So you want a Slave or Master? Well done...

Hampers · 01-04-2009, 05:33 PM

As many of you know, I don't come to these parts of the forum often. This is because I know fuck-all about slave/master relationships. But here is a guide on how to get along while you're looking for one.

So you want a Slave or Master? Well done...

Congratulations on deciding you don't want a plain old life. You have joined the more fun side of the sandpit. Take this moment now to stand up and give yourself a small round of applause. No really, do. Go on.

Done?

Now sit down. I've got something to tell you.

There are a lot of people out there who have also joined this world, and chances are you're feeling like your voice is drowning in a sea of other requests. I'm not here to tell you how to make your advertising unique and get you that perfect partner. But I will give you some tips which might help you get along in the chat while you are looking:

Tip #1: Shut up and talk
You need to know when to advertise yourself. Let's take a sample scene:

Quote:

[User has entered the Lounge]
[User]: hey i need a mistress 18/m with cam
[Everyone Else]: Good luck with that. We're busy.

Although I doubt people would be that polite. Barging into a room and declaring yourself won't win you any friends. I understand you're desperate, but finding the perfect slave is like trying to find a really good coffee - it justs take patience. If you actually attempt to join the conversation, you'll make more friends and people will remember you and maybe even want to talk to you. This has two benefits. Firstly, people will actually talk to you, making that wait until you find someone all the more enjoyable. Secondly, when you come back, you'll be spoken to again, because you won't have been blocked.

Let's see what happens if you try to join the conversation instead:

Quote:

[User has entered the Lounge]
[User]: Hey guys
[Others]: Hello, User.
[User]: What are we talking about?
[Others]: Best type of coffee.
[User]: Oh really? I really love a double ristretto latte...

*LATER*
[Others]: So what brings you to getdare, User?

[User]: Oh, you know. I'm looking for a slave.
[Others]: Really? I know just the person for you...

And so on. Can you see the difference?

Tip #2: You take the high road and I'll take the low road...
Let's start with another scenario, this time in a private chat.

Quote:

[User]: hey are you looking for a slave?
[Me]: Um
[User]: 19/m horny with cam
[Me]: No thanks, I don't do s/m
[User]: k

And I never hear from them again. Which saddens me, because they sounded like such an interesting person. But never mind.

My point is: don't discount someone just because they're not immediately who you want. For example, consider this: I'm a staff member. It's my job to read every Slave/Master personal that is posted on this site. As such, not only do I remember pretty much everyone who has posted one, I also know, after months of reading them, who the good ones are. So, I'm a walking mine of information. The same goes for a lot of the regular users here. But, seeing as I'm not going to be your slave, what you have done by ignoring me straight away is:

a) lost me as a source of information

b) pissed me off a bit

This isn't to say approach each of the regular users of the site and be all "can u help me find a master plzzz". But, if you befriend us, then chances are we'll be sympathetic to you and help you out as a friend if you do ask.

Tip #3: Submissives, know your place
Remember: some people are more in demand than others. For instance, ever wondered why a female slaves get 37 replies to their personal while a male slave gets none? From my observation, there seems to be an all-important order, from most in-demand to least in-demand:

Quote:

Most wanted: The Female Sub
Then: The Female Dom
Then: The Male Dom
Least wanted: The Male Sub

I'm sorry to say, male subs, but you're at the bottom of the wanted pile. Keep this in mind when talking to people. The closer to the bottom of the pile you are, the more likely it is that other users have heard someone like you begging for a partner. This means they won't listen to you if you randomly ask them to be your master.

Tip #4: Stay Awake

Quote:

[User has entered the Lounge]
[User]: I'm looking for a female slave.
[Female Slave]: I'll be your slave.
[User]: Sweet.

Has this happened to you recently?

Yes? Pinch yourself, you're dreaming. Wake up.
No really, it has happened to you? Stop lying.

The thing you need to remember, is that this site wasn't built in the hope that one day you would come along and use it to find someone to get down and dirty with. If you think that it is, then stop thinking that, you sollipsistic bitch. Other users are here to have a good time, and everyone's going to be happier if you add something to the site besides "You are now my slave". Not everyone is here to find a slave or master, and it's foolish of you to assume that they are. Be prepared to talk to people about other stuff besides BDSM. Coffee, perhaps. In fact, why not even come up with your own topic of conversation?

Thank you for your time.

