feel frustrated.Quote:Originally Posted by perkygirlie
If it's serious, daily. If it's just casual play, whenever I feel like it. Lately I've been turning down lots of offers/requests from people wanting to be dominated, because I don't feel like I have the time to commit. I've had a few people rebuff "well I won't take that much of your time" or "that's okay, just giving rules and tasks is fine." What many don't get is that's not fine with me. If I actually take on a sub/slave/pet, I devote substantial time to the task, because it matters to me. I don't do things at a lower quality/lesser level of effort than I'd want someone to show me in return.
Not to mention that a lot of times, once you give an inch, a horny boy will expect a mile.Posted 04-11-2018 at 08:32 AM by Butterfly
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I agree that it is a little thing. It doesn't take up much time, but it can mean a whole lot to me. It also really does help to create that connection that I crave from somebody who I am submitting to.Quote:Originally Posted by kurious kat
A note or two daily is completely reasonable -- especially if a quick hi, or two-sentence note about some small thing in their day is agreed to be acceptable. Even quick notes help to build a habit of looking out for each other, as you devote regular, active attention to each other.
At least daily, and ideally, twice a day! Occasionally we skip - but that's rare enough that it generally comes with an apology or explanation, and almost never happens without some forewarning. It's a little thing, but definitely makes a difference.Posted 04-11-2018 at 08:34 AM by Butterfly
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I agree. Emails are great, and I think it is a good place to start, but they always leave me wanting more. I also have a hard time responding to really long emails on my phone. So I do prefer a mix of live chat (through typing) and emails.Quote:Originally Posted by little pet
I think regular communication is essential in order to develop and sustain a good relationship. And by regular, I mean at least twice a day.
In fact, when Sir and I started off, he made it a rule for me to send at least a morning and evening mail. With the guarantee that he would always send a reply.
Nowadays, it has become normal to send an email first thing in the morning. During the day we send several emails and before bedtime too. We chat during our lunch breaks.
When we’re too busy, we’ll let the other know.
And yes, letting the other person know seems like common courtesy to me. Again, it takes 60 seconds to type a message to say that you won't be around.Posted 04-11-2018 at 08:36 AM by Butterfly
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usually I givecsome indicator to the ones I care about by messages, or generally to all via blog post.Quote:Originally Posted by Butterfly
Do you disappear without a trace? or would you tell those that you are in a relationship with or really close to?
Yeah, just today I had to deal with one trying to take a mile after I gave an inchQuote:Originally Posted by Butterfly
I have done this on many occasions as well. For me, I get pleasure out of building the relationship and investing my time into somebody. Giving a dare here or there can be fun, but it isn't something that I would be interested in doing long term. I have high standards for myself, and I take pride in the tasks that I give out, and doing it half assed would just make me feel frustrated.
Not to mention that a lot of times, once you give an inch, a horny boy will expect a mile.
Posted 04-11-2018 at 09:15 PM by perkygirlie
