"Respect also should of been shown to me, since I am a Master\Dom." I take a lot of issue with this. There's a difference between being a master/dom and being entitled. An entitled person thinks that everyone owes them something, and that everyone should be please to have them around. A master/dom is someone who engages in a consensual relationship with another person with mutually agreed boundaries. None of this 'I'm a dom therefore I'm better hahahahahaaaa'; that's bollocks.

Taking for granted that the way you identify in yourself means of a higher social standing and being able to control other's actions is something I hope is being stamped out in the world. Y'know after things like the apartheid and the mass genocides of the 20th century. I'm not saying you're like that, but it's a way of applying that ideology in order to demonstrate how it can't be right for relationships.

If a sub approaches you, the best way to treat them is like another human being. One with hopes, dreams, thoughts, feelings, desires, fears, nerves, and opinions; just like any dom has. Saying that they shouldn't approach you because they're a sub makes them sound like a piece of meat in a shop. They're not. They're living, breathing, fucking human beings.

Final point; people have lives outside of this chatroom which they tend to retreat to when offended. Y'know, the reason that sub probably approached you would have been because they were interested in getting to know you. They're probably not anymore, hence why they left you.

Yeah, I'm with those who commented above - being a 'master' doesn't entitle you. If you want a certain protocol followed, the other person has to a) know about it and b) agree to it, meaning it ought to be negotiated first, so unless that happened and she deliberately broke it I'm not seeing why you're so put off. Things happen, as others have pointed out, and sometimes chats get cut off, RL interferes, etc., and I think you could stand to at least give her the benefit of the doubt and let her explain first before chewing her out because you're offended. You know, because you 'must show in order to receive it back.'

Lizzy said it all so perfectly! I'm also really happy to see some Doms agreeing with her, it lifts my heart. I believe in behaving with common decency to everyone I interact with, but D/s respect is definitely something earned, and once a relationship is established. I call my Dominant 'Sir' ALOT, because it came naturally with him and with our relationship.

As M.G. said, maybe something happened in real life to her, you never know what else is going on in someone's life from a brief interaction.

Best of luck to you!

I love it when Lizzy contacts me! Why would you think that's disrespectful? Isn't it lovely that there's someone that wants to spend time with you?

And it's been said before, but respect is to be earned, not expected. I feel like I've earned Lizzy's respect and she only calls me Sir when we play because she chooses to.

Lizzy pretty much summed it up.
I think you mis-used the word 'respect'.
Respect is earned, not automatically given when a submissive/or anyone else for that matter, starts talking to you first (or whether you contacted her).
It is impolite to drop out of a conversation however, you have no clue what happened to the submissive irl, she could have experienced a power outage for all we know.

I understand that it's common courtesy not to disappear on someone. Common courtesy.
However, you do not automatically gain respect because you are a dom. Respect is something that is earned.
Also, what is wrong with her contacting you first? I contact my dom all of the time! And interrupt him. I don't expect an immediate response. However, it doesn't mean I don't initiate contact.
Also, people suddenly leave private chats a lot. Sometimes, I accept random ones and once I tell them that I'm interested in sparkles and ancient literature... they just leave. Was it polite? No. In the end, it doesn't really matter.
Did you mention you were irritated that she contacted you first? because...(if so) I would have ran away from that conversation.
What it comes down to... is that it's not disrespectful
because you call yourself a master/dom. It disrespects common courtesy and politeness.
You have to earn respect.

This is really good! I especially love the second paragraph. In my own experience within D/s, it's been all the little things Wardell has done, how he always comes through for me, that have enabled me to submit to him more, to become for fully his. The trust didn't just spontaneously appear; Wardell earned it, thoroughly. That kind of trust is incredibly rare and precious, and not a day goes by that I don't marvel at it

Absolutely!

I also agree with everything NLG said, and I am in awe at her awesomeness right now.

I like what Mandi said, as well, and I will often be given things that are optional, meaning if I truly can't do it, or even if I'm just not feeling subby for some reason, I don't have to do it and I'm not to feel bad about it (even though I usually do). Sometimes you just can't do it all for various reasons and I can't imagine how terrible it would feel to be punished on top of all the other things you're feeling; I don't think that's sustainable.

I agree with both of the comments above (:

A lot of people have told me in the past I'm a really good sub, very obedient, never breaking the rules, etc. If I think about that statement though, "never breaking the rules", I don't really have rules. I did for a little bit, but then (because all D/s is different and all submissive are different) Sir and I, after a really good discussion, elected to change these things from rules to something more like "suggested guidelines". These fit me and my personal submissive nature much better. Since they got 'demoted' I haven't 'broken' any of them. Them not being rules doesn't make me see them as less important or make me see Top Hat as less dominant or less in control.

I suppose, though, we do have unspoken rules. For example, honesty. These are things I don't really see as rules though because it just seems like an obvious thing for a healthy relationship.

Just my two sense (:

I agree with what Tink wrote.

