A random assortment of reports, thoughts, ramblings and information. Pretty much a view inside my wonderfully complicated, sometimes broken, and entertaining mind.

Blackmail: Will I actually do it?

Posted 07-22-2018 at 06:56 PM by Butterfly
Updated 07-23-2018 at 06:34 PM by Butterfly

The one question I get asked the most about being in a blackmail relationship is:

Will you actually go through with it?

I always tell people YES! But they are skeptical.

The thing is, as much as I care about Jaro, if he deliberately broke our contract, I would be obligated to go through with our blackmail plan.

For those that haven't read our blog about how blackmail works for us, we have a three step plan.

STEP ONE
If Jaro were to disobey us once, he would have to endure a 5 minute mouth soaping.

STEP TWO
If Jaro were to disobey us a second time, he would have to endure a 5 minute cold shower.

STEP THREE
If Jaro were to disobey us a third time, we will release a piece of material in a way that will expose him.

Now, although I have always told myself that I would go through with it if needed, I never actually believed I would be faced with even step one of our plan. Jaro is very loyal and obedient and he always tries his best.

However, a few weeks ago, Jaro disobeyed us by going to the bathroom while at home, against direct orders to wait a specified period of time. In this situation, Jaro could have wet himself as he was home and alone. Icey and I were lenient with him this time, as we had never really discussed that this is what he should have done. Instead, we gave him a pretty harsh punishment which lasted the entire weekend. Something that Jaro truly dreaded.

Now, maybe you will call us soft for not going through with our blackmail plan, but we know that Jaro didn't disobey on purpose. If we had discussed things previously, he really would have wet himself and sat in it until his time was up. We know this because after almost a year of playing together, we know him and how serious he takes our dynamic.

Still, it has caused Jaro to question whether the blackmail is still needed. Just recently he asked Icey and I if there is any reason to continue it. It is true, we have been deleting a lot of the new material (proof videos and pics etc.) that he has sent us. But we have enough information from him in even just the first few files he sent, that it would be pointlessly destructive to release everything we have. So there is no need.

On top of that, there are many things that Icey and I ask Jaro to do, that he doesn't want to do. Things that truly make him freak out. So yes, I do think there is still merit in our blackmail component.

and ... the time has come ....

Jaro directly disobeyed me multiple times during a live play session. And because of this, Icey and I have decided that he must complete step one of our plan. Today, Jaro will endure a 5 minute mouth soaping, something that is a true punishment for him. He will also do it on video with full face showing, and then send it to Icey and I as proof of completion.

I am not going to lie ... this really sucks. I don't want to punish Jaro. I don't want to proceed with step one, but I will do it. If we don't go through with it, then we will lose our authority.

So for all those doubters and skeptics, here we are.

EDIT: I want to clarify that when I wrote this blog, I was in the aftermath of dealing with the situation with Jaro. A play session that went wrong. I was upset at all that happened, and Jaro was also very upset. We took time apart to digest everything that occured, and Icey and I had a conversation to make a decision. Even though I was upset, Icey was there to be a voice of reason. And we BOTH decided that we would go ahead with step one of our blackmail plan, which to be clear, has NOTHING to do with exposing him. It is a glorified punishment, which was actually a lot less harsh than other punishments we gave him.

Because of the frame of mind that I was in when I wrote this, it may have come off as me having doubts. However, I was very secure in my decision. It doesn't mean I WANTED to punish Jaro. I never want to. I don't get any pleasure from having to hand out any kind of punishment. Punishments don't tickle my sadistic bone. I don't get turned on by seeing him mentally suffer through a punishment. BUT that doesn't mean I was doubting my decision. I know that going through with the punishment we all agreed upon was the right decision for all three of us. But it especially was the right decision for Jaro. I know he wanted this, I know he needed this. And that is why we came to this decision.

Posted in Domming Jaroface

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	My highest respect. You are playing very well. I wish you an awesome retrospective (because I guess you will talk a lot as usual because it's necessary).
	Posted 07-23-2018 at 01:47 AM by CSasha

Dear Butterfly,

You’ve done a lot for the getDare community, and with it, you’ve made yourself into a person that people look for as an example figure. I think that a lot of things you do are good, and have served this community well.

This response won’t be the one you might be hoping for though.

What I’ve been reading, has me worried. I have thought about this response carefully. The point of it is not to be nasty. It comes from genuine concern, not in the least place for Jaro. But also for the example you are setting for everyone here. I hope you and other people will read this, and think about it carefully.

