Funny?

Underpants · 07-12-2016, 07:59 AM

Have you got any funny stories, jokes, incidents to share?

RiskyFlame · 07-12-2016, 12:31 PM

Knock, Knock...

bleonav06 · 07-12-2016, 12:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RiskyFlame

Knock, Knock...

who's there?

PS this better be funny

RiskyFlame · 07-12-2016, 12:41 PM

Yoda Lady

Jaro · 07-12-2016, 12:42 PM

Without nipples, tits would be pointless!

RiskyFlame · 08-06-2016, 04:22 AM

Since nobody said "Yoda Lady who?", here the answer is.

Revive trainer card for this thread:

HeadMaze · 11-24-2016, 09:00 AM

I don't know why but I seem to attracted madness most places I go which usually ends in something funny.

One that comes to mind, once when I was a kid I was playing football, The ball went over a fence and into a ditch behind it, I went to get it and there was a man in the ditch who was naked. He looked at me and said "Never take LSD" handed me the ball and then passed out.

Another one would be just yesterday, I was leaving a bar and to my right a guy was standing at a Close door peeing. After he was done he took out a keychain and went in.

You'll Find that life is full off mad things if you watch what happens around you.

Runesmith · 11-25-2016, 06:56 AM

Open the spoiler and read the text. You only get one chance at this!

Spoiler:

Olny srmat poelpe can raed tihs. I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!

cooperjess · 11-25-2016, 07:24 AM

Maybe it's not a funny story, but I used to have an addiction to soap. At my worst, I'd be going through three or four bars a day.

Don't worry though, I'm clean now.

Runesmith · 11-25-2016, 09:44 AM

A man riding his Harley was riding along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, 'Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish..'

The biker pulled over and said, 'Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want.'

The Lord said, 'Your request is materialistic, think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required reaching the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind.'

The biker thought about it for a long time.

Finally, he said, 'Lord, I wish that I and all men could understand women; I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, why she snaps and complains when I try to help, and how I can make a Woman truly happy.'

Spoiler:

The Lord replied, 'You want two lanes or four on that bridge?'

Zoeys fun time · 11-25-2016, 10:05 AM

lol Runesmith just keeps this going

BigBadWolfy · 11-25-2016, 11:51 AM

There was a Priest and a Nun crossing the desert on a camel one day when a terrible sand storm came. It lasted for 6 hours and when it finally cleared they were horrified to see their camel was dead. They had no food or water and the situation looked hopelss. The Priest turned to the Nun and said "Sister, seeing as we are going to die out here, can you grant me one wish?"

The Nun said "Yes Father, what is your final wish?"
"In all my years in the church I’ve never seen a pair of breasts before." said the Priest. The Nun was a bit shocked but lifted her robes to show off her tits in all their glory. The Priest smiled and said "Thankyou Sister."

Then the Nun turned to the Priest and said "Father, in all my years in the church I have never seen a man’s ’thingy’ before. Is it alright for you to show me?" The priest happily agreed and got his junk out. The Nun studied it intensly. The Priest had his eyes closed and was rising to attention as the Nun touched it with fascination. The Priest said with a smile on his face, "Sister, do you know that when it’s placed in certain ’areas’ it can give life?"

And the Nun looked and at him and said "WELL STICK IT UP THIS CAMELS ARSE AND LETS GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE!!!!"

Runesmith · 11-25-2016, 11:59 AM

During a visit to the mental asylum, I asked the director how to determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.

"Well," said the director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."

Question: what would a normal person use?
a) the teaspoon
b) the tea cup
c) the bucket

Choose your answer and open the spoiler:

Spoiler:

"No." said the director, "A normal person would pull the plug.......... Do you want a bed near the window?"

Runesmith · 11-25-2016, 01:00 PM

Here's a tip for you:

When you start going out with someone, just after they go to sleep at night, put a nicotine patch on their arm. Then, just before they wake up in the morning, take it off again.

This way, if they ever leave you, they'll get withdrawal symptoms, think it's love, and come back.

Runesmith · 11-25-2016, 11:07 PM

God's Facebook News Feed

God is just sittin' around bein omnipotent..msn?

God remembered no ones here. Nevermind.

God is boooooooooored lol.

You created a new group:
Light (Common Interest-Religion & Spirituality)

You created a new group:
Earth (Georgraphy-Places)

You created a new group:
Garden Of Eden (Geography-Neighbourhoods)

You and Adam are now friends.

Adam wrote on your wall:
"Hiiiii, hows it hangin?"

Adam wrote on your wall:
"Kind of lonely. Maybe make something I can stick this thing between my legs in? I think I want to do that"

You & Adam are now friends with Eve.

Adam & Eve are in a relationship.

Adam & Eve joined the group: Garden Of Eden

You wrote a note:
"Rules for the garden
No shirt. No shoes. No sin. No problem. Stay away from the apples, seriously."

You created a new album:
Fake Dinosaur Fossils(500 photos)
Adam commented:
Haha, yeah right. like anyone will believe these stupid things existed.

The Serpent sent Eve a gift:
"A nice juicy apple, ENJOY!"

