Snippets.
Posted 10-04-2015 at 05:40 AM by AbusiveMaster
Since we got together, my pet has been sending me a weekly report. I find it is crucial, it helps us communicate and allows her to express the things she has had difficulty with, the things she has enjoyed, and the things she has problems telling me. Communication is key, and it has improved exponentially.
I love and look forwards to her reports. Not just for the reasons above, but also because.... Well, if any of you have met my little girl, you will know she has quite the unique sense of humour. And so I would like to share some snippets of the past 11 weeks which have made me laugh.
As an aside, the first I shall show is the very first paragraph of her very first report - so she did start as she meant to go on.
I hate being open and stating my thoughts, therefore you really suck for having me do this and suck even more so for giving an unstated deadline. Who even does that?! If I rush and forget something it's entirely your own fault, Sir.
***
Definitely never even considered sending a face picture. The latter was scary. Extremely. I think I may have died 17 times of heart attacks.
***
My mind went past tired to awake again yet still exhausted so I'm going off on more tangents than normal and will most likely write whatever comes into my head without filtering it first. Much like I just did, oops. On the plus side, no filters generally means more open. Well i guess that's a plus for you not me. See? Tangents. Isn't it strange how you're mind works when it needs sleep? Where was I?
***
Can I skip that and pretend you imagined it? Good, that's what I thought too. (Why is it so hot?!) Anyway. I can't skip it.
***
And finally: Denial sucks. Make it stop. Don't use it ever again. and screw the whole can still touch too, I'm not daft I know that wouldn't help in the slightest! So I have not. So end it! thank you nicely.
***
Friday: I know I said that's what weekly reports are for, but do I really have to go into it now?! I don't want to! Fine. You're mean for playing mean, you're mean for creating those disturbing visuals, you're mean for making me blush, you're mean for making me ask out loud. You're not mean for letting me come though. You should do more of that and less of the others.
***
I hope you don't expect to be entertained today since it's really difficult to concentrate on writing when all that is on my mind is that I need to go wee. And I'm thirsty too; but I can't drink more now can I? Nope. I'll dehydrate then whilst I write this. You're trying to kill me!
***
I've started to notice something. One- it's cold, two, I really need to wee and 3 I want cake. No..that's not what I wanted to say.
***
...There's a moth in my room AHH. I forgot to shut the window ..Oh I killed it, it's okay.
***
All I can focus on is how much I need to pee, so if this makes no sense and the spelling dies completely it's entirely your own fault. Where to start? You're so fabulous..oh wait, that's the song playing, you're just mean.
***
And there was another thing but you distracted me and I can't remember for the life of me what it was now. And that's going to really bug me. Screw you.
***
How come I always need to go potty just before starting these reports? It's almost every time and there's just no point in asking right now. You suck. I don't know what to write about this week either, I have nothing to say. Look I just saved an hour-now I can go onto other things and not be overrun with things to do. Okay, I'm kidding.
***
The floor sucks. I wake up SO much sleeping there and then I'm so tired the day after. I hate the floor. Can we burn it?
***
Whilst I remember (also, you may have forgot you do that quite a lot recently) [...] And whilst remembering things, you owe me maths questions. Stop giving me a chance for orgasms then forgetting them. I know, I know it's not your fault it's your age and all that but jeez, come on.
There are undoubtedly more. Some make no sense without a context, others I have missed in skimming. Plus, of course, there is our everyday conversation. But this is my girl, and I love her.
I love and look forwards to her reports. Not just for the reasons above, but also because.... Well, if any of you have met my little girl, you will know she has quite the unique sense of humour. And so I would like to share some snippets of the past 11 weeks which have made me laugh.
As an aside, the first I shall show is the very first paragraph of her very first report - so she did start as she meant to go on.
I hate being open and stating my thoughts, therefore you really suck for having me do this and suck even more so for giving an unstated deadline. Who even does that?! If I rush and forget something it's entirely your own fault, Sir.
***
Definitely never even considered sending a face picture. The latter was scary. Extremely. I think I may have died 17 times of heart attacks.
***
My mind went past tired to awake again yet still exhausted so I'm going off on more tangents than normal and will most likely write whatever comes into my head without filtering it first. Much like I just did, oops. On the plus side, no filters generally means more open. Well i guess that's a plus for you not me. See? Tangents. Isn't it strange how you're mind works when it needs sleep? Where was I?
***
Can I skip that and pretend you imagined it? Good, that's what I thought too. (Why is it so hot?!) Anyway. I can't skip it.
***
And finally: Denial sucks. Make it stop. Don't use it ever again. and screw the whole can still touch too, I'm not daft I know that wouldn't help in the slightest! So I have not. So end it! thank you nicely.
***
Friday: I know I said that's what weekly reports are for, but do I really have to go into it now?! I don't want to! Fine. You're mean for playing mean, you're mean for creating those disturbing visuals, you're mean for making me blush, you're mean for making me ask out loud. You're not mean for letting me come though. You should do more of that and less of the others.
***
I hope you don't expect to be entertained today since it's really difficult to concentrate on writing when all that is on my mind is that I need to go wee. And I'm thirsty too; but I can't drink more now can I? Nope. I'll dehydrate then whilst I write this. You're trying to kill me!
***
I've started to notice something. One- it's cold, two, I really need to wee and 3 I want cake. No..that's not what I wanted to say.
***
...There's a moth in my room AHH. I forgot to shut the window ..Oh I killed it, it's okay.
***
All I can focus on is how much I need to pee, so if this makes no sense and the spelling dies completely it's entirely your own fault. Where to start? You're so fabulous..oh wait, that's the song playing, you're just mean.
***
And there was another thing but you distracted me and I can't remember for the life of me what it was now. And that's going to really bug me. Screw you.
***
How come I always need to go potty just before starting these reports? It's almost every time and there's just no point in asking right now. You suck. I don't know what to write about this week either, I have nothing to say. Look I just saved an hour-now I can go onto other things and not be overrun with things to do. Okay, I'm kidding.
***
The floor sucks. I wake up SO much sleeping there and then I'm so tired the day after. I hate the floor. Can we burn it?
***
Whilst I remember (also, you may have forgot you do that quite a lot recently) [...] And whilst remembering things, you owe me maths questions. Stop giving me a chance for orgasms then forgetting them. I know, I know it's not your fault it's your age and all that but jeez, come on.
There are undoubtedly more. Some make no sense without a context, others I have missed in skimming. Plus, of course, there is our everyday conversation. But this is my girl, and I love her.
Total Comments 1
Comments
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I love this so much! I need to step up my reports...Posted 10-04-2015 at 04:20 PM by naughtylittlegirl 
