[Fiction] Friends Come Together

[Srijc]

My first story. Be evil. I need good criticism

ME:
Name-Andrew
Hair-Black
Body-skinny, and tall


Name-Alex
Body-Athletic, average
Hair-blonde


Name-Greg
Body-Skinny, short
Hair-Brown


Chapter 1

The sun shone brightly through the window.
“What time is it?” I asked groggily.
“9:30am, its time to go” my friend Greg said, in an equally groggy voice.
“Wait, what?!?” we said, suddenly jerking awake.
“Ya Andrew, it's past 9” he said.
“I was supposed to be at the shop at 9 for the meet-up, why didn't you wake me up Greg?” I asked loudly, jumping up and putting on my pants and shirt that had been on the floor.
“Dude, I was asleep too, how could I? The alarm should have woken us up.” He said, jumping up too, tossing me my keys off the black dresser.
“It doesn't matter, the meeting is still on, it doesn't end until 11, maybe if I drive crazy, I could make it,” I said.
“You always drive crazy Andrew, I would hate to see your idea of 'driving crazy'.” He said jokingly pulling on his clothes from his bag.
“Dude, I gotta run, you can just ask my mom for food and stuff.” I yelled as I ran out of my room.
“Sure thing man, I love your mom's cooking!” Greg yelled back. I ran through the hall, and out through the kitchen, with my mom and my sister eating breakfast,

“Hey Andrew, Good Morning,” my sister Cassie said
“Why are you rushing?”
“Hey, Good Morning Andrew, why are you rushing, slow down,” my mom said as I ran by. “Can't mom, I'm really late for the meeting at the library. It started at 9. If I get there soon, I might catch the last hour.” I said as I grabbed waffle from the table.
“Oh, then you'd better go, just drive safely.” Mom said.
“I promise mom,” I lied.
“Hey, stop, you forgot-” Mom yelled, but I didn't listen, I was really late.

I ran out to my car, and turned the key, and pulled out of the driveway at a break-neck speed, and tore down the streets. I pulled up to the library, and ran inside. Everyone was looking at my feet very odd as I ran by. I figure its just because I was running in a library. I ran into the room and dashed into a chair at the end of the room. The speaker at the moment was speaking about the same old thing,
“As the character moves through the story, he gains a special perspective into the suffering of the human condition, and the reasonable denial of the addition of human suffering. The man is trying to get you to buy into his stuff, so it can make you suffer, and buy more. And thats my interpretation on the book.” said the current speaker, a man dressed in leather vest, rainbow color shirt, headband, bell-bottom pants, and barefoot. He's known to be a little bit crazy/high.
“Thank you for that, Fillmore. The main character is a girl, though. Anyone else want to share their views on the book?” said the slightly freaked out moderator.
“I would,” I said. Everyone looked at me with shocked faces. No one expected me to be in this class. Everyone was amazed that I had something to say. I stood up, and walked slowly towards the front of the room with my copy of the book. But everyone was looking oddly at me the entire time, at my feet. I finished, and I walked back, still in a rush, not really thinking about what I was doing.

I was just focusing on the reason I had been here, a guy. Wow, I really hated that book. I just read it so I could be around Alex. The guy. Alex is really into this book. He shows up every meeting. I only read the book, and pretended to like the book so I could hang around him. He has cool green eyes, blonde hair, is on the swim team. He's also really funny, smart (into books, like me, just not the same books) and nice. Anyway, he was the only reason that I had come.

When I sat down, someone leaned into me. That someone is Alex!
“Hey, man, where are your shoes?” Alex asked, with a slight smile on his face. I look down at my feet, I forgot my shoes.
“Oh, I, um, forgot. I was rushing and, ummm,” I mumbled.
Gotta think about some excuse
“I mean, I've been at the beach for 2 weeks since school got out. I forgot my shoes, and I didn't bother to put any back on since school ended”
“Ya, hasn't school been out for a month?” he laughed.
“Well I don't really like wearing shoes.” I said, feeling weird,
Goddamnit, im so stupid
“Hope you remember next time,” he laughed.

“What are you, some sort of freak?” a snide, nasally voice asked. In case you are wondering, that snide, nasally voice belongs to Alice Daimon, Alex's girlfriend. One of the rudest girls in school. She just uses Alex to get more popular. Alex just can't see that. All he can see is how beautiful she is. But all I see about her is everything weird. Ever since he started going out with her, he seems to be under a trance. Like she controls him. And she isn't even that beautiful, something about her seems off, like she's sick. She didn't need any help looking sick anyway, her skin is bone white. She is also freakishly short, and rude to everyone. Anyway, she had him wrapped around her finger.
“Don't talk to him,” she said to him about me “he is a freakishly tall gay boy.”
“Hey, don't be hateful. There's not a need to be mean, there's nothing wrong with being gay” Alex said, finally saying something in contradiction to that crazy, rude, bitter munchkin.
“Well, anyway, I think the meeting is over. We can go now.” she said
“Well, if she says we must go, then we must go” Alex says, almost robotically.
“Bye, Fag” she said as she walked off. God, I hate her.

