Although I'm serious...
Hi everyone,
Ok so let’s start with this blog had been drafted since the last Sunday of my trial runs. I’ve been through about four versions trying to phrase it right and as I keep changing my mind. Before I get into my decision (and trust me I’ve been changing my mind so many times it was that hard) let’s get a few things straight.
The reason I want to get these points forward is because my decision might confuse some people. I’ve been through all this effort to get to know potential masters, shortlist them and then trial run them. And I’m sorry to say but neither feel right for me.
Don’t get me wrong. They are both great at being Dom’s. There is nothing wrong with their style, attitude or their personality. Both are lovely people and I really respect their patience with me taking so long. But they just aren’t right for me.
I have had two of the most fun and enjoyable and warm/fuzzy subby feeling weeks possible. Both of them have looked after me, challenged me enough for the relationship and I adore both of them. I felt comfortable with both but neither of them grabbed me as the person I want to submit to for, hopefully, forever. Neither of them made me feel like I could/would be the perfect sub for them, or they the perfect Dom for me.
That’s why my decision was to turn both down.
And that’s why I needed to make the first two points I did. I am serious about being owned by a Dom and I am a sub but I’ve made a decision to remain unowned. I don’t want people to think that I wasn’t serious about this and I would never have chosen someone even if they were right for me. Because I would have. I just don’t feel these are the right people.
I wish them both the best of luck with finding someone who is right for them, someone who can be the perfect sub for them… because it’s not me.
So where does that leave me? It leaves me feeling a bit confused. These potential masters, one of which I have been friends with for over a year, who are lovely in personality aren’t right for me. Heck, I felt more like a perfect sub for my old Dom, even though it was an uncomfortable relationship for me.
And this is what is making me question my decisions.
I pick people I got to know, I liked and thought would be right for me and it turned out they weren’t. Yet I submitted to someone I got to know, liked, but then started to feel uncomfortable with and felt like the perfect sub for that person until I reached breaking point. I know you’ll all say trust your instincts, they are usually right, but I kind of feel like although I wouldn’t have been fully happy in a relationship with either of the trial Master’s that I have thrown away my last chance of finding someone.
So what do I do now? I still want to be owned, I am still serious about subbing to someone. But for now I just want to enjoy my summer. I might create a thread asking for a few rules for me to follow over the summer, maybe one for tasks to complete. But I will still be around. My blog will just take a non-subby tone for a while. I’ll blog about holidays, day trips, things I do. Just regular vanilla activities. And maybe if I decide to follow rules/complete tasks there may be a slight non-vanilla aspect to them. But that’s still to be determined.
Star
EDIT: It wasnt the petfect sub feeling I was trying to find. Itwas a spark of energy that gave me hope and happiness which I just didn't find
Ok so let’s start with this blog had been drafted since the last Sunday of my trial runs. I’ve been through about four versions trying to phrase it right and as I keep changing my mind. Before I get into my decision (and trust me I’ve been changing my mind so many times it was that hard) let’s get a few things straight.
1) I know I’m a submissive. I’ve tried to Dom before and failed. I feel warm and fuzzy inside when I am obeying commands from a Dom/me.
2) I’m serious about being owned. I think I’ve proved that with the trial runs and taking my time. If I wasn’t serious then I wouldn’t have taken all this effort to get owned
2) I’m serious about being owned. I think I’ve proved that with the trial runs and taking my time. If I wasn’t serious then I wouldn’t have taken all this effort to get owned
The reason I want to get these points forward is because my decision might confuse some people. I’ve been through all this effort to get to know potential masters, shortlist them and then trial run them. And I’m sorry to say but neither feel right for me.
Don’t get me wrong. They are both great at being Dom’s. There is nothing wrong with their style, attitude or their personality. Both are lovely people and I really respect their patience with me taking so long. But they just aren’t right for me.
I have had two of the most fun and enjoyable and warm/fuzzy subby feeling weeks possible. Both of them have looked after me, challenged me enough for the relationship and I adore both of them. I felt comfortable with both but neither of them grabbed me as the person I want to submit to for, hopefully, forever. Neither of them made me feel like I could/would be the perfect sub for them, or they the perfect Dom for me.
That’s why my decision was to turn both down.
And that’s why I needed to make the first two points I did. I am serious about being owned by a Dom and I am a sub but I’ve made a decision to remain unowned. I don’t want people to think that I wasn’t serious about this and I would never have chosen someone even if they were right for me. Because I would have. I just don’t feel these are the right people.
I wish them both the best of luck with finding someone who is right for them, someone who can be the perfect sub for them… because it’s not me.
So where does that leave me? It leaves me feeling a bit confused. These potential masters, one of which I have been friends with for over a year, who are lovely in personality aren’t right for me. Heck, I felt more like a perfect sub for my old Dom, even though it was an uncomfortable relationship for me.
And this is what is making me question my decisions.
I pick people I got to know, I liked and thought would be right for me and it turned out they weren’t. Yet I submitted to someone I got to know, liked, but then started to feel uncomfortable with and felt like the perfect sub for that person until I reached breaking point. I know you’ll all say trust your instincts, they are usually right, but I kind of feel like although I wouldn’t have been fully happy in a relationship with either of the trial Master’s that I have thrown away my last chance of finding someone.
