Being a Dom...

Merlin · 01-12-2008, 05:49 PM

You could describe a Dom/Sub relationship with these simple words:
"The Dom is ordering his Sub whatever he wants, to fulfill his needs. And the Sub is only there to obey every command that is given by the Dom."

This sounds like an easy thing and i get the impression some people thing that this is really that easy.
New or bad Doms sometimes seem to think that the only thing a Dom has to do is giving orders and lean back, while they are carried out by the Sub. You could get the impression being a Dom is easier than being a Sub because you don't have to do anything.

What these people are missing is that for being a Dom it needs a lot more than that. As soon as you are ordering a Sub to do something you are responsible for everything that might happen. You need to be aware of the risks, the consequences (positive or negative) and how to react on them.
Before you even think about to give an order you should always know what you are doing. You will need to get the knowledge about what can happen and what can be done to prevent harm to the Sub. You will have to always hold contact with the Sub, and if anything is getting out of control stop immediately.
You have to know the Sub you are working with as you can never rely only on the Sub telling you when you have gone to far. You will have to discuss about tasks as long you are not really know the other one. You have to learn to read even the smallest signs of your Sub, so you can react before the things already gone to far.

[to be continued]

TheLittleStrawberry · 01-12-2008, 08:13 PM

I think it's lame when "Masters" say "You are to do everything I tell you, and it is for my pleasure only."

Then they don't give a shit if the slave is happy or not, cos... the masters are just there to be pleased right? Well if you don't take the slave into consideration, you'll loose it quickly. Or the slave would get sad or whatever.
I just hate when Master pull a guilt trip on you, when you ask for something, and call it topping from the bottom.

Fiendish · 01-12-2008, 08:55 PM

This is something I'll put my two cents into... it may even be a quarter!

Being the dominant one a relationship of the kind we're discussing isn't a cakewalk like so many people think it is. "i am teh Masterz, slav! u are only 4 my enjoyment! only 4 my plesur! doo wat i sayz!

That's not how it works, sorry. Yes, as the Master/Dom, you are the one that tells the slave what to do, and the slave's activities should bring you pleasure.

HOWEVER

A slave/sub is still human, even if they don't want to be treated as such. They still have a need for some sort of enjoyment. If that need is not met, they become sad(duh). A sad slave is an unfocused slave. An unfocused slave cannot fully perform the duties set to them. Not only that, but a sad slave will be more likely to find they have more limits than before, which will limit what the slave can/will do.

As the dominant one, you have to realize that you need to have the slave do things they enjoy- it doesn't have to be all the time, but it has to be there in some way, shape, or form. Why? Because the slave will be happier. Happy slaves are more likely to push/remove limits, allowing for much more fun to be had by all.

If a slave seems particularly unfocused or sad, don't just start making them do things for you- find out what's wrong- LET THE SLAVE VENT! It's doesn't have to be play time all the time. Letting the slave vent is good for both parties- you'll understand your slave better, and your slave can get things off their chest that could make them more focused. Not only that, but it builds trust between you, and guess what? Trust helps a slave lose limits a bit quicker.

Some of those reading this might say something like, "But the slave/sub should get enjoyment from serving, and that should be enough!"
Yes and no. While the slave should enjoy serving(why else be a slave?), a slave is, as I said earlier, still human. And humans have certain things they enjoy greatly(my slave happens to enjoy nipple torture), and if the slave knows something they REALLY enjoy is even a possibility, they tend to be more motivated, more willing to do what you want them to do. So, while a slave should get enjoyment from merely serving, knowing something really good is coming to them at some point is a great motivator.

Something else along these lines... alot of the potential slaves that contact me have a similar story:

"... and the last guy I let be my Master was only interested in getting naked pics and having me masturbate frequently, just in different places..."
^That's not an actual sentence, but a sentence that sums up much of what I hear.

Naked pictures are NOT what being a Master/Dom is about... you want naked pictures? Read Playboy. If all you can think of for your slave to do is masturbate in different locations, this is NOT what you should be involved in... go watch porn. Have something close to a creative thought, be able to do alot with only a few real basic household items.

