A random assortment of reports, thoughts, ramblings and information. Pretty much a view inside my wonderfully complicated, sometimes broken, and entertaining mind.
Cancelling Christmas
Two weeks ago, after a really horrible day, I decided that I was going to cancel Christmas. Now, for some, this may seem like it really was just an exaggeration, or that it isn't a big deal, but for me, it really is a big deal to say something like that.
Christmas for me is a big deal. I start my Christmas shopping in September, my tree goes up on November 12, I buy and make gifts for everybody, my mom and I spend an entire weekend baking right before Christmas, I start listening to Christmas music on Nocvember 1, Christmas is amazing!
But this year it is hard.
I have had a rough year. I know that a lot of you who read my blogs regularly know that Asslvr and I are super happy together. We are more than a D/s couple. We are dating. We are in love. We are happy.
But .... (and I really hate that there is a but)
I have been through a lot this year. There have been a lot of changes. Some would say that they were all for the better, I tend to agree most of the time, however, change, even good change is hard.
There are a lot of people who are not in my life this Christmas. I no longer have a best friend, I am currently not working, I had to move out of my home and now live with my mom (which presents a whole bunch of challenges on its own) ... so yes, a lot has changed these past couple months.
After that horribly bad mood day, I canceled Christmas. I stopped listening to Christmas music, I shunned Christmas crafts and shopping, I wanted nothing to do with it. But, thankfully there are a few Christmas Fairies and amazing friends around here who helped me see the Christmas Light.
Christmas is a time for healing. I am giving in. I want Christmas.
It doesn't mean it isn't going to be hard at times. But I have realized that although I have lost things and people this year, I have gained as well. I have Asslvr (and he is coming to visit before Christmas), and all my other new getDare friends, and I get to spend Christmas at home again for the first time in years.
I don't think I really had a point to this blog, just a place for me to let out all of my emotions and thoughts, so if you read this far, thank you for listening. And back to your regularly scheduled programming.
Oh and let the Christmas season begin!
Christmas for me is a big deal. I start my Christmas shopping in September, my tree goes up on November 12, I buy and make gifts for everybody, my mom and I spend an entire weekend baking right before Christmas, I start listening to Christmas music on Nocvember 1, Christmas is amazing!
But this year it is hard.
I have had a rough year. I know that a lot of you who read my blogs regularly know that Asslvr and I are super happy together. We are more than a D/s couple. We are dating. We are in love. We are happy.
But .... (and I really hate that there is a but)
I have been through a lot this year. There have been a lot of changes. Some would say that they were all for the better, I tend to agree most of the time, however, change, even good change is hard.
There are a lot of people who are not in my life this Christmas. I no longer have a best friend, I am currently not working, I had to move out of my home and now live with my mom (which presents a whole bunch of challenges on its own) ... so yes, a lot has changed these past couple months.
After that horribly bad mood day, I canceled Christmas. I stopped listening to Christmas music, I shunned Christmas crafts and shopping, I wanted nothing to do with it. But, thankfully there are a few Christmas Fairies and amazing friends around here who helped me see the Christmas Light.
Christmas is a time for healing. I am giving in. I want Christmas.
It doesn't mean it isn't going to be hard at times. But I have realized that although I have lost things and people this year, I have gained as well. I have Asslvr (and he is coming to visit before Christmas), and all my other new getDare friends, and I get to spend Christmas at home again for the first time in years.
I don't think I really had a point to this blog, just a place for me to let out all of my emotions and thoughts, so if you read this far, thank you for listening. And back to your regularly scheduled programming.
Oh and let the Christmas season begin!
Total Comments 13
Comments
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Kinda want to hug you after reading that so..... *hugs* I hope you have a great Christmas
Posted 11-30-2014 at 01:40 PM by Iodine 
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🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄
Yay!!! Thank you sweetie ♡
🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄Posted 11-30-2014 at 01:46 PM by Mr. Devious
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I want your trees ...Quote:Originally Posted by asslvr
🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄
Yay!!! Thank you sweetie ♡
🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄
and butterfly, Merry Christmas ^.^Posted 11-30-2014 at 01:57 PM by CJLM
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I want to hug you, too! *hugs*
I'm glad you decided to take part in something you love, despite your bad year, and I hope things get better and easier for you.
