[Fiction] First Day

[Amy]

It's my first story and I would like some constructive critism. Im not all that good at writing I just thought I would give it a go. I'v done two chapters and if I get some comments back i'll carry on

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Chapter One: Late
Sara raced up the steps to the main building. It was her first day at a new school and she was already 5 minutes late. As soon as she entered the building she was overwhelmed at how big the lobby was. Her old school was tiny compared to this. A blonde, tanned guy was leaning across the reception desk scowling at the women behind it. He was complaining about how early the day started. Sara breathed a sigh of relief, she wasn't the only late one today. She made her way over to the desk shoving her MP3 in her bag as she went. As she got closer she realised how sexy this guy actually was. The receptionist noticed her and seemed glad to have someone else to attend to.
"How can I help you love?"
"I'm err.. new, and err.. my alarm didn't go off this morning."
"Well what's your home room number?"
"Err.. " She searched in her bag for the letter that come in the post a few days earlier. "Ahh.. G45"
"Well no worries i'll sign you in, here is your timetable and a map to help you. Your first lesson is near Adams" She glared at him "He can show you where to go"
Sara looked at where he stood but he had already started walking off, she ran after him clutching the papers she'd just been given. She caught up with him.
"Err.. hi i'm Sara."
"Adam"
She looked at him and noticed his brown eyes. He caught her stare and laughed.
"Where's your lesson then?"
"Err.." She looked desperately at her timetable not making heads or tails of it. "I think it's C32"
"Ahh well your next door to me" He yanked the timetable out of her hand. "..and we have 1st break together i'll wait for you outside."
Sara looked up shocked and he gave her a cheeky grin.
"See you then"

Chapter Two: 1st Break
As the lesson dragged on all Sara could think about was what she and Adam - his name sent shivers down her spine, would do in her break. She was so deep in daydream she barely heard the bell go. She couldn't shove her books in her bag quick enough, and she was first out the door. He was there leaning against the wall. He saw her and gave her a little wave. She walked over trying to think what to say.
"Hey Sara"
Her heart skipped a beat, he said her name so sexy!
"Err.. hey"
"We're meeting some mates in an empty classroom"
She couldn't hide her face dropping.
"Hey we'll still have some fun" and he gave her that cheeky grin again.
He walked quickly and Sara had to jog to keep up with him. They reached an old looking door and he half-pushed her in. There was four more people and they all looked Adams age. There was a blonde girl with big breasts and looked like she didn't have problems with boys, a brunette that wore a baggy hoody and leggings but still looked good, and two identical twins who were both muscular with dark black hair. As she entered the room they all looked up and the blonde jumped up.
"Oh Adam you do know how to pick 'em" and reached out to touch Saras breast. Sara tried to jump back but Adam held her in a firm grip and she had no choice but to let the blonde fondle her. She felt so stupid at how vunerable she had made herself to a guy she barely knew. After a few minutes the blonde got bored and sat back down to read a magazine from the floor. Sara shook herself free from Adams now loose grip and tried to make a run for the door but Adam caught her easily.
"C'mon Sara it's time for the main event.." The others sat up grinning. "..it's time for truth or dare."
She was about to protest, but he gave her the cheeky grin and she realised how much she liked him.
"Ok" she mumbled.

[HeadHunter_t]

i am intrested to see where this gose i think it is done very well so far.

[Amy]

Originally Posted by HeadHunter_t

i am intrested to see where this gose i think it is done very well so far.

Thanks

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[DEndrulat]

Great start!

I am waiting for more......


This is going to be great !!!!!


still waiting.......

[dared to perfection]

i love the writing style..
one problem is i am assuming the identical twins are male, it hasn't actually specified, a bit more detail on those sort of things a bit later in the story will be nice
Other than that its brilliant

[QuoterBuff]

pretty good, please post more, but don't rush it!

[Komodo Jones]

Hey, how about that an actual story in the truth or dare stories that invovles truth or dare! But being an English major, here's where I need to see improvement. Very few mechanical errors and spelling errors, but not really bad enough to take away from the story. Next time before submitting something, and I find that this really helps me, is carefully look over your document before posting it. Constructing things like this in a word processing program such as Microsoft Word helps in this process. Going with dared to perfection's comment don't rush it, take your time, details really help a story's overall performance. So basically if you slow down, pan the details out more, and just look for gramattical or spelling errors before submitting it, the story will most likely be successfull. I will look forward to reading your next installment. Best of luck!

[blueboy]

I like the twist. It is a one of a kind story. I have not come across one like this before on Getdare. Keep up the good work. I can tell it is going to be good.

[Amy]

Just a small installment here - Thanks for all the comments and I have listened to the advice and tips given.

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Chapter 3: Dirty
The group sat down in a circle in the center of the room. Sara couldn't help but notice the blonde staring at her breasts and shifted uncomfortably. There was a buzz about the room and everyone was daring each other at once. The blonde was the first to dare Sara as she had expected.
"Sara - t or d?"
"Truth"
"What is the furthest you've ever got with a guy.. or a girl"
Everyone stared at her waiting for her answer.
"Well i've kissed and stuff.."
"Yes we thought as much. What else?"
Sara blushed and regretted the words as soon as they left her mouth.
"I sucked a guys dick last year"
This made the blonde more interested than ever, and Adam looked at her impressed. The brunette didn't looked bothered to Saras relief and went back to painting her toes. The twins were now having a fight about who got to dare next, the one with the ear piercing won.
"Adam mate, truth or dare?"
"Dare" he said twirling a loose strand of Saras hair.
"Well seeing as you've taken quite a shine to Sara here, give her a butt a nice lick" he laughed and slapped his brother on his back.
Sara stood up to protest but before she could speak..
"Sure, why not? Come on then Sara."
Sara was hypnotised by his smile and after a minute of silence and stares she slowly lifted up a corner of her skirt revealing pink knickers. She went to pull them down but Adam beat her to it. He pushed her onto all fours and slowly licked the cheek of her butt. This got hoots and jeers from the two twins who were now showing two erect dicks beneath thier trousers. After a few licks he put her clothes back into place and slid back into his spot in the circle.
"Jerad mate truth or dare"
Sara realised she never knew thier names and she had shown them her butt. She felt dirty - but she liked it.

[Nick]

very good story, keep up the great work!