Smile · 01-04-2009, 05:42 PM

I like coffee, capachino, especially from starbucks, maby pret omanger...
but seriously, this has really helped me, and although i have not put up an advert yet i have been considering it for some time, lol bottom of the pile

but when/if i do put up an ad i think/know this will help me. Thanks

mafiaka · 01-04-2009, 07:10 PM

So let me get this straight... there will be a coffee subforum now ? And do we have to be 18 to be able to advertise there ? Better that we are, since, well, coffee... can be fairly addicting.

So personally, I like some black coffee, or with milk. I hardly ever switch. Coffee shouldn't be too sweet (not that I just like it rough, rather, one might say I like my coffees simple, not too elaborate). Although sometimes, late at night, it might be time for an Irish coffee. A tad stronger, a bit more special, with a dominant whisky taste. O, oh, the innuendo. This thread can become the basis of a whole new code language. 'Black coffee drinker (25/M) seeks milk bottle bringer (18-20/F/webcam needed)'. Up to the point where people will barge into chatrooms, and ask 'hey dudz whassup ne1 wanna cofeew sugra'... And we're back where we started.

Seriously, Hampers - very useful post. Now hopefully (and that is a sincere thought, not a cynical one) people read it before they just drop their bombshell (used Senseo pad ?) somewhere on the M/s thread.

Smile · 01-04-2009, 07:16 PM

I prefer coffee with no sugars, quite milky, not big on the instant coffee, however i will drink it

pointless post but i am rarther bored

dont ban me

[Hampers: Being bored isn't an excuse.]

dareboy2 · 01-04-2009, 07:18 PM

Very good job
its true the ones you can talk to you become much more comfortable with, you want to be with them. Also if you talk to someone for a while you can get a better feeling if the situation will work out.
People need to be serious, you cant just say:
ASL
OPEN CAM NOW
it doesnt work that way, atleast if you want to get a good relationship going

ty_la · 01-04-2009, 07:21 PM

Very nice hampers, unfortunatly the people your trying to get
this information to arn't likely to read it =( . It's a shame, but it's the circle of irony/ignorance that i think every online community faces. Very nice though, and yes. I did read the entire post :P

One more question, you certainly do know 'fuck-all' about sm relationships and how to get a good one and all. which brings me to wonder if this site was always meant to be a tord and sm site? Or did that happen over time? thanks

Fiendish · 01-04-2009, 08:11 PM

I give you a cookie- a good cookie, not a bad cookie.

Zeromus · 01-07-2009, 06:44 AM

Ya know, I'm not a coffee person.

rpUral · 01-07-2009, 07:14 AM

Thanks Hampers, very useful. It's not the way I've approached it, though.

To me, the ads are almost useless. You need to have a conversation with the person, and that conversation needs to be about coffee and other things before you ever get around to "Be my slave" or "Are you looking for a Master".

Don't jump straight to "Commit to me"; introduce some play into your conversations: ask what they're wearing, a risque dare, other things along those lines. If they won't tell you what they're wearing, they're not going to jump at being your slave... today anyway. These things will also tell you if they're really submissive or just interested in chating as well.

When the time is right, jump into a full "play date". But don't start with "Strip, and beat your behind with a belt 10 times." Do something she'll enjoy. Work her up, at your direction, and make her climax. If she'll let you take her this far, then she's definitely submissive, and worth chasing. If not, then while you haven't found your slave, you may have made a friend. Don't abandon that; friends are important too.

The very best slave, and I can say this from experience, is the one that, over time, just begins doing more and more of what you ask, until you stupidly realize it. My favorite, and most loved slave, I had to ask "Are you assuming that I'm your Master now?" And her answer has brightened my heart ever since. And we're now much more than Master and slave; we're also friends and part of each other's lives, and to me, that's much more important.

I hope some of this makes sense...

It's not all about dominating. It's about communication.