And Merry Christmas!Posted 11-30-2014 at 02:04 PM by justJane
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I know how that feels - sometimes the rough stuff presses in so hard that it's painful to encounter anything that remotely reminds of what you've lost and are missing. Those days I flip off my phone, my music, my computer, can't even look at my teddy bears, and usually end up burying myself in a book or two until I can breathe again. I am glad though that you aren't cancelling Christmas entirely - its a time when humanity is at its best and the joy, even when it's bittersweet, becomes nearly tangible. We all need that in our lives from time to time. I hope you have a very merry Christmas, butterfly <3Posted 11-30-2014 at 02:18 PM by naughtylittlegirl
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I can totally understand how you feel after whats happened this year for you but I guarantee cancelling Christmas won't help you. Embrace this Christmas as the first one on the path that you want your life, changes and all, to begin on. And I hope it turns out to be the best one ever for you.Posted 11-30-2014 at 02:58 PM by Saddi
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So glad that you're not cancelling Christmas, given how much it means for you, there will be tough years and years that just grind into the ground but it's time like this and the cheer of family, friends and asslvr that will give you just the pick up you need to take on 2015 and I hope that it's a much more positive year for you
Yay for Christmas!Posted 11-30-2014 at 03:37 PM by Tease
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Yay my Christmas faeries have succeeded in swaying you back over. You lasted far longer then I expected you to, in your I hate Christmas spree. I thought for sure the butterfly ornament would be your undoing, and remember there is no taksie backsies after asslvr leaves!Posted 11-30-2014 at 08:07 PM by Shadowice
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Agree with justJane.
You are amazing and very brave! for recognizing what makes you happy and actively making it happen.
Hope you are surrounded by all the happiness and warmth. Have a lovely Christmas!!!!Posted 12-01-2014 at 03:55 AM by ariana
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i'm so glad you are pro-christmas again!! i'm sorry things haven't been working well for you lately, but hopefully all the christmas lights that'll be sprouting up everywhere will make your heart grow three sizes
Posted 12-02-2014 at 07:55 AM by lola.fox
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I <3 you Butterfly. Also, don't forget the reindeer ears for his truck. Happy Christmas.Posted 12-07-2014 at 07:03 PM by Princess.Ashley
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Thank you to absolutely everybody who commented. *hugs* and Merry Christmas to each and every one of you.
@Asslvr - You are welcome Sir. I am going to do my best for you. No guarantees after you leave me next weekend.
@NLG - Christmas really just has a completely different feel to it. I can't explain it, but everything does seem a little bit more bright and cheery, and it almost has a tangible quality that I can't really put my finger on. I am hoping that I will be able to call upon that joy to get me through this rough time in my life. Merry Christmas to you as well.
@Saddi - I am determined to end the year with a bang. I want to look back next year and think "yeah, that is when it all began." Thank you for your wonderful support.
@Shadow - yes, your Christmas fairies did their job. I want to thank you personally, because you really did start the "Christmas back on" movement and if it weren't for your relentless Christmas attacks and one particular fairy, I never could have done it. So thank you for being a wonderful and (determined) friend. I will not promise anything about the taksie backsies though.
@Ariana - Thank you. It takes a lot of strength and courage to stand up for what makes you happy, and its been tough to do that this year, but I am a better person for it. Although I have been sadder than I ever have, I also have been happier than I ever have.
@Lola - My heart is already growing. I love the twinkling lights.
@Ashley - I love you <3 I almost forgot about the reindeer for his truck (who I named Emmett). I will go and buy those this week so that he can bring them home with him when he goes.Posted 12-08-2014 at 01:27 AM by Butterfly
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It may be a little late, but I am SO glad you decided not to cancel Christmas, and am honored that you let me be a part of it with you! Thank you!Posted 01-04-2015 at 06:11 PM by pet monkey
