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Personal Goals
Goal 2 updated to reflect progress.
You make me believe that I can do it. I love you too.Posted 02-28-2019 at 01:56 PM by IceMaiden -
Posted 02-20-2019 at 04:32 PM by AbusiveMaster -
Posted 02-19-2019 at 07:57 AM by Heart -
Posted 02-19-2019 at 05:21 AM by IceMaiden -
Posted 01-20-2019 at 01:29 PM by Blue Fox -
Anxiety.
Thank you for all the nice words <3
The nurse who saw me is entirely certain it isn't serious but just from a bump/injury and sent me away with an appointment to check up in 8 weeks.Posted 01-19-2019 at 03:48 PM by IceMaiden
Updated 01-19-2019 at 03:51 PM by IceMaiden -
Anxiety.
Double-wrap-around hug for you.
No simple answers. Do what helps you feel better. Talk with friends. Dog love helps.
Waiting is not easy, but human capacity for handling these low-but-scary risks is weird, and you are responding the way most people do.Posted 01-17-2019 at 01:40 PM by MarvHarvey -
Anxiety.
Sending you all the prayers and positive thoughts!Posted 01-17-2019 at 11:43 AM by eivins -
Posted 01-17-2019 at 06:25 AM by lilith_ -
Posted 01-17-2019 at 12:20 AM by Matt: -
Anxiety.
I understand how anxious you must be. That sure isn't something you want to think about.
I wish you strength. I hope you get the results soon and I'm sure it will be okay.Posted 01-16-2019 at 08:50 PM by Jaro -
Posted 01-16-2019 at 05:50 PM by Heart -
Posted 01-16-2019 at 05:36 PM by Dman1212 -
Anxiety.
Warm thoughts going your way. Hope that the doc was right. Drink some hot coco and watch a Disney movie. Might help to calm you down.Posted 01-16-2019 at 03:56 PM by Blue Fox -
Posted 01-16-2019 at 03:24 PM by owlart -
New Beginnings.
This is wonderful. I find that I do the same thing. If I set too strict of goals, or too big of a resolution then I just get disheartened and stop before I barely begin. This year I set goals, and then chose small specific ways that I can achieve them.
Good luck on all your goals! I hope you can start to see the wonderfulness that we all see in you.Posted 01-11-2019 at 11:19 AM by Butterfly -
Posted 01-09-2019 at 02:34 PM by AbusiveMaster -
I am inferior.....
Quote:
I have intentionally stayed away from CNC with survivors of sexual assault, mainly because I am not sure if I could handle things properly, and not cause further damage.
As IceMaiden mentioned, maybe the magic is in the trust. Someone who has fallen from a ladder might be afraid of trying it again, but if someone they really trust is holding the ladder, it could help them overcome the fear and climb it again.
I wish both of you the best. The trust you have between you is a wonderful thing.Posted 01-07-2019 at 11:49 AM by Runesmith -
I am inferior.....
Quote:
Perhaps it is a way of empowering yourself again, because anyone who knows anything about D/s knows that the submissive only feels powerless. Control is given, not taken. Perhaps it is a way of coming to terms with something dreadful. I have long believed that BDSM is an excellent form of therapy for many issues, but thats another post for another day.
I don't know the definitive answer, only my own theories. I do know it doesnt work for everyone, but as has been stated so many times in the comments above, if it works for you, and it isnt harming anyone - enjoy.
Posted 01-06-2019 at 03:04 PM by AbusiveMaster -
I am inferior.....
Quote:THIS!!!!!
Thank you so so much for writing this. I could not have put it any better than what you have written above. This is what it is all about.
I am a huge advocate for people doing their kink their way, until it becomes damaging to other people. Making comments about woman deserving to be abused and raped is not. ok. ever.
Quote:Exactly! I love non-consensual role-play, but I will never rape someone. Non-consensual rople-play is a very powerful and intense way of exploring the bounds of trust, and physical and emotional pleasure, for both parties (and for the sub, it has the added bonus of freeing them from decision-making, guilt, and responsibility) - however, it is fantasy. Non-consensual role-play does not make me a rapist, no more than playing Assassin's Creed makes me a killer.
This. Just because someone enjoys power exchange to this extent doesn't mean everyone who does is suddenly going to decide hey you know what, I can do that with anyone I want to!
Rape is a violent, abhorrent crime against a human being, that leaves behind indelible scars (and so can intense non-consensual role-play, if the right after-care is not provided).
When I engage in non-consensual role-play, it is between me and my sub. It is my sub that I see as inferior - not half of the human race.
This is usually the only type of play that I require aftercare with, precisely because of how extreme and powerful it is. And after the scene is over, I am no longer inferior but an equal. As it should be!
