Ask Matt anything.

[1momentpls]

what turns you on about giving or getting dares from gay men? (if anything!)

[Matt:]

Originally Posted by ausgymnast

what turns you on about giving or getting dares from gay men? (if anything!)

I have to be honest, and say that I don't get turned on by giving or getting tasks from gay men. Other than if the task is to do something for Sam.

[Consensus]

Apple and blackcurrant squash is love!

Actually, and to drop character for a moment, there are too many questions, I have all of the questions!

How do you find being a sub? I mean, obviously it works well for you and you are in a happy place with it (and with an excellent dom too) but how can you cope with it?

I find that I get too particular about things, not in a nasty way, and find it really hard to let go and go with someone else's flow. But, at the same time, also wish I could give up the control. Something holds me back.

I guess what I'm asking is: did you have something holding you back at first and did you get over that yourself or were you helped by Sam?

When things don't go as planned or there is a change of situation, like when you have something set up and the adaptation doesn't take quickly enough, does being a bit sub help matters or hinder them?

What, and I see there are many, things do you think Sam is able to do for you to allow your relationship (s/d) to work so well?

What are you able to bring to this that you are aware of? (so, no asking Sam for this one)

What about yourself are you proud of and happy with?

Forgive me for being blunt, but how do you cope with depressive feelings? I mean, in several posts I get the impression that you are fiercely analytical with yourself and a tad unforgiving and yet, and yet, you achieve a kind of equilibrium and come across really quite well - is that something you are aware of or is it surprising to read this?

Yes, I have no words, but so many questions about being an aspie in your situation!

Do you think your Asperger's is related to your kinks? Or is it vice versa?

Do you think you are more open and less judgemental in kinks and sexual relationships or less due to your Asperger's?

I am wondering if the aspie part makes us more open and more willing to be honest about sexuality and less likely to just fit in and internalise things. You talk about wishing you could change this aspect of yourself but would that not also fundamentally alter what makes you, well, you?

Sorry, I appreciate these may not be questions you can or would wish to answer in an AMA and I'm barely scratching the surface, feel free to ignore this post.

[Matt:]

I will try and answer your questions Consensus, but I do need to get some sleep now, so will have to be another day

[MarvHarvey]

Originally Posted by Consensus

She has but scanned the thread and she feels that you come across as sincere and a decent person. She believes that, perhaps, you are too hard on yourself and notes that you seem to have friends and acquaintances here - which she is equally sure that you are aware of.

YES. Well said.
Overall a fabulous post.
Touches me deeply.
I will resist commenting further except to say that these paragraphs are useful for all who tend to sit back and not get involved.

(Only a wee bit Aspergerish, my nuances are elsewhere. )
(Brave of both of you to discuss so openly like this.)
(Sorry to comment in your thread, Matt!)

Originally Posted by Consensus

Consider this, however, you will have spent your entire life observing and studying human beings in a way that most people have not. You will therefore be more likely to spot real emotions and real desires, even the ones that people feel they are not broadcasting, in real life. It is possibly from this that the awkwardness springs - you react to things people don't know they're putting out and try to treat others as you yourself would be treated (most people are really poor at this). This is not a failing, but it is incredibly hard to deal with (and why is she telling you this like you don't already know).

No questions - too many thoughtful questions and answers here now.

[pup.]

1. when was the last time you were barefoot?
2. What was the last meal you had?
3. how many people have you texted today?
4. who was the last person you kissed? when?
5. describe your dream car. (could be made up)

[Matt:]

Originally Posted by pup.

1. when was the last time you were barefoot?
2. What was the last meal you had?
3. how many people have you texted today?
4. who was the last person you kissed? when?
5. describe your dream car. (could be made up)

1) indoors, this morning before I went out. Outdoors, at a beech in June.

2) Gammon Grills, mixed vegetables & mashed potato.

3) 4 people I think.

