Before listing mine I invite you to also think of how yours compare and share them if they are any different.

• Shutting the fuck up
  
• Eating
  
• Sleeping
  
• Writing/whining
  
• Stretching

I don't know if it's a Sub drop, but after today's session I went from wanting to give up on the last tasks, to questioning my entire desire to be a part of this (BDSM, a Sub, taking pain, everything), to wanting to just announce that I give up in the current tasks again, to this...


Update 1 :

I'm not crying...

Following my recent breast torment adventures on Ladies.exposed I got asked which task I enjoyed the most, and as per usual I had no clue, tbh mid-play or post-session is the worse time to get me to self-assess and actually expect a valide answer, my mind is very blurry, I can't pin point exactly what my feelings are. When I was expected to write reports for my Dom it was usually after a good night of sleep.

Where was I going with that ? But even now (it's been a day) I still don't have...

• Being submissive (in the sense of offering my obedience, serving and pleasing, not being forced and abused)
  
  
• Love and softness being thrown in the mix
  
  
• Bodywriting
  
  
• Breast play/torture
  
  
• Very light humiliation (at least my perception of it)
  
  
• Being told "good girl" (especially in the context of letting me know I'm doing well in enduring something)
  
  
• Being called / identifying as a Slave

...

Part I

Some updates on how this went after the initial post.

I was assigned a punishment consisting of 100 spanks with a hairbrush on my bare ass (total not for each side) for every time I accidentally ruined or came without permission. That ended up being 3 ruins this far.

The extensions that people on ladies.exposed added hit the limit (100). I tried to keep edging when it was still around 50, but I had another ruin at edge #41 just when someone finally...

Some thoughts I wanted to lay here and keep track of, about my relationship with edging.

When I first joined here, I was so mad about being made to do one edge, I hated it, it was just one and it seemed like the end of the world to me, I remember clearly that day, the session, most of what happened in it, and how frustrated I felt.

The somewhere along the line, I had a 3 edges experiences, which felt like an achievement, and still equally hated it.

Then I...

I kept noticing how closed I was to having experiences and trying things in the last couple months, so more recently I tried to challenge myself a bit to break out of this frozen state of stagnation but at my pace, just doing what I feel like in the moment.

So yesterday I finally stepped foot on this new site that people been telling me about, I've secretly hoped the whole time to find an opportunity, a forum game, that would ease me into it and show me the way but that didn't really happen...