The boy toy and I are both very interested in hypnosis, it's actually a major kink of ours. So, we've been trying it out, testing the waters, and learning a few things about how my mind works.

One thing we've learned is that it is possible for me to be put into to trance. At least, Sinister says I'm in trance. It's not that I forget, but I feel as though I might be faking it. As though I want this to work so badly that I essentially pretend to be in trance. It's very confusing.
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This is gonna be a very rambly blog since I tend to ramble when I'm embarrassed and dear god this was mortifying.

So, a question arose in chat earlier tonight, 'What happens if you wear a diaper in the shower?'. Well, no one in chat had done it, so my lovely babysitter (Red, hi Red!) decided to volunteer me as a guinea pig. Woopee. Of course, I bitched and complained about it because that's what I do, but eventually Red laid down the law. So, I accepted, for science

And...

I have an extremely sensitive gag reflex. I despise drooling and I hate having things in my mouth. For these reasons, gags/putting things in my mouth has been a limit for a while.

Guess who just bought a bit gag. This bitch. (found here http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00...ilpage_o01_s00)

It was a surprise for the boy toy and at least half of GD knew I was buying it, but it finally arrived and it's so pretty.
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I've recently started thinking a lot about how I express my bratty side. We joke that I'm the Queen Brat, The Brat of GD, which is a rather accurate description of my behavior. But what is bratty? How am I bratty?

For me, brattiness is a game that can only be played with brat tamers. It's a dance I constantly move to of toeing the line between disobedience and brattiness. How sassy can I be before my boy toy has to finally say fuck it and give me a solid, no nonsense order? We play around...

This is bullshit. Let's get one thing very very clear, there are no 'good subs' and there are no 'bad subs'. There are submissives.

The boy toy thinks I'm an amazing sub, and who knows maybe I am, but I am also a total brat. If you've witnessed our conversations in chat, you might have picked up on this. Of course, he says that makes my subby side so much more special (what a softie), but other Doms might disagree.

I am not what people envision when someone pictures a...

It follows me around all day. My muscles tighten, jaw clenches, heart races. Anxiety fills my veins, making each breath I take icy.

Scenes relax me. Talking to my boy toy, watching Supernatural, hugging my cat, drinking hot chocolate. These things relax me.

Have you ever made a fist so tight that your hand starts to shake? And then relaxed? It's like a relief in your muscles instead of just your mind.

I'm a tense person. I worry and fret about everything,...

If you spend ten minutes in chat you will probably notice how often someone will say something along the lines of, "Looking for someone to punish me. My kik is *insert kik name here*" Now, while this might be somewhat annoying, it's fine to want to find someone to play with.

However, my quarrel is with the casual use of the word 'punishment'. People will also post threads asking for a *like of their choice* punishment and then shoot things down because they don't like them....