——————————

However exciting it may sound, when blackmail starts to become a reality, it could be very destructive to the person subject to it. And to your relationship I would think.

This, coupled with what I read in your findom blog, seems to me a very unhealthy amount of power to hold over someone you haven’t even met in real life.

You’re blogging about taking even further control over his finances. Meanwhile, you also blog about being overwhelmed by all that you take on, about mental health issues, and about “being grumpy” and “not wanting to adult”... And yet you are taking extreme control over an other adult’s life? How is this possible when managing your own life is challenging enough as it is?

You’re thousands of kilometres apart, for fuck’s sake. What are you going to do when you’ve finally exposed Jaro? What if it has some serious bad effects for him?

You’ll be much too far away to help him, or fix things.

I am really, really worried by this.

Posted 07-23-2018 at 04:37 AM by little pet little pet is offline

Little pet, I think it is fair to say that everybody struggles with adulting at times. Everybody is allowed to be grumpy and have an outlet. When I find myself overwhelmed with life, I walk away and take a break. Jaro, Icey and I discuss things and act like adults, even if I don't feel like adulting.

As for my mental heslth, it is under control. I have had issues with anxiety, triggers and depression in the past and sometimes it is still a concern. But again, when I struggle, I take a step back from my position of power and I engage in other outlets. It may not always be healthy (as I still struggle with self harm issues) but I never involve others when I am dealing with that.

Furthermore, blogs like my blog about being grumpy come from partly a place of being little, and I do a good job of separating my little space with Jaro. We have safewords and safeguards in affect for that.

Yes, Jaro and I haven't met in real life. But we are planning on it. I don't see how that changes things? You and Sam haven't even seen each other or spoken to each other and yet you engage in very high risk play. Jaro has a safeword that he can use at anytime, no questions asked and he will walk away from the D/s side or our relationship with no consequences. Icey and I will simply delete all of his material.

Jaro is the one who asked for more power to be taken. Jaro is the one who asked that we take steps to make things more real. IceMaiden and I worked with him to form a plan a way to do this safely.

Yes, this was step one. One step closer to him possibly, one day being exposed. However, as we discussed and reassured Jaro, if we ever do to get the point that we need to expose him, he still has his safeword. If he chooses to continue, it's not like it is we sending a picture of him naked and cuffed to his father and workplace. Just as everything else we have done, it will be carefully discussed and thought out. Calculated carefully. It will likely be a revealing (non face) photo with his real first name placed on getdare for a week.

As for his finances, as I very carefully explained in that blog, Icey and I basically in control of a glorified budget. We get to say no if he wants to buy something frivolous. We aren't taking his money, or preventing him from living comfortably. I think the only thing I have said no to thus far is a haircut. And it was negotiated that he would be allowed to do it a few days later. As for taking further control? That's possible. But we will go slow and discuss it. And again, he can stop at any time if he is done.

And lastly, if something were to happen and I needed to travel thousands of km away to assist Jaro, I would do what I needed to. Its not as if he is a lump of dirt who I don't care about, he is a friend, more than a friend. Almost two years together has created that bond.

I appreciate your concern. I worry about some of the extreme play that orhers engage in on this community as well. However, Jaro, Icey and I have gone to great lengths to make our play as safe as possible. We have safeguards in effect. But alas, there will always be risks. And as long as you are risk aware and all parties consent to those risks and their consequences, there is no harm in going forward. And this is what we have chosen.

I have chosen to write openly about everything we go through because I want people to realiZe that things like blackmail, extreme play, being a mod .... Aren't always glamorous. That you don't have to be perfect. That mistakes can happen. There are risks, there are consequences. And there are ways to play that push the limits while keeping as safe as possible.

And anybody who doesn't care to read about it, can fuck off.

Posted 07-23-2018 at 06:46 AM by Butterfly Butterfly is offline

Updated 07-23-2018 at 08:07 AM by Butterfly

Hello Little pet.

I too appreciate your concern and I have been thinking how to respond. You might think my response is biased but I am going to respond anyways.

As Miss Butterfly rightly pointed out, I choose for this! Princess and Goddess only have this power because I gave them this power and I can, at any time, take that power back. So if it ever were to come to exposure I could still prevent it even from happening.

But I have been punished more times than the time Miss mentioned and only now is the first time she - together with Miss Icey - choose to give me step one. They have proven time and time again that they are extremely careful and cautious with what they choose to do and they would often just choose to a regular punishment over this, thus proving again that they are NOT trigger happy and are NOT out to ruin me.

