Thoughts on the Slut dare so far - Dec 30th
Hey, so I'm just reflecting on the dare so far, I'm categorising this under Thoughts and Feelings because I don't want to clutter my slut dare reports with the more emotional side of things. I figure I can talk here about how the dare makes me feel, in a general sense, and the reports can be read on their own.
The time that I've dedicated to doing this dare and all it's tasks has really taken a lot out of me. I felt a lot of pressure to get my reports out to you guys to read. I felt guilty for forgetting details or muddling things up, or just being slack getting them posted. I spent about an hour a night going through Tinder to find matches, avoiding any guys I'd actually want to match with because I wouldn't want to meet them in my slut persona...but more about my slut persona later. In tinder chat I found myself speaking in a more seductive way, heck I didn't want to be rejected and start again, I had to hook the guys in! Eventually I got a back-log, some guys actually blocked me because I wouldn't fuck them ASAP. There was also a bit of abuse, being called names. But that was just a few of them, even though I worried that I'd face that kind of abuse more directly if I had the misfortune of encountering any of those guys in person.
Fucking that guy in the alleyway behind the closed parking building was a rush, I didn't feel like I was a slut or being used, it was just living out that sex in public fantasy, but yep, it was embarrassing that all his friends knew what we'd been up to. Still, I wasn't mistreated by them, they all were respectful. But when I felt really dirty was after my experience in the mens toilets. I had hoped I'd get away without being seen, and it was quite concerning when those 2 men just ...took advantage. I guess I was there as a slut, ready to fuck or be fucked - I get it, but still, it's scary getting used like that. Those guys could have dragged me away and fucked me like a whore or worse. Those fears and worries linger with me, you know? Like I'm not stupid, well, I am absent minded at times, but I get the risk I'm putting myself under doing this dare. That's why I continue to get regular checks from the doctor, and have been on the pill for the entire dare. But gosh, I felt dirty after that, and the way he examined my vagina, it was like... uhhh. I had dreams about that, and to this day I'm still pedantic about checking the door is locked when I use any public toilet.
Finding guys to fuck me for the "spice of life" dare was challenging, just the repetition of it, getting fucked again and again almost every other night, I had little time for me, I felt I was losing myself to the dare. The voice in my head was even calling me "slut" even when I wasn't doing a dare. Like I caught myself thinking to myself "this slut needs to do groceries" and oh my god, did I just refer to myself as slut? I worried about doing it at work or with friends, just letting it slip out.
So I tried to create a slut persona, so I could separate myself from this slut dare. I would consider certain clothes and activities, living my slut-side. The faces of all the guys who fucked me are still in my mind, and with all the sex I definitely didn't need to masturbate. But the need for sex has started to become a fixation, like I don't think about doing it solo. It's become like a game, and I guess I've kind of distanced myself from it with the persona, so when I'm getting fucked, it's not really me? It's her, she's getting used, 2 guys at once, oh my god no, but she will do it, and like it, the slut. Except when that guy called me that, fucking me, telling me I was that slut, not my persona, me. I felt like I was unmasked, he rammed himself in me and it wasn't the slut he was fucking, it really was me... if you can understand that mind-mess of compartmentalisation I'm trying to express here.
The dreams, no, I'm naked, ahh it's a dream... oh no I have to go and fuck someone tonight, I really want to stay at home and sleep... how much can I give to this dare? reports, hours chatting, meeting for coffee, going to bars, who fucked me this week, oh wait yeah that guy fucked me on Tuesday...
The club was an experience that I regret, mostly because of my absent-mindedness, letting things get too far and acting like I was a slut and it didn't matter at all... I should have left it at that though, I felt guilty afterwards, like it was my fault. But, my god, all those eyes on me when I was riding that box, watching me cum like that, so intensely as well. Why didn't I feel embarrassed? I should have, but its like they took enjoyment from watching me, and that added to the experience.
But advertising on an escorts site, a new low? Uhh. I don't know. There was a fair bit of money involved, compared to getting used in a toilet, fucking a lawyer in his million-dollar home was not a new low. Being fucked by over-weight or older men is not what I would prefer, but understanding their situations and how they were paying for me, it was almost like, like I was special... that they would pay to be with me. I feel like my inner exhibitionist likes being a sex-crazed egoist, so that part of me doesn't see it as a low. It sure was an experience for slut. I mean me, we are the same person.
This dare is almost over, I have finished the current challenge, but I do have the final challenge to go, a gangbang with at least 5 guys at once. I feel like I can get through it, I've got this far, and that surprised me.
The time that I've dedicated to doing this dare and all it's tasks has really taken a lot out of me. I felt a lot of pressure to get my reports out to you guys to read. I felt guilty for forgetting details or muddling things up, or just being slack getting them posted. I spent about an hour a night going through Tinder to find matches, avoiding any guys I'd actually want to match with because I wouldn't want to meet them in my slut persona...but more about my slut persona later. In tinder chat I found myself speaking in a more seductive way, heck I didn't want to be rejected and start again, I had to hook the guys in! Eventually I got a back-log, some guys actually blocked me because I wouldn't fuck them ASAP. There was also a bit of abuse, being called names. But that was just a few of them, even though I worried that I'd face that kind of abuse more directly if I had the misfortune of encountering any of those guys in person.
