Non-Fiction: Dylan's crazy new girlfriend

Teacher · 10-08-2011, 07:10 PM

Here's the characters and what this story is about (I'll start writing tomorrow)
Characters
Dylan
Rose
More characters will be added

This is a story about Dylan and Rose meeting online and finding out they live close. They meet in real person and fall in love then Dylan learns Roses secret and loves it....

Teacher · 10-09-2011, 11:44 AM

Chapter one
Dylan has been nervous lately about meeting his new girlfriend at red lobster. Dylan and Rose have been chatting on a dating site for 10 months now and just figured out they both live in the same town. They decided to chat some more on the site about their interest and everything about eathother. It was finally time they went on a date and they were both nervous

Dylan gets to red lobster and sits in the reserved section and waits for Rose. Dylan decides to order a water with a slice of lemon while he waits. About 30 minutes go by and Rose still didnt show up. Dylan gets mad and starts to leave. He opens Red Lobsters doors and runs into a beautiful lady. It was Rose and she was apologizing for being late because she had a flat tire. They go back to the table and order their drinks and food.

Dylan ordered a giant Lobster and Rose ordered the small shrimp. They started talking about themselves and figured out alot. They both like sex, animals, wearing girls underwear (Rose laughed at that), and they decided for Rose to move in. They finish their dinner and Dylan gives Rose his address to come over that night then they say goodbye.

Dylan gets home at around 7:30 an plays catch with his dog until 10:00 when he hears a knock at the door. Dylan answers the door nude for Rose and sees it's a young girl scout selling cookies. The little girl screams and runs away. Dylan was very shocked and just closed the door and put his clothes back on. Dylan decided to watch south park until Rose got to his house. Dylan gets a kick at the door at 11:36 and answers the door......

Dylan xX · 10-09-2011, 01:16 PM

@ girl scouts. Poor souls

Quote:

Originally Posted by Teacher

Dylan decided to watch south park until Rose got to his house. Dylan gets a kick at the door at 11:36 and answers the door......

Oh shit, it's the little girl with 2 cops this time! Nice job pedo!

WowwieGoesWoof · 10-09-2011, 01:19 PM

Lol I won't even go to lengths to post a troll face pic here... Too obviously a TROLL lolol. Silly.

darebunny22 · 10-09-2011, 01:27 PM

You say this is non fiction? did you really just meet a girl off online dating one time and then move in with her?

catsanddogs · 10-09-2011, 01:51 PM

ummmmmmmm. interesting to say the least

Saphir · 10-09-2011, 01:57 PM

to be fair, I feel like I need to mention, you didn't really chose the best name for your protagonist.

However if you write a story on here, you should try to be more descriptive, include dialogues... etc.

Good luck

Teacher · 10-09-2011, 01:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by darebunny22

You say this is non fiction? did you really just meet a girl off online dating one time and then move in with her?

Sorry it's fiction must have clicked the wrong button

wme · 10-09-2011, 06:44 PM

actually I think Rose is a good name for a protagonist. Possibly slutlike. THought nice by her parents. But possibly cold as ice.

Teacher · 10-10-2011, 03:28 PM

I'm sorry you guys hate the name rose just pretend it's a different name ok?

Part 2
Dylan answers the door to find his new girlfriend Rose soaking wet at the front door. She explains to him that she is very mad because the sprinkler went off and she stood at the door for 10 minutes knocking but the TV was turned up to loud. After Dylan apologizes and kisses Rose they decide their "tired" and go to the bedroom. Rose decides to use the bathroom so she dosnt have to go later while Dylan sits their and waits. 0 minutes later Dylan decides to walk into the bathroom to see what's taking so long so he walks in sees her on the toilet smells the disgusting air and walks back to the bed as silent as ever.

After another 5 minutes Rose walks out in just pastries and g string. Dylan smiles then gets ready for the fun night. Rose jumps to the bed but fails miserably and lands on the floor. Dylan cracks up laughing at the site then realizes Rose isn't getting up. Dylan jumps out of bed and finds Rose laughing silently at his concern. Rose gets up and they go to bed to gave a fun night. Rose kept screaming stop at around 3:30 AM to make it exciting then hears a knock at the door. Dylan gets out of bed and puts on his robe to see who's their. Dylan opens the door to see 2 cops asking what the yells of stops were then Rose walks in completely nude. The cops stare at amazement then whispers to eachother saying how does this mn flyer that and other stuff like that. The cops say goodbye and whispers into Dylan's ear have fun but keep it down.

The next morning Rose and Dylan wake up at 7:00 am because Rose had to go to work. Dylan goes back to bed when Rose leaves then here's a phone ring and it's Roses. Dylan didn't see who was calling but decided to check her iPhones Internet history to see what's up. He unlocks her phone because he knew the code and gasps at the site she's on.......