[J.M.N]

Wow this is really good !!! I love how you havent given alot away about the characters but you gave away just enough at the same time

I also love how im already started feeling connected to the narrator (love the use of colour for him thinking ) and how i already REALLY hate Alice ! BOO HER !

God theres so much i love about this story but maybe a criticism would be layout ? I could read it ok but it could always be improved

YOU SIR have got your first fan

[Srijc]

Originally Posted by J.M.N

YOU SIR have got your first fan

I am so happy right now. I wrote this a long time ago. I just changed it to be this sort of story.

Confession: It was supposed to be a Fantasy Story with witches and wizards. and Alice was going to be the witch. It was dorky. And Andrew was named Nico. It was still a gay story. But no, sexiness. And, im gonna change that.

And, I am a fan of you! Your stories are good too! I'm so honored that you would read mine and like it.

[J.M.N]

AAW thanks what i've done so far was just to kind of introduce myself to the concept of writing so it should be getting better !!!

And just to say BLONDE AND ATHLETIC for ALEX I'm already in love <3

And that is a random idea for a story lol but you've got to have sexiness ha

Looking forward your next chapter and fighting my way through your hundreds of fans !!!!

[Abmp]

Fan here. And it's not dorky...you wrote something and adapted it...I think it's a good idea.

[Komodo Jones]

You said to be evil and you need criticism. I'm not evil but I do offer criticisim and critiques on many sotries. You've entered into an English major's world now. Well I haven't majored yet but that's what I'm studying in college right now...but I digress. However, having said that there are not too many things I can comment on. For the most part, this is well written. I did notice two sentence fragments. One was "The guy." and the other was "Like she controls him." which is near the end of the first chapter.
This is a very minor flaw which isn't really all that important but in general most positive numbers below the number ten need to be spelled out. There are many variations to this numeral vs. word rule, but that's the one I generally adhere to.
This is the biggest flaw I have seen in this story and this is one of my buttons. The story was very difficult to read because of the quotations. Whenever a new person speaks, it always starts a new paragraph. In the first few sentences it should be...
"What time is it?" I asked groggily.
“9:30am, its time to go” my friend Greg said, in an equally groggy voice.
Then when you speak again or whoever speaks again, if it's not Greg, it has to be a new paragraph. If you put quotations of different people in the same paragraph it's very difficult to read as it's kind of hard to follow that someone new is speaking.
There ar a few other mechanical errors here and there but nothing too big to take away from the story itself. I didn't notice any spelling errors either. The only other thing I can suggest is adding a little more detail to the story. For example, what was the name of the book you were reading? Just don't be afraid to add some details that appeal to the senses.
I can't really say anything about the content at this point as the story has just begun and I can't sense a plot yet. I'm not saying that's a bad thing, I'm just saying I can't comment on it.

[Srijc]

Komodo Jones, thanks for reading, as always. I'm happy I got some good feed back from an "actual" english major (I put it in quotes, because u said u werent yet.) im gonna do these changes on it now. And then im gonna post the next chapter, soon. Maybe later tonight. Maybe day after. The only part that I every wrote of the original story is the part that I posted. Here's a sneak preview of whats next, because I wrote some last night.

Chapter 2
Walking back to my car, barefoot.

Thinking “Wow, to forget your shoes? Idiot.”

I hadn't worn shoes in forever. Since school, I hadn't been wearing them. When you live in a beach town, you don't really have too. I drove back, slowly back home. Where Greg and my family are. No Alex.

I really wish that I had been a bit more smooth. I'd never been not awkward. Just fumbling through almost every social interaction. I finally arrived home.

When I got inside, my mom said “Why don't you ever wear shoes Andrew?”

“I just don't mom, where's Greg and Cassie?” I asked.

“Cassie is in her room with her friend. Greg is in your room, But whats wrong?”

“Nothing, I just was really late for the book thing. I missed all the good parts” I lied. See, my mom didn't know about me, and Greg being a little bit flamboyantly homosexual. I could never tell her my current 'mini-boy-crisis'.

Ok, um. Chapter 2 coming soon

[Srijc]

Is this a bit better to read? Hope you all like the next part!

Chapter 2
Walking back to my car, barefoot.
Thinking “Wow, to forget your shoes? Idiot.” I hadn't worn shoes in forever. Since school, I hadn't been wearing them. When you live in a beach town, you don't really have too.

