Curbing my bisexuality

On my demand, and for a bunch of reasons that I won't explain here but are very valide for me no matter what others may think of it, I requested of my Dom to do something to keep me more on the heterosexual side of things, and from there I've had rules meant to keep my homosexual side in check for a couple of months now.

I've been punished a lot for breaking them, usually accidentally because whenever my lust for females was activated it's like I couldn't think anymore and remember rules. I've struggled a lot to masturbate and cum to heterosexual fantasies at first, I rarely ever managed to in the past before these rules and for like a whole decade I very rarely if ever came to the thought of me, with a man, it was never the path to orgasm for me. But I forced myself to do it, and it was awesome in so many ways, which I can't explain right now because I don't want to go on a tangent, I'm getting somewhere with all this.

Over the months it became less hard and more and more enjoyable to cum while fantasizing about Sir, a man. However I always felt like something was lacking, like if I had a choice I would rather cum to f/f fantasies or porn, the temptation was very strong and I at least once gave in to it.

But today something quite special happened to me. To put this into context, my Dom offered me the choice to get a complete break from all my rules for a couple of days, while he's away. I thought I would enjoy my forbidden fantasies endlessly. My first masturbation session and orgasm with indulging in lesbian fantasies was fun but like with denial for me, after a lot of restriction when I finally get to do the thing it turns out more disappointing than fulfilling. That said I was still glad I could finally do it, after all this time.


Today, second masturbation session since I became temporarily free. This is when something I'd never thought I'd feel happened. I had the option to fantasize about whatever I want or watch any porn I want, but my mind chose Sir. For the first time I actually made this choice out of desire not obedience, I really wanted to fantasize about my Dom while I pleasured myself. I don't think words can fully convey how much of a victory this felt for me.

I had a very slow, intense orgasm, and I bursted in tears right after.