Ok, first just let me say that you are amazing.

Now that that's out of the way, there are numerous times with Duchess where we'd have a particularly difficult (for me) play time and afterwards I would find myself apologizing to her, for no reason, just because I didn't feel like I 'did it right' or something similarly ridiculous. And, wonderful person that she is, she would always tell me how good I was, how proud she was, etc... I mention that just to let you know how much this blog reverberates with me and I can completely understand your point.

Submission to the right person is a beautiful thing, and it helps to know I'm not the only person struggling with these kinds of self image issues, thank you for sharing.

Best put down i've read in ages! Very succinct...

Helpful to know I suppose?

I was just reading an article today about sleep debt and how it builds up until one day we just crash and either get sick so we have to sleep or we have a mental breakdown. I'm sorry you are sick but I'm glad it is giving you the opportunity to get some sleep. I know the feeling of finally feeling safe and cozy and able to let go and I'm glad you have found it.

I am glad you found someone that can make you smile and feel loved! Its too bad he didn't try to help you break the habit of biting your nails past the skin until they bleed. I used to bite my nails as well when I was younger not to the point they bled, although sometimes you would get that little piece of nail that went up along the side of your finger and caused a small bleed. I just always hated how they ended up rough and jagged so I stopped one day.

Diapers in the the shower swell. Wifey had me in 3 tenants super and took me to the lake to go swimming. ( It was a secluded place) I went swimming for a while. I found out a few things. Diapers helped me float. They can absorb way more than I thought. They're super heavy and hard to walk in out of the water. But most of all I loved the feeling of the diapers while in the water, but after I got out I could hardly keep them up and wanted a dry one.

Enjoy your gag, I hope you have a lot of fun with it

I have been bemoaning the poopiness of time zones all week. And I am 2+ years into a long-distance amazing adventure with a guy who lives across the ocean. I hate time zones. I hate a gazillion miles and oceans and planes taking so long and costing so much. I love the nights where I have a dream about him and it really felt like he was right there, and I hate waking up from them and realizing it didn't happen.
Fucking oceans.
The worst for me is the hours in the evening when I am getting sleepy and waiting for him to wake up. The waiting sucks. I miss him when he sleeps, and then I am sleepy, and then I am waiting, it is so poopy. The alternative is that he wakes up too early to function all day (which he also has done for me on hundreds of occasions).

Winning is sooo much fun! And being bratty is even more fun!

Hopefully that's one myth destroyed, the same goes for anybody thinking that any dom/sub or daddy/little relationship will work in a particular way. If you compared each relationship between a sub/dom you'd find many subtle differences.

Take the time to get to know potential partners and explore and set some boundaries before you enter into something that you then find isn't what you expected at all.

Short term play might be one thing but committing solely to another person with a view to something long term is somewhat different.

Please don't blame or disrespect your sub/dom for what you perceive are their shortcomings if you've been too hasty or aren't patient, open minded and flexible to give them a fair chance. Do you research and try to understand what you're getting yourself into beforehand.

Above all, good communication is key...

This brings to mind a Shakespeare quote, "Nothing is either good or bad but thinking makes it so." You are 100% correct that there are not "good subs" or "bad subs", it's all finding the magic connection with someone who appreciates you for you. You don't have to be what anyone else thinks is a good sub, your dom is the only one who has an opinion in the matter. Someone else's ideal might be his nightmare.

So we can't share pics and kik?

Unfortunately many people don't take "no" for an answer, either on line or in real life.

FYI, I'd be happy to see a "No," LOL, because mostly my thoughtful and detailed PMs tend to simply get ignored.

DJ

How to take a hint hihi

I understand completely. nothing to be made fun of.

Yes, people can speak too loosely when it comes to punishment, and it's good to have a distinction.

It also makes me happy to see writing about punishment as a means of negative state removal for the submissive, rather than something purely inflicted by a dominant. It is not to be enjoyed, but can still serve a greater, and loving, purpose.

You have perfectly captured why I ultimately want to be punished when I deserve it. My guilt is usually so unbearable that anything would be better, and the only way to help the guilt subside is to do something to atone or repent for my errors. I think the justification between play and true punishments has to be made, and it's a line that gets blurred a lot on this site.

"Punishment" for means is associated with disappointment and being bad. It is not something I would ever willingly do, and I break down at the mention of the word. Asslvr and I have started to use the word "consequence" for if I don't obey rules or forget them. I think what the people who come into chat asking for, or who post threads for punishments are really "Funishments". It is a fantasy of theirs to be punished, but they don't want it to be actually terrible, more of a fun, roleplay type of thing.

Thank you very much, you have stated this very well. A word that I sometimes use to describe what you referred to as a penalty is "funishment". In other words, a mock punishment that is for fun. It distinguishes between the two while still conveying what the intent is.

Asslvr and I used to have movie night over skype every Sunday. It was so nice to just curl up in bed together and giggle, cry, and go on a movie adventure together. It was always the favorite part of my week (except when he chose boring movies. Jk :P)

I love your blogs! I always identify with something in them and this one is no different. The thing that strikes me the most, though, is your bravery. You wear your vulnerability on your sleeve, putting it out there for everyone to read, and that is not an easy thing to do. Thank you!

What you say rings a bit true with me too. That is a big part of why I enjoy submission. Having somebody take charge, relieve me of my duty to be the wise 'old soul' as you say, is more than a desire for me, its a psychological need. Its all so much better if I feel that the person cares about my well being at the same time. I know that Master KJ cares, that is very important.