I drove back, slowly back home. Where Greg and my family are. No Alex. I really wish that I had been a bit more smooth. I'd never been not awkward. Just fumbling through almost every social interaction. I finally arrived home.

When I got inside, my mom said “Why don't you ever wear shoes Andrew?”
“I just don't mom, where's Greg and Cassie?” I asked.
“Cassie is in her room with her friend. Greg is in your room, But whats wrong?”
“Nothing, I just was really late for the book thing. I missed all the good parts” I lied. See, my mom didn't know about me, and Greg being slightly flamboyantly homosexual. I could never tell her my current 'mini-boy-crisis'. Just as I said that, Greg dashed into the room, with a grin on his face.
“How did it go with,” Short glance at my mom “...the book club.” he asked. “No, it was, just, I screwed up.” I said, feeling like my world had fallen apart. Which it hadn't, just teenager drama.
“Oh, I get it,” My mom said, “girl trouble.” Waayyyy off mom.
“Ok, lets go to your room.” Greg said. We walked to my room. When we got to my room, he took my shoulders, and pushed me down onto the bed.
“What happened Andrew.” he asked.
“I just made a fool of myself in front of him, and then that bitch Alice got in the way,” I said.
“Well, you summed it up perfectly. She's a bitch. And a short bitch. All that bitch is concentrated into a small space.” Greg said.
I laughed “Thanks man, you can always make me laugh,” I said “but what am I going to do? Alice has her wrapped around her Anti-Gay fingers. Alex already came out, and I thought I had a chance. But then Alice got his hands tied up in that whole anti-gay stuff. But he said its ok to be gay, so there is hope! I just have to get to him before Alice totally stomps that out of him.” “Andrew, you can't just sit here and be sad about it. You gotta do something. If you want a boyfriend, go out and get one,” Greg said in a slightly angry voice “You just sit here and bitch about not having a boyfriend, go out and get him if you want him!”
“That's it!” I said, all of a sudden feeling amazing because I made one of the best plans in history.
“His father is going to that business trip, right?” I said
“Yeah,” he said, not getting what I was saying.
“He mentioned it in school.”
“So he would be free, without anybody to stay with,” I said.
“Ya,” Greg said, still not getting it.
“So, you should invite him to your house for a sleepover! He already knows I like him, so he wont go if I invite him. But if I just show up, he can't do anything. And then we'll play Truth or Dare, the famous gay for the night game.” I said excitedly.
“Dude, really? You think that would work? That sounds like one of those stories on getDare. You are know, they are awkward, they go to a sleepover, they play Truth or Dare, they end up having sex. They wake up in each other's arms, and they go on into the sunset with their underaged, un-protected, spontaneous sex lives and romance.” Greg said, always skeptical. “No, but he already came out, and Alice just convinced him he's not. The gay person is still inside. So it'll be fine.” I said.
“Ok, fine, but how do we do this? How do we know he'll come over to my house? Doesn't he have to watch the house if his dad is gone Andrew?” Greg said.
“I already got all this worked out. If we need to do anything to get him to your house, we'll do it.” I said. I didn't, I'll just improvise, like always.
“It sounds like a Disney Channel show, a meddling main character, and it back fires,” Greg said, “And I'm that friend that always get's in trouble too because I helped”
“You'll help!” I exclaimed, so excited! Then I grabbed him in a hug “Ok, and you know in the end it all works out.” I said
“Ya, I know.” Greg said.

Ok, well. The ball is starting to roll

[J.M.N]

Hehe great next chapter ! It's one of those stories which doesnt feel like a story but us as readers nosing in on someones personal life ! LOVE IT

Just be careful that you make your story orginal ! While i do like the stories where the have a sleepover and the play truth or dare but try and make it a little more like believable so drama and romance Oh and greg totally reminds me of me lol !!!

[Srijc]

So, i dont have a laptop. Because I suck. I know few people have looked at this, but i wanted to finish. Really bad. As soon as i can, ill post another chapter. Soon as possible. And it will be better. Promise

[drawde]

I love this story so far, please continue.

[daremaster 1]

Loving it!!!!!!!!!!!!1

[Srijc]

This weekend, promise. It's gonna get better, and it's not gonna be the same old story. Kk? Ummm, I hope people who liked this will be happy with this chapter

[Srijc]

THE BITCH IS BACKKKK!!!!! WOOOOO!!

