Master, blog, mistakes
Posted 04-16-2015 at 03:45 AM by sparklystar
Ok, so today's blog is a collection of thought process and generally announcements rather than an actual blog.
First up is this blog. Now this blog is my freedom of speech. It's something that I'm not prepared to stop in an M/s relationship. The reason for this is that this is my only place to come to talk about my submissive life. No one in my real life knows about the submission, except my ex-boyfriend and talking to him in the middle of a maths lecture is not an appropriate place or time to talk about it either. Yes I do talk to him about what is going on in my submissive life and yes he's helpful but he's hardly ever there. It feels weird walking into his flat to talk to him about my new life, so I avoid it if possible. Instead I post on here about what is happening and any interesting questions I get given, like the one yesterday.
This leads me onto mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes in life. I've made loads including letting my real life boyfriend be my master as it has now created a strained relationship. However as a submissive I feel we are more readily able to admit to mistakes than a Master. Yesterday is an example of this.
Now I'm not going to go into full detail over what happened but my Master was upset over me posting the blog titled: if you could chose one aspect of BDSM for life to practise what would you choose? The generally feeling from him is that I should have asked for permission to post it. However as I've previously said, my blog is my freedom of speech about this lifestyle I have chosen. The question is in no way harming him or even me. It's just asking for people's opinions. It's not harmful, degrading, abusive - there's nothing wrong with it. Yet he got upset over it. For once in my life I stood up for my reasoning and said it wasn't fair to not be allowed to post my views. He did agree and saw it was an over-reation and he admitted his mistake in his actions, which I admire him for as it's hard to admit mistakes. As a sub I know it's easier and less likely to lead to trouble if I admit mistakes i have made in my duties as submissive but master's aren't taught the same actions so it's harder for them.
However it also leads to my third point. My master over-reacted and yes he admitted it and said it won't happen again and I believe him, but it upset me. It really upset me and the only people who I can tell that I was upset about it is you lot. It made me think about the relationship. We haven't been together long but before I went on tour I started feeling uncomfortable following his orders. I thought he was the right master for me but it turns out he wasn't.
Now don't get me wrong I wanted things to work out, I tried my hardest once back from tour to feel comfortable with him but it wasn't happening. His over-reaction made me realise that I wasn't happy and we discussed everything through.
I came to the conclusion that it is the age gap between us that was making me feel uncomfortable. All my previous master's have been younger than me or very close in age. This age gap was not huge but bigger than I had had before and outside a range I had stated on my ad. It was this that was making me feel uncomfortable and the location/timezone that was leading to lack of communication.
As a result we have agreed to split and I wish him all the best of luck in finding a submissive better fitted to him than me. It is an amicable split and we are still friends but that's how we work better anyway. It means I am on the search for a Master again.
And don't for a second believe that because I gave up on this relationship it means that I am not a submissive or dedicated, it just means this wasn't the right one for me and when I find the one I will be dedicated. I have proved this in my actions of following orders (minus the bad day).
Sparklystar
First up is this blog. Now this blog is my freedom of speech. It's something that I'm not prepared to stop in an M/s relationship. The reason for this is that this is my only place to come to talk about my submissive life. No one in my real life knows about the submission, except my ex-boyfriend and talking to him in the middle of a maths lecture is not an appropriate place or time to talk about it either. Yes I do talk to him about what is going on in my submissive life and yes he's helpful but he's hardly ever there. It feels weird walking into his flat to talk to him about my new life, so I avoid it if possible. Instead I post on here about what is happening and any interesting questions I get given, like the one yesterday.
This leads me onto mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes in life. I've made loads including letting my real life boyfriend be my master as it has now created a strained relationship. However as a submissive I feel we are more readily able to admit to mistakes than a Master. Yesterday is an example of this.
