A random assortment of reports, thoughts, ramblings and information. Pretty much a view inside my wonderfully complicated, sometimes broken, and entertaining mind.
Let me out!
Posted 11-23-2016 at 10:17 AM by Butterfly
For a long time I have known that I identify partly as being a Little.
At first it was just something that set me apart from other people my age: I always was more excitable. I couldn't sleep on Christmas eve, even when I was in high school and knew that Santa didn't exist. I have always slept with a teddy or stuffy. Glitter, Disney and Coloring are some of my favorite things. I love to be annoying. I feel like throwing temper tantrums often. I stomp my foot when I want something. I pout when I don't get my way.
Even my brother will tell people that I am 5 years old most of the time.
I have always felt like I have to hide this part of myself. I have to be the adult, the caretaker, the responsible one. And so I suppress this side of myself.
But that little 5 year old girl is always there. Most of the time I can let her peek out and then hide her back away, but sometimes she is in there throwing a temper tantrum trying to bust out while screaming "Let me out!"
For some reason I haven't been able to fully embrace that side of myself.
After coming to getDare, I started to see posts about DD/lg and age play and Littles. I was always intrigued and would pay extra attention to those posts, but never participate. I will admit that I have always found age play a little icky. I absolutely don't judge those that enjoy it, but it just wasn't something I was interested in. However, one of the things I have learned through my time on getDare is that there is a difference between age play and being a Little.
I have also learned that just because something is the norm, doesn't mean it has to work for me. If it doesn't feel right, I don't have to do it. Just because xyz is how A and B play, doesn't mean I have to do it, or like it.
But letting my Little side out, has become more and more a curiosity of mine as I have seen people who I respect and love on getdare, embrace who they really are and allow it to become a normal part of their D/s dynamic.
One couple that has really effected me is Eivins and DrW. I know they were both hesitant to try it at first, and that the norm, isn't what really fit their dynamic, and so they embraced it in their own way, and it works for them! This has really resonated with me. And these past few months, it has been on my mind more and more.
I want to let the Little inside of me out. I do. But I also feel silly. And a bit anxious. What if we try it and it feels silly? What if I have a hard time controlling that side of me once we start? What happens if other people don't accept me for who I am? What if Asslvr thinks it is weird?
I'd love to explore some more. Just let loose and see what happens. I'd love to have one night a week where I could just let myself be Little and allow somebody else to take care of me for once. To put my phone away because little girls don't need phones. To not worry about solving everybody's problems or adulting because that is for the grown ups to worry about. I want somebody to tuck me into bed with my stuffy and read me a bedtime story and make sure I am comfy and cozy before they go to sleep.
But I don't know where to start. Or how to let go.
I would be open to any suggestions, stories, experiences, or advice because I feel lost.
At first it was just something that set me apart from other people my age: I always was more excitable. I couldn't sleep on Christmas eve, even when I was in high school and knew that Santa didn't exist. I have always slept with a teddy or stuffy. Glitter, Disney and Coloring are some of my favorite things. I love to be annoying. I feel like throwing temper tantrums often. I stomp my foot when I want something. I pout when I don't get my way.
Even my brother will tell people that I am 5 years old most of the time.
I have always felt like I have to hide this part of myself. I have to be the adult, the caretaker, the responsible one. And so I suppress this side of myself.
But that little 5 year old girl is always there. Most of the time I can let her peek out and then hide her back away, but sometimes she is in there throwing a temper tantrum trying to bust out while screaming "Let me out!"
For some reason I haven't been able to fully embrace that side of myself.
After coming to getDare, I started to see posts about DD/lg and age play and Littles. I was always intrigued and would pay extra attention to those posts, but never participate. I will admit that I have always found age play a little icky. I absolutely don't judge those that enjoy it, but it just wasn't something I was interested in. However, one of the things I have learned through my time on getDare is that there is a difference between age play and being a Little.
I have also learned that just because something is the norm, doesn't mean it has to work for me. If it doesn't feel right, I don't have to do it. Just because xyz is how A and B play, doesn't mean I have to do it, or like it.
But letting my Little side out, has become more and more a curiosity of mine as I have seen people who I respect and love on getdare, embrace who they really are and allow it to become a normal part of their D/s dynamic.
One couple that has really effected me is Eivins and DrW. I know they were both hesitant to try it at first, and that the norm, isn't what really fit their dynamic, and so they embraced it in their own way, and it works for them! This has really resonated with me. And these past few months, it has been on my mind more and more.