CleverGirl · 01-09-2009, 10:15 AM

Great post, Hampers. It's really helpful! And I think rpUral posted some great ad ons. I haven't posted and ad, so I can't really critique on its usefulness, but I may in el futuro. There. A little spanish for ya! Oh, and as for the coffee thing, I myself an more of an tea conessiour. When I do drink coffee, I fill it up with lots of sugar. Sugar.....!!!!!!

slavedriverone · 07-28-2012, 09:54 AM

Hi
I am looking through the site as per normal, and have stumbled upon this one entitled so you want a slave/master well done.
Would like to say a big thank you to you for writing it, just what I’ve been looking for, just reading in it I have found it’s been a big help (no don't worry I will be reading the rest of it

) not just that bit, having posted for advice on the advice post I received two replies, equally as helpful.
Only being a member for a few day now and not receiving any replies concerned me, but after reading this section you have posted I can see why know coz I’ve prob made myself look like a prat, but I am now getting to find my around it and understand it a bit better.
my concerns are that being a new master without experience is keeping people away should I not advertise this fact, I only do this so people are away and can help and advice but most importantly is that I would never wish to endanger anyone, could you please advise due to you working here have you seen much success for new start masters
so on closing I would just like to make one point and that is if only they had squeezed this type of site into one lesson a day when I was at school then I would of 1) not bunked off so much 2) paid more attention while there 3) learnt the ability to speed type earlier on in life 4) won awards for spelling and grammar 5) to be able to sit down and read more.
Once again thanks and keep up the good work

skype-sub · 06-25-2013, 10:37 PM

Thank you! That was helpful. I pretty much always used to burst in a room and just declare what I am looking for. Generally not finding anyone ever. Also, I just learnt the hard truth. I lie at the bottom of the demand pool. :sob:

01-04-2009, 07:21 PM	#6
ty_la getDare Sweetheart Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Canada Posts: 469	Very nice hampers, unfortunatly the people your trying to get this information to arn't likely to read it =( . It's a shame, but it's the circle of irony/ignorance that i think every online community faces. Very nice though, and yes. I did read the entire post :P One more question, you certainly do know 'fuck-all' about sm relationships and how to get a good one and all. which brings me to wonder if this site was always meant to be a tord and sm site? Or did that happen over time? thanks Last edited by ty_la; 01-04-2009 at 07:25 PM.

01-04-2009, 08:11 PM	#7
Fiendish getDare Sweetheart Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: The 9th Level of Hell Posts: 339 Blog Entries: 12	I give you a cookie- a good cookie, not a bad cookie. __________________ I have no signature!

01-07-2009, 06:44 AM	#8
Zeromus getDare Devil Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Another moon. Posts: 1,083 Blog Entries: 12	Ya know, I'm not a coffee person. __________________ *Due to the innate funness of trivia, I too have a contest. Mine will be focused on gaming, with a few grab bag questions. Here's an easy one. (name the game this quote came from) "Where's the oh so pleasant sound of someone getting impaled?"

01-07-2009, 07:14 AM	#9
rpUral Account Banned Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Minnesota, USA Posts: 255	Thanks Hampers, very useful. It's not the way I've approached it, though. To me, the ads are almost useless. You need to have a conversation with the person, and that conversation needs to be about coffee and other things before you ever get around to "Be my slave" or "Are you looking for a Master". Don't jump straight to "Commit to me"; introduce some play into your conversations: ask what they're wearing, a risque dare, other things along those lines. If they won't tell you what they're wearing, they're not going to jump at being your slave... today anyway. These things will also tell you if they're really submissive or just interested in chating as well. When the time is right, jump into a full "play date". But don't start with "Strip, and beat your behind with a belt 10 times." Do something she'll enjoy. Work her up, at your direction, and make her climax. If she'll let you take her this far, then she's definitely submissive, and worth chasing. If not, then while you haven't found your slave, you may have made a friend. Don't abandon that; friends are important too. The very best slave, and I can say this from experience, is the one that, over time, just begins doing more and more of what you ask, until you stupidly realize it. My favorite, and most loved slave, I had to ask "Are you assuming that I'm your Master now?" And her answer has brightened my heart ever since. And we're now much more than Master and slave; we're also friends and part of each other's lives, and to me, that's much more important. I hope some of this makes sense... It's not all about dominating. It's about communication. __________________ [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC] Looking for something to read? Try these: "Rising Sun" - "The Dinner Party" - "A Day on the Beach" - "The Trap"

01-09-2009, 10:15 AM	#10
CleverGirl Account Banned Join Date: Dec 2008 Posts: 103	Great post, Hampers. It's really helpful! And I think rpUral posted some great ad ons. I haven't posted and ad, so I can't really critique on its usefulness, but I may in el futuro. There. A little spanish for ya! Oh, and as for the coffee thing, I myself an more of an tea conessiour. When I do drink coffee, I fill it up with lots of sugar. Sugar.....!!!!!! __________________ 18/F/NOYB Limits: Beastiality (Or resembling),poo/scat, piss, vomit, permanent, illegal, lots of blood, very public (semi-public is okay), anything with children (So, if you are under eighteen, you better not pm me asking me to be a slave or Mistress, or asking me about truths or dares of a sexual nature), nude pictures, anything that causes sickness or yeast infection, immoral acts I am a sub/slave but am not currently looking for a Master.

