The importance of being earnest.
Posted 09-03-2015 at 02:01 AM by AbusiveMaster
This is not a denigration of any sort of play style or personality. We all have our preferences and opinions. This is mine.
Everyone should submit in a controlled, prescribed way. Submission isn't a free for all, it isn't "Lets see how far we can push before they fall off the cliff." Submission does, and should, have boundaries. That's safe, sensible and healthy.
What varies, person to person, relationship to relationship, is where the personal bounding box is. Whatever your personal kink or comfort level, however far you want to go, thats up to nobody but you.
To me, though, the beauty of D/s isn't following a script. It is about an exploration, a voyage of discovery. Not pushing someone till they break, but probing, exploring, growing, developing.
The voyage can be terrifying sometimes. The submissive can find barriers they never knew existed. Physical, psychological, blocks and difficulties. Sometimes you start down a path and realise it was the wrong one. Even with the best intentions, some things just aren't right for some people. It is a part of the journey, making a few wrong turns is to be expected.
And then, occasionally, there is the hard won, well earned victory. A turning point is reached, something is achieved. It isn't all there is to it, these moments are rare - but they are special, to be cherished.
But before either of these happen is the very careful exploration. Pushing at the boundaries, sparking the fear. It is hard, painful, and it is up to each submissive, at each one of these times, to decide whether they want to continue, whether they want to push through. It is up to the Dominant to give the space for that decision, to help, to reassure, to guide.
The victories are sweet. The pride when your submissive achieves a personal goal can be overwhelming. But what matters even more than the destination is the journey. And this is the part that a lot of submissives don't understand.
It hurts me as a Dominant, as a person, when she works so hard and doesnt make it. Not because she hasn't made it, but because she can't see how proud I am of her for even trying. She only sees the 'failure' which doesnt exist, the dissapointment she only imagines. Submission, like life, isn't about success or failure, it is about the effort we make, the journey we take. Every step of it together, every second of it cherished.
The harder it is, the more precious the attempt, the more worthwhile the effort. We will get there. But even if we don't, you have already given so much more than I have the right to expect from anyone.
Dissapointed? No.
Proud and humbled.
Everyone should submit in a controlled, prescribed way. Submission isn't a free for all, it isn't "Lets see how far we can push before they fall off the cliff." Submission does, and should, have boundaries. That's safe, sensible and healthy.
What varies, person to person, relationship to relationship, is where the personal bounding box is. Whatever your personal kink or comfort level, however far you want to go, thats up to nobody but you.
To me, though, the beauty of D/s isn't following a script. It is about an exploration, a voyage of discovery. Not pushing someone till they break, but probing, exploring, growing, developing.
The voyage can be terrifying sometimes. The submissive can find barriers they never knew existed. Physical, psychological, blocks and difficulties. Sometimes you start down a path and realise it was the wrong one. Even with the best intentions, some things just aren't right for some people. It is a part of the journey, making a few wrong turns is to be expected.
And then, occasionally, there is the hard won, well earned victory. A turning point is reached, something is achieved. It isn't all there is to it, these moments are rare - but they are special, to be cherished.
But before either of these happen is the very careful exploration. Pushing at the boundaries, sparking the fear. It is hard, painful, and it is up to each submissive, at each one of these times, to decide whether they want to continue, whether they want to push through. It is up to the Dominant to give the space for that decision, to help, to reassure, to guide.
The victories are sweet. The pride when your submissive achieves a personal goal can be overwhelming. But what matters even more than the destination is the journey. And this is the part that a lot of submissives don't understand.
It hurts me as a Dominant, as a person, when she works so hard and doesnt make it. Not because she hasn't made it, but because she can't see how proud I am of her for even trying. She only sees the 'failure' which doesnt exist, the dissapointment she only imagines. Submission, like life, isn't about success or failure, it is about the effort we make, the journey we take. Every step of it together, every second of it cherished.
The harder it is, the more precious the attempt, the more worthwhile the effort. We will get there. But even if we don't, you have already given so much more than I have the right to expect from anyone.
Dissapointed? No.
Proud and humbled.
Total Comments 4
Comments
-
Well said. Very well said indeed.
A dom is disappointed because of a "failure" seems more like the dom is a control freak who can't stand their plans to be disrupted. People are people. Not every task will go as expected, not every task will end how you want. That's life. And it's a good thing, no one wants to dom a robot.
But no matter how it ends, it's still an experience shared between a dom and a sub, where the sub has tried to please the dom. How could the dom ever be disappointed with that? That's what, as you say, relationship is. And as you also said, the effort itself is more than the dom could ever ask for.
Submission is beautiful. If the sub never "failed", then it would be a sign that the dom isn't doing their job properly, I think. That they're allowing the relationship to relax into comfortable habits, to stagnate. Not that they should ever set the sub up to fail deliberately - but without pushing the boundaries, without the risk of failure, then there's no growth.
Failure is as precious, at least to me, as success. And I wish that everyone could see that.Posted 09-03-2015 at 04:14 AM by Sinister 
-
I have actually been reflecting on some of my explorative experiences that were just as you described, a little terrifying, physical and psychological blocks at times, realising something wasn't the right thing for me, etc. What you've written here is very encouraging to me, thank you. The absolute best thing my Dom has done as my Dom is make it safe for me to submit to him - I can tell him precisely how I feel, he is always making sure that I am good with things emotionally, mentally, and physically, he's always so careful about going too far too fast. Even when I want to fly through certain things, he's the one who maintains good judgement and patience. It makes it so good to submit to him, because I know he is genuinely dominating me, not just bossing me around but guiding me with purpose and care. He's made me love the journey because I know he isn't just interested in having the end-product sub - he's interested in me, right now, wherever I'm at and wants to explore deeper together. I am so glad that you are one of those doms too (and of course you would be, IceMaiden has impeccable taste
).Posted 09-03-2015 at 10:20 AM by naughtylittlegirl
-
Well it's about time someone humbled you, it's took a while with that big massive ego of yours.
I think seeing the 'failure' is a given for most subs, at least the ones I've spoken to about things like this. I'd go into more detail but my thoughts are private on this part and between me and you.
That said, I'm so thankful and grateful for your patience with me in overcoming my barriers and working through them with me and always encouraging me, even when I'm freezing.
You make it a pleasure to sub to you, always. Just by being yourself.Posted 09-14-2015 at 05:53 AM by IceMaiden
-
You humble me, every day. Ego or not, the gift you give is enough to make anyone stop and take stock, pet.Posted 09-14-2015 at 06:02 AM by AbusiveMaster