Could I actually be exposed and could someone like my dad or Boss find out about this? Yeah, there is a chance for that. There is also a chance I get killed in a car crash tomorrow and that chance is actually much higher. The chance that you get struck by lightning is also much higher than the chance of you winning the lottery. It's the truth.

I choose to take this small chance because I simply love Miss controlling me and, since it's online only, I needed something to make it real.

As for the financial domination: that is something that sounds way more scary and irresponsible than it actually is. They just give me an allowance, a way for me to take care of my money and what I spend and they are extremely lenient with what I am allowed. I am actually allowed most things; I just need to ask for it. It's really not about them taking sadistic satisfaction in denying me a pleasant dinner with my friend.

So.... while I appreciate your concern very much and I appreciate critical thinking in general, I think your worries are blown out of proportion. Yes, with great power comes great responsibility and Miss Butterfly has shown time and time again that she can handle it very well and I still feel very happy in this relationship!

Posted 07-23-2018 at 07:46 AM by Jaro Jaro is offline

Updated 07-23-2018 at 08:10 AM by Jaro

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cassandra

My highest respect. You are playing very well. I wish you an awesome retrospective (because I guess you will talk a lot as usual because it's necessary).

Thank you Cass.

Yes, we spend a lot of time talking. Jaro and I talk for hours each day, and although we needed to take a break after this incident the other night, we spoke immediately after Jaro woke up. We discuss everything, even if it is a direct demand. Jaro always has the opportunity to have his voice heard, and we always listen and take what he says into account, even if sometimes we decide not to change our decisions.

Posted 07-23-2018 at 08:35 AM by Butterfly Butterfly is offline

This brief (at least for now) discussion is probably the best I've ever read on gD - and it's about things that aren't really my things. A general thank-you to everybody, on all sides; the doers & do-es, worriers & well-wishers. I wish all discussions could be like this!

EDIT: Never mind. But for a brief moment I was learning new things, gaining new understanding, becoming a slightly better person (which is what understanding does to you).

Posted 07-23-2018 at 09:00 AM by Cstelle Cstelle is offline

Updated 07-24-2018 at 12:08 AM by Cstelle (Well...)

Blackmail is illegal
Blackmail with consent is illegal.

Just like killing is illegal,
Just like killing with consent is illegal
As the German guy that did a consensual kink killing found out. He is now in prison (yes, really true).

Feeling pushed to be strong, feeling “having to be strict otherwise being afraid of being soft” is bad advise.

Kink is supposed to be fun for both parties. In a very wicked way, but it is about fun.
If it isn’t, it may be good to think it over.

We all get carried away a bit too far sometimes.

Posted 07-23-2018 at 11:47 AM by sir sam sir sam is offline

I think when people see only this part of our dynamic (blogs, threads etc.) it is easy to get the wrong idea or jump to conclusions or blow things out of proportion.

No one except us three know everything that goes on between us or or see the support, encouragment and care/aftercare we give every single time we ask something of Jaro.

The whole reason of having a step three plan is to ensure we DON'T go too far. We have never and are never going to say "Okay, you didn't listen so now we are going to release every single item we have on you." That isn't what this is about. We DON'T want to ruin Jaro. We don't want to discipline him. Jaro is the one who asked us to take this amount of control. When we introduce something new into our dynamic (such as the financial control) all three of us discuss it very thoroughly. Any concerns (From any of us) are raised and addressed, Jaro's thoughts and feelings and concerns if he has any are ALWAYS listened to and taken into account before we make our final decision. Yes, it is a lot of power to hold over someone. But just because we have that power doesn't mean we use it carelessly. Jaro is always asked how he is managing with new concepts as we progress and depending on his feedback determines if we continue, alter or end that type of play. We are not asking him to send us money or buy us gifts or demanding he spends it on something he doesn't want or causing him to go into debt etc for it. We are just using this type of play as another way to exert our full control over him - because that is what HE has asked us for: To have full control of him. That doesn't mean we deny him the things he needs to live comfortably. As Butterfly said the only thing he has been told no to so far is a haircut. In the future we might say no you can't have dessert (as an example.) But we aren't going to say "no you can't buy any more food because you're over your allowance" if he doesn't have enough food in the house to live properly.