Don't like what I said? Did it hurt your feelings? Tough. I'm tired of the stupidity around here, and I'm gonna start contributing some useful information. If it was up to me, stupidity would be grounds for an instant and permanent ban. If you have an issue with it, PM me, we don't want to clog a productive thread.

Merlin · 01-13-2008, 05:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheLittleStrawberry

I think it's lame when "Masters" say "You are to do everything I tell you, and it is for my pleasure only."

Then they don't give a shit if the slave is happy or not, cos... the masters are just there to be pleased right? Well if you don't take the slave into consideration, you'll loose it quickly. Or the slave would get sad or whatever.
I just hate when Master pull a guilt trip on you, when you ask for something, and call it topping from the bottom.

Personally I totally agree with you. I would even go a little bit farer and would even "order" a Sub to tell me if she doesn't like anything. As this is sometimes the only way for the Dom to get this important information.
Still some people will say that a Slave should not speak out to his Master, and I have to agree that in an offline relationship this is posible, as you have a lot more sources of information. With the limited information you get online you should only consider this if you know each other very well.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fiendish

[...]As the dominant one, you have to realize that you need to have the slave do things they enjoy- it doesn't have to be all the time, but it has to be there in some way, shape, or form. Why? Because the slave will be happier. Happy slaves are more likely to push/remove limits, allowing for much more fun to be had by all.

If a slave seems particularly unfocused or sad, don't just start making them do things for you- find out what's wrong- LET THE SLAVE VENT! It's doesn't have to be play time all the time. Letting the slave vent is good for both parties- you'll understand your slave better, and your slave can get things off their chest that could make them more focused. Not only that, but it builds trust between you, and guess what? Trust helps a slave lose limits a bit quicker.

I think you didn't want it to sound like that, but removing limits should not be the reason you want the Sub to be happy. Its more like a side effect. ...

Quote:

Some of those reading this might say something like, "But the slave/sub should get enjoyment from serving, and that should be enough!"
Yes and no. While the slave should enjoy serving(why else be a slave?), a slave is, as I said earlier, still human. And humans have certain things they enjoy greatly(my slave happens to enjoy nipple torture), and if the slave knows something they REALLY enjoy is even a possibility, they tend to be more motivated, more willing to do what you want them to do. So, while a slave should get enjoyment from merely serving, knowing something really good is coming to them at some point is a great motivator.

exactly...

Fiendish · 01-13-2008, 07:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Merlin

I think you didn't want it to sound it like that, but removing limits should not be the reason you want the Sub to be happy. Its more like a side effect. ...

yeah, you're right. I was a little... well, a bit on the angry side last night- can ya tell? So some of what I typed might not sound as perfect as I'd like, but it seems the message got across

Isabell · 01-13-2008, 09:02 PM

It is perfectly aceptable and even encouraged for the slave to say their thoughts. They can even totaly disagree with their owner. As long as they can say it with respect and in a nice tone of voice. We have found having a journal kept by the slave helps. They can write whatever they want however they want. The catch is the Master/Mistress can ask for the journal to read it and write a response back in journal. Unless it is a major issue that needs to dealt with immedatly. The key here is to write back but not talk about it until the slave is comfortable enough to do so. It's best to not force most issues.

The number one thing in this type of relationship is GOOD Communication in more than one form. I.e. being able to read the body language and the tone of voice/noises that your slave uses.

MasterO · 01-13-2008, 09:58 PM

As far as limits go, I believe all slaves and masters should set limits up front. Often the slave sets very conservative limits out of fear or intimidation but eventually wants to have their limits pushed. It is the masters responsibility to pay attention to what messages the slave is sending beyond just their words and decide wisely if and when to push or to respect the slaves limits. A simple limit such as no pics may be set forth in the early stages of the relationship but may be addressed again later when a mutual trust is formed. Often as a slave becomes more trusting and comfortable with their master and their own self they will express an interest in letting down their guard and pushing their limits. It is ultimately the masters responsibility to know their own limits, especially in an offline relationship.