Adam & Eve added the application: Shame

Adam & Eve left the group: Garden Of Eden

Adam & Eve's relationship is now complicated

07-12-2016, 07:59 AM	#1
Underpants getDare Sweetheart Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: UK Posts: 336 Blog Entries: 2	Funny? Have you got any funny stories, jokes, incidents to share?

07-12-2016, 12:31 PM	#2
RiskyFlame Longtime User Join Date: Mar 2014 Posts: 3,292 Blog Entries: 17	Knock, Knock... __________________ Still responsive to DMs here I've only really liked a handful of people in my life, and you've been two of them. —Hans Axgil—

07-12-2016, 12:41 PM	#4
RiskyFlame Longtime User Join Date: Mar 2014 Posts: 3,292 Blog Entries: 17	Yoda Lady __________________ Still responsive to DMs here I've only really liked a handful of people in my life, and you've been two of them. —Hans Axgil—

07-12-2016, 12:42 PM	#5
Jaro The toe sucking anal slut Join Date: Jun 2016 Location: Netherlands Posts: 7,499 Blog Entries: 299	Without nipples, tits would be pointless! __________________ Worm owned by Princess Butterfly ♦ Likes & Limits ♦ Toys Check out my truths and dares here

08-06-2016, 04:22 AM	#6
RiskyFlame Longtime User Join Date: Mar 2014 Posts: 3,292 Blog Entries: 17	Since nobody said "Yoda Lady who?", here the answer is. Revive trainer card for this thread: __________________ Still responsive to DMs here I've only really liked a handful of people in my life, and you've been two of them. —Hans Axgil—

11-24-2016, 09:00 AM	#7
HeadMaze Member Join Date: Aug 2016 Posts: 34	I don't know why but I seem to attracted madness most places I go which usually ends in something funny. One that comes to mind, once when I was a kid I was playing football, The ball went over a fence and into a ditch behind it, I went to get it and there was a man in the ditch who was naked. He looked at me and said "Never take LSD" handed me the ball and then passed out. Another one would be just yesterday, I was leaving a bar and to my right a guy was standing at a Close door peeing. After he was done he took out a keychain and went in. You'll Find that life is full off mad things if you watch what happens around you.

11-25-2016, 06:56 AM	#8
Runesmith Stranger with candy Join Date: Jan 2013 Location: Stuttgart, Germany Posts: 989 Blog Entries: 20	Open the spoiler and read the text. You only get one chance at this! Spoiler: Olny srmat poelpe can raed tihs. I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! __________________ Male, Straight, Dominant Likes: Anal (giving), rough play, CNC, bondage, humiliation, degradation, objectification, obedience training, online control Limits: scat, underage, playing with males; text speak To play with me, you must be able to prove your gender. Runesmith's Forgiveness thread - you're gonna need this My stories: Non-consensual Roleplay With a Stranger The Cabin in The Woods The Shanghai Girl Palace on The Beach My poems (yeah, poems): The Winter

11-25-2016, 07:24 AM	#9
cooperjess Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2015 Location: UK Posts: 202 Blog Entries: 2	Maybe it's not a funny story, but I used to have an addiction to soap. At my worst, I'd be going through three or four bars a day. Don't worry though, I'm clean now. __________________ Jess \| 22 \| Bi AMAB. back after a long hiatus, active occasionally(?) - msg me, if you like

11-25-2016, 09:44 AM	#10
Runesmith Stranger with candy Join Date: Jan 2013 Location: Stuttgart, Germany Posts: 989 Blog Entries: 20	A man riding his Harley was riding along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, 'Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish..' The biker pulled over and said, 'Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want.' The Lord said, 'Your request is materialistic, think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required reaching the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind.' The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said, 'Lord, I wish that I and all men could understand women; I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, why she snaps and complains when I try to help, and how I can make a Woman truly happy.' Spoiler: The Lord replied, 'You want two lanes or four on that bridge?' __________________ Male, Straight, Dominant Likes: Anal (giving), rough play, CNC, bondage, humiliation, degradation, objectification, obedience training, online control Limits: scat, underage, playing with males; text speak To play with me, you must be able to prove your gender. Runesmith's Forgiveness thread - you're gonna need this My stories: Non-consensual Roleplay With a Stranger The Cabin in The Woods The Shanghai Girl Palace on The Beach My poems (yeah, poems): The Winter

11-25-2016, 10:05 AM	#11
Zoeys fun time Account Banned Join Date: Mar 2016 Location: United states, Florida Posts: 309 Blog Entries: 20	lol Runesmith just keeps this going __________________ 21/F KIK NEW Likes: pee dares, light pain,Hidden public, creative dares Dislikes: Self Bondage, edgeing Limits: pictures, family/freinds, Serious pain, Perminant/Body Altering, Scat I DO HAVE THE RIGHT TO SAY "FUCK THAT I AINT DOING IT" TO ANY DARE BDSM TEST PM Dares My Toys My Human Sex Map Im looking for new things to try so i can soon expand my likes