I too get overwhelmed sometimes. This dynamic, mine and AM's dynamic, work, parenthood and so forth. It can be tiring sometimes. But isn't that true for most people unless you're superman? I believe Butterfly's grumpy blog was written during her period - and I am pretty sure the majority of females get and feel grumpy at that time of month. It is also, as stated, coming from a place of being little.

When I am feeling little, I might throw a temper tantrum or revert to childlike activites. That doesn't mean I mix that time with taking care of Jaro. That is something I just wouldn't do. Because while I do identify as a little and enjoy little space/time, I AM an adult. I CAN separate the two. Both Butterfly and I, if we know we are going to have little time or feel ourselves heading into that headspace, then we let Jaro know. We don't just stop mid scene or mid discussion and piss off to be little, leaving him in the dark as to why we vanished. Just because either or both us need a break sometimes from "adulting" doesn't mean we don't care and while it wasn't intended to be nasty, mentioning Butterfly's mental health was uncalled for. Neither her mental health or the blog about financial control are even remotely connected to disciplining Jaro for disobeying. Yes she has some issues sometimes, so do I, so does almost everyone. That is when we take a step back and let Jaro know we need some space because we aren't in the right headspace to domme currently. Just like he lets us know he needs some space when he isn't in the right frame of mind to submit. I am pretty sure almost everyone of us has some personal issues and/or mental health issues. Does that mean no one who does should ever sub or dom? It isn't like either of us expect or ask things we know are extremely risky when we know we aren't able to properly execute it.

I fully agree we have a LOT of control and authority over Jaro and that we need to be careful with it. But that is because HE chose to give it to us. HE has the power to take that control back at ANY time with his ultimate safeword. He directly disobeyed an order and that is why we decided to go ahead with step one, which is a punishment. I don't WANT to punish him, but the behaviour needs corrected. If every dom ignored a misbehaving sub and didn't correct it with discipline, then what would be the point? We didn't force him into this and as both Butterfly and I have written on quite a few of our blogs, he has two safewords. The first is to let us know he needs to stop and communicate about something. The other is to tell us he is done and he doesn't want this anymore. The first safeword he has used before and we immediately stopped everything so we could communicate. If the second was used, sure we would be sad about it, but we wouldn't ignore it and attempt to ruin him. So if it ever did get to step three of blackmail, if it suddenly became far too real or too much for Jaro, he can STILL use his ultimate safeword even then and nothing would be released. We haven't just jumped into this unprepared and I actually only know of this blackmail dynamic that still has safewords. We aren't being careless like a lot of people are with this type of play.

Yes, this type of play is extremely high risk - but so are a lot of other people's play on this site including yours. Neither of us have met Jaro, but when I engaged in risky play with AM a long time ago, I still hadn't met him. You and Sam have never met either and as far as I am aware don't even use voice or camera, so I fail to see how you think never having met is an issue here, when you are in the same situation of not having met each other. MOST people on this site never meet, does that mean they can't consensually choose what type of play they want to engage in together?

If it ever got to step three of releasing material, we certainly don't plan to release everything Jaro ever sent us with every identifying detail we know about him written on the images. As said above it would likely be an embarrasing/revealing picture without face on a site such as this one. Jaro knew this when we first began our relationship because we communicated about it in detail and he agreed to it.

I think it is great that you reached out to voice your concerns for Jaro! Just as I think it is great when members reach out to help others they are not sure are okay. We do need to look out for one another. But we also need to make sure we have all the facts before jumping to conclusions and blowing things out of proportion.

Posted 07-23-2018 at 12:00 PM by IceMaiden IceMaiden is offline

Updated 07-23-2018 at 01:35 PM by IceMaiden

Quote:

Originally Posted by sir sam

Blackmail is illegal
Blackmail with consent is illegal.

How is blackmail that is consensual by all parties illegal?

This is in no offence to Jaro btw - but he chose HIMSELF to do this. Nobody forced him to do it, he wanted it and he actively seeked it out. He knows all the consequences of what will happen if he doesn't obey so if anything it's on him tbh.

He has a safeword which he can use at any time he wants so what's the problem exactly?

None of them are doing anything wrong. It's all consensual. You and little.pet are the only ones that have a problem with it. Get over it.

The end.

Goodbye.

Posted 07-23-2018 at 12:01 PM by FrozenWolfGirl FrozenWolfGirl is offline

Updated 07-23-2018 at 12:19 PM by FrozenWolfGirl

Quote:

Originally Posted by sir sam

Blackmail is illegal
Blackmail with consent is illegal.

