Telling my fiance advice

[socklover]

Hello gd community,

My gf and have been together for almost 4 years and I recently asked her to marry me. We share everything but get dare is the one secret I still keep from her. I have been wanting to tell her but I don't know how she would react to it. She is very vanilla when it comes to sex stuff and I don't want her to think I'm a weirdo. Especially because I have sent pictures to others before. I would like to think that telling her would spice things up for us but I'm just scared.

Basically if anyone has gone through this before or has any advice on this subject, it would be much appreciated.

Thanks for reading this.

[amethyst353]

Try getting her to do a survey thing with you like https://mojoupgrade.com/. If she is as vanilla as you think, it might not help much, but hopefully you might find something a little more out there that could start the conversation.

[SilvertongueLyra]

Hey there!

I think you should go with the advice from amethyst353, everyone has kinks of some sort, even though she may be vanilla, she may have fantasies. Try to get her to talk about some of them, and tell her some of your 'wild tame' ones to get her gears really turning. That way, she may feel more comfortable talking about them.

Some people think of such thoughts as being too naughty for civil conversation, devilish, evil etc - once she gets to know of yours, the dam will fall and the fantasies will pour out.

Now lets say she doesnt have any such thoughts (or rather doesnt want to talk about them), tell her you want to try something new. Something tame like blindfolds etc.

Another option is to watch something which has your kinks, maybe The Secretary, maybe 50 shades (bad option, but whatever - maybe she would be less opposed to 50 because of the mainstream media attention it had got). Then , all you have to do is be all "Hey, you know what, that part sounded super hot, wanna try?"

Best of luck!
Lyra.

[jlstockton25]

I know I’m a little late to this party, but I really think you should find a way to tell her. There’s no easy way to go about it, especially since you’ve been together for so long. She might surprise you and be interested in learning more, or she might not want you coming back around here, but being open and honest going into the next phase of your relationship as a married couple is something I really think is important.

I was with my ex husband for nearly a decade, I signed up for this site when we were together so he knew from the beginning. Over time, I got more into kink and BDSM than he did, and it was a contributing factor in my divorce. I’ve since remarried, and telling my now husband what I’m into was really hard for me but totally worth it. It’s something we explore together, and I didn’t want to have a relationship where I had to hide this part of myself.

I think the best way to tell her is to just rip the bandaid off, so to speak. Either she will accept it, or she won’t. But I think you owe it to both of you to come clean. Best of luck to you!

[socklover]

Thank you guys so much for this advice. I will hopefully have a conversation with her this week about it.

[TennisEnthusiast]

Just keep in mind, you don't have to go all out and dump it on her, telling her every kink you have and every detail about what you've done. Dip your feet, and gauge your audience. If she's not interested or doesn't want to know, you do not need to go any further, although you may want to think about your happiness in your relationship.