01-04-2009, 05:42 PM	#2
Smile Account Banned Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: "I just don't give a fuck" Posts: 1,402 Blog Entries: 6	I like coffee, capachino, especially from starbucks, maby pret omanger... but seriously, this has really helped me, and although i have not put up an advert yet i have been considering it for some time, lol bottom of the pile but when/if i do put up an ad i think/know this will help me. Thanks __________________ 4 Days Left. Note: If I use "" it is meant to be as a dazed daydream look, not an insult.

01-04-2009, 07:10 PM	#3
mafiaka Distinguished Member Join Date: May 2007 Posts: 708 Blog Entries: 1	So let me get this straight... there will be a coffee subforum now ? And do we have to be 18 to be able to advertise there ? Better that we are, since, well, coffee... can be fairly addicting. So personally, I like some black coffee, or with milk. I hardly ever switch. Coffee shouldn't be too sweet (not that I just like it rough, rather, one might say I like my coffees simple, not too elaborate). Although sometimes, late at night, it might be time for an Irish coffee. A tad stronger, a bit more special, with a dominant whisky taste. O, oh, the innuendo. This thread can become the basis of a whole new code language. 'Black coffee drinker (25/M) seeks milk bottle bringer (18-20/F/webcam needed)'. Up to the point where people will barge into chatrooms, and ask 'hey dudz whassup ne1 wanna cofeew sugra'... And we're back where we started. Seriously, Hampers - very useful post. Now hopefully (and that is a sincere thought, not a cynical one) people read it before they just drop their bombshell (used Senseo pad ?) somewhere on the M/s thread.

01-04-2009, 07:16 PM	#4
Smile Account Banned Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: "I just don't give a fuck" Posts: 1,402 Blog Entries: 6	I prefer coffee with no sugars, quite milky, not big on the instant coffee, however i will drink it pointless post but i am rarther bored dont ban me [Hampers: Being bored isn't an excuse.] __________________ 4 Days Left. Note: If I use "" it is meant to be as a dazed daydream look, not an insult.

01-04-2009, 07:18 PM	#5
dareboy2 Account Banned Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: New York Posts: 181	Very good job its true the ones you can talk to you become much more comfortable with, you want to be with them. Also if you talk to someone for a while you can get a better feeling if the situation will work out. People need to be serious, you cant just say: ASL OPEN CAM NOW it doesnt work that way, atleast if you want to get a good relationship going

07-28-2012, 09:54 AM	#11
slavedriverone Member Join Date: Jul 2012 Location: uk buckinghamshire Posts: 49	Hi I am looking through the site as per normal, and have stumbled upon this one entitled so you want a slave/master well done. Would like to say a big thank you to you for writing it, just what I’ve been looking for, just reading in it I have found it’s been a big help (no don't worry I will be reading the rest of it ) not just that bit, having posted for advice on the advice post I received two replies, equally as helpful. Only being a member for a few day now and not receiving any replies concerned me, but after reading this section you have posted I can see why know coz I’ve prob made myself look like a prat, but I am now getting to find my around it and understand it a bit better. my concerns are that being a new master without experience is keeping people away should I not advertise this fact, I only do this so people are away and can help and advice but most importantly is that I would never wish to endanger anyone, could you please advise due to you working here have you seen much success for new start masters so on closing I would just like to make one point and that is if only they had squeezed this type of site into one lesson a day when I was at school then I would of 1) not bunked off so much 2) paid more attention while there 3) learnt the ability to speed type earlier on in life 4) won awards for spelling and grammar 5) to be able to sit down and read more. Once again thanks and keep up the good work __________________ My likes control, punishments, humiliation, name calling rough sex, ropes, whips, gags, spanking , mild torcher some wee, Clit play, My dislikes Poo, dippers, blood [email protected]

06-25-2013, 10:37 PM	#12
skype-sub Junior Member Join Date: Apr 2013 Location: USA Posts: 3	Thank you! That was helpful. I pretty much always used to burst in a room and just declare what I am looking for. Generally not finding anyone ever. Also, I just learnt the hard truth. I lie at the bottom of the demand pool. :sob: