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On being bisexual.
Posted 06-07-2015 at 03:22 PM by An_Jon
Was chatting to someone earlier this evening in person. I mentioned to them, in passing, about my bisexuality. We're not *great* friends, and in truth I don't know his stance on whether or not he's pro or anti gay, but he seemed quite taken aback by this. Anyway, conversation continued, and he didn't mention it again.
For about 16 seconds.
Here's something like how the conversation went. H means Him, J stands for me (H used to hide his identity).
[NOTE - I can't have remembered this word for word, there will have been bits shortened or missed. It was a long conversation, and I can only remember this much because of how much it was playing over in my mind]
H - Wait, so you're bi
J - Yeah, sorry pal, can't have told you before now. Only just got comfortable with it really.
H - Oh, right.
[Long pause]
J - So... you're OK with that?
H - I think so
J - You think so?
H - Well I don't want to.. you know... with you...
J - Eh?
H - You know... have sex... with you.
J - When did I ask for sex?
H - But you're bisexual.
J - Yeah, so?
H - So you have sex with guys.
J - Yes, I do. That doesn't mean I want to have sex with you though.
H - I though bi people wanted sex with everybody?
J - I think you're getting that confused a little bit.
H - Oh, right.
[Long pause]
J - So did you see the Champ-
H - Do you have sex with girls then?
J - -pions league... What?
H - You know, because you're bisexual.
J - Do you even know what being bisexual is?
H - Yeah, it's where you like guys and girls.
J - Exactly, so why do you think I don't want sex with girls?
H - Because you want it with guys.
J - But I'm bisexual - I like both.
H - What, equally?
J - Not exactly, it's like 60-40 in favour of women.
H - But you like guys.
J - Yes, is that a problem?
H - Well... it's not religious is it?
J - Why should that mater, I'm not even slightly a religious man.
H - but I am.
J - Fucking so what? You're also vegetarian but didn't say a word when we go out for meals and stuff. What does your religion have to do with my sexuality?
H - Because it's wrong.
J - In your eyes, not mine.
H - well, obviously not in your eyes-
J - So what are you arguing about?
H - Well, I don't really see the point - either you're straight or you're not.
J - Or you're bisexual!
H - So you'd have a boyfriend (almost sniggers)
J - Yes, I would.
H - Oh, right.
J - To be honest, H, I don't see your problem. I can form relationships, both emotional and sexual, with both genders. That doesn't mean everyone, that doesn't mean I wan't to fuck every man and woman in this building - I have my criteria for what I'm attracted to, and a lot of the time that criteria leads to me blokes. Have you ever had sex with a guy? I know you haven't, so don't... anyway, I love it. Like, really love it, and I want to do it again - and again and again and again if I get the chance. Either deal with that or don't, that's up to you.
We sat in silence for about 5 minutes. Then talked about football.
We've known each other for about 15 years. We're not close friends, but we've had god times. Hopefully he'll learn either from this, or from being around me, what people of different sexualities are like:
EXACTLY THE FUCKING SAME AS EVERYONE ELSE.
For about 16 seconds.
Here's something like how the conversation went. H means Him, J stands for me (H used to hide his identity).
[NOTE - I can't have remembered this word for word, there will have been bits shortened or missed. It was a long conversation, and I can only remember this much because of how much it was playing over in my mind]
H - Wait, so you're bi
J - Yeah, sorry pal, can't have told you before now. Only just got comfortable with it really.
H - Oh, right.
[Long pause]
J - So... you're OK with that?
H - I think so
J - You think so?
H - Well I don't want to.. you know... with you...
J - Eh?
H - You know... have sex... with you.
J - When did I ask for sex?
H - But you're bisexual.
J - Yeah, so?
H - So you have sex with guys.
J - Yes, I do. That doesn't mean I want to have sex with you though.
H - I though bi people wanted sex with everybody?
J - I think you're getting that confused a little bit.
H - Oh, right.
[Long pause]
J - So did you see the Champ-
H - Do you have sex with girls then?
J - -pions league... What?
H - You know, because you're bisexual.
J - Do you even know what being bisexual is?
H - Yeah, it's where you like guys and girls.
J - Exactly, so why do you think I don't want sex with girls?
H - Because you want it with guys.
J - But I'm bisexual - I like both.
H - What, equally?
J - Not exactly, it's like 60-40 in favour of women.
H - But you like guys.
J - Yes, is that a problem?
H - Well... it's not religious is it?
J - Why should that mater, I'm not even slightly a religious man.
H - but I am.
J - Fucking so what? You're also vegetarian but didn't say a word when we go out for meals and stuff. What does your religion have to do with my sexuality?
H - Because it's wrong.
J - In your eyes, not mine.
H - well, obviously not in your eyes-
J - So what are you arguing about?
H - Well, I don't really see the point - either you're straight or you're not.
J - Or you're bisexual!
H - So you'd have a boyfriend (almost sniggers)
J - Yes, I would.
H - Oh, right.
J - To be honest, H, I don't see your problem. I can form relationships, both emotional and sexual, with both genders. That doesn't mean everyone, that doesn't mean I wan't to fuck every man and woman in this building - I have my criteria for what I'm attracted to, and a lot of the time that criteria leads to me blokes. Have you ever had sex with a guy? I know you haven't, so don't... anyway, I love it. Like, really love it, and I want to do it again - and again and again and again if I get the chance. Either deal with that or don't, that's up to you.
We sat in silence for about 5 minutes. Then talked about football.
We've known each other for about 15 years. We're not close friends, but we've had god times. Hopefully he'll learn either from this, or from being around me, what people of different sexualities are like:
EXACTLY THE FUCKING SAME AS EVERYONE ELSE.
Total Comments 11
Comments
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Wow, I applaud you for this. I'm sorry he reacted that way, but your response was the best response you could have given him.Posted 06-07-2015 at 03:40 PM by JustaBrony 
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Meh.. Being bisexual is like the second gayest thing there is
Don't hurt your head over the guy, he was probarly raised this way and you can't change that in one conversation. He will come around..... And will be totally dtf then. Sorry couldn't resist.Posted 06-07-2015 at 04:48 PM by Jah Brother
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At least you kept your cool very well through it all. ^.^ I have to admire you for that, though I'm sorry you had to go through it. That type of conversation is never fun or fair. Hopefully it all works out for the best with the friendship and you get to vent now at least. ^.^Posted 06-07-2015 at 05:39 PM by A Little Shy
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I've had similar conversations (I'm pansexual myself) there are three things they always bring up.
1) I don't want to be with you that way. (Who said I did?)
2) So you have sex with everyone? (Obviously missing the point).
3) It's against my religion. (Good, 'cause that's your religion, not mine!)
Good job being mature about it, though. That's the best way to deal with it.Posted 06-07-2015 at 05:49 PM by QueenSlut
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Bravo for how you dealt with him. I've had to be very clear with my female friends that just because I'm bi it doesn't mean I want to sleep with them. Yes I'm attracted to females, no I'm not attracted to you because you're my friend. You're beautiful and I love you but me being bi doesn't mean I want to get in your panties. Sorry you had to deal with this!
Posted 06-07-2015 at 06:05 PM by jlstockton25
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I have heard the "bisexual people want to have sex with everyone all the time" thing many times but luckily I have never heard it from a friend. I'm really lucky to have some pretty amazing friends who didn't react the way your friend did. I'm really sorry that you had to even have that conversation (because it's so unbelievably stupid and naive) but congrats on how you handled it!Posted 06-07-2015 at 07:47 PM by **Mandi**
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Thank you! That's kind of you for sayingQuote:Originally Posted by justabrony
Wow, I applaud you for this. I'm sorry he reacted that way, but your response was the best response you could have given him.
Couldn't resist what? You couldn't resist me? If so, I totally understand!Quote:Originally Posted by Jah Brother
Meh.. Being bisexual is like the second gayest thing there is
Don't hurt your head over the guy, he was probarly raised this way and you can't change that in one conversation. He will come around..... And will be totally dtf then. Sorry couldn't resist.
I realise he won't change his mind instantly, but there's no excuse for continuous ignorance. Hopefully he'll choose to learn.
Yeah, I wouldn't want us never to talk again over this. That said, if he can't accept me because I'm bi then, frankly, I don't need him as a friend. Not at that stage yet though! (or even close to it)Quote:Originally Posted by A Little Shy
At least you kept your cool very well through it all. ^.^ I have to admire you for that, though I'm sorry you had to go through it. That type of conversation is never fun or fair. Hopefully it all works out for the best with the friendship and you get to vent now at least. ^.^
Yep, and he followed the form book perfectly! I glossed over some of the more inane arguments and the bits where he repeats himself. I also likely forgot large parts of it, but you get that the gist of his argument is largely the same as everyone else who doesn't understand. Thank you for the kind words btwQuote:Originally Posted by QueenSlut
I've had similar conversations (I'm pansexual myself) there are three things they always bring up.
1) I don't want to be with you that way. (Who said I did?)
2) So you have sex with everyone? (Obviously missing the point).
3) It's against my religion. (Good, 'cause that's your religion, not mine!)
Good job being mature about it, though. That's the best way to deal with it.
Eh, I've dealt with worse people, but thank you for your reassurances. I'm certain he didn't want to be hurtful, just probably a mixture of naivety and surprise. Also, thank you!Quote:Originally Posted by jlstockton25
Bravo for how you dealt with him. I've had to be very clear with my female friends that just because I'm bi it doesn't mean I want to sleep with them. Yes I'm attracted to females, no I'm not attracted to you because you're my friend. You're beautiful and I love you but me being bi doesn't mean I want to get in your panties. Sorry you had to deal with this!