I'm not that much of a hard-ass myself. Sure, I made some rules for my subby! I want her to stick to them. She actually doesn't know all of her rules, but she does them anyway, if that makes senses. If I were to ask her to make a list, she'd get most of them on paper, but not all. But during the day, she does all the things I expect her to do.

It doesn't always work out like I planned. For instance, I have this rule in place where my subby has to edge first thing in the morning. That's because I love it when she's nice and horny. Now, she does this for me on most days, like the good girl she is. There are days where it becomes impossible or hard, because of her schedule, being sick, other people being around or what have you. It goes without saying that she won't edge in those cases! She might mention it, but not always. That doesn't matter to me, because I know she will do it if she can. I know she will try her best to please me!
I think that doesn't make me a bad Dom. Actually, I think it might make me a better Dom to be realistic and nice!

I think to simply measure the quality of a "master" by how strict he is and/or how many rules he sets is a rather shallow system of evaluation. While I agree that any rules, terms, conditions, etc., of a D/s relationship must be thoroughly discussed beforehand so both parties are clear on how the relationship will work, I have a real problem with the "rules" fitting the "master" first because it's his right. Both the dom and the sub have equal rights when it comes to entering into a relationship. The relationship ought to suit both of well, and so the rules ought to suit both the dom and the sub well too. How can a good dom, or "master," set rules that only take himself into account and not the sub? That doesn't show care or attention towards the sub, nor much understanding of responsibility on the dom's part.

I also have issues with the dom not trying to please the sub. I think both persons in the relationship ought to be trying to please one another. I certainly wouldn't expect the dom to cater to the sub's every whim such that the roles are reversed; but good grief, what is the point of being submitted to someone that doesn't care at all about pleasing you? I would think that wouldn't make a fantastic match, nor a very sustainable experience if a dom cared so very little for me.

Then to your third section: if that dom is setting rules to help me become a better person, but is setting them based only on what pleases him, what suits him best, and so forth, with minimal if any regard for me, how can I reasonably put my trust in him to dominate me? It seems a little lacking in logic. I think it works much better when rules and such are discussed and negotiated so they fit both people, so they take into account the lives of each, and so they aren't unreasonably imposed.

What do you think, MasterDaddy02?

That's beautifully written, and I also can somewhat relate to it. Good job!

I like the sentiment a lot

It's always fantastic to read when a relationship is going well, thanks!

Depending on the way you read it, this has a bit of a kafka-esque tone, great to read .
Thanks for posting it here, love poetry!

nice msg dear hope your doing fine ....


norly

May fit to some persons but for me in example it doesnt. I tend to have some shy phases but also some in which I am well not so much shy. It may fit in some points but in the end its text. No mimic no gestic nothing. Just. Some. Letters.

I think the biggest thing to take away from this post is that both parties need to be upfront about what they want. If you are only looking for a Dom to give you one task, or to give you orders for one day, then that is fine. It doesn't make you a "fake" sub, it just might mean that you aren't able to accommodate something long term in your life right now, or maybe it just isn't for you.

To use kittenlyss' candy jar analogy, if you are looking for a jelly bean, but come across a jolly rancher be upfront. Tell them that you are merely looking for a jelly bean, and maybe they would still be happy to help you out. If not then move on and continue your search. If you pretend to want a jolly rancher when you aren't, it just leaves a bitter taste in everybody's mouth.

While I agree that honesty is essential in any D/s-related exchange (within reasonable limits), I do think subs can be 'real' and prefer casual play...

If there was a like button, i would be pushing it a million times for both of you!

I absolutely agree with everything you had said. Each and every member of this site is more than just an avatar, they are more than just a sub or a Dom, they are more than just a computer ... they are people! and all people deserve to be treated with respect.

You would never walk down the street and randomly call somebody a bitch. Why? because it is disrespectful. So why would that be considered acceptable behavior online?

It would be considered inappropriate to proposition a girl, be turned down and lash out at her in the real word, and it would be considered rape or assault if you continued to push her into doing it after she had said no, so again, why would this behavior be tolerable here? The answer is it isn't and it shouldn't.

GetDare is a wonderful community of mostly like minded individuals who can come together and explore our kinks and have fun. That being said, it is reasonable to reach out to others, to request a photo (if it is not listed in their limits) or to request a dare or task, or to start a conversation with the hopes of playing, but you need to respect people when they say No, or tell you that they are unable to do those things because they are spoken for. The fun stops being had, when certain individuals forget how to be respectful.

That is my mini rant for the night.

I agree that respecting people's boundaries is important. But do you mind if I ask why someone disregarding them is cause for you to make a new account? After all, in the instance you describe, they are the party at fault.

HI I agree what really grip me are the 2 message subs, where you spend time building a task with in their limits and you get a four word report back (Done it what now?)

Subs who do not roughly match the word count that I put in to a task in their reply get ignored quite fast. Problem is they can get a way with it as the ratio of Female Subs to Doms allows them to move on to another Dom to get their rock off to his hard work.