The Psychology of a Kink
(Please note, I have no background in psychology and am completely new to BDSM. These blog articles are merely my personal uniformed ramblings.)
There is something different about a kink than mere attraction; there is a strange double mindedness to them. I know for certainty that I find intelligence, creativity, compassion and strength very attractive in a man. Even physical things, such as being well groomed, having a powerful physique, a bewitching accent, etc., are things I don't wrestle with, though I might have to resist them if a man of questionable character possesses them. With a kink, however, I am very double minded.
For example, combining my gambling and submissive kinks, I would find very arousing a game of strip poker where the loser gets spanked. At the same time I both want to win and lose. Victory would be very gratifying to my ego and I would love to watch his face as he has to drop his underpants before me, conceding defeat. Yet the humiliation of losing, would be embarrassing, humbling and oh so arousing. For either party to intentionally try to lose, however, would be a major turn off. So, at the same time I really want to win, but there is a part of me that craves to be defeated. So very strange.
Part of what makes a kink work is having some sort of cultural taboo that one pushes against. If the taboos are removed, then wouldn't the kink disappear? The trepidation of getting slowly naked before a stranger and the thought that a man would physically punish me, are things I know I should be hesitant about, but are quite tempting. If there were no social or psychological restrictions to nudity and BDSM then there would be no kink, because where would be the arousal about doing something that was naughty? To be blunt, a strip poker game between two nudists sounds really boring.
The other strange thing about a kink is that the closer you get to one's boundary limits the more erotic it becomes. Once crossed, however, it becomes a major turn off and might even become repulsive and terrifying. For example, I have set a strict rule for myself to keep this part of my life private and never compromise my identity while on here. Yesterday, however, I found a forum thread called “the whipping post”, where people submit to spank and whip themselves according to the commands of another on cam. This would completely violate my rules and would be incredibly stupid to engage in. Yet, did I find it arousing? Let me just say that idea encouraged me to indulge in something beyond mental self pleasure last night.
This is why I wouldn't like these kinks of mine to become a fetish. I by no means wish to disrespect or judge anyone who lives a fetish lifestyle. I would think in many ways they have more courage than me. However, I wouldn't want my gambling or BDSM kinks to dictate my choice in a lover. Besides, if a kink is fully embraced as a fetish, I think it would lose some of its fun.
Pob dymuniad da (best wishes),
Amy
There is something different about a kink than mere attraction; there is a strange double mindedness to them. I know for certainty that I find intelligence, creativity, compassion and strength very attractive in a man. Even physical things, such as being well groomed, having a powerful physique, a bewitching accent, etc., are things I don't wrestle with, though I might have to resist them if a man of questionable character possesses them. With a kink, however, I am very double minded.
For example, combining my gambling and submissive kinks, I would find very arousing a game of strip poker where the loser gets spanked. At the same time I both want to win and lose. Victory would be very gratifying to my ego and I would love to watch his face as he has to drop his underpants before me, conceding defeat. Yet the humiliation of losing, would be embarrassing, humbling and oh so arousing. For either party to intentionally try to lose, however, would be a major turn off. So, at the same time I really want to win, but there is a part of me that craves to be defeated. So very strange.
Part of what makes a kink work is having some sort of cultural taboo that one pushes against. If the taboos are removed, then wouldn't the kink disappear? The trepidation of getting slowly naked before a stranger and the thought that a man would physically punish me, are things I know I should be hesitant about, but are quite tempting. If there were no social or psychological restrictions to nudity and BDSM then there would be no kink, because where would be the arousal about doing something that was naughty? To be blunt, a strip poker game between two nudists sounds really boring.
The other strange thing about a kink is that the closer you get to one's boundary limits the more erotic it becomes. Once crossed, however, it becomes a major turn off and might even become repulsive and terrifying. For example, I have set a strict rule for myself to keep this part of my life private and never compromise my identity while on here. Yesterday, however, I found a forum thread called “the whipping post”, where people submit to spank and whip themselves according to the commands of another on cam. This would completely violate my rules and would be incredibly stupid to engage in. Yet, did I find it arousing? Let me just say that idea encouraged me to indulge in something beyond mental self pleasure last night.
This is why I wouldn't like these kinks of mine to become a fetish. I by no means wish to disrespect or judge anyone who lives a fetish lifestyle. I would think in many ways they have more courage than me. However, I wouldn't want my gambling or BDSM kinks to dictate my choice in a lover. Besides, if a kink is fully embraced as a fetish, I think it would lose some of its fun.
Pob dymuniad da (best wishes),
Amy
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