yesterday....

So yesterday was kind of wierd... And nothing good happened t all... This is what happend

So i woke up real early planning to go to the nearest town and hang with my buddy Andrew at around 8am and when i got there he couldn't do anything till around 11am so i had to sit at tim hortons for forever. Finally i catch a cab to his place, we sat down played unreal tournaments till 1 when we planned to go to Laser tag--My girlfriend works there and her parents own it--We got there and had a good game of laser tag and then went over to play the arcade games, And of course i was expecting my girlfriend to come out and talk to me for a bit since the place wasnt even busy. She came out talked to my friend and then left back to go to the desk... Initially depressing incident of the day.... So after 5 minutes of me sulking over the pin ball machine andrew went over to her and said that i was depressed and needed a hug, she felt real bad and came over gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek, then we sat down for a bit. At this point i'm trying hard to become un depressed. By the way i have forgotten my anti-depressants for 2 or 3 days now. So after a while i ask her if she wants to go sit outside for a minute so i can get some fresh air. We go out and all of a sudden i start to lose it for no reason... We were just talking and i nearly started to cry for no reason. I let my hair fall over my eyes and she never seen but i don't know why it happend still.. We went in and sat around a while. Not doing to much really, barely talking. Eventually because my depression was making her sad i started acting happy--Even though andrew knew that i wasn't but she didn't-- and her stupid kid brothers were bugging me andrew and her. After about being there for 3 hours me and Andrew caught a cab to his place and played some games. He gave me some of his stronger anti depressants because i was at the point were i was going to kill myself. Then things started to seem better, except i lost all my common sense.... and became so much stupider. There was a "really for life", thatch were people walk around a track for 12 hours to support cancer, going on so we headed out there and talked to my mom who was doing it, then they were shaving heads for cancer, me and andrew decided to get our hair shaved into mo hawks for cancer. First dumb move of the night... So now i look like a dumbass because i lost all of my hair i worked so hard to get... And i wont be able to get a job! So after that we head back to his place so i could grab my stuff then head to my grandpas and gramas for the night. Half way there i get a call from my GF who lives down the street from him, so i ask her if she can meet me there and walk me to my grandpas and gramas. She see's my hair and all and such. And agrees to walk me half way. And well were walking there i was trying to convince her to stay walking with me a little longer, but she didn't want to. So we were saying things like "yes" "no" "yes" "no" and after i would say yes id try and do something to make her not say no. After kissing her on the cheek and her still saying no i made a big mistake. She is not ready to be kissed yet... And i knew hat she wasn't... But in my retardedness i decided to kiss her... Biggest mistake of the night. She tryed to move her head away when i went to kiss her but since my arm was around her shoulders she couldn't so she just twisted her head and i kissed the side of her face... But things got very acward and very bad fast... And i felt like a asshole for doing it... And i was apologizing allot and she kept saying, no no it was just really unexpected... but i could tell i shouldn't have done it. She never logged on msn or text/called me that night or at all yet today. What went through my mind was... I think shes ready if i make the move and kiss her she wont pull away and she will be really surprised and happy and she will want to stay with you a little longer tonight... What actually happened WAS NOT THAT! I've sent her tons of apologize and i feel so bad for doing it. And i really hope it dosnt endanger our relationship because in previous blogs i have said that i don't love her.... But i think i really am starting to... But i can't tell her that because i don't want to rush our relationship and put to much pressure on it. So yeah... I'm still extremely depressed for trying to kiss her... And my dad and grandparents are pissed off because of what my hair looks like. And yet the only thing i care about is her and making sure this isn't going to be the end of our relationship. I'm probably just over reacting allot.... But I'm normally the nice, shy boy who wouldn't ever do something without asking permission first... I even asked permission to hold her hand... By the way it is around 3 weeks we have been dating now...

oie that was a long blog.... lol

--Travis Aka Knots