Need Your Opinions
Posted 06-13-2010 at 08:04 PM by Tiger
Since my last blog, I have been looking at a certain website related to s/M stuff. I have been wanting to meet someone offline to see if I would make a good submissive or if I should just drop the whole thing. I have also recently been really into wanting to be a kitty. I was looking on a bunch of website at collars and I think it would be a lot of fun.
The problem I have with this is, I don't trust anyone. I was surfing a certain website and I found someone that I am kind of interested in that lives near me. He is MUCH older but he is into most of the same stuff as me. I also found another person that looks almost professional that lives near me too.
I would like to meet some people into the same things as me offline but I am very shy. I am afraid to actually go through with this in case they are a sexual predator, killer, or rapist. How do you guys think I should go about doing this? I know to meet in a public place first but what else should I do? How can I conquor my fear and actually meet someone?
The problem I have with this is, I don't trust anyone. I was surfing a certain website and I found someone that I am kind of interested in that lives near me. He is MUCH older but he is into most of the same stuff as me. I also found another person that looks almost professional that lives near me too.
I would like to meet some people into the same things as me offline but I am very shy. I am afraid to actually go through with this in case they are a sexual predator, killer, or rapist. How do you guys think I should go about doing this? I know to meet in a public place first but what else should I do? How can I conquor my fear and actually meet someone?
Total Comments 15
Comments
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Maybe try and see if a friend would accompany you to the meeting. Or have them somewhere close by to keep an eye on you.Posted 06-13-2010 at 09:05 PM by PurplePirate 
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I am actually new to the area and I don't know anyone or have any friends near me. Anyway, I don't want my friends to know that I'm into this kind of stuff.
Posted 06-13-2010 at 09:08 PM by Tiger
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I can't help but think it's kind of a healthy fear. o.oPosted 06-13-2010 at 09:17 PM by sweetsong
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I know it's a common fear but how do all those people get over it and meet that person?
Posted 06-13-2010 at 09:29 PM by Tiger
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My two cents: If you meet someone online, you should really get to know them before even considering meeting them in person. Eventually you will feel comfortable enough to want to meet them. Then take it slow. For not wanting your friend's to know, suggest going out as just friends for and evening.
Bottom line, Sweets is right. This is a healthy fear. Don't meet someone if you're not 110% comfortable with it.Posted 06-13-2010 at 10:00 PM by Redx000x
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Well, talk with them for a while. Maybe go on cam-to-cam a bit. See how they are for a while. When you first meet them make sure it is a public place, that way if there is any problems you could get away easy. Also if you still don't fully trust them after all that time then just drop them. A s/M relationship is built on trust and thrives on that, if there is none then there is no relationship. On the point of trust, it takes a while to build that so you should talk with them and get to know them over a few months (not weeks) if you are eager then go on cam for him after some time and stay at that until you two are both sure that you are ok with it. Trust me he as well could think that you could be any of those as well, so the feeling is mutual :P
Hope it all goes well
Posted 06-13-2010 at 10:15 PM by MetalGreek
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Talk over PM first, then move to a chat, then meet actual in public. The entire time discuss what you want and how you are. Find out how they are, etc. Also more research on the person you choose, I.e. background checks.Posted 06-13-2010 at 11:15 PM by Kisune Karnon
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One more thing, I'd like to add, after the wonderful "tips" by the people above.
DO NOT think, you can compromise with a person. Really, don't get into a relationship where you have to bend yourself!
It'll not help, trust me. When you think, "Oh I will do this, cause the person looks the right one" NO!
Find the person, who knows EXACTLY what you want, and how. Who have similar likes and stuff. If you're a masochist, look for a sadist. That's how it works, cause, when you bend yourself once, you'll have to bed yourself, every time.
And you know, you can always reach me, if you need any kind of help, I am always there for you
Love.Posted 06-14-2010 at 02:31 AM by Mere
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I'd also suggest, among the other advice, to arrange to call a friend at a set time, and have a set phrase to say if there's a problem that still sounds normal (Something like "Yeah, he's great" to signal "I need help now").
Even better would be to arrange calls at various set times, and tell the guy when you meet him that you've arranged to call them at those times, along with exactly where you will be at them as well.
This way, not only does your friend know where you would be meeting the person, but also where you would be travelling as you go along (and, ideally, what you're wearing as well, so if things do go wrong, tracking you is easier), and also a code phrase for if things aren't great (as if you don't call, your friend could contact the police regardless).
Your friend doesn't, of course, need to know why you are meeting the guy, just that you are, and while you trust him, you want to have something to fall back on as a safety.
It's something I would demand of anyone meeting up with me who I hadn't met first in person, purely for peace of mind that they are happy and feel safe and wont be worrying all night that I'm going to do something wrong.
Anyone who complains about that set up isn't worth meeting in the first place either.Posted 06-14-2010 at 08:04 AM by pranadevil
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Thank you everyone for your tips. The problem I see with cam-to-cam is that we live in the same city and if it doesn't work out, he will be able to find me. And my friends would probably find it weird and strange that I am meeting a guy 20-30 years older than me.
There are clubs around but they are a bit of a drive. Would it be better to go to those? What if someone I know sees me at or coming out of it? :OPosted 06-14-2010 at 09:14 AM by Tiger
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What type of clubs? If they are the BDSM type of club, then I doubt they would really know that you are in one considering that they look completely normal on the outside (most of the time). Now also you could just wear a mask for the first few times with the cam-to-cam thing. Maybe even put a sheet up over behind you (so the background would not be seen). Now with all of that said and done, just be careful and not only look for people who have the same fetishes, look for the people who are most like yourself or,if you want, someone who has only the things that you want (which i don't think would be good but that's only my opinion :P)
Posted 06-14-2010 at 03:09 PM by MetalGreek
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So I shouldn't go with the much older guy?
Posted 06-14-2010 at 05:02 PM by Tiger
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well it depends really. To me (again my opinion) age doesn't matter that much, it is how they are and all. Like if the older man is the one that is much more experienced, but not a nice man and isn't like you want then don't take him. If he is like you, but also really bad at it. It still may not be good so you sort of need to look for the best combination of attributes. Right down your likes and dislikes of both of them and see which one seems better, but don't base your whole decision on only that.
Posted 06-14-2010 at 05:22 PM by MetalGreek
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Ok thank you.
Posted 06-14-2010 at 05:32 PM by Tiger
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No problem :3, now shtay off my back about the s/M thing cuz i take it seriously (although I don't show it xP) :O
Posted 06-14-2010 at 05:37 PM by MetalGreek