Merlin · 01-14-2008, 11:18 AM

(As writing this in English takes some time for me i will work with small parts but will try to write one per day)

Lets start my next part with a theory that sounds strange at first but the more you think about it the more it gets reasonable.

The Dom is there to help the Sub to do what the Sub wants to do...

What does this mean. A Sub is a person who likes to be controlled, or if you see it from the Sub point of view, that wants to give away the control and let himself fall. The Dom is basically the opposite, he tries to control his surrounding and to increase his control over another persons. What some people can't see is the fact that the Dom can only take as much control as the Sub is giving him. That leads us to a strange situation, as the Dom has to submit to the Sub's will to give away this control. Or with other words, a Dom is dependent on the will of the Sub to let him control.
If you are aware of that, then one important goal as a Dom is to get the Sub to give up as much control as posible. And the main factor for this is a simple thing called Trust...

[to be continued]

Sum · 01-14-2008, 11:23 AM

... And how do you build this trust, young padawan masters?

--lost looks--

-- master Sum1 slaps his head in disappear, sighs---

It's already mentioned in the thread...no no one?
(pause)
It's gained through good communication!

Merlin · 01-14-2008, 11:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sum1(2)

... And how do you build this trust, young padawan masters?

--lost looks--

-- master Sum1 slaps his head in disappear, sighs---

Through good communication!

thats is the subject in my next part

(part of it is finished but not everything...)

Sum · 01-14-2008, 11:28 AM

Sumerin1 strikes again!

I do hope some of the masters who always search for slaves actually read this one, i often get the feeling that we're only ever preaching to the converted in these sort of threads.

Fiendish · 01-14-2008, 01:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sum1(2)

Sumerin1 strikes again!

I do hope some of the masters who always search for slaves actually read this one, i often get the feeling that we're only ever preaching to the converted in these sort of threads.

I never had to be converted

Anyway,

As a general thank-you to those who've PM'd me and added rep to me for my rant here:

Thank You. It's as simple as can be.

Surprisingly, I've had no negatives come my way from it, as I thought there would have been.

Back on topic:

Communication... yeah, that's always a good thing. Communicating is important, and stuff... it builds trust, one would hope.

Merlin · 01-15-2008, 02:52 PM

This part will be about trust and although i write it from the perspective of a Dom most of it counts also for a Sub

"If a Sub jumps out of a plane he knows that the Dom has packed the parachute and it is ready to use, without having to check that it is even there" (Thanks to Sum1 for this nice simile)

Trust is maybe the most important part of a Dom/Sub relationship. The relationship stands and falls with trust. Only if the Sub trusts you as a Dom he will be able to let himself fall. Because only if he really trusts you he can be sure that you wont harm him if he is giving himself into your Hands. So building trust is the most important part if you want to get a good relationship.

An important factor of how much someone will trust you is time. So the first rule if you want to build trust is, be patient, and don't rush. Other factors will reduce the time it takes but still you should never think you can build trust in a blink of an eye.
Another important part of building trust is honesty. Without honesty there can never be trust, so another rule: Don't lie! Even one lie can destroy the trust that was build over a long time. And if you lied once to someone he will never be able to absolutely trust you again.
The next thing that comes to my mind is the significance to communicate. Its important to speak with each other about things that went good but also about things that have gone wrong. Give your Sub always the chance to speak to you, to tell you their feelings, thoughts or worries (especially over the internet where talking/writing is most of the time the only way to get these informations). But also don't be afraid to tell your Sub about your thoughts or worries and concerns
That kind of leads to my final point: Care. A person will only really trust you, if he knows that you care for him. That you have done everything you could to be sure that he never could be harmed. Even the "most useless Slave" wont trust his Master if he doesn't think that he is important to him.You are responsible for everything that happens to the Sub while they are following your orders. So you should be doing everything to protect him. This includes for example that they have the chance to disobey an order if it would harm them, especially if you are not around to oversee what they are doing.

