A random assortment of reports, thoughts, ramblings and information. Pretty much a view inside my wonderfully complicated, sometimes broken, and entertaining mind.
Covering up
Posted 02-17-2020 at 10:24 PM by Butterfly
I have had self esteem issues my entire life. Many years have been spent afraid of what others will think if they see me, all of me. It's stupid really ... because a tshirt or sweater doesn't change who I am under the clothes.
I have been on this journey to love myself. Because of health reasons, I have not had any success in changing my weight, but I have been working hard to be healthy, and that is the part that matters most to me.
Part of my happiness needs to come from being comfortable with who I am, and accept that this body, is mine, and regardless if it changes or what it looks like, I need to love it.
For so long being naked made me feel so uncomfortable. Sharing any kind of photos of myself terrified me. But throughout the last few years, with the encouragement of Mr. Devious, I was able to start showing a bit more of myself. It didn't take too long for me to start to love my ass and boobs. Positive comments when I shared photos made me blush but helped grow my confidence. Words like hot, sexy, gorgeous, beautiful ... words I had never heard before were being used to describe ME! But still, there were parts of my body that I didn't want to show. Parts that I would never ever post photos of.
Even when Mr. Devious and I would play, three or four years into our relationship, I wanted a blanket draped across my tummy, or to wear a tshirt. I would never leave our room without some sort of clothes on, or being wrapped in a blanket. and forget sleeping naked. Any photos that I did post needed to be specifically cropped so they didn't show too much or specific parts of me that nobody can ever see.
For the past 3 or 4 months, I have been embracing the naked (maybe my worms love of nudity is wearing off on me a bit). I have been sleeping in only panties, and strutting my stuff around our apartment suite without hesitation. I also have been posting photos that push my comfort zone. I have posted a photo of my ass with a plug in, a photo of me being fucked by our new fucking machine and doing less cropping out of my tummy area in all photos that I post.
Today, I took an even bigger step, something that I have never done before ... I posted a photo that I took of me laying down on the bed naked (photo is here for those who want to see: https://fetlife.com/users/3923523/pictures/92553026). My boobs aren't in it so you can't even be distracted by the wonderful magic of boobs. My round tummy, my thick thighs, my scars, my dimples, all of insecurities ... Its absolutely terrifying. I have wanted to take the photo down plenty of times since I posted it, but I am trying to be brave.
I posted the photo, with no cropping and very little editing and the world didn't end, people didn't go blind, and I am still breathing. I will keep pushing my comfort zone, and growing my confidence. I will keep learning to love myself; all my flaws and insecurities included.
I have been on this journey to love myself. Because of health reasons, I have not had any success in changing my weight, but I have been working hard to be healthy, and that is the part that matters most to me.
Part of my happiness needs to come from being comfortable with who I am, and accept that this body, is mine, and regardless if it changes or what it looks like, I need to love it.
For so long being naked made me feel so uncomfortable. Sharing any kind of photos of myself terrified me. But throughout the last few years, with the encouragement of Mr. Devious, I was able to start showing a bit more of myself. It didn't take too long for me to start to love my ass and boobs. Positive comments when I shared photos made me blush but helped grow my confidence. Words like hot, sexy, gorgeous, beautiful ... words I had never heard before were being used to describe ME! But still, there were parts of my body that I didn't want to show. Parts that I would never ever post photos of.
Even when Mr. Devious and I would play, three or four years into our relationship, I wanted a blanket draped across my tummy, or to wear a tshirt. I would never leave our room without some sort of clothes on, or being wrapped in a blanket. and forget sleeping naked. Any photos that I did post needed to be specifically cropped so they didn't show too much or specific parts of me that nobody can ever see.
For the past 3 or 4 months, I have been embracing the naked (maybe my worms love of nudity is wearing off on me a bit). I have been sleeping in only panties, and strutting my stuff around our apartment suite without hesitation. I also have been posting photos that push my comfort zone. I have posted a photo of my ass with a plug in, a photo of me being fucked by our new fucking machine and doing less cropping out of my tummy area in all photos that I post.
Today, I took an even bigger step, something that I have never done before ... I posted a photo that I took of me laying down on the bed naked (photo is here for those who want to see: https://fetlife.com/users/3923523/pictures/92553026). My boobs aren't in it so you can't even be distracted by the wonderful magic of boobs. My round tummy, my thick thighs, my scars, my dimples, all of insecurities ... Its absolutely terrifying. I have wanted to take the photo down plenty of times since I posted it, but I am trying to be brave.
I posted the photo, with no cropping and very little editing and the world didn't end, people didn't go blind, and I am still breathing. I will keep pushing my comfort zone, and growing my confidence. I will keep learning to love myself; all my flaws and insecurities included.
Total Comments 5
Comments
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I definitely feel you on a lot of this. So thank you for sharing - seeing how beautiful other people for the same things I beat myself up about sort of helps make it clear how silly my brain is being when I do that. I hope your journey keeps steaming ahead happily <3Posted 02-17-2020 at 11:47 PM by amethyst353 
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I, too, learnt to accept my body (and more: got over my self-loathing, shame, and disgust) by getting in front of the camera. (I've talked about my 'canonicals' project (my naughty selfies, etc) in my blogs.)Quote:I posted the photo, with no cropping and very little editing and the world didn't end, people didn't go blind, and I am still breathing. I will keep pushing my comfort zone, and growing my confidence. I will keep learning to love myself; all my flaws and insecurities included.
There is one difference, though: I have never receive any feedback on my photos. None at all. BUT just working on those photos (planning them, taking them, selecting them, cutting them, maybe anonymizing them) has helped me regard my body - and I guess: my self - in a healthier way.
I have a few photos 'out there'. In addition to apparently being healthy for me it is also a little bit exciting...
And doing exciting things is part of my work to become less insecure, less timid...Posted 02-18-2020 at 12:42 AM by Cstelle
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Total lust for that beautiful flesh! I want to kiss it, lick it, and fall asleep there! Tickling that would be fun too! You are stunning!Posted 02-18-2020 at 05:05 AM by zephyrnem
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It's so great that you are doing this Miss!
Who knows, maybe you will become a nudist after all!
Posted 02-18-2020 at 08:42 PM by Jaro
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Not a chance in hell!Quote:Originally Posted by Jaro
It's so great that you are doing this Miss!
Who knows, maybe you will become a nudist after all!Posted 02-18-2020 at 08:44 PM by Butterfly