I want to let the Little inside of me out. I do. But I also feel silly. And a bit anxious. What if we try it and it feels silly? What if I have a hard time controlling that side of me once we start? What happens if other people don't accept me for who I am? What if Asslvr thinks it is weird?
I'd love to explore some more. Just let loose and see what happens. I'd love to have one night a week where I could just let myself be Little and allow somebody else to take care of me for once. To put my phone away because little girls don't need phones. To not worry about solving everybody's problems or adulting because that is for the grown ups to worry about. I want somebody to tuck me into bed with my stuffy and read me a bedtime story and make sure I am comfy and cozy before they go to sleep.
But I don't know where to start. Or how to let go.
I would be open to any suggestions, stories, experiences, or advice because I feel lost.
Total Comments 5
Comments
-
So, this kind of resonates with me, because in my relationship with Duchess, I do display some child-like tendencies, even though I don't identify as 'little' per se. But I do love spending time playing with my Legos, and I have two stuffies that sleep on my bed (one of them belongs to the cat now), and I call her mommy (there's probably other things, but those are what come to mind right now). I think the main deciding factor of not being a little, in my mind is there is no age play or whatever? I don't really consider myself a child in an adult's body, instead, I consider myself an adult with child-like interests. To an outsider looking in, I might be considered a little I suppose, but I guess it's really up to me in the end.
I guess my point is, you are allowed to be you. The cornerstone of any good relationship has to be communication. I doubt Asslvr is going to find stuff you are interested in to be weird. I'd wager he probably already sees some of that in you and is hesitant to bring it up, or maybe he's just not sure how to define it exactly. If you want to try something, I would recommend bringing it up with him. See what he thinks, suggest just like you mentioned here, trying it out for a day every week, or once a month, or whatever works for you. Experiment (after all, that's how you got into impact play right). But I think if you don't at least talk to him about it, you'll never know, right?
I understand the fear of 'losing control' of that part of yourself if you start experimenting with it. And it's entirely possible you might at first. I think if you limit who you are, or submerge a part of yourself, once that part gets some freedom it might be hard to pull back at first, but eventually your life will come back into balance. I think of it like a rubber band under stress, there are two options, keep it under pressure until it snaps, or release it. If you choose to release it then yes, it will snap out a lot, but then it will spring back to 'normal'. Besides, if it does spring out of control, isn't that what having a caretaker is there for? To keep you in line and make sure everything works out for the best?
Anyways, I've rambled a lot here, I apologize, but I hope I've helped some. I love you and hope you find what works best for you.Posted 11-23-2016 at 10:48 AM by pet monkey 
-
You know, I think that a lot of what Monkey has said here is really what I would offer as advice as well. Also, I wanted to offer a little bit of my own experience:
I, like you, have always been the caretaker, the responsible adult, and the glue that held my family and friends together when things get rough. I would often be described as "serious," "maternal," and sometimes even "abrasive" by people - never immature, cute, or silly. It's no surprise that in my relationship with Monkey, I'm the Dom.
I even convinced myself, for quite some time (StrawDog will tell ya
), that I was undeserving of care. I wasn't small or cute enough to be the one who gets spoiled, who gets to pout, etc. etc. Especially not when I also genuinely want to nurture. But I also genuinely want to be cute and feel delicate, small, and precious. And that's really counter-intuitive to both my outward personality and the role I typically play in relationships. But I'm a brat. Monkey has to put me to sleep sometimes. I get excited for christmas, just like you! I like bright pastels and coloring on his belly and all kinds of traditionally "little" stuff, even though I haven't put that particular label on it. To monkey, I'm just the Duchess and whatever that entails for me.
Our relationship works on quite the sliding scale, which is great, because we believe everything exists on a spectrum. Even if I'm bratty and annoying and cute and tiny, I'm still the Duchess and will boss him around as I so please. It doesn't stop him from being childish, himself. Oftentimes we'll be all giggly and excited together like a couple of goofs. And when I snap back to that stern, Mommy mode, the boy knows he'd better behave or else he's getting a-spankin'!
But it took a lot of time for me to learn to trust him with my genuine expression of self and to love that part of me, to think of it less as a facet cut off from the rest of my "modes" and more as a host of behaviors that are an integrated natural part of my personality. I'm not little - I just like Dreamworks and pastels and lolita stuff and glitter. I'm also nurturing and sadistic and scholarly and opinionated and insecure and greedy and kind and helpful and just a three-dimensional fucking person (with a huge potty mouth).