Conclusion:
To build trust you have to:
- be patient
- be honest
- Communicate
- Care for the other one

[to be continued]

Sum · 01-15-2008, 08:59 PM

From playing with my sub just now, something springs to mind.

Imagination and Adaptability - An interlude part by Sum1(2)

Once you've got those basics, trust and communication you can begin to think about the basics of actually having your sub do things.

Your two key tools here are Imagination and Adaptability.

Imagination: the ability to form mental images of things or events.

This is good for two reasons, firstly it means that you're actually able to make up interesting tasks that both your sub and yourself will enjoy.

Secondly, it means you won't be constantly requiring your sub to go on cam or to take photographs as you don't need this documentary evidence to know what your sub will look like under different tasks set.

Adaptability: the ability to change (or be changed) to fit changed circumstances.

If a task isn't going according to plan, due to a circumstance changing or you not being able to explain to a sub what you want (especially preverlant online, it happens to the best of us) or for whatever reason. You need to be able to adapt to these circumstances and create new tasks for the sub, again, using your imagination to quickly find something else you will both like.

I can give an example of this from personal experience, this evening me and my sub were playing, on cam, which is new for the pair of us, but that is beside the point.

Earlier on today we were were playing with some humiliation play things and anal. Later in the evening we started playing again as we'd both enjoyed the earlier session so much that we wanted to continue it.

However circumstances had changed, my sub no longer had the freedom of movement she had earlier (people asleep in the house and not wanting to wake them) and was restricted to her bed for the play.

We began by trying to continue the earlier humiliation and anal, however the humiliation play wasn't really working and her arse was more sensitive than it had been earlier in the evening therefore she was no longer enjoying anal. It was bad pain not good pain, which as a side note is a good question to ask, especially online; if a sub says something really hurts, ask if it's good pain or bad pain.

Realising that our earlier play wasn't working i began something that I've not done much before having her hold difficult positions, pushing her to a point of physical pain, where she had to use her will power to remain in the position.

Circumstances changed so out comes a different task.

Hope i've not stolen your next part merlin

(definitions from http://wordnet.princeton.edu/perl/ )

Fiendish · 01-15-2008, 09:09 PM

Very good point, sum1(2)...

That's kinda where I was going with my creative thoughts statement.

You not only have to be creative(being able to do alot with a little), but adaptable to new and changed situations.

01-12-2008, 05:49 PM	#1
Merlin Misschievous's Authority Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Germany Posts: 1,552	Being a Dom... You could describe a Dom/Sub relationship with these simple words: "The Dom is ordering his Sub whatever he wants, to fulfill his needs. And the Sub is only there to obey every command that is given by the Dom." This sounds like an easy thing and i get the impression some people thing that this is really that easy. New or bad Doms sometimes seem to think that the only thing a Dom has to do is giving orders and lean back, while they are carried out by the Sub. You could get the impression being a Dom is easier than being a Sub because you don't have to do anything. What these people are missing is that for being a Dom it needs a lot more than that. As soon as you are ordering a Sub to do something you are responsible for everything that might happen. You need to be aware of the risks, the consequences (positive or negative) and how to react on them. Before you even think about to give an order you should always know what you are doing. You will need to get the knowledge about what can happen and what can be done to prevent harm to the Sub. You will have to always hold contact with the Sub, and if anything is getting out of control stop immediately. You have to know the Sub you are working with as you can never rely only on the Sub telling you when you have gone to far. You will have to discuss about tasks as long you are not really know the other one. You have to learn to read even the smallest signs of your Sub, so you can react before the things already gone to far. [to be continued] __________________ Looking for female sub or couple (updated Version) Merlin's Magic Tower of Decision Last edited by Merlin; 01-12-2008 at 05:53 PM.