Just like killing is illegal,
Just like killing with consent is illegal
As the German guy that did a consensual kink killing found out. He is now in prison (yes, really true).

CNC is not illegal. But did you know most courts would agree that someone of "sound mind" can not /would not consent to being beaten, whipped, caned etc, can not or would not consent to the majority of extreme/risky play and so on. Which means that the majority of courts would frown upon the fact you like to do and DO, do those things. But just because it is frownd upon, doesn't make it illegal in several places. Same as CNC.

Feeling pushed to be strong, feeling “having to be strict otherwise being afraid of being soft” is bad advise.

I don't remember the exact wording but I am fairly positive that you once posted about you didn't want to stop x play for fear of how you looked as a dom.

Kink is supposed to be fun for both parties. In a very wicked way, but it is about fun.
If it isn’t, it may be good to think it over.

And just above, Jaro stated he is very happy in this relationship. I don't think he would be very happy if it wasn't fun for him.

We all get carried away a bit too far sometimes.

It is totally okay that you don't agree with this type of play. I don't agree with or understand some of your's and little pets. But I don't get involved because I don't know all the details and as far as I am aware everything you do is consensual.

Which is the same situation Butterfly, Jaro and I have. Consensual. It may not be safe according to SSC but nothing is ever fully safe. Which are the reasons for safeguards, safewords, communication. And we have plenty of that in our relationship.

Posted 07-23-2018 at 12:05 PM by IceMaiden IceMaiden is offline

Updated 07-23-2018 at 02:08 PM by IceMaiden

Quote:

Originally Posted by sir sam

Blackmail is illegal
Blackmail with consent is illegal.

Just like killing is illegal,
Just like killing with consent is illegal
As the German guy that did a consensual kink killing found out. He is now in prison (yes, really true).

Feeling pushed to be strong, feeling “having to be strict otherwise being afraid of being soft” is bad advise.

Kink is supposed to be fun for both parties. In a very wicked way, but it is about fun.
If it isn’t, it may be good to think it over.

We all get carried away a bit too far sometimes.

Consensual non consent is not illegal and it is allowed on this site, and recognized in the kink community. Consensual blackmail falls under that category.

Consensual killing, is also legal in some parts of the world.

I do not feel as though I need to be strict because I am afraid of being soft. I need to be strict because that is what my sub wants and needs.

We ARE having fun. Not everybody enjoys punishing a sub, although I know you do. Just because I don't get sadistic pleasure from going through with the first stage of our contract, doesn't mean we aren't enjoying the control that we have over Jaro.

I am not power hungry. I am not out of control. Everything that I do with Jaro is very calculated and Icey and I discuss everything in private as well as with Jaro at great lengths.

I understand you do not like blackmail, and that you don't agree with how we have arranged our D/s dynamic, but I don't agree with all of the risks that you take with your sub as well.

Jaro has made it clear that he is happy in this dynamic, as have Icey and I. It may not be what you would choose, but it is something we have all chosen and discussed. If you do not wish to read about it, I kindly ask that you don't.

Posted 07-23-2018 at 12:07 PM by Butterfly Butterfly is offline

Quote:

Originally Posted by sir sam

Blackmail is illegal
Blackmail with consent is illegal.

Just like killing is illegal,
Just like killing with consent is illegal
As the German guy that did a consensual kink killing found out. He is now in prison (yes, really true).

Feeling pushed to be strong, feeling “having to be strict otherwise being afraid of being soft” is bad advise.

Kink is supposed to be fun for both parties. In a very wicked way, but it is about fun.
If it isn’t, it may be good to think it over.

We all get carried away a bit too far sometimes.

As far as I'm aware consensual blackmail is not illegal. But even if it was, does that mean that it indeed should be illegal?
A lot if things are illegal that make no sense, like weed for example.

Anyways, it's a good thing that I am still very happy in this relationship. When I no longer am I will choose to stop. Thankfully I still have the ultimate power.

Posted 07-23-2018 at 12:22 PM by Jaro Jaro is offline

I was always curious about how the blackmail part of the relationship worked so thanks for sharing. If I'm honest I'm not sure I see this as blackmail given Jaro has so many outs, and to be honest that makes me FAR happier reading his reports and your teasing of him. I wouldn't enjoy reading about if Jaro was actually stuck in a terrible situation for himself.

I do tend the read the blogs in admiration I suppose at how far Jaro pushes himself but also the care you take as doms. I suppose, for that reason, I was in the sceptical camp. I didn't think it'd be necessary, and even if it was, you both obviously care for Jaro I wasn't sure how far the punishments would go. Even one step closer to exposure must scare Jaro.