4) That would be Sam just over 3 weeks ago.

5) My dream car, of cars that you can buy, I think an Aston Martin DB11, just looks amazing! For a made up car, similar looks, but able to drive itself in traffic and on motorways. The same (or better performance) but runs on air lol the handling of a Lotus, that it could fly (or would it not then be a car?)


PS I do mean to answer Consensus's questions still. Just been working long hours and not had much time to think about them yet and I don't want to rush them.

[Matt:]

Consensus

First of all I would like to apologise for taking so long to reply to this. I have had to cover for people away at work, so doing longer hours, and I've not been sleeping well, so just felt exhausted.

I also hope these answers make some sense, I'm not always good with words, especially anything to do with emotions or feelings!


Apple and blackcurrant squash is love!

Actually, and to drop character for a moment, there are too many questions, I have all of the questions!

How do you find being a sub? I mean, obviously it works well for you and you are in a happy place with it (and with an excellent dom too) but how can you cope with it?

I find that I get too particular about things, not in a nasty way, and find it really hard to let go and go with someone else's flow. But, at the same time, also wish I could give up the control. Something holds me back.

I guess what I'm asking is: did you have something holding you back at first and did you get over that yourself or were you helped by Sam?

It did take me a while to be able to give up control to Sam, we took things slowly at first, just starting with small things and gradually increasing them. Sam was very understanding and helped me a lot. She has a way of putting me at ease and I feel I can completely trust her.


When things don't go as planned or there is a change of situation, like when you have something set up and the adaptation doesn't take quickly enough, does being a bit sub help matters or hinder them?

I do find change hard, but I think being sub does help. It allows me to think that the decisions are not all on me and I know that Sam will always help me through it and encourage me. If thing are not going as planned and I am struggling with anything, Sam will not push me to hard and is always ready to stop it if it gets too much. And even with normal life and none s/d things, she is always happy to talk things through with me.


What, and I see there are many, things do you think Sam is able to do for you to allow your relationship (s/d) to work so well?

As I've said, Sam is just able to put me at ease, she is very encouraging and inspires trust. I know she would never push me too far, that she is always looking out for me, even when punishing me. She helps and encourages me to do things I never thought I could do. That she is a very good listener and I never feel there's anything I could not talk to her about. She always notices when I'm down or finding things tough. She is firm but fair, if I mess up she will punish me, but never out of proportion and is always there for me afterwards to make sure I'm okay.

What are you able to bring to this that you are aware of? (so, no asking Sam for this one)

I'm not good at talking about myself, but I would say that I'm loyal, trustworthy, and honest even if I make a mistake, that I always do my best to please Sam. That I look out and care for her when she is finding things hard and try to make her happy.

What about yourself are you proud of and happy with?

I am proud about the relationship I have with Sam, that it has lasted and grown more than I could have ever expected when we first started. Also simply that I have managed to do well in my job, that I've got onto the housing ladder and managing my day to day life okay, that I keep going even when I find it hard.

Forgive me for being blunt, but how do you cope with depressive feelings? I mean, in several posts I get the impression that you are fiercely analytical with yourself and a tad unforgiving and yet, and yet, you achieve a kind of equilibrium and come across really quite well - is that something you are aware of or is it surprising to read this?

I am very surprised to read that! I do not feel that I do cope that well with depressive feelings at all. I do get very down at times, occasionally even to the point where I have seriously considered self harm. And I think it is only the effect that this would have on my family (and now Sam) that has stopped me. These times are rare though, and becoming less often, but I always worry that they can come back.

Yes, I have no words, but so many questions about being an aspie in your situation!

Do you think your Asperger's is related to your kinks? Or is it vice versa?

I really don't know. I think that having Asperger's makes it more likely that you would be submissive rather than dominant maybe. I do sometimes wonder if I sometimes turn to kink when I'm down as a distraction from how I'm feeling or escapism. As quite often the only way I can feel I can cope when I am feeling depressed, is to try to stop thinking (or dwelling) on my life and try to think about something else to take my mind off it.

