Improved tolerance or something - edging and ruins
Posted 02-05-2023 at 07:42 AM by pluky
Some thoughts I wanted to lay here and keep track of, about my relationship with edging.
When I first joined here, I was so mad about being made to do one edge, I hated it, it was just one and it seemed like the end of the world to me, I remember clearly that day, the session, most of what happened in it, and how frustrated I felt.
The somewhere along the line, I had a 3 edges experiences, which felt like an achievement, and still equally hated it.
Then I had a session in which I was made to do 15 ish edges, it felt like self-harm.
The next edging spree I had probably contained 20-ish edges, that once I did not count because I was too busy putting checkmarks on a long list of tasks I had to be done with overnight, the whole list took me around 6 hours edges included. The next day I couldn't stop crying.
3 months without me doing anything of this sort, in fact without really much of anything BDSM related happening, and then I had the last todays ago's experience on ladies.exposed... 41 edges.
I certainly didn't love it, but I didn't hate it ? Those feelings of frustrations were a lot tamer than how it used to be for me. I took notice of it many times during the process, it felt almost normal to do an edge, it didn't feel like absolute torture in and of itself.
In addition to that, I still hated the accidental ruins but they were nowhere nearly as dramatic as usual, they made me tear up a bit but not sob and feel emotionally destroyed for a good few days, tho a bit on edge - no pun intended.
Now I don't particularly know if this was a progression, just how I felt that particular day due to some rare hormonal alignement, or the result of having pretty tame 3 months allowing my body to fully recharge as well as crave a lot of stimulation.
I don't know if I will continue to get better in dealing with such feelings or if it's not really a linear progression and I'll have those bad feelings again. I just wanted to take a moment to document this journey for myself and future play partners if there's ever any, as I'm still ultimately in a learning phase when it comes to all that.
When I first joined here, I was so mad about being made to do one edge, I hated it, it was just one and it seemed like the end of the world to me, I remember clearly that day, the session, most of what happened in it, and how frustrated I felt.
The somewhere along the line, I had a 3 edges experiences, which felt like an achievement, and still equally hated it.
Then I had a session in which I was made to do 15 ish edges, it felt like self-harm.
The next edging spree I had probably contained 20-ish edges, that once I did not count because I was too busy putting checkmarks on a long list of tasks I had to be done with overnight, the whole list took me around 6 hours edges included. The next day I couldn't stop crying.
3 months without me doing anything of this sort, in fact without really much of anything BDSM related happening, and then I had the last todays ago's experience on ladies.exposed... 41 edges.
I certainly didn't love it, but I didn't hate it ? Those feelings of frustrations were a lot tamer than how it used to be for me. I took notice of it many times during the process, it felt almost normal to do an edge, it didn't feel like absolute torture in and of itself.
In addition to that, I still hated the accidental ruins but they were nowhere nearly as dramatic as usual, they made me tear up a bit but not sob and feel emotionally destroyed for a good few days, tho a bit on edge - no pun intended.
Now I don't particularly know if this was a progression, just how I felt that particular day due to some rare hormonal alignement, or the result of having pretty tame 3 months allowing my body to fully recharge as well as crave a lot of stimulation.
I don't know if I will continue to get better in dealing with such feelings or if it's not really a linear progression and I'll have those bad feelings again. I just wanted to take a moment to document this journey for myself and future play partners if there's ever any, as I'm still ultimately in a learning phase when it comes to all that.
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