This type of play would never be for me though. I can see the appeal but the mental strain as either the dom or sub would be too big for me and I think I prefer serving for serving sake rather than to avoid something worse anyway. If the sub/dom are enjoying the relationship the blackmail's pointless, and if they aren't the relationship is pointless continuing. That being said it works for you three so I hope you keep on enjoying and sharing

Posted 07-23-2018 at 02:42 PM by PrincessJessica PrincessJessica is offline

Concerding the legal issue: I don't know. How about harming someone with their consent, for example tattoo or branding? It depends on the context. Sam is right about that German case he mentioned.

I like that this discussion is taken out openly. I hope you don't let it restrain of hinder what you post and share in the future.

I like people to disagree and exchange their arguments.

I dislike turning people's sharing of their weak moments or even mental issues against the, as well as abusing little time this way. I also dislike assuming anything including nothing about non-shared details.

Personally, I think it's all very fine and a goid example for others. You three take great care in each other and communication.

Posted 07-23-2018 at 02:44 PM by CSasha CSasha is offline

--------------------------------------

Posted 07-23-2018 at 02:50 PM by sir stefan
Updated 07-23-2018 at 02:52 PM by sir stefan

Quote:

Originally Posted by maleforyou

I agree that it probably isn't truly blackmail. However, it would probably be classified under there somewhere. There is a form of incentive for him to follow our orders, although he also does it because he likes to please us. It isn't just about the blackmail. I think his main objective, and he can clarify, was that the blackmail gave us some real power. We can ask him for proof and instead of saying "I am not really comfortable so I won't do it", he has to convince us why we should allow him to not send something. We take his concerns into account and then make the decision that we think will be best for all of us. So it does give us more power, but it still isn't the entire motivation for completing tasks.

I am glad that this blog sheds some light into our dynamic and makes you feel a bit better. That is truly why I am so open, even if it does mean that I receive criticisms at times. We also wrote a three part blog talking about blackmail if you wish to read that as well. PM me if you can't find it and I would be happy to dig it up.

I understand this type of play isn't for everybody, but it works for us and as long as we are enjoying it, we will continue. One day we all mutually decide that it is not longer enjoyable, and maybe we stop the blackmail aspects and continue with the rest of our kinks. But really, it is the three of us who get to make that decision.

Posted 07-23-2018 at 02:52 PM by Butterfly Butterfly is offline

Posted 07-23-2018 at 02:53 PM by sir sam sir sam is offline

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cassandra

I don't mind having this discussion either. I like that people can disagree and share their points of view in a civil and adult manner. However, the part that I took issue was, was the questioning of my mental health. I believe that took things too far, and made it very personal. If there was a concern about my mental health, it should have been brought to me privately. As for my little time, that is something that is completely separate from my relationship with Jaro and something that we have taken steps to make sure it remains separate. However, that is something that most people might not see from the outside.

Thank you for your comments.

Posted 07-23-2018 at 02:55 PM by Butterfly Butterfly is offline

Quote:

Originally Posted by sir stefan

I don't believe that there are any psychological pressures for Jaro not to safeword. We actively encourage him to safeword at all times and have actually given him consequences for NOT safewording in the past when it was warranted. Yes, him using the ultimate safeword will end things, and that is not what any of us want at this time, however it doesn't mean we will just drop everything and abandon Jaro. There is always opportunities for us to negotiate new terms at a later time, and at the very least we have made life long friends with each other. So while, it isn't something Jaro is going to take lightly, I feel he will use it if needed. Icey and I have also told him in the past that before he uses that ultimate safeword, we want to discuss things. We want to have the opportunity to alter things if needed before everything were to just end.

I don't understand your second point. Just because Jaro has great trust and respect for us, that doesn't make him careless or not able to judge how something will affect him. Jaro is very level headed and brings forth his concerns to us all the time, and we all discuss it. And it isn't as though we put him a subby trance and then manipulate him into pushing things further than he wants to go. We usually don't do live sessions, rather they are well thought out tasks that we all discuss beforehand, possibly during, and then afterwards.

I never once said in my blog that I doubted whether I should go through with the step one. I expressed regret that I had to. Disappointment that the situation arose where this was needed, but I didn't doubt for a second that this was the right thing to do. Not just for me, but for Jaro too. There would be no point to our relationship if I didn't follow through. If I let things slide, then Jaro would know that the whole relationship was a farce, and then why would he continue to submit? Blackmail (and D/s in general) only works if the sub knows that there will be consequences for not doing as they are told. Whether those consequences are a punishment, or the ending of a relationship.