Saphir · 10-10-2011, 04:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wme

actually I think Rose is a good name for a protagonist. Possibly slutlike. THought nice by her parents. But possibly cold as ice.

I was rather referring to Dylan, which is why there are some weird replies to this thread... This story seems like trolling, just because of the name (okay, a bit also because of the writing in comparison to it)

No offence meant, the author might just have missed that and didn't mean it as trolling... but it kinda looks like, just saying... ^^

@Teacher:
Your story might have an interesting plot, but if you want to attract readers I think you should generally change your writing style in some points. (I'm just being honest, to give you some hints, no offence meant^^)

A story is usually set in past tense, not in present tense, because it's better to read. Past tense is used for narration... well because you usually tell things that happened, not that happen generally/right now. (That's why present tense usually sounds a bit awkward^^)

You should write in detail and use dialogues. (I'm sorry for any grammatical errors or typos, I didn't have someone check this for me)

Indirekt speech ("She explains to him that she is very mad because (the sprinkler went off and) she stood at the door for 10 minutes but the TV was turned up to loud.") sounds like you are summarizing something. We don't want to read a summary, we want to be there, we want to see it, hear it, feel it!

Rose didn't look happy at all. "Damn Dylan, I'm so fucking pissed. Why didn't you answer the door? You know I would come, why did you turn up the TV so loud that you couldn't hear anything?" (.... Dyls reaction)

"Dylan answers the door to find his new girlfriend Rose soaking wet at the front door."

Show, don't tell:
Dylan stood up and went to the door. When he opened it, he saw his girlfriend Rose soaking wet at the front door.

Just random examples.
I hope you don't take it as offence or something

Love

Teacher · 10-10-2011, 04:59 PM

I do take that offensive or dude I read your message so pissed off because your trying to change me IS THAT BETTER lol I'm kidding thanks for the advice

Teacher · 10-10-2011, 08:12 PM

I decided not to finish this story because of wowwiegoeswoof he says a really suck at writing so I'm gonna stop writing

Kewai · 10-10-2011, 08:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Teacher

I decided not to finish this story because of wowwiegoeswoof he says a really suck at writing so I'm gonna stop writing

Wowwie, your a troll

AMGWallHax · 10-10-2011, 08:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Teacher

he says a really suck at writing so I'm gonna stop writing

He says I* really suck at writing.

10-08-2011, 07:10 PM	#1
Teacher Account Banned Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: None of your business perv Posts: 33	Dylan's crazy new girlfriend Here's the characters and what this story is about (I'll start writing tomorrow) Characters Dylan Rose More characters will be added This is a story about Dylan and Rose meeting online and finding out they live close. They meet in real person and fall in love then Dylan learns Roses secret and loves it....

10-09-2011, 11:44 AM	#2
Teacher Account Banned Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: None of your business perv Posts: 33	Chapter one Dylan has been nervous lately about meeting his new girlfriend at red lobster. Dylan and Rose have been chatting on a dating site for 10 months now and just figured out they both live in the same town. They decided to chat some more on the site about their interest and everything about eathother. It was finally time they went on a date and they were both nervous Dylan gets to red lobster and sits in the reserved section and waits for Rose. Dylan decides to order a water with a slice of lemon while he waits. About 30 minutes go by and Rose still didnt show up. Dylan gets mad and starts to leave. He opens Red Lobsters doors and runs into a beautiful lady. It was Rose and she was apologizing for being late because she had a flat tire. They go back to the table and order their drinks and food. Dylan ordered a giant Lobster and Rose ordered the small shrimp. They started talking about themselves and figured out alot. They both like sex, animals, wearing girls underwear (Rose laughed at that), and they decided for Rose to move in. They finish their dinner and Dylan gives Rose his address to come over that night then they say goodbye. Dylan gets home at around 7:30 an plays catch with his dog until 10:00 when he hears a knock at the door. Dylan answers the door nude for Rose and sees it's a young girl scout selling cookies. The little girl screams and runs away. Dylan was very shocked and just closed the door and put his clothes back on. Dylan decided to watch south park until Rose got to his house. Dylan gets a kick at the door at 11:36 and answers the door...... __________________ My story Dylan's new girlfriend Loves: crossdressing, porn, asses, mild pain, wedgies, and being a dare slave/master Maybe: semi public (woods), chance of being caught, pictures Hate: public, permanent, location, illegal

10-09-2011, 01:27 PM	#5
darebunny22 Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2011 Location: England Posts: 157	You say this is non fiction? did you really just meet a girl off online dating one time and then move in with her? __________________ A True Artist At Heart xxxx Please read my Stories Lucky Horshoe Love Unforgiven