If the way that being a little makes most sense to you is to create chunks of time where you can fully immerse yourself in that mental space, then it's important to create that for yourself because it's a part of you. But also consider the possibility that it's okay for you to be a small, adorable, bratty, nuturing, responsible, no-nonsense adult who likes Disney, glitter, and being fucked rough and dirty. We're complex individuals that are complicated and contradictory, but because we're human, we're more than capable of embodying all of these wonderful contradictions and turning them into a palette of vibrant personality.
But I think it begins with first realizing how cute and lovable it is that you like all of these "Little" things and how happy it makes you feel, and how much you are worth it to share this part of you with Asslvr and how much he deserves to know and fall in love with every part of you. Then, just try being genuine. If something makes you happy, get excited and dance around and squeak and be small and cute. Be unreasonable sometimes and pout when you're not satisfied about something. Tell Asslvr that you're a damn princess, just like the ones from Disney, and you demand a glitter party. The people in our lives are too precious to be denied the parts of us that are most vibrant and genuine. We are too precious to deny ourselves the freedom to share that part of ourselves with others.Posted 11-23-2016 at 12:54 PM by iSpuds
Updated 11-23-2016 at 12:58 PM by iSpuds -
Boy,....
To me it feels so sad if people hide themselves, try to do the norm.
To fit in society it is good to behave in a respecting way to others. But that for sure does not mean that you have to lie to yourself. My advice,... Be little,... Be yourself,... Stop withholding your environment from seeing the true you. Have respect and be social to your environment, but dont imitate it just because you assume being a carbon copy of it is the only right way to fit in.
In reality,... The odd people make the party.Posted 11-23-2016 at 01:31 PM by sir stefan
-
This made me smile so much.
For me, it was about having a safe space to explore being a little. Wardell provided that for me, for which I am very grateful. I also have certain spaces, like a spare room, where I designate it more of an...interruption-free place where I don't have to worry about what anyone thinks, where I can get away from all responsibilities, etc., and just let myself be for a while.
It was most helpful for me to start with calling Wardell 'Daddy', and we'd just add in a little step here and there. But, our dynamic never included ageplay per se. So I think the only other suggestion I can give is to maybe plan an activity together that allows you to let your little side out. Like, Saturday afternoon you're going to have a tea party, or you're going to wear fuzzy pj's and watch a Disney movie and colour one night together, or something that lets you indulge and express your little side. You don't necessarily have to dive right into the deep end. Choose something that intrigues you, that makes that little side of you jump up and down, and carve out a time for it.
And it might be scary at first to show someone else that part of you, it always is for me with pretty much anything, but it's so wonderful when they respond well. Cling to that. You know asslvr has loved every bit of you that you've ever shown him, this won't be any different.
I hope you have the best time exploring. It's wonderful, you're going to love it more and more, I'm sure.Posted 11-24-2016 at 12:06 AM by naughtylittlegirl
-
Everyone has given good advice already, so I'll just add a little bit.
When AM and I first started exploring this together I felt SO silly and wouldn't let myself go and just allow that part of me out, so he set me a task to do.
He linked me a site with pictures to colour online and told me to choose one and colour it with no other distractions. When I was done he asked me are you 6? 7? 8? etc and my answer was to be bigger or smaller, and answer without thinking.
That was the first step we took to exploring ddlg and it helped me not feel so silly as he had chose the task FOR me, I didn't have to ask or do it alone.
He started to put me to bed every night before he went to bed and either talk or read to me before he did so he settled me down and helped me sleep better. And he asked continously how I felt, if there was anything I would like to try, did I want co call him daddy?
The first time I called him daddy I felt so silly and blushy and stupid and weird...but it got easier. It felt more natural (much like Master, come to think about it.) and came more easily and soon there wasn't any prompting on his part before he was bombarded with daddy daddy daddy!!! when I was excited or had to tell him about something.
I was so sure he would think I was strange, that he wouldn't like that part of me...but he did! He loves that part of me and I'm sure Asslvr will love that part of you too.
It's not a separate part but it's YOU, and he loves you. Allllll of you!
It's scary and strange at first but it becomes natural very fast and it's adorable and cute and Asslvr loves when you're cute!
I will send AM to you when he's around as well, he taught me sooo much in this regard and he's much better at explaining than me.
Love you <3Posted 11-24-2016 at 08:38 AM by IceMaiden