You are absolutely right in saying that the inability to separate fantasy and reality gives the fantasy a bad name. Most people outside the kink will not understand non-consensual roleplay and confuse it with rape (which is why I go to great lengths to protect my identity on this forum, as my stories here will cost me my career).
Not even people in to kink sometimes understand non-consent. The problem is made worse by the kind of blog that you are responding to, with your post. That user (judging by the post, I'd say it's a male teen incel pretending to be a woman) is trying to rationalize criminal behavior using the same kind of arguments that were used to rationalize slavery, the holocaust, and other forms of genocide. That's someone who needs help - fast.
Quote:To be totally honest, personally I don't think I'll ever be able to get my head around how someone who has been through sexual abuse, can then get aroused by rape/abuse role play. The slightest hint, role play or not, for me is enough to make me start to panic or shutdown. (regardless of the level of trust I have with the person, or maybe it's just impossible for me to trust that much?)
But we are all different (thankfully!), and I am glad this works for you.
Thank you for posting a carefully thought out blog on these issues, making clear the differences between role play and reality. As opposed to certain other blog posts.....
Quote:
I'm not sure when or why I became interested in exploring this or when my aversion started changing other than that it was 2 years or so ago when I began to become slightly interested. Is that because it is with AM? I don't know. I think so. I trust him with my life and I can say right now I don't think I will EVER do this play with another person. While we have only explored it a little so far, what we have explored together has gone well and I think, for me at least, it is partly a way of reclaiming what happened to me so long ago. I didn't consent to that, but I do consent to this. I will be in control at all times via the safeword (and hopefully I wont need that every time with him) and I will be making new memories with someone I love and trust and not only will that be enjoyable for both of us (hopefully) it will also help to replace the bad ones.
I'm not sure if that explanation helped a little or even at all....it is still confusing for me too at times!Posted 01-06-2019 at 01:42 PM by IceMaiden
Updated 01-06-2019 at 01:50 PM by IceMaiden -
I am inferior.....
Quote:To be totally honest, personally I don't think I'll ever be able to get my head around how someone who has been through sexual abuse, can then get aroused by rape/abuse role play. The slightest hint, role play or not, for me is enough to make me start to panic or shutdown. (regardless of the level of trust I have with the person, or maybe it's just impossible for me to trust that much?)
But we are all different (thankfully!), and I am glad this works for you.
Thank you for posting a carefully thought out blog on these issues, making clear the differences between role play and reality. As opposed to certain other blog posts.....Posted 01-06-2019 at 09:59 AM by Butterfly -
I am inferior.....
To be totally honest, personally I don't think I'll ever be able to get my head around how someone who has been through sexual abuse, can then get aroused by rape/abuse role play. The slightest hint, role play or not, for me is enough to make me start to panic or shutdown. (regardless of the level of trust I have with the person, or maybe it's just impossible for me to trust that much?)
But we are all different (thankfully!), and I am glad this works for you.
Thank you for posting a carefully thought out blog on these issues, making clear the differences between role play and reality. As opposed to certain other blog posts.....Posted 01-06-2019 at 08:58 AM by Sam~ -
Posted 01-06-2019 at 06:22 AM by lilith_ -
I am inferior.....
Quote:There is a major difference between consensual non consent and gender inferiority play and REAL rape and abuse.
Rape is a violent, abhorrent crime against a human being, that leaves behind indelible scars (and so can intense non-consensual role-play, if the right after-care is not provided).
When I engage in non-consensual role-play, it is between me and my sub. It is my sub that I see as inferior - not half of the human race.
You are absolutely right in saying that the inability to separate fantasy and reality gives the fantasy a bad name. Most people outside the kink will not understand non-consensual roleplay and confuse it with rape (which is why I go to great lengths to protect my identity on this forum, as my stories here will cost me my career).
Not even people in to kink sometimes understand non-consent. The problem is made worse by the kind of blog that you are responding to, with your post. That user (judging by the post, I'd say it's a male teen incel pretending to be a woman) is trying to rationalize criminal behavior using the same kind of arguments that were used to rationalize slavery, the holocaust, and other forms of genocide. That's someone who needs help - fast.Posted 01-05-2019 at 11:20 PM by Runesmith
Updated 01-05-2019 at 11:21 PM by Runesmith (Oxford comma rule) -
I am inferior.....
THIS!!!!!
Thank you so so much for writing this. I could not have put it any better than what you have written above. This is what it is all about.
I am a huge advocate for people doing their kink their way, until it becomes damaging to other people. Making comments about woman deserving to be abused and raped is not. ok. ever.Posted 01-05-2019 at 09:43 PM by Butterfly