Vent sessions report (Part II)
And it hit me that what I needed was a BDSM session. I wasn't horny, I just wanted to inflict pain to my body, to forget the other pain. To be controlled so that I can let go for a moment. To have something to focus on that someone is keeping me busy with so that my mind stops drifting back to him. I pretty much knew it was an unhealthy approach but I couldn't stand myself and how I felt anymore.
I was lucky as I often have been so far in here with my encounters, to find a Dom who was willing to give me exactly what I needed at the moment, I think he pretty much put his kinks and needs aside to focus on mine and, quite honestly it was the first time I genuinely enjoyed a session with someone else (than my Dom) to the point of wanting to reiterate the experience (as for my submissive side). Every other participant was good but didn't clic with me to the point of wanting more.
I liked mostly about him that for once I felt like someone was indeed in charge, and god knows not many Doms can really make me feel that way, I do play the Sub as much as I can regardless, but to actually feel like you're controlling me, there has to be a little something that not everyone does well. Don't ask me what it is, I have no clue, some of us just have an authoritative aura without being overbearing I guess.
My chaotic state right now left me more open ironically to trying things I would have had more hesitation and reservations about normally, it's both a good and a bad thing. I really liked the pain stuff we did in that first vent session I had, the Dom showed me how to do rubber band snapping which I never tried before and it was a nice type of pain in addition to leaving nice marks. Marks are something I enjoy, and when I'm in that self-harming mood, marks can be enough to sooth the anxiety and not harm myself any further.
But I went for another session with a different Dom, and I went on with edge play that I'm far from used to doing or comfortable with because I just needed to suffer, and that left me pretty drained. Hell, I think it's the reason my emotions felt even more painful afterwards when I was left to deal with them again.
And now I couldn't escape them again in a BDSM session, now I knew that it was a bad strategy. I was sexually drained anyway, 16 edges might not seem like a lot to most people here, but my first time trying it 1 was already nerve-wrecking, and my second time was 3 edges, so that was a huge leap. And my tits hurt, and my ass was hard to sit on, there wasn't much to be used anymore without feeling like I'm abusing my body in this state, it started to feel unhealthy.
I need to get over myself and deal with my emotions in a mature way now. It will be easier now that the first 24 hours of period is behind me, it's just pretty much impossible to work with myself when my hormones are going nuts.
The end.
Special thanks to people who stood by me or helped lift me up in this hard phase, a person that likes to play with puppets, someone that always sleeps when I wake up, the smiley face that likes some icky stuff, the guy that has a straw for a dick, the alleged doctor and more that I forget.
I was lucky as I often have been so far in here with my encounters, to find a Dom who was willing to give me exactly what I needed at the moment, I think he pretty much put his kinks and needs aside to focus on mine and, quite honestly it was the first time I genuinely enjoyed a session with someone else (than my Dom) to the point of wanting to reiterate the experience (as for my submissive side). Every other participant was good but didn't clic with me to the point of wanting more.
I liked mostly about him that for once I felt like someone was indeed in charge, and god knows not many Doms can really make me feel that way, I do play the Sub as much as I can regardless, but to actually feel like you're controlling me, there has to be a little something that not everyone does well. Don't ask me what it is, I have no clue, some of us just have an authoritative aura without being overbearing I guess.
My chaotic state right now left me more open ironically to trying things I would have had more hesitation and reservations about normally, it's both a good and a bad thing. I really liked the pain stuff we did in that first vent session I had, the Dom showed me how to do rubber band snapping which I never tried before and it was a nice type of pain in addition to leaving nice marks. Marks are something I enjoy, and when I'm in that self-harming mood, marks can be enough to sooth the anxiety and not harm myself any further.
But I went for another session with a different Dom, and I went on with edge play that I'm far from used to doing or comfortable with because I just needed to suffer, and that left me pretty drained. Hell, I think it's the reason my emotions felt even more painful afterwards when I was left to deal with them again.
And now I couldn't escape them again in a BDSM session, now I knew that it was a bad strategy. I was sexually drained anyway, 16 edges might not seem like a lot to most people here, but my first time trying it 1 was already nerve-wrecking, and my second time was 3 edges, so that was a huge leap. And my tits hurt, and my ass was hard to sit on, there wasn't much to be used anymore without feeling like I'm abusing my body in this state, it started to feel unhealthy.
I need to get over myself and deal with my emotions in a mature way now. It will be easier now that the first 24 hours of period is behind me, it's just pretty much impossible to work with myself when my hormones are going nuts.
The end.
Special thanks to people who stood by me or helped lift me up in this hard phase, a person that likes to play with puppets, someone that always sleeps when I wake up, the smiley face that likes some icky stuff, the guy that has a straw for a dick, the alleged doctor and more that I forget.
Total Comments 2
Comments
-
Pluky,
Watching you discover and explore your submissive side with such intensity has been truly inspiring. It's brought me back, energized me, and helped me remember why I love this stuff as much as I do. I'm amazed that someone so new could teach me so much, both through your conversation and your adventures. Thank you for sharing everything that you do!
Take your time, pace yourself, your adventures are just beginning.Posted 09-05-2022 at 11:30 AM by puppetmaster 
Updated 09-05-2022 at 02:05 PM by puppetmaster -
Quote:Originally Posted by puppetmaster
Pluky,
Watching you discover and explore your submissive side with such intensity has been truly inspiring. It's brought me back, energized me, and helped me remember why I love this stuff as much as I do. I'm amazed that someone so new could teach me so much, both through your conversation and your adventures. Thank you for sharing everything that you do!
Take your time, pace yourself, your adventures are just beginning.
I'm glad if it can also have any kind of positive impact on other people, that makes things more interesting and worthwhile.
You have a sensitive soul as to be this receptive to what someone else is going through and let it give you emotions, it's remarkable that you are open in that way.Posted 09-05-2022 at 02:47 PM by pluky