01-12-2008, 08:13 PM	#2
TheLittleStrawberry getDare Devil Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: somewhere Posts: 1,142 Blog Entries: 15	I think it's lame when "Masters" say "You are to do everything I tell you, and it is for my pleasure only." Then they don't give a shit if the slave is happy or not, cos... the masters are just there to be pleased right? Well if you don't take the slave into consideration, you'll loose it quickly. Or the slave would get sad or whatever. I just hate when Master pull a guilt trip on you, when you ask for something, and call it topping from the bottom. __________________ My dares are bigger than your dares! Im doing dares again If you wanna send one, you can PM me, but I'll probably hang around the dare threads as well. Limits: I wont ingest anything nasty, Nothing messy that will ruin my furniture or belongings, nothing public, nothing illegal. most humiliating dare: I was dared not to remove my panties at all for a few days. Not even for bathroom duties, and to cut a little hole for 'nr 2' as I couldnt remove them . It was strange.

01-12-2008, 08:55 PM	#3
Fiendish getDare Sweetheart Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: The 9th Level of Hell Posts: 339 Blog Entries: 12	This is something I'll put my two cents into... it may even be a quarter! Being the dominant one a relationship of the kind we're discussing isn't a cakewalk like so many people think it is. "i am teh Masterz, slav! u are only 4 my enjoyment! only 4 my plesur! doo wat i sayz! That's not how it works, sorry. Yes, as the Master/Dom, you are the one that tells the slave what to do, and the slave's activities should bring you pleasure. HOWEVER A slave/sub is still human, even if they don't want to be treated as such. They still have a need for some sort of enjoyment. If that need is not met, they become sad(duh). A sad slave is an unfocused slave. An unfocused slave cannot fully perform the duties set to them. Not only that, but a sad slave will be more likely to find they have more limits than before, which will limit what the slave can/will do. As the dominant one, you have to realize that you need to have the slave do things they enjoy- it doesn't have to be all the time, but it has to be there in some way, shape, or form. Why? Because the slave will be happier. Happy slaves are more likely to push/remove limits, allowing for much more fun to be had by all. If a slave seems particularly unfocused or sad, don't just start making them do things for you- find out what's wrong- LET THE SLAVE VENT! It's doesn't have to be play time all the time. Letting the slave vent is good for both parties- you'll understand your slave better, and your slave can get things off their chest that could make them more focused. Not only that, but it builds trust between you, and guess what? Trust helps a slave lose limits a bit quicker. Some of those reading this might say something like, "But the slave/sub should get enjoyment from serving, and that should be enough!" Yes and no. While the slave should enjoy serving(why else be a slave?), a slave is, as I said earlier, still human. And humans have certain things they enjoy greatly(my slave happens to enjoy nipple torture), and if the slave knows something they REALLY enjoy is even a possibility, they tend to be more motivated, more willing to do what you want them to do. So, while a slave should get enjoyment from merely serving, knowing something really good is coming to them at some point is a great motivator. Something else along these lines... alot of the potential slaves that contact me have a similar story: "... and the last guy I let be my Master was only interested in getting naked pics and having me masturbate frequently, just in different places..." ^That's not an actual sentence, but a sentence that sums up much of what I hear. Naked pictures are NOT what being a Master/Dom is about... you want naked pictures? Read Playboy. If all you can think of for your slave to do is masturbate in different locations, this is NOT what you should be involved in... go watch porn. Have something close to a creative thought, be able to do alot with only a few real basic household items. Don't like what I said? Did it hurt your feelings? Tough. I'm tired of the stupidity around here, and I'm gonna start contributing some useful information. If it was up to me, stupidity would be grounds for an instant and permanent ban. If you have an issue with it, PM me, we don't want to clog a productive thread. __________________ I have no signature! Last edited by Fiendish; 01-12-2008 at 09:05 PM. Reason: Forgot part of my rant

01-13-2008, 09:02 PM	#6
Isabell Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: on the road Posts: 86 Blog Entries: 4	It is perfectly aceptable and even encouraged for the slave to say their thoughts. They can even totaly disagree with their owner. As long as they can say it with respect and in a nice tone of voice. We have found having a journal kept by the slave helps. They can write whatever they want however they want. The catch is the Master/Mistress can ask for the journal to read it and write a response back in journal. Unless it is a major issue that needs to dealt with immedatly. The key here is to write back but not talk about it until the slave is comfortable enough to do so. It's best to not force most issues. The number one thing in this type of relationship is *GOOD Communication* in more than one form. I.e. being able to read the body language and the tone of voice/noises that your slave uses. __________________ What makes me squirm? Wouldn't you like to know.

