Some of you might know from a previous read, others might not, but I struggled deeply with wearing a constant symbol of my submission (24/7) no matter how much I wanted to be able to do it, so I won't go in all the details about this again and why I struggled, but I ended up having to admit defeat after a couple of months, prompted by my Dom who understood my challenge even tho it didn't make him very happy.

Today I've been with my Dom for exactly 5 months, and I am willing to give these...

Denied from touching my pussy this month, I have been relying on anal stimulation, until I hurt my asshole and was no longer allowed to use that for a few days, which left me with very few options.

After stimulating externally the entrance of my anal route without any penetration to 3 edges using my electric toothbrush, I started to feel underwhelmed and like that wasn't going to take me anywhere.

A bit of teasing all over the place can help sometimes so I started running...

I don't know if what I'm about to describe is a common sentiment, if it's valide or not, but it never hurts anyone to share.

Some days every part of my body screams I need aftercare, and I can't honestly always justify why. I feel like I want to disconnect from the BDSM world, I can't bring myself to wear my Ownership symbols and looking at them makes me feel bad. I feel a strong need to wear something comfy and casual and cute and colorful and, just surround myself with cozy and clean...

Today I started stimulating anally with the goal of making use of my newly acquired skill as that's the only way I'm allowed to cum when I'm denied now that I am able to do it.

I tried so hard to focus on heterosexual fantasies, or even just nothing, or even aliens or robots at one point just as to avoid breaking my recent no homosexual fantasies/porn rules. I was so helplessly not excited enough by those thoughts to cum, stuck on the edge, eventually got close enough but had what felt...

I am denied. Let's say it again and let it fully sink in : I am denied. My pussy shall crave an orgasm everyday, every waking moment, and maybe even in my sleep, but only receive delicious edges followed with the much less delicious realization that it will always stop there, just when the need to go over the edge becomes the most urgent, whenever the arousal is at its pick and everything in my body is begging for that sweet release.

The body doesn't understand it's just an edge, every...

I never been through serious denial before, hence this is a new experience for me that I like to document.

That's what I did whenever I started exploring online BDSM, both for whoever might enjoy reading it, and for me as an outlet, a mode of self-expression, and a journal to keep these dear memories, all of them.

And I know it hasn't been so long, not even a week, it's probably nothing, but it felt intense to me and especially with the number of edges that went with it...

I might be a brat, but that mainly expresses itself through being sassy, cocky, the way I might respond to certain things... I don't like to be disobedient, nor do I like to go out of my way doing things that will cause a Dom disappointment or anger, or to provoke a punishment. Doing that legitimately makes me feel bad, guilty, and I avoid it the best I can, and when it happens I am very desperate to show my remorse and I just want to be forgiven.

I always liked doing things the right...