Do you think you are more open and less judgemental in kinks and sexual relationships or less due to your Asperger's?

Again it's hard to say, as I don't know what I would be like without Asperger's. The effect Asperger's has on your emotions (or lack of them) I think could mean it could go either way. I would hope I am open and not judgemental.

I am wondering if the aspie part makes us more open and more willing to be honest about sexuality and less likely to just fit in and internalise things. You talk about wishing you could change this aspect of yourself but would that not also fundamentally alter what makes you, well, you?

I guess it is possible, I'm not sure. We obviously see things differently to other's! And yes, I guess if I didn't have Asperger's, it would fundamentally change me. As it has a massive effect on who you are, you can't get around that. But I still think I would change it if it was in any way possible.
I do know though, that I have got to accept the way I am, and deal with it in the best way I can. I just find it very hard at times.

[Matt:]

I just would like to say that I am fine at the moment

And please continue to ask questions, serious, funny, embarrassing or otherwise!

[Consensus]

I am sorry that it took me so long to spot your answers!

Just to say: thank you. That did not look like it was easy to write nor even to get the thoughts in order. Very revealing and honest.

I have so many extra questions, but lack the ability to turn any of them into words at the moment. In the meantime, these:

1. Pencil or pen?

2. Chip shop chips or Chinese chips or fast food fries?

3. Sweet or savoury?

4. Hat or hood?

5. Seafood: yay or nay?

[Matt:]

Originally Posted by Consensus

I am sorry that it took me so long to spot your answers!

Just to say: thank you. That did not look like it was easy to write nor even to get the thoughts in order. Very revealing and honest.

I have so many extra questions, but lack the ability to turn any of them into words at the moment. In the meantime, these:

1. Pencil or pen?

2. Chip shop chips or Chinese chips or fast food fries?

3. Sweet or savoury?

4. Hat or hood?

5. Seafood: yay or nay?

1) Don't use either that much anymore, but I'd go for pen.

2) Chip shop chips are my fav

3) I do like sweet, but overall, savoury.

4) Hat, very rarely wear anything with hood.

5) nay, not keen on seafood much.

[Switch Lucy]

Hiya Matt, I hear you had an interesting experience at around 9am Saturday morning care to explain what happened?

[LPV]

Were you denied all weekend? How difficult was it? lol

Did Sam do any exercises in front of you??????????????????

[Matt:]

Originally Posted by Switch Lucy

Hiya Matt, I hear you had an interesting experience at around 9am Saturday morning care to explain what happened?

I think you know very well what happened......

Well I got a message from Sam Friday night that you (Lucy) wanted to have a video call with me Saturday morning at 8.45am prompt. When I took the call, I was told to strip, kneel in front of the cam, put on my collar, leash and my ball gag in, put some headphones on with 30 minutes of music playing loudly, blindfold myself and then cuff my hands together behind my back. So I did all this and was just kneeling there, not being able to see anything or hear anything other than the music. Possibly after I'd been there about 20 mins (already drooling a lot!) there was suddenly a yank on my leash!!!!!!!!! And I was pulled across the room! I nearly sh*t myself! I thought who the f**k was in my apartment! I felt so defenceless and vulnerable!

I then felt a hand on my cock..... It was only then that I guessed who it was.... It was Sam! I had had no idea she was going to come to mine over the weekend, and hadn't realised she had somehow got a key to my apartment....

Needless to say, Sam took advantage of my predicament for sometime before releasing me from my restraints and removing my blindfold....

[Matt:]

Originally Posted by LPV

Were you denied all weekend? How difficult was it? lol

Did Sam do any exercises in front of you??????????????????

No, fortunately I was not denied all weekend. But, believe me that does not mean it was easy lol

Exercise? Not unless you count sexual acts as exercise.....