So what do I do now? I still want to be owned, I am still serious about subbing to someone. But for now I just want to enjoy my summer. I might create a thread asking for a few rules for me to follow over the summer, maybe one for tasks to complete. But I will still be around. My blog will just take a non-subby tone for a while. I’ll blog about holidays, day trips, things I do. Just regular vanilla activities. And maybe if I decide to follow rules/complete tasks there may be a slight non-vanilla aspect to them. But that’s still to be determined.
Star
EDIT: It wasnt the petfect sub feeling I was trying to find. Itwas a spark of energy that gave me hope and happiness which I just didn't find
Total Comments 7
Comments
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Take the time you need to take. But be willing to keep trying. Especially with Dom/sub relationships, you *must* find the person you are comfortable with and who feels right. It might take 3 tries, it might take a lot more than that.
You went about things in a very good way- posting an ad, getting to know people, testing the relationship. You've been communicative and honest. All of which are things that should earn you respect (you have mine).
So take a break if you need to now, do so. Post for rules/tasks that will be fun for you and let you feel subby. And keep your eyes open for anyone who might catch your interest...
Best of luck to you! Please don't lose heart- I'm sure the right Dom/me is out there for you!Posted 06-02-2015 at 02:11 AM by Sasahara 
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Thank you. I know it could take a while to find someone, but right now with my summer holidays just starting I worked out its not worth the effort for me to find someone and be like... 'oh but i have these holidays/day trips/work and I can't sub these days'. I'll wait until summer is over, but trust me I've not lost heart.Quote:Originally Posted by Sasahara
Take the time you need to take. But be willing to keep trying. Especially with Dom/sub relationships, you *must* find the person you are comfortable with and who feels right. It might take 3 tries, it might take a lot more than that.
You went about things in a very good way- posting an ad, getting to know people, testing the relationship. You've been communicative and honest. All of which are things that should earn you respect (you have mine).
So take a break if you need to now, do so. Post for rules/tasks that will be fun for you and let you feel subby. And keep your eyes open for anyone who might catch your interest...
Best of luck to you! Please don't lose heart- I'm sure the right Dom/me is out there for you!Posted 06-02-2015 at 03:50 AM by sparklystar
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While trialling is important, this isn't like buying a new car. Whether in D/s or vanilla, people stay single a soul-destroying and depressingly long time sometimes. People go through short term relationships which might be good, but aren't right. That's always the way the world has worked.
However, the positive spin on it is that with the internet we have more opportunities than ever before. It was difficult to sit in a bar with someone you just met and explain "Well actually I kinda like..." but online it is so much easier.
You will get there, but my advice is enjoy the journey. Have some playtimes with people you trust, even if you both know they arent going to be more than play. HAVE FUN.Posted 06-02-2015 at 05:23 AM by AbusiveMaster
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Good for you! I think you show a lot of wisdom and self-respect, waiting until you know you've found the right person. In the meantime, I hope you thoroughly enjoy this time for yourself, all your holidays and everything. You will find the right dom soon enough and he will be very lucky when you do
Posted 06-02-2015 at 03:09 PM by naughtylittlegirl
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Its okay you will know when you find the right person! Time will just fly, things wont seem like tasks but fun. You will be able to talk and laugh about whatever for hours and it will feel like minutes. I mean my current sub I had known for awhile we would pm now and then over the years nothing serious just the occasional flick to make her flick her nipples. She would rarely reply back because it led to more flicks (I really love making her flick her nipples) but then we chatted more serious when we were both available.
Time flew, we talked on skype the first time for 8 hours the next day 10hours and it was great! So hold out for the right person and when you find them you wont have to sacrifice anything you enjoy to please them, and they wont have to sacrifice anything to keep you happy.Posted 06-02-2015 at 03:33 PM by Shadowice
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@AbusiveMaster: I get that it isn't like trialing a car. I wasn't trying to say it was. I was just trying to say that they aren't right so I'd rather wait and find the right one, than play with them and possibly get hurt or hurt them when realising it wasn't going to work
@naughtylittlegirl: Thank you. I'm not sure wisdom and self-respect are the right words to describe my decision but after everyone kept telling me to do something which makes me feel happy and to take as much time as needed, I did. I want to be happy but stressing out over a lack of a spark... it's not worth it.
@shadowice0823: Thank you. I'm hoping I will find the right person and be able to have that sort of relationship where tasks don't seem like tasks.
@all those random getdare members telling me I've been stupid, I'm not submissive etc: Shut up and go away!!Posted 06-02-2015 at 10:58 PM by sparklystar
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Hey Star, it´s great to see you´re still around.
As i can see you took a lot of time to think about your lifestyle and accepted the point you feel fine as a sub.
Please ignore all the trolls around that want to blame you for this or that. You did really well and tried your best. So no need to worry about.
I hope you´ll find what you´re looking for, cause you deserve it. Someone who can fullfill all your wishes and dreams.Posted 06-22-2015 at 11:05 AM by Looking for ..
