Where I'm Going From Here

Hey it's been a while since I've updated, and I feel like I need to. Several people have asked me about this, but yes my most recent relationship that began in the beginning of August is over. It's been over for about three months if you want to be technical about it. I won't say what happened of course, because for those of you who read my blog I am not one to single people out nor cause them more problems than they already have in their vanilla lives. I will just say it didn't work out and leave it at that.

Lately, though it just seems that I have had serious bad luck in D/s relationships where I am the submissive. One I had lasted for a while until I was pretty much neglected and abandoned, which seems to be a trend in a lot of my past relationships that I don’t mention. Then I had one this summer that fizzled very quickly, it didn't even last a month. Then of course the one before that was with my ex-slave who had lied to me since day one, and while I did enjoy the time I had with the false testifier, I still consider that somewhat of a failure. Then, I had this most recent one and that only lasted about a month. So I've just been questioning my role as a submissive. I'm not quitting being a submissive per se. I was a full submissive before I became a switch so those desires will always be in me. I’m just taking a break from it for now I guess even though I always have someone who is willing to casually dominate me if I need it, but that’s another story.

I have tried to quit the D/s lifestyle before and well…that didn’t work. So I’m going to the opposite role of being a dominant. It’s kind of a difficult hunt as well. A lot of people aren’t serious and leave after one session. A lot of people just want to be abused and don’t want a friend and that’s not how I operate as a dominant. There aren’t a lot of people who know who I am as a dominant, but for what limited amount do, they know that I can be very protective and take care of my subs. I’m not your normal run-of-the-mill I want to use and abuse you dom, but I think that’s kind of what makes me stand out. However, every now and then you find something that at least seems promising. I’ve been training a male sub fairly recently. He’s not my official slave yet as he’s in a trial period. If I accept him as my official sub there will be a blog entry about it from him. If people were pretty observant they know who it is, but I highly doubt many do. And of course a few people know who it is, namely my closest friends on this site.

In other news, it took me a while but a couple of months ago I finally lost my virginity. I’m just now coming public with it. I honestly don’t feel all that different and I haven’t really changed my demeanor. I’m still the same guy who you either love, hate, or have no idea who I am. I would assume the majority of you are in the last group. For those of you who have read my non-fiction story, I lost my virginity to my friend with benefits who I have before that, I did get to do what every partially bi guy would like to do which is suck a guy off and swallow. So I won’t be afraid to admit on this site that I do enjoy sucking cock, even though I don’t have a lot of opportunity to. But at the same time, I am only partially bi so I am still more attracted to women, and I plan to marry and start a family with one some day.

But despite my male sub in training, I still do plan to go forward, and I have talked about all of these options with him so I’m not leaving him completely in the dark. My first option, was kind of what I was hoping for in my original ad looking for subs. Now don’t get me wrong, I am very grateful and very happy to have my male sub in training and I don’t regret him answering my ad. However, despite how the last relationship went that I mentioned above I still want to have a female sub. I just want the sensation to have a female sub that I can call my little girl. But even if I do go this route, my male sub in training will still get the adequate attention he needs if he passes the trial period.

The second option, I mentioned above and this actually was the original plan but then I had emotional issues I was going through and decided I might as well sort through those before I start anything. As I said I have someone who has offered to casually dominate me. And if I want to explore my submissive tendencies and have no risk of being overwhelmed between that and paying attention to my male sub in training, I can go that route.

The last option is kind of still in development but it will be starting a casual relationship with someone to help me with a little problem I have. My male sub in training knows about this and so does my best friend on this site as I have kind of talked to both of them about it. It’s still in early development and I kind of need to work on formulating this before I give people the wrong idea by stating this.

Now even though I have three options, I’m not entirely sure which one I will be going with. I’m not even sure if I’ll be pursuing any of these options, so I guess you could say I have four options. But because I’m pretty sure my male sub in training will be reading this I will put his mind at ease by saying if he does pass the trial period and I make him my official sub I don’t have any plans of leaving him. And just so that I don’t come across as a jerk to everybody else reading this, I will restate that I have talked about these three options with my male sub in training and he is ok with them.

But yep that’s what’s going on and that’s where I’m going from here.