Need to vent.

[quotedkraven]

(TL-DR - coming from a guy, you other dudes need to calm down)

Ok, so, even though I'm fairly new to this whole S&M scene, a recurring theme has caught my eye; male-hopeful slaves SEVERELY out number female dommes. Now, I'm only an "Online" participant of this stuff, so that might be screwing my line of sight up, but everywhere I seem to go, the man to woman ratio is extremely high in the male regards. However, this isn't the reason I'm here to vent.

All the guys that go out of their way to attempt to find a mistress,dominatrix or whatever, sometimes go WAY over the top. They pester entirely to much, they don't READ ad's properly or at all, they automatically assume that just because said person has a vagina, they'll dominate them, etc etc. Guys, PLEASE cool your cocks. Seriously. I realize not ALL guys do this, but a healthy number of you do. Read, acknowledge, research. Its not terribly hard.

I enjoy the pleasures of the online domination quite a lot, but it's kinda hard to deal with all the guys who assume and jump right into it. It gives the rest of us guys a bad name.

[forrest.livingston8]

Although I cannot find a source, I believe it was stated that the BDSM community is composed of roughly 30% women and 70% men (feel free to discount a few points from each for non-standard gender distribution as required).

Now, given that there are no women on the internet, it makes sense that the population of female dominates is lower than male submissives.

But back on base, what you are seeing is the results of the capitalist system in play. Specifically, the laws of supply and demand, which can be used to show that a low amount of supply with a high amount of demand will make people do some crazy things to become supplied.

The shotgun approach of replying to any thread at all which has a female posting looking for something with a heartbeat (an optional requirement when really hard up on the weekends) ends up giving them a higher chance to meet their demand and obtain some supply.

That isn't to say that it is a good way, the right way, or the best way to do as much. It is none of those things. But it is an easy way, and easy things are evolutionary optional when dealing with the guided evolution of internet community patterns.

There are way to solve this, such as making posting a reply in a thread for someone not searching for your gender/orientation/etc an offense that could get you a warning/short ban, although in which case you'd have issues with people posting references for the person.

And that doesn't clean up the issue with being PM spammed, so it really is not worth the effort most likely.

Might you, or anyone else, have any possible solutions to deal with the people that won't deal?

[Shibari]

I know way more female Switches and Dominants to men! (Irl) as alot of men seem to like being submissive more, so it seems to be a common theme

]Understand that wonnabes are not going to read ads, they dont care about relationships they just want the quick fix, these people are noobs, and misuse the lifestyle, there are plently of them people around, just immaturity, you get that everywhere you go.

[Jacobsen]

If the guys don't read the ads and just randomly spams, the girls won't reply anyway, so it doesn't hurt your chances if you've got a well tailored PM.

[forrest.livingston8]

Originally Posted by Jacobsen

If the guys don't read the ads and just randomly spams, the girls won't reply anyway, so it doesn't hurt your chances if you've got a well tailored PM.

If a girl gets fifty PMs in a day, she is FAR less likely to be able to give the time needed to a good PM. If she was smart, she'd quickly look through all of the PMs, deleting the horrific ones. But most people are not smart, so you cannot count on that.

As such, your point is mostly invalid, especially in the most common cases.

[OnTheRimOfMyGlass]

Originally Posted by forrest.livingston8

If a girl gets fifty PMs in a day, she is FAR less likely to be able to give the time needed to a good PM. If she was smart, she'd quickly look through all of the PMs, deleting the horrific ones. But most people are not smart, so you cannot count on that.

As such, your point is mostly invalid, especially in the most common cases.

From the women I have talked to it is not about being smart, it is about being burned out, and from that figuring out ways to avoid burnout. It's kind of like having an email address that gets dozens of spam emails a day and maybe one good email a week, and has no spam filter: you figure out a system that doesn't involve reading everything, and you probably check infrequently so you can delete stuff in bulk by reading the subject lines only. Unless something clearly isn't spam, you treat it like it is.

This is why so many women just give up and delete profiles on OkCupid, or place really strict messaging requirements on Fetlife. Putting it down to intelligence is a strange interpretation.

[Jacobsen]

Originally Posted by OnTheRimOfMyGlass

From the women I have talked to it is not about being smart, it is about being burned out, and from that figuring out ways to avoid burnout. It's kind of like having an email address that gets dozens of spam emails a day and maybe one good email a week, and has no spam filter: you figure out a system that doesn't involve reading everything, and you probably check infrequently so you can delete stuff in bulk by reading the subject lines only. Unless something clearly isn't spam, you treat it like it is.

This is why so many women just give up and delete profiles on OkCupid, or place really strict messaging requirements on Fetlife. Putting it down to intelligence is a strange interpretation.

Thank you, exactly my point.

A well written message will stand out no matter what.

The only thing you need to worry about is if a girl gets 50 messages, chances are, there are quite a few good messages in there. So she may only reply to the best one few.

And if indeed it's an intelligent thing. Do you really want someone who can't figure out how to do something as simple as deleting spams as your mistress or slave?

[OnTheRimOfMyGlass]

Originally Posted by Jacobsen

Thank you, exactly my point.

A well written message will stand out no matter what.

The only thing you need to worry about is if a girl gets 50 messages, chances are, there are quite a few good messages in there. So she may only reply to the best one few.

And if indeed it's an intelligent thing. Do you really want someone who can't figure out how to do something as simple as deleting spams as your mistress or slave?

Yowza. No, that's not what I'm saying at all. Not even close.

There are a growing number of accounts of guys who have set up accounts as women on various dating sites and written about the experience. Here's one of the more recent ones where a guy points out being deluged, often by repeat messages from the same people getting increasingly agitated and insulting at the lack of a response. See again what I said about reading the subject lines only. See again what I said about deleting in bulk if they're even willing to try to dig through the scum. See Louis CK on dating because this stuff is so depressing that some funny is seriously needed.

If your conclusion is that this comes down to a woman being smart enough to figure out how to delete spam, I think that you are either significantly ignorant of what it's like to be overloaded every time you look at your email, or you're starting from a really low baseline level of respect for women.

If, however, you have a history of finding people who've managed to create accounts and set up profiles which compel you to send them messages, and then regularly you actually learn -- not assume, not make some sour grapes response to not hearing back -- actually learn that they couldn't figure out how to delete spam, then perhaps you have a poor capacity for determining intelligence when looking at a profile before you send a message. In which case, maybe you're getting a little over-excited and need to slow down a bit.

[MissKitty]

Originally Posted by OnTheRimOfMyGlass

Yowza. No, that's not what I'm saying at all. Not even close.

There are a growing number of accounts of guys who have set up accounts as women on various dating sites and written about the experience. Here's one of the more recent ones where a guy points out being deluged, often by repeat messages from the same people getting increasingly agitated and insulting at the lack of a response. See again what I said about reading the subject lines only. See again what I said about deleting in bulk if they're even willing to try to dig through the scum. See Louis CK on dating because this stuff is so depressing that some funny is seriously needed.

If your conclusion is that this comes down to a woman being smart enough to figure out how to delete spam, I think that you are either significantly ignorant of what it's like to be overloaded every time you look at your email, or you're starting from a really low baseline level of respect for women.

If, however, you have a history of finding people who've managed to create accounts and set up profiles which compel you to send them messages, and then regularly you actually learn -- not assume, not make some sour grapes response to not hearing back -- actually learn that they couldn't figure out how to delete spam, then perhaps you have a poor capacity for determining intelligence when looking at a profile before you send a message. In which case, maybe you're getting a little over-excited and need to slow down a bit.

Amen!

I get spammed here on GetDare quite a bit, in PM, in whispers in the chat and with private chat requests. And it always bugs me, because it says in my profile that I am NOT single, NOT a Mistress and NOT interested! But apparantly its too hard to read that... Imagine how much I would get if I -were- a single Mistress who was looking!

It depends on my mood if and how I answer these spammers, I ignore them, send a short apology or snarl at them. Yes, women have moods too, and yes, we do get pissed off at ignorant people who do not read. It's not all sunshine and roses :P