Now I'm not going to go into full detail over what happened but my Master was upset over me posting the blog titled: if you could chose one aspect of BDSM for life to practise what would you choose? The generally feeling from him is that I should have asked for permission to post it. However as I've previously said, my blog is my freedom of speech about this lifestyle I have chosen. The question is in no way harming him or even me. It's just asking for people's opinions. It's not harmful, degrading, abusive - there's nothing wrong with it. Yet he got upset over it. For once in my life I stood up for my reasoning and said it wasn't fair to not be allowed to post my views. He did agree and saw it was an over-reation and he admitted his mistake in his actions, which I admire him for as it's hard to admit mistakes. As a sub I know it's easier and less likely to lead to trouble if I admit mistakes i have made in my duties as submissive but master's aren't taught the same actions so it's harder for them.
However it also leads to my third point. My master over-reacted and yes he admitted it and said it won't happen again and I believe him, but it upset me. It really upset me and the only people who I can tell that I was upset about it is you lot. It made me think about the relationship. We haven't been together long but before I went on tour I started feeling uncomfortable following his orders. I thought he was the right master for me but it turns out he wasn't.
Now don't get me wrong I wanted things to work out, I tried my hardest once back from tour to feel comfortable with him but it wasn't happening. His over-reaction made me realise that I wasn't happy and we discussed everything through.
I came to the conclusion that it is the age gap between us that was making me feel uncomfortable. All my previous master's have been younger than me or very close in age. This age gap was not huge but bigger than I had had before and outside a range I had stated on my ad. It was this that was making me feel uncomfortable and the location/timezone that was leading to lack of communication.
As a result we have agreed to split and I wish him all the best of luck in finding a submissive better fitted to him than me. It is an amicable split and we are still friends but that's how we work better anyway. It means I am on the search for a Master again.
And don't for a second believe that because I gave up on this relationship it means that I am not a submissive or dedicated, it just means this wasn't the right one for me and when I find the one I will be dedicated. I have proved this in my actions of following orders (minus the bad day).
Sparklystar
Total Comments 11
Comments
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You have done what is right for you, for you both even. That's only a good thing.
Good luck with finding someone else.
Being with the wrong ones only makes being with the right ones even sweeter.Posted 04-16-2015 at 05:09 AM by Saddi 
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If you are more comfortable being out of the relationship than in it, then this was absolutely the right decision. I am sorry things didn't work out, but if they weren't right then I'm also very happy that you are moving forward. Good for you to stand up for yourself and be aware of what you want and need, and I wish you all the very best in everything that comes next.
PS: If anyone does say you aren't a submissive or dedicated because you made a decision about what was good for you, then they are stupid-heads and not worthy of you in the slightest.Posted 04-16-2015 at 06:09 AM by naughtylittlegirl
Updated 04-16-2015 at 06:30 AM by naughtylittlegirl -
I want to say a few things ....
1. Good for you for standing up for yourself. Just because you are submissive doesn't mean you are can be walked on.
2. Everybody makes mistakes and that includes Doms and Masters. The good ones will stand up and admit they made a mistake and do what they can to fix it.
3. Blogs are a safe place for you to express your thoughts and feelings. People may not always agree and a discussion will happen, but you should be allowed to post whatever you want. I never ask permission from Sir to post a blog. As a courtesy, I will let him read my blog if it has a lot of information that is personal to us, just to make sure he is comfortable with what I am sharing. But either way, never let anybody restrict your freedom of speech.
4. I am very sorry to hear that things didn't work out for you and MD but I wish you both the best of luck. When you meet somebody who just clicks with you, it is magical.Posted 04-16-2015 at 07:30 AM by Butterfly
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I just wanted to say that I'm sorry to hear things didn't work out for you guys.
But also: I'm very glad you stood up for yourself! You always have the right to free speech! It's good that MD admitted he was in the wrong, but not everyone is compatible in D/s. It's not a poor reflection on you or him. Doms make mistakes and so do subs. We're all human here. I just hope that you both find what you're looking for!Posted 04-16-2015 at 09:01 AM by eivins
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It sounds like you can't be trusted!! So do you as a sub, know the real meaning , when both sides are not right!!
People in real life, don't jump ship!!!! They save each other!! From your BS, you just wanted the master to drown!!!
Not a cool thing in my castle book!!!!Posted 04-17-2015 at 09:30 PM by MasterDean
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@MD - everybody is ultimately responsible for themselves and their own happiness. Sparkly star did a good job of standing up for herself and what she needed. She wasn't asking for you to fail as a Dom, from the sounds of it you both just needed different things to succeed in a D/s or M/s relationship. There is nothing wrong with that. Some people just don't click together. She shouldn't be harassed for making that decision.