Furthermore, we didn't even take steps to expose Jaro. This first step is a minor punishment. We have given Jaro worse punishments in the past for other infractions.

Posted 07-23-2018 at 03:04 PM by Butterfly Butterfly is offline

Just want to drop this here:

Posted 07-23-2018 at 03:10 PM by IceMaiden

I am glad to see that people who had concerns voiced them. The concern for each other helps make this a community. I'm also glad that, in this situation, the concerns were able to be addressed and it was shown that all parties involved have thoroughly thought things out and are truly concerned for each other.

I hope that everyone came out of this with a bit more insight and appreciation. As many people have said, it isn't for everyone; but then again, we all have our own kinks that others on here don't share. Doesn't mean we can't respect the diversity.

Safe, Sane, and Consensual, right?

Happy Monday, one and all!

Posted 07-23-2018 at 03:25 PM by Blue Fox Blue Fox is offline

I don't know any of you lot and there's clearly a lot more bubbling away under the surface here between you all. That doesn't concern me.

It reads to me like the dynamic you have created is now the thing driving you, not your own will as a domme. You've set up this multi step procedure and, rightly or wrongly, you feel you now have to follow it through to prove you were serious. And you're having doubts about whether you want to go through with that.

Be cautious.

Also, sort out this unreadable custom colour scheme. Orange on grey? I can't read anything I've just written here.

Posted 07-23-2018 at 03:58 PM by fieldman fieldman is offline

Quote:

Originally Posted by sir sam

@jaro
Yes actually you are right, consensual blackmail is not illegal.
What I mean: if a consensual blackmail goes wrong, the dom will still face all responsibillties and can be brought to court to be hold accountable for all psychological, financial and social damage. He/she will not be allowed to bring in the "consensual argument" get rid of responsibility. About 2 years ago a similar case has been in the news in your own country.

@butterfly & Icy:
You are very right that we only see a snippet of the full dynamic and that such only paints a partial picture.

I DO however see several red flags. It would be wrong to hold silent on that.

- a very intensive play that has lowered safety-mechanisms by it's nature. A blackmail still allows for safewords but has surrounded those with an immense psychological pressure not to use them.

If you have little sub in such a sub space that she refuses to say no or she cannot actively consent, is that not a psychological pressure to not use her safe word? There are a lot of instances in a sub/dom relationship that can be very mild in consideration where a sub could be under such pressure to not use a safe word. And I will touch on your next bullet as well. There are two dommes in this situation. Both have doms of their own that seem to know at least parts of what goes on. If we want to go into what we think is a good or bad idea from a dom, well we can go through a lot of situations I personally think are extremely insane and whether someone likes them are not, its just insanity. For instance, knife play. Cutting someone for fun? Well that builds trust, that can go to far. Lets stop everyone who does knife play. Findomming, people like having their expenses controlled. I think it might be Icey, AM controls part of her finances (might be another gD user, but there is someone that does it with safeguards). Also nothing Jaro has said gives me a red flag. He is still aware he has the ultimate power to end everything if it is too much. Butterfly and Icey have said, that they could have exposed him by now, but they choose to give regular punishments. To me that is not a red flag, but two people who have learned to know who Jaro is. Butterfly has stated she would fly to Jaro if he needed her tomorrow. Butterfly is also a person who felt bad because she didn't post on my virginity blog right away even though she knows me enough to know I was struggling a little bit. Butterfly has encouraged so many people on this site to be themselves. She is working to make the site a better, friendlier place overall. I think if we want to look at people with red flags, there are a lot of other relationships I would look at. I am not saying this because I am biased either. You and little pet have been extremely nice to me and caring. You have been there for me when I pushed myself too far. But in this scenario, I think while you are free to have your opinion, I do not think you are right. I think the amount of communication they have, the amount of trust, and the plan they have in place, I think they are doing blackmail the right way.

- a sub that is very devoted and has built towards a full trust of the dommes. This resulting in no longer being in a good position to judge situations (and don't get me wrong, this is very hot and exactly what many ds including mine is driving for)

- a domme that openly doubts whether she want to push it through. A reasoning to push it through mainly towards herself (considering whether she dares to push it through) not towards the sub, not towards considering that this is the best thing the sub can encounter.
As I have advocated in many blogs of mine on domming: when in doubt, don't push. There will always be a second change to higher the bar if that appears ok, one will never be able to undo an act of breaking a sub if that accidentally happens.