Chapter 4

Ok, I'm excited. Tonight's the night. The night of nights. The night were I finally have my sleepover. I went to Greg's house that night, just floating on air. We got there, and we had just sat down, jittering at how happy we were that Alex was coming. Then, Greg's mom walked into the room,
“Hey, Greg, I had to invite Aidan. His mom was going out of town too. I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner. But anyway, I'm going now. You're here alone with Andrew, until Aidan and Alex come. Bye!”
“K, bye mom!” Greg said.
“Dude,” I said,
“Aidan? That guy? That kinda sucks.”
“NO!” Greg said,
“It's the best. I've wanted to have a sleepover with him for a long time, he is the hottest thing since the sun. I'm so happy he's coming!”
Speak for yourself
So after 30 mins, Aidan came.
How would I describe Aidan?
Well, Super skinny, but in a hot, good looking, I wanna fuck you sort of way, and the ultimate nerd.
He was wearing flip-flops, which he immediately took off (He didn't like wearing shoes either, he actually came to school for a week without shoes), blue Hollister shirt, and white skinny jeans. Black hair, and a Indian, Mexican, Russian mix. I kinda understand what Greg saw, but I always was looking at Alex.
Now that I was just looking at Aidan, he was pretty hot as well. Maybe having him here wouldn't suck Well, if everything goes the way I want it too, it will suck.
“Hey Andrew, what's up?” he said.
“Nothing, Greg is in the large parlor. Off to the right, the 6th right. Help yourself to some stuff in the kitchen, its at the end of the hallway.” I said, “K, thanks. Where do I put my shoes?” he said.
“Oh, put them near the door.” I said.

Then the man of the night came, Alex. Today, the my walking dream was wearing a black shirt, black skinny jeans, and a white belt. No shoes or socks.
“Why no shoes?” I asked
“I guess I just forgot, I really rushed out today. I think I left them at home.” he said.
“It's ok, you can borrow one of ours, if you need too.” I said, just melting inside at how hot he is.
“Hey, Greg and Aidan are in the room with the music playing, follow me.” I said excitedly.
“I'm really happy that you could come,” he looked at me, “-aaannnddd Aidan. Its really great.” I stammered out, clumsily.
“Ya, I'm glad I wouldn't have to sit at home all weekend.” Alex said.
“Ya,” I said awkwardly, in the way people do with out crushes.

We got to Greg's room. He was laying on the bed with Aidan, blasting Lady Gaga, Brown Eyes, my favorite song.
Greg and Aidan were singing.
“If everything was everything but everything is over, Everything could be everything if only we were older, guess it's just a silly song about you, And how I lost you and your brown eyes”
He was blasting that, and Aidan and he were singing.
“Hey, thats a faggy song” Alex said.
We all looked at him.
“Umm, anyone can like any sort of music they want” Aidan said, looking very serious.
“K, anyway, what are we going to do?” Alex said, trying to move off of this awkward topic.
“Um, we could go swimming,” Greg said “the pools out back. If you got your swim trunks.”
“I don't,” Alex and Aidan said “Oh, you can borrow my old ones.” Greg said. Greg climbed off the bed, and walked into his huge closet. He rummaged around and came out with some small speedos.
I started laughing so fucking hard.
“Dude, I'm not wearing that.” they both said.
“Fine,” I said, taking a pair
“ok, wear your clothes, go naked, or wear these.”
“Fine,” they said.

They took the speedos. We all stripped, no one looked at each other. Greg and I were first, and we went to the pool, leaving Aidan and Alex to struggle with there speedos.

We had been out for some time, then the funniest/sexiest site in the history of the world.
Alex and Aidan, in all there worked out glory, six packs, strong shoulders, and strong legs and calf muscles. And the best part, cocks clearly outlined, both around 5 ins, and balls hanging out off both sides.
Its an understatement when I say it was the funniest thing I have seen. And it would also be an understatement to say that we laughed our asses off.
“We look ridiculous, and we are going to get you back to for this” Aidan said, looking embarrassed.
“yes, you will pay Greg” Alex said.
“So, what should we do?” I said.
“We should play a game.” Alex said.
“Truth or dare?” Greg said. “As much as Alex and I hate you now, we can get back to you and Andrew with it.” Aidan said


“Kay, if you wanna go so bad, then Truth or Dare...”

[Srijc]

We have hit a point in every good getDare story. The dare part. Now I want dares. Kinky dares, innocent dares, truths, slave/master ideas. This story is about to get soooo weird and kinky. but if ur not into that, just say the word. Oh, and I would like some criticism. I think the one I just put out wasnt as good (as good as any amateur underaged sex story can get.)

I'm making this story for the people who want an alternative to Dylan and Connor when it comes to exclusively gay stories. Not that I dont love every moment, but, I need more. So I hope what you want in this story here. You know, dont just give dares, give anything. We're all good!! Ok, ummm.

(imseepepy sobear wiht mee)
in short, im awesome, your awesome, I need your input for this story, or its gonna go straight to my kinky fantasies mixed with romance. and this is only mxm. kk? byyeee. Im going to bed, its late. Night!