10-09-2011, 01:51 PM	#6
catsanddogs getDare Sweetheart Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: why so you can be a stalker? Posts: 477	ummmmmmmm. interesting to say the least __________________ 21M gay I be a Bitch A Beautiful Individual That Causes Hell I'm still learning things about myself thanks to a few pplz here Trueblue333,Akari, and Stinkbutt Love you all<3 And bitch better be ready to TasteTheRainbow!!! And there are still a few ppl here I still love Vexus,Tadoms,DylanXx and ConnorXx,Meeacaroline,and all I can remember. If I forgot someone I'm sorry and. Still love you <3

10-09-2011, 06:44 PM	#9
wme Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2011 Location: USA Posts: 157 Blog Entries: 3	actually I think Rose is a good name for a protagonist. Possibly slutlike. THought nice by her parents. But possibly cold as ice. __________________ Likes: Xdress, Wedgies, Spank in bondage Limits: High public Risks, Family YOU CAN SCREW ME UP BUT YOU CAN'T PIN ME DOWN

10-09-2011, 01:19 PM	#4
WowwieGoesWoof getDare Sweetheart Join Date: Sep 2010 Posts: 415	Lol I won't even go to lengths to post a troll face pic here... Too obviously a TROLL lolol. Silly.

10-09-2011, 01:57 PM	#7
Saphir getDare Sweetheart Join Date: Dec 2010 Posts: 425	to be fair, I feel like I need to mention, you didn't really chose the best name for your protagonist. However if you write a story on here, you should try to be more descriptive, include dialogues... etc. Good luck

10-10-2011, 03:28 PM	#10
Teacher Account Banned Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: None of your business perv Posts: 33	I'm sorry you guys hate the name rose just pretend it's a different name ok? Part 2 Dylan answers the door to find his new girlfriend Rose soaking wet at the front door. She explains to him that she is very mad because the sprinkler went off and she stood at the door for 10 minutes knocking but the TV was turned up to loud. After Dylan apologizes and kisses Rose they decide their "tired" and go to the bedroom. Rose decides to use the bathroom so she dosnt have to go later while Dylan sits their and waits. 0 minutes later Dylan decides to walk into the bathroom to see what's taking so long so he walks in sees her on the toilet smells the disgusting air and walks back to the bed as silent as ever. After another 5 minutes Rose walks out in just pastries and g string. Dylan smiles then gets ready for the fun night. Rose jumps to the bed but fails miserably and lands on the floor. Dylan cracks up laughing at the site then realizes Rose isn't getting up. Dylan jumps out of bed and finds Rose laughing silently at his concern. Rose gets up and they go to bed to gave a fun night. Rose kept screaming stop at around 3:30 AM to make it exciting then hears a knock at the door. Dylan gets out of bed and puts on his robe to see who's their. Dylan opens the door to see 2 cops asking what the yells of stops were then Rose walks in completely nude. The cops stare at amazement then whispers to eachother saying how does this mn flyer that and other stuff like that. The cops say goodbye and whispers into Dylan's ear have fun but keep it down. The next morning Rose and Dylan wake up at 7:00 am because Rose had to go to work. Dylan goes back to bed when Rose leaves then here's a phone ring and it's Roses. Dylan didn't see who was calling but decided to check her iPhones Internet history to see what's up. He unlocks her phone because he knew the code and gasps at the site she's on....... __________________ My story Dylan's new girlfriend Loves: crossdressing, porn, asses, mild pain, wedgies, and being a dare slave/master Maybe: semi public (woods), chance of being caught, pictures Hate: public, permanent, location, illegal

10-10-2011, 04:59 PM	#12
Teacher Account Banned Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: None of your business perv Posts: 33	I do take that offensive or dude I read your message so pissed off because your trying to change me IS THAT BETTER lol I'm kidding thanks for the advice __________________ My story Dylan's new girlfriend Loves: crossdressing, porn, asses, mild pain, wedgies, and being a dare slave/master Maybe: semi public (woods), chance of being caught, pictures Hate: public, permanent, location, illegal

10-10-2011, 08:12 PM	#13
Teacher Account Banned Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: None of your business perv Posts: 33	I decided not to finish this story because of wowwiegoeswoof he says a really suck at writing so I'm gonna stop writing __________________ My story Dylan's new girlfriend Loves: crossdressing, porn, asses, mild pain, wedgies, and being a dare slave/master Maybe: semi public (woods), chance of being caught, pictures Hate: public, permanent, location, illegal Last edited by Teacher; 10-10-2011 at 08:13 PM. Reason: His name