I do not think this is more of a doubt. I think this is a fact that they would not want to end Jaro's social life. What if you did something like give little pet too many bruises and her family member sees and they accuse you of abuse. Do you want to abuse little pet in a way it hurts her? Do you want to play with her in a way people see as an abuse? Do you think of her safety all the time? To me it just seems like Butterfly and Icey are thinking about Jaro all the time. They are thinking about his feelings and his safety. I also think that publically sharing their journey is keeping them in check. Because if they go too far, then Butterfly and Icey's reputations are gone. If you messed up with little pet and she decided to out you on gD, your reputation is gone. If my boyfriend hacks my account and says I abuse him, my reputation goes away (I do not and never will abuse my boyfriend, this is an example). A lot of us in different ways have made gD our community and our family. Do you know how many of us would turn our backs on Icey and Butterfly (after seeing their side first) if they are guilty of neglect, abuse and more terrible things? Granted it would take a lot of soul searching and thinking, but if I found out either of these two amazing people were really monsters hiding behind their computers I would cut them off. Butterfly could lose her role as a mod. There are a number of things that could happen other than the side affects this could have on Jaro. Besides Butterfly and Icey are two amazing people that care so much about the people they associate with. At the end of the day, if they ever had to get to step 3, I can only imagine the toll it would have on them if something bad happened in result. But we all take that risk when we play. You risk going too far with little pet and you have done it before. I can go find your blogs where she has gone into sub space because your play is too much. We can sit here and throw shit back and forth at each other saying your play this, your play that, but if you boil things down, at the end of the day, you both play the same way in two different ways. So yes, maybe they do not want to release Jaro's material to the world. They do not want to be responsible for ruining his life. But Jaro wants to do blackmail. He wants his mistresses control. They have taken precautions and discuss things. But yes, if they do not follow through with Jaro's punishments, what will the relationship mean? If you stopped disciplining little pet, wouldn't you lose parts of your relationship and control?

This is going to be my one and only comment on the issue because I am flabbergasted this discussion is even happening. I am not going to say I am not guilty of this myself, but there seems to be some mud slinging back and forth and besides what I said above I do not want to be a part of it. I think those in glass houses shouldn't throw stones and at the end of the day, Sir Stefan and little pet, I respect you guys and I think of you as friends. If either of you needed someone to talk to, my pm is open and you know my kink email (granted I don't check it as much anymore). I really don't want this to change things, but I think the way you feel right now is how people feel about your relationship together. I think the same things you are saying to these three are the same things someone could argue about your relationship. I mean no disrespect, but I think taking a step back to think could be beneficial to everyone here.

I love all of you and as I said, if anyone needs to talk ever, you know my pm and most of you know my kik if you need it.

Posted 07-23-2018 at 04:01 PM by Wedgiebondagebabe Wedgiebondagebabe is offline

Quote:

Originally Posted by fieldman

I don't think that this dynamic is what is driving me. I enjoy being a Domme and the day to day things that we do. That is what drives me. The blackmail is something that none of us pay attention to on a daily basis. It is something that is there for when it is needed, but until then, it is just there, written in the rules.

As I stated in my above comments, I don't have any doubts about having to take the necessary steps to initiate the blackmail. My point of this blog was to share with people that had doubts. As this is something I get asked a lot.

Also I don't know what customization you are seeing, your writing is pink on light grey when writing the comment and it appears as black on light grey once posted. There must be a color difference on whatever device you are using. I have never experienced any problems or received any complaints. Also, there is a button you can push to hide user customizations so that it just appears as the default. You may find that easier.

Posted 07-23-2018 at 04:04 PM by Butterfly Butterfly is offline

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wedgiebondagebabe

Thank you for your comment WBB. There is definetly some mud slinging happening. I am very happy to share our points of view and defend our relationship if needed/wanted, but things seem to have got pretty personal at some points, and that is not ok, especially, like you said, when the people in question conduct things in a very similar fashion, just using different kinks.

Posted 07-23-2018 at 06:39 PM by Butterfly Butterfly is offline

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	Posted 07-23-2018 at 02:50 PM by sir stefan Updated 07-23-2018 at 02:52 PM by sir stefan

	Just want to drop this here:
	Posted 07-23-2018 at 03:10 PM by IceMaiden

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