01-13-2008, 09:58 PM	#7
MasterO Account Banned Join Date: May 2007 Location: US Posts: 364	As far as limits go, I believe all slaves and masters should set limits up front. Often the slave sets very conservative limits out of fear or intimidation but eventually wants to have their limits pushed. It is the masters responsibility to pay attention to what messages the slave is sending beyond just their words and decide wisely if and when to push or to respect the slaves limits. A simple limit such as no pics may be set forth in the early stages of the relationship but may be addressed again later when a mutual trust is formed. Often as a slave becomes more trusting and comfortable with their master and their own self they will express an interest in letting down their guard and pushing their limits. It is ultimately the masters responsibility to know their own limits, especially in an offline relationship. __________________ MasterO Always looking for female dare slaves that are willing to do my dares and reply.

01-14-2008, 11:18 AM	#8
Merlin Misschievous's Authority Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Germany Posts: 1,552	Part 2 (As writing this in English takes some time for me i will work with small parts but will try to write one per day) Lets start my next part with a theory that sounds strange at first but the more you think about it the more it gets reasonable. The Dom is there to help the Sub to do what the Sub wants to do... What does this mean. A Sub is a person who likes to be controlled, or if you see it from the Sub point of view, that wants to give away the control and let himself fall. The Dom is basically the opposite, he tries to control his surrounding and to increase his control over another persons. What some people can't see is the fact that the Dom can only take as much control as the Sub is giving him. That leads us to a strange situation, as the Dom has to submit to the Sub's will to give away this control. Or with other words, a Dom is dependent on the will of the Sub to let him control. If you are aware of that, then one important goal as a Dom is to get the Sub to give up as much control as posible. And the main factor for this is a simple thing called Trust... [to be continued] __________________ Looking for female sub or couple (updated Version) Merlin's Magic Tower of Decision Last edited by Merlin; 01-15-2008 at 02:53 PM.

01-14-2008, 11:23 AM	#9
Sum getDare Devil Join Date: Jan 2007 Posts: 1,049 Blog Entries: 9	... And how do you build this trust, young padawan masters? --lost looks-- -- master Sum1 slaps his head in disappear, sighs--- It's already mentioned in the thread...no no one? (pause) It's gained through good communication! __________________ Through the darkness of futures past The magician longs to see One chants out between two worlds Fire walk with me I'm off to kinktalk. Bye all. Last edited by Sum; 01-14-2008 at 11:26 AM. Reason: spell check

01-14-2008, 11:28 AM	#11
Sum getDare Devil Join Date: Jan 2007 Posts: 1,049 Blog Entries: 9	Sumerin1 strikes again! I do hope some of the masters who always search for slaves actually read this one, i often get the feeling that we're only ever preaching to the converted in these sort of threads. __________________ Through the darkness of futures past The magician longs to see One chants out between two worlds Fire walk with me I'm off to kinktalk. Bye all.

