A Trip into the Woods(Fiction)

x_daringbaby · 02-18-2009, 11:10 PM

This is a newer kind of story I want to introduce to getDare. It will actually be focused around two characters: you and me. Yes, you will actually be in the story. I hope that makes it more captivating. ;D Sorry, but in this story, 'you' will be a male. This would make it easier for me as I am a girl, but once I finish this story, I may flip the point of view for all you female readers out there. ^0^

You're Dave, an eighteen year old male who is just out of high school. Your parents gave you enough money for you to get a nice and cozy home and furniture. You had saved over the years enough money to buy everything else you needed, including a computer. BUT. After moving out, you had thought that it would feel so free, but you miss the coziness of someone to greet you at home and for you to be friendly with. You turned on your computer and typed up on a website:

Name: Dave
Age: 18
Looking for: A special someone to be a housemate with me. Preferrably female.
Contact: 123-4567

And then we met.

-DING DONG-
The doorbell rang. You rushed downstairs, quickly but failing to minimize the window on your computer to open the door. As you looked out the peephole, you could see my small frame. It was windy outside, and my long black hair was flying around. It bordered my small face, filled with anticipation. That day I had worn a tight fitting cashmere sweater and damaged light blue jean short-shorts over black tights, topped off with a pair of Uggs. I had dressed to appear cute, and it worked. My petite size of 5 feet 2 helped my total appearance, and my thin waist was something none would have wanted to miss. Then, your eyes moved up to my chest. I was nervous, definitely nervous, and my chest showed that. I had been breathing heavily, and my chest was moving up and down as I inhaled and exhaled. You opened the door and welcomed me in.

"Hello there, err..." Your voice trailed off as you realized you didn't even know my name.

"Anna. Just Anna, not short for anything." My voice was high and crystal clear as I replied. "And you?"

"Oh, I'm William. Sorry, you're just standing there. Come in and have a seat!" You walked me over to a pair of stools in the kitchen at the breakfast bar. "Would you like anything to drink"

"Oh, well, I wouldn't mind a glass of juice, if it's okay with you."

You nodded and took out two glasses and filled them with fruit punch. I took a glass and took a sip, embracing the sweet flavor.

"Well, my home is your home. You can go ahead and look around."

I stood up with my juice and looked around the small home. A standard living space for a normal person. I walked upstairs into the rooms.

"I guess this is my room?" I pointed out a room with a twin-sized bed and pink sheets.

"Oh, yeah. Sorry, I didn't have much time to decorate it..." You stuttered with your words, scratching the back of your head.

I nodded and went on with the tour. I took a peep in your room and giggled at the posters of playboy bunnies on the walls.

"Nice." I walked in and saw the computer. "What's this?"

You took a glance at the computer and started to fumble with your words.

"Well, y-you see, I, bored-" I cut you off.

"Name: Jake. Interested in: Being a dare master, Looking for: Online slave" I blinked. "Oh, very... interesting?"

You blushed, your secret fetishes being revealed. But I snorted. Leaning in, I typed into the search bar, 'x_daringbaby'.

You blinked this time, reading my profile.

"Interested in: Being a dare slave? Er," you stopped talking, shocked.

"Well then, sir. How may I please you?" I kneeled down, slowly stripping of my clothes.

Sorry for the short post, but I guess I'll leave you hanging~!

x_daringbaby · 02-18-2009, 11:11 PM

Oh, and I know that right now, 'I' seem more dominant, but I promise you, it's going to flip. Drastically. ;D
Just a little sneak-preview.

JoMo · 02-19-2009, 05:33 AM

In order to make a second person story work the reader has to drift into the role of the character so that they feel comfortable being in the role of the main character. You seem to be trying to force the character you want them to be upon the reader, which just makes it seem awkward.

In terms of stroyline and description, it's good, but I think the use of the 2nd person requires a bit more subtlety than you're giving it. I also think due to the nature of erotic stories, it's never quite going to come off.

rpUral · 02-19-2009, 06:39 AM

It is a good start, though. There's several ways it could go from here. I'd like to read more before making any drastic judgements.

seth18 · 02-24-2009, 01:41 PM

Good start, keep it going.

sasatchi759 · 02-24-2009, 04:44 PM

Holy crap!
MY name is William O.o

haydies · 02-24-2009, 05:42 PM

one thing i dont quite understand in this story is why the guy has 3 names.
dave, william and jake.

i can understand using a fake name on a site such as this but why would he use a fake name when asking for a housemate when they will find out thats not his real name

wicked · 02-24-2009, 05:47 PM

=/

I didn't get into it that much. hopefully I will in the next part

rpUral · 02-26-2009, 02:45 PM

I hadn't noticed the whole name amnesia issue, but yes, he's jake on the website, but is he really Dave or William in real life?