Yeah, other friends I've told have been grand - maybe I've been lucky overall with being accepted that this stood out for me. I appreciate you saying I handled it well though, thank you!Quote:Originally Posted by **Mandi**
I have heard the "bisexual people want to have sex with everyone all the time" thing many times but luckily I have never heard it from a friend. I'm really lucky to have some pretty amazing friends who didn't react the way your friend did. I'm really sorry that you had to even have that conversation (because it's so unbelievably stupid and naive) but congrats on how you handled it!
Thanks all for the support. Can always rely on GetDare for people to be understanding.Posted 06-07-2015 at 11:35 PM by An_Jon
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I'm only partially bit meaning I enjoy playing with both genders but I can only see myself dating/marrying a woman. However, like you and everyone else who is bi in some sense we do have standards and traits that we look for when looking for a play partner, we don't just go to any person who's available at the time and say I want to have sex with you. If that was the case I would have had more dicks in my mouth than I can remember. Also the religion thing doesn't mean you should completely deny a person or look down on them and that's kind of the reason I've never revealed this fact about myself offline, except to one person. Most of my offline friends, as well as myself, are Christians and if I revealed this it would just be a very awkward situation much like what you had. That's why I like getdare so much is that the community is so accepting and you can just be yourself without being judged.Posted 06-08-2015 at 07:30 AM by Komodo Jones
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Sorry you had to deal with this! There's shit on all ends of the spectrum, unfortunately. Even the supportive ones may try (again, with the naivety) to set you up with every gay thing that breathes. People who are gay or bi, themselves, may take you to mean that they've got a chance just by existing and not being straight. Hell, I've seen gay people say they wouldn't date a bi person because apparently bi people are more likely to cheat (having more to work with, and all!)
Who doesn't love a little friendly ignorance?
Gives people like us something to write about.Posted 06-08-2015 at 08:03 AM by iSpuds
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I struggled with this one a bit. I never knew if I was only sexually attracted to the idea of sex with guys, rather than the act. Most of my encounters had been one-night things with guys who didn't give a shit whether I enjoyed it or not - they only wanted their dick in something. That was until I met an amazing guy, who practically became my boyfriend for a couple of months - without us ever agreeing anything official. It ranks among my best-ever relationships.Quote:Originally Posted by Komodo Jones
I'm only partially bit meaning I enjoy playing with both genders but I can only see myself dating/marrying a woman. However, like you and everyone else who is bi in some sense we do have standards and traits that we look for when looking for a play partner, we don't just go to any person who's available at the time and say I want to have sex with you. If that was the case I would have had more dicks in my mouth than I can remember. Also the religion thing doesn't mean you should completely deny a person or look down on them and that's kind of the reason I've never revealed this fact about myself offline, except to one person. Most of my offline friends, as well as myself, are Christians and if I revealed this it would just be a very awkward situation much like what you had. That's why I like getdare so much is that the community is so accepting and you can just be yourself without being judged.
From that I realised that being with a guy, for me, is the same as with a girl. The laughs, jokes, experiences, sex etc is all the same - with just one key difference: stigma. It's different, therefore you're different. People want to know when you apply for jobs, sign up for stuff, make friends with them, fill out surveys - you become a different box. I struggles with that. I didn't want to be on he outside. Yet here I am.
I've almost stopped caring what others think, religious or otherwise. If people have a problem with my sexuality they better have a great reason for it, and give me that reason directly. Otherwise, in my eyes, whatever you think of me is entirely your problem, and you should deal with it.
I know different people can't just do that. But that frame of mind has really helped me out. It's bullish, but it's helped me make real progress.
That's a fair comment. 'Friendly' ignorance is very irritating though. It sounds like an easy way to pass something off. Once you're aware of your ignorance you should learn so you understand better for next time, otherwise you're just going to keep falling into the same traps with everyone.Quote:Originally Posted by iSpuds
Sorry you had to deal with this! There's shit on all ends of the spectrum, unfortunately. Even the supportive ones may try (again, with the naivety) to set you up with every gay thing that breathes. People who are gay or bi, themselves, may take you to mean that they've got a chance just by existing and not being straight. Hell, I've seen gay people say they wouldn't date a bi person because apparently bi people are more likely to cheat (having more to work with, and all!)
Who doesn't love a little friendly ignorance? Gives people like us something to write about.
I want to teach everyone all at once, basically.Posted 06-08-2015 at 03:42 PM by An_Jon
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Ah, navigating the minefield that is bisexuality. Someone once told me that my being bisexual was me being 'greedy'. What. Someone else suggested that since it was impossible to be friends with people of the gender you are attracted to (again, what?) bisexuals must not have any friends because they want to fuck everyone. (Literally what are you even talking about)
I'm pretty openly bisexual offline; since I realised I was bisexual I have never denied it to anyone, but I do have the advantage of a pretty chill family (and a gay uncle) so my parents don't care. They're a little heteronormative but hey, you win some and you lose some. The reason I dont hide my sexuality is because I full stop fundamentally do not at all want to be friends with anyone who tells me that who I am attracted to is wrong. It's a good first level filter for assholes, to be honest.Posted 06-09-2015 at 11:20 AM by jellyshot