11-25-2016, 11:51 AM	#12
BigBadWolfy Distinguished Member Join Date: Jan 2015 Location: another world Posts: 649 Blog Entries: 2	There was a Priest and a Nun crossing the desert on a camel one day when a terrible sand storm came. It lasted for 6 hours and when it finally cleared they were horrified to see their camel was dead. They had no food or water and the situation looked hopelss. The Priest turned to the Nun and said "Sister, seeing as we are going to die out here, can you grant me one wish?" The Nun said "Yes Father, what is your final wish?" "In all my years in the church I’ve never seen a pair of breasts before." said the Priest. The Nun was a bit shocked but lifted her robes to show off her tits in all their glory. The Priest smiled and said "Thankyou Sister." Then the Nun turned to the Priest and said "Father, in all my years in the church I have never seen a man’s ’thingy’ before. Is it alright for you to show me?" The priest happily agreed and got his junk out. The Nun studied it intensly. The Priest had his eyes closed and was rising to attention as the Nun touched it with fascination. The Priest said with a smile on his face, "Sister, do you know that when it’s placed in certain ’areas’ it can give life?" And the Nun looked and at him and said "WELL STICK IT UP THIS CAMELS ARSE AND LETS GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE!!!!" __________________ 20+/m/gay/slave (mostly)/UTC+01:00 Sex map ?Ask me? My Pm Dares Likes: complete control, cbt, bondage, pain, nipple play, pet play, light anal, ice, humiliation, semi/hidden public, games, hypno Limits: social suicide, permanent, blood, scat, involving others Toys: average size dildo, big realistic vibrator, anal plug, chastity cage, handcuffs

11-25-2016, 11:59 AM	#13
Runesmith Stranger with candy Join Date: Jan 2013 Location: Stuttgart, Germany Posts: 989 Blog Entries: 20	During a visit to the mental asylum, I asked the director how to determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized. "Well," said the director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub." Question: what would a normal person use? a) the teaspoon b) the tea cup c) the bucket Choose your answer and open the spoiler: Spoiler: "No." said the director, "A normal person would pull the plug.......... Do you want a bed near the window?" __________________ Male, Straight, Dominant Likes: Anal (giving), rough play, CNC, bondage, humiliation, degradation, objectification, obedience training, online control Limits: scat, underage, playing with males; text speak To play with me, you must be able to prove your gender. Runesmith's Forgiveness thread - you're gonna need this My stories: Non-consensual Roleplay With a Stranger The Cabin in The Woods The Shanghai Girl Palace on The Beach My poems (yeah, poems): The Winter

11-25-2016, 01:00 PM	#14
Runesmith Stranger with candy Join Date: Jan 2013 Location: Stuttgart, Germany Posts: 989 Blog Entries: 20	Here's a tip for you: When you start going out with someone, just after they go to sleep at night, put a nicotine patch on their arm. Then, just before they wake up in the morning, take it off again. This way, if they ever leave you, they'll get withdrawal symptoms, think it's love, and come back. __________________ Male, Straight, Dominant Likes: Anal (giving), rough play, CNC, bondage, humiliation, degradation, objectification, obedience training, online control Limits: scat, underage, playing with males; text speak To play with me, you must be able to prove your gender. Runesmith's Forgiveness thread - you're gonna need this My stories: Non-consensual Roleplay With a Stranger The Cabin in The Woods The Shanghai Girl Palace on The Beach My poems (yeah, poems): The Winter

11-25-2016, 11:07 PM	#15
Runesmith Stranger with candy Join Date: Jan 2013 Location: Stuttgart, Germany Posts: 989 Blog Entries: 20	God's Facebook News Feed God is just sittin' around bein omnipotent..msn? God remembered no ones here. Nevermind. God is boooooooooored lol. You created a new group: Light (Common Interest-Religion & Spirituality) You created a new group: Earth (Georgraphy-Places) You created a new group: Garden Of Eden (Geography-Neighbourhoods) You and Adam are now friends. Adam wrote on your wall: "Hiiiii, hows it hangin?" Adam wrote on your wall: "Kind of lonely. Maybe make something I can stick this thing between my legs in? I think I want to do that" You & Adam are now friends with Eve. Adam & Eve are in a relationship. Adam & Eve joined the group: Garden Of Eden You wrote a note: "Rules for the garden No shirt. No shoes. No sin. No problem. Stay away from the apples, seriously." You created a new album: Fake Dinosaur Fossils(500 photos) Adam commented: Haha, yeah right. like anyone will believe these stupid things existed. The Serpent sent Eve a gift: "A nice juicy apple, ENJOY!" Adam & Eve added the application: Shame Adam & Eve left the group: Garden Of Eden Adam & Eve's relationship is now complicated __________________ Male, Straight, Dominant Likes: Anal (giving), rough play, CNC, bondage, humiliation, degradation, objectification, obedience training, online control Limits: scat, underage, playing with males; text speak To play with me, you must be able to prove your gender. Runesmith's Forgiveness thread - you're gonna need this My stories: Non-consensual Roleplay With a Stranger The Cabin in The Woods The Shanghai Girl Palace on The Beach My poems (yeah, poems): The Winter