02-18-2009, 11:10 PM	#1
x_daringbaby Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2007 Posts: 136	A Trip into the Woods(Fiction) This is a newer kind of story I want to introduce to getDare. It will actually be focused around two characters: you and me. Yes, you will actually be in the story. I hope that makes it more captivating. ;D Sorry, but in this story, 'you' will be a male. This would make it easier for me as I am a girl, but once I finish this story, I may flip the point of view for all you female readers out there. ^0^ You're Dave, an eighteen year old male who is just out of high school. Your parents gave you enough money for you to get a nice and cozy home and furniture. You had saved over the years enough money to buy everything else you needed, including a computer. BUT. After moving out, you had thought that it would feel so free, but you miss the coziness of someone to greet you at home and for you to be friendly with. You turned on your computer and typed up on a website: Name: Dave Age: 18 Looking for: A special someone to be a housemate with me. Preferrably female. Contact: 123-4567 And then we met. -DING DONG- The doorbell rang. You rushed downstairs, quickly but failing to minimize the window on your computer to open the door. As you looked out the peephole, you could see my small frame. It was windy outside, and my long black hair was flying around. It bordered my small face, filled with anticipation. That day I had worn a tight fitting cashmere sweater and damaged light blue jean short-shorts over black tights, topped off with a pair of Uggs. I had dressed to appear cute, and it worked. My petite size of 5 feet 2 helped my total appearance, and my thin waist was something none would have wanted to miss. Then, your eyes moved up to my chest. I was nervous, definitely nervous, and my chest showed that. I had been breathing heavily, and my chest was moving up and down as I inhaled and exhaled. You opened the door and welcomed me in. "Hello there, err..." Your voice trailed off as you realized you didn't even know my name. "Anna. Just Anna, not short for anything." My voice was high and crystal clear as I replied. "And you?" "Oh, I'm William. Sorry, you're just standing there. Come in and have a seat!" You walked me over to a pair of stools in the kitchen at the breakfast bar. "Would you like anything to drink" "Oh, well, I wouldn't mind a glass of juice, if it's okay with you." You nodded and took out two glasses and filled them with fruit punch. I took a glass and took a sip, embracing the sweet flavor. "Well, my home is your home. You can go ahead and look around." I stood up with my juice and looked around the small home. A standard living space for a normal person. I walked upstairs into the rooms. "I guess this is my room?" I pointed out a room with a twin-sized bed and pink sheets. "Oh, yeah. Sorry, I didn't have much time to decorate it..." You stuttered with your words, scratching the back of your head. I nodded and went on with the tour. I took a peep in your room and giggled at the posters of playboy bunnies on the walls. "Nice." I walked in and saw the computer. "What's this?" You took a glance at the computer and started to fumble with your words. "Well, y-you see, I, bored-" I cut you off. "Name: Jake. Interested in: Being a dare master, Looking for: Online slave" I blinked. "Oh, very... interesting?" You blushed, your secret fetishes being revealed. But I snorted. Leaning in, I typed into the search bar, 'x_daringbaby'. You blinked this time, reading my profile. "Interested in: Being a dare slave? Er," you stopped talking, shocked. "Well then, sir. How may I please you?" I kneeled down, slowly stripping of my clothes. Sorry for the short post, but I guess I'll leave you hanging~!

02-19-2009, 06:39 AM	#4
rpUral Account Banned Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Minnesota, USA Posts: 255	It is a good start, though. There's several ways it could go from here. I'd like to read more before making any drastic judgements. __________________ [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC] Looking for something to read? Try these: "Rising Sun" - "The Dinner Party" - "A Day on the Beach" - "The Trap"

02-24-2009, 01:41 PM	#5
seth18 Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Google Posts: 196	Good start, keep it going. __________________ Here we go; Cool people use a ;; Duh! Likes: Candy. Dislikes: You. Limits: 'You have to cause I say so'

02-24-2009, 04:44 PM	#6
sasatchi759 Junior Member Join Date: Mar 2008 Posts: 5	Holy crap! MY name is William O.o __________________ Won't:Family, Messy, Permanent Will Do:Minor Pain, Discreet Public

02-26-2009, 02:45 PM	#9
rpUral Account Banned Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Minnesota, USA Posts: 255	I hadn't noticed the whole name amnesia issue, but yes, he's jake on the website, but is he really Dave or William in real life? __________________ [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC] Looking for something to read? Try these: "Rising Sun" - "The Dinner Party" - "A Day on the Beach" - "The Trap"

02-18-2009, 11:11 PM	#2
x_daringbaby Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2007 Posts: 136	Oh, and I know that right now, 'I' seem more dominant, but I promise you, it's going to flip. Drastically. ;D Just a little sneak-preview.

02-19-2009, 05:33 AM	#3
JoMo getDare Sweetheart Join Date: May 2007 Location: England Posts: 367 Blog Entries: 1	In order to make a second person story work the reader has to drift into the role of the character so that they feel comfortable being in the role of the main character. You seem to be trying to force the character you want them to be upon the reader, which just makes it seem awkward. In terms of stroyline and description, it's good, but I think the use of the 2nd person requires a bit more subtlety than you're giving it. I also think due to the nature of erotic stories, it's never quite going to come off.

02-24-2009, 05:42 PM	#7
haydies Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: England Posts: 37	one thing i dont quite understand in this story is why the guy has 3 names. dave, william and jake. i can understand using a fake name on a site such as this but why would he use a fake name when asking for a housemate when they will find out thats not his real name

02-24-2009, 05:47 PM	#8
wicked getDare Sweetheart Join Date: Jan 2009 Posts: 287	=/ I didn't get into it that much. hopefully I will in the next part