Welcome to the Kitchen

[Mythologist]

I can't believe I'm doing a dare inspired by watching Julie and Julia VoV; Ah well, here it is. Hope it's up to scratch with my other dares; I haven't made any for a bit.

Welcome to my kitchen, new meat...
What are you wearing? That'll just get messy and in your way! Take it off, or forget about working here. An apron? Maybe if you earn it.
Remove all of your clothing for this dare. At your option, you may wear a chef's hat.


Go wash your hands! My kitchen is a clean one!
I'm not going to let you so much as LOOK at the food if your hands are dirty. Remember, warm water works best, so use it!
This may take some trial and error to prevent burns. Go wash your hands for 30 seconds without taking your hands out of the water. The water should be hot enough to be very unpleasant, but not hot enough to cause actual burns. If you hands come out from under the stream at any point, you must scrub them with something possessing stiff bristles (a hairbrush would work) for 2 full minutes going as roughly and quickly as you can. Do this to each hand.

First, set some water on the stove to boil.
In the meantime, start preparing this carrot for later. I
Stick a full-sized carrot (washed) in a non-oral orifice of your choice, and leave it there until the water boils. If you manage to insert the carrot completely while you wait, feel free to reward yourself by masturbating. No coming allowed in the kitchen though! When the water starts boiling, take the carrot out and chop it up. Then, put it into the pot of water.

Add the beans, and then let us begin tenderizing the meat.
Shameful though it is, I'm afraid we'll just be using canned green beans. Ah well. Once they're in, place your (breasts or penis/balls) on the counter for tenderizing.
Put in the green beans (easy enough), then place your breasts or penis/balls on a counter. Get out a plastic spatula or similar, and begin giving yourself hard swats. You get five swats for every dirty dish on the counter or in the sink.

NOTE: Let the beans and carrots sit at a low-ish heat for a while to cook. I'm no chef, and don't know the proper procedure for making them actually taste good, so just make them nice and hot. Try not to burn them.

Mmm. Nice and tender.
I almost want to taste this delicious meat now... Ah, but there are more productive activities, like washing dishes.
Wash a bowl using your genitalia and/or breasts. Be sure to use dish soap. Remember, no coming in the kitchen.

The stew is nearly done.
Turn off the stove and let it cool for a while. In the meantime, let's experiment with some spices.
Turn off the stove, let cool, etc. While weaiting for it to cool, coat your finger with ginger powder and insert it into your rectum. You may now start masturbating (but not coming) again. If you don't have ginger powder, skip to the masturbating.

I think it's time to add the meat.
*Grabs your penis/breast forcefully and pulls you to the food* Now, take this in to our customer, and make SURE they enjoy it.
Once the stew is cooled to a safe temperature, pour a bowl of it and Hold your penis/breast in it while you carry it to the table. Remember, safety first.

What? No crackers with my soup?
Surely you can put some saltines on there.
Masurbate using saltines until your soup has a reasonable amount in it.

Much better. Bon apetite.
*spits it out* This is horrid! YOU eat this!
The customer is always right. You now get to eat your concoction. HOpe it tastes alright. Eat it all and lick the bowl clean, or else you'll have to make it up to the head chef, although the chef might demand you be punished anyway.

OPTIONAL IF FOOD IS EATEN, MANDATORY IF NOT:
I can't believe you ruined my recipe!
You forgot a seasoning or something, didn't you! Get on the counter again. I'm taking this out of your hide.
Place your genitals/breasts on teh counter as you did before, and begin rolling over them like they were some dough. Don't seriously harm yourself, but be as rough as you can. A friend to do this for you would be great.

OPTIONAL:
This calls for more seasoning.
I want a good, strong flavor to my meal.
Before eating the meal at the end, come or pee into the mixture, and add that to the meal.

[Tantomile]

I couldn't help but laugh; the idea seemed perfectly jaunty. Nice and silly but with a great sexualised element to it. I ended up performing the 'dare' myself and... well... I have a few ideas, perhaps you could work these into it if you like them?

I simply added a couple of things to it. For example, stirring the stew. After 'tenderising the meat' (which was quite fun, I might add ;D) I stirred the stew and immediately used the spatula to spank my breasts. There was a little hot water on the spatula and that tiny amount, though not enough to burn, was enough to add more excitement to the dare. Another thing I did a couple more things, just little additions like that.

Overall, great little dare ^-^ Bravo.

[Mythologist]

Ah, thank you very much! I was afraid I had lost my touch, although this dare doesn't seem to be as popular as my others. ^^; Ah well, I'm glad someone enjoyed it. As for your suggestions, I like them, and may edit the original post if I get off my lazy butt long enough to do so. Any other suggestions, folks?