01-15-2008, 02:52 PM	#13
Merlin Misschievous's Authority Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Germany Posts: 1,552	Part 3 This part will be about trust and although i write it from the perspective of a Dom most of it counts also for a Sub "If a Sub jumps out of a plane he knows that the Dom has packed the parachute and it is ready to use, without having to check that it is even there" (Thanks to Sum1 for this nice simile) Trust is maybe the most important part of a Dom/Sub relationship. The relationship stands and falls with trust. Only if the Sub trusts you as a Dom he will be able to let himself fall. Because only if he really trusts you he can be sure that you wont harm him if he is giving himself into your Hands. So building trust is the most important part if you want to get a good relationship. An important factor of how much someone will trust you is time. So the first rule if you want to build trust is, be patient, and don't rush. Other factors will reduce the time it takes but still you should never think you can build trust in a blink of an eye. Another important part of building trust is honesty. Without honesty there can never be trust, so another rule: Don't lie! Even one lie can destroy the trust that was build over a long time. And if you lied once to someone he will never be able to absolutely trust you again. The next thing that comes to my mind is the significance to communicate. Its important to speak with each other about things that went good but also about things that have gone wrong. Give your Sub always the chance to speak to you, to tell you their feelings, thoughts or worries (especially over the internet where talking/writing is most of the time the only way to get these informations). But also don't be afraid to tell your Sub about your thoughts or worries and concerns That kind of leads to my final point: Care. A person will only really trust you, if he knows that you care for him. That you have done everything you could to be sure that he never could be harmed. Even the "most useless Slave" wont trust his Master if he doesn't think that he is important to him.You are responsible for everything that happens to the Sub while they are following your orders. So you should be doing everything to protect him. This includes for example that they have the chance to disobey an order if it would harm them, especially if you are not around to oversee what they are doing. Conclusion: To build trust you have to: - be patient - be honest - Communicate - Care for the other one [to be continued] __________________ Looking for female sub or couple (updated Version) Merlin's Magic Tower of Decision Last edited by Merlin; 01-15-2008 at 04:04 PM.

01-15-2008, 08:59 PM	#14
Sum getDare Devil Join Date: Jan 2007 Posts: 1,049 Blog Entries: 9	Imagination and Adaptability - An interlude by Sum1(2) From playing with my sub just now, something springs to mind. Imagination and Adaptability - An interlude part by Sum1(2) Once you've got those basics, trust and communication you can begin to think about the basics of actually having your sub do things. Your two key tools here are Imagination and Adaptability. Imagination: the ability to form mental images of things or events. This is good for two reasons, firstly it means that you're actually able to make up interesting tasks that both your sub and yourself will enjoy. Secondly, it means you won't be constantly requiring your sub to go on cam or to take photographs as you don't need this documentary evidence to know what your sub will look like under different tasks set. Adaptability: the ability to change (or be changed) to fit changed circumstances. If a task isn't going according to plan, due to a circumstance changing or you not being able to explain to a sub what you want (especially preverlant online, it happens to the best of us) or for whatever reason. You need to be able to adapt to these circumstances and create new tasks for the sub, again, using your imagination to quickly find something else you will both like. I can give an example of this from personal experience, this evening me and my sub were playing, on cam, which is new for the pair of us, but that is beside the point. Earlier on today we were were playing with some humiliation play things and anal. Later in the evening we started playing again as we'd both enjoyed the earlier session so much that we wanted to continue it. However circumstances had changed, my sub no longer had the freedom of movement she had earlier (people asleep in the house and not wanting to wake them) and was restricted to her bed for the play. We began by trying to continue the earlier humiliation and anal, however the humiliation play wasn't really working and her arse was more sensitive than it had been earlier in the evening therefore she was no longer enjoying anal. It was bad pain not good pain, which as a side note is a good question to ask, especially online; if a sub says something really hurts, ask if it's good pain or bad pain. Realising that our earlier play wasn't working i began something that I've not done much before having her hold difficult positions, pushing her to a point of physical pain, where she had to use her will power to remain in the position. Circumstances changed so out comes a different task. Hope i've not stolen your next part merlin (definitions from http://wordnet.princeton.edu/perl/ ) __________________ Through the darkness of futures past The magician longs to see One chants out between two worlds Fire walk with me I'm off to kinktalk. Bye all. Last edited by Sum; 01-16-2008 at 12:30 PM. Reason: Chunking to frell! edit2, edit3, edit4, edit5

01-15-2008, 09:09 PM	#15
Fiendish getDare Sweetheart Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: The 9th Level of Hell Posts: 339 Blog Entries: 12	Very good point, sum1(2)... That's kinda where I was going with my creative thoughts statement. You not only have to be creative(being able to do alot with a little), but adaptable to new and changed situations. __________________ I have no signature!