Fucking that guy in the alleyway behind the closed parking building was a rush, I didn't feel like I was a slut or being used, it was just living out that sex in public fantasy, but yep, it was embarrassing that all his friends knew what we'd been up to. Still, I wasn't mistreated by them, they all were respectful. But when I felt really dirty was after my experience in the mens toilets. I had hoped I'd get away without being seen, and it was quite concerning when those 2 men just ...took advantage. I guess I was there as a slut, ready to fuck or be fucked - I get it, but still, it's scary getting used like that. Those guys could have dragged me away and fucked me like a whore or worse. Those fears and worries linger with me, you know? Like I'm not stupid, well, I am absent minded at times, but I get the risk I'm putting myself under doing this dare. That's why I continue to get regular checks from the doctor, and have been on the pill for the entire dare. But gosh, I felt dirty after that, and the way he examined my vagina, it was like... uhhh. I had dreams about that, and to this day I'm still pedantic about checking the door is locked when I use any public toilet.
Finding guys to fuck me for the "spice of life" dare was challenging, just the repetition of it, getting fucked again and again almost every other night, I had little time for me, I felt I was losing myself to the dare. The voice in my head was even calling me "slut" even when I wasn't doing a dare. Like I caught myself thinking to myself "this slut needs to do groceries" and oh my god, did I just refer to myself as slut? I worried about doing it at work or with friends, just letting it slip out.
So I tried to create a slut persona, so I could separate myself from this slut dare. I would consider certain clothes and activities, living my slut-side. The faces of all the guys who fucked me are still in my mind, and with all the sex I definitely didn't need to masturbate. But the need for sex has started to become a fixation, like I don't think about doing it solo. It's become like a game, and I guess I've kind of distanced myself from it with the persona, so when I'm getting fucked, it's not really me? It's her, she's getting used, 2 guys at once, oh my god no, but she will do it, and like it, the slut. Except when that guy called me that, fucking me, telling me I was that slut, not my persona, me. I felt like I was unmasked, he rammed himself in me and it wasn't the slut he was fucking, it really was me... if you can understand that mind-mess of compartmentalisation I'm trying to express here.
The dreams, no, I'm naked, ahh it's a dream... oh no I have to go and fuck someone tonight, I really want to stay at home and sleep... how much can I give to this dare? reports, hours chatting, meeting for coffee, going to bars, who fucked me this week, oh wait yeah that guy fucked me on Tuesday...
The club was an experience that I regret, mostly because of my absent-mindedness, letting things get too far and acting like I was a slut and it didn't matter at all... I should have left it at that though, I felt guilty afterwards, like it was my fault. But, my god, all those eyes on me when I was riding that box, watching me cum like that, so intensely as well. Why didn't I feel embarrassed? I should have, but its like they took enjoyment from watching me, and that added to the experience.
But advertising on an escorts site, a new low? Uhh. I don't know. There was a fair bit of money involved, compared to getting used in a toilet, fucking a lawyer in his million-dollar home was not a new low. Being fucked by over-weight or older men is not what I would prefer, but understanding their situations and how they were paying for me, it was almost like, like I was special... that they would pay to be with me. I feel like my inner exhibitionist likes being a sex-crazed egoist, so that part of me doesn't see it as a low. It sure was an experience for slut. I mean me, we are the same person.
This dare is almost over, I have finished the current challenge, but I do have the final challenge to go, a gangbang with at least 5 guys at once. I feel like I can get through it, I've got this far, and that surprised me.
Total Comments 2
Comments
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Very thoughtful insight. Again, I have the impression you take care enough of you. I hope you can combine your regular life persona and your slut persona to one happy whole person one day. Until then, it's fine as it is. I am happy you found a way to go for what you like and go sage and sane enough.
Still very satisfied and very happy about your reports. Don't beat yourself up. You take oblegation and responsibility enough with that dare. We don't mind a missing detail or late report. As you did, it's highly appreciated.
Many many thanksPosted 12-30-2019 at 02:06 PM by CSasha 
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Hey again SB,
Like Cassandra said don't beat your self up if you can. Try and remember you are empowering yourself by satisfying your urges (these are primal and part of most if not all humans). You should congratulate yourself on how far you have come. So many people want something and then feel sad when they don't go out there and get it.
You are going and getting it. If being a slut is part of that experience then be one. However, try and own it be the best slut you can be.
After care is important to. If you are sacrificing sleep, then maybe you should choose to put your health and well-being first. You can always do other parts of the dare later on it is always better to take it up later when it comes to your health being paramount.
Keep up the great job.
And remember to contact me when you are ready to set up our session
.Posted 01-04-2020 at 06:38 PM by Switch_O_93
Updated 01-04-2020 at 06:44 PM by Switch_O_93