Posted 04-17-2015 at 09:55 PM by Butterfly
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@MD: That's an awful lot of judgement for someone who was not in the relationship. Do you have some insight that we are unaware of? Your profile says you are new here, so unless you either are SparklyStar or masterdaddy02, I would think not.
Oh, and what you describe here is a rather unhealthy view of relationships, don't you think? I mean, if someone realizes the relationship is not right for them, then that would indicate the relationship is not right for both people. And then SparlyStar posted a very fair, respectful blog, said not an unkind word against her former partner, but simply stated where they disagreed (which he admitted was a mistake on his part, not hers) and then explained they decided it was best to go their separate ways. Why then, if they can both be so mature and decent about it, are you, a random stranger who literally just joined gD, now commenting so violently on her blog post?Posted 04-17-2015 at 10:07 PM by naughtylittlegirl
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It really sounds like you had a good sub you didnt deserve. I seen her ad originally and thought that girls going to get a great master. Then I saw she picked you and I thought to myself are you kidding that guys a joke...Quote:Originally Posted by MasterDean
It sounds like you can't be trusted!! So do you as a sub, know the real meaning , when both sides are not right!!
People in real life, don't jump ship!!!! They save each other!! From your BS, you just wanted the master to drown!!!
Not a cool thing in my castle book!!!!
I am just glad you decided to make a new account to talk crap to your former sub rather then just with your own account. I mean how low can you get?? Its much better to try being the bigger person and wish them all the luck in the world and wonder what you each could have done differently and grow from it.Posted 04-17-2015 at 10:38 PM by Shadowice
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Ok so first off thank you all for sticking up for me, I really do appreciate it.
Even though MD is banned I know he will still be reading this. I didn't want us to fail. I felt uncomfortable in a relationship because of an age gap. You've kind of proved my point about freedom of speech by reacting so angrily. You (well not you but you're actual real account) have recently posted about making mistakes. I admitted to all mistakes I made in our relationship and one of those is choosing you as a Master, not because you aren't a good master but because it wasn't right for me.
To Butterfly, thank you so much for your PM and your comments here. You're right about needing to find a master to click with. I really appreciate you sticking up for me when you don't even know me.
naughtylittlegirl - you kind of hit the nail on the head with your comment. MD is my old master posing under a new name. He's posting his insight in what happened. I accept some of the blame for what happened is mine but some is also his. Maybe he's right and I did give up to quickly, but I know deep down that I wouldn't get any more comfortable with him as my master because the age gap would always bother me. And I always try and see the best in people, its why I would never say unkind things about them, even in the heat of the moment. Thank you for sticking up for me
shadowice - Thank you for your comment, I wrote the ad honestly and detailed so I could make the best decisions. We all make stupid, rash decisions in the heat of the moment it doesn't mean we are being low and shallow about it. It's just our gut instinct. I'm sure I've had moments where I have wanted to say similar things about people like MD did. The only difference is knowing when to say them. Thank you for your support.Posted 04-18-2015 at 12:36 AM by sparklystar
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Star - I do accept some of blame also for our relationship. I also feel, that communications are so very important. You must understand that you have a voice. Have that right to be heard. So please don't forget it! Just remember what we discuss, which is private between you and me. Thank you for those kind words. Yes, Star, is something so very special. That is the honest truth!Posted 04-18-2015 at 01:13 AM by MasterDaddy02
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I think you absolutely did the right thing, and that MD is precisely wrong, and you did not give up too quickly. You have every right to feel entirely comfortable in a relationship, and every right to end it if something doesn't sit right. There are countless cases where people didn't trust their gut when they had misgivings, when they stayed and shouldn't have. I am very glad you weren't one of those people, particularly given some of the...results we have witnessed in the last little bit. You are a wonderful person, a good, dedicated sub, and you've shown you have good instincts and you know how to love and take care of yourself. You deserve a dom who does you justice
Posted 04-18-2015 at 03:38 AM by naughtylittlegirl
