SM Advice. - Page 11

Star Shadows · 03-08-2013, 07:53 AM

Is anal dangerous?

While primarily I would like to direct you to the "Is it safe?" thread by nellybell, I will give a short answer here also.

The safety of anal is very much in terms of what you use, the size of what you do (and in reference to previous experience and successes) and the quantity and quality and of lube you use. However in most cases the general consensus is yes. just be sure not to use anything that is too large for your ability, has nasty chemicals in, that might get stuck or break while inside (we've all heard about the mythical guy in the ER that "fell" on a loo brush and the hook got stuck). Glass toys are good glass bottles are not. as long as you take things slow and have lots of lube then you should be fine to play with your bottom to your hearts content.

Star Shadows · 03-10-2013, 11:51 AM

I've been a member of getDare for sometime and believe to now be pregnant? What would your advice be? Tell others? Leave getDare? Continue as before without mentioning? What would your reaction be to having a pregnant person on getDare & in chat, and how would you imagine others would react. Sorry I know it's not directly a S/M question, but was unsure where to ask for advice anonymously.

Ultimately you have to do what you feel comfortable with, it is no-ones right to know so if you didnt want to mention it then that is entirely up to you, and I am pretty sure that people would be very supportive of you if you did decide to tell people. I'm not sure leaving is necessary, people get pregnant all the time, on this site and on others and in real life its natural. Do what youre happy with and dont care what the people here think, celebrate the miracle that is occurring inside your body! but im sure the forum will support you if you do decide to tell them.

Thoughtwrangler · 05-20-2013, 12:16 AM

Hi ! I have a girlfriend and we have been dating for a few months and she asked me to be her Master. We had a somewhat extensive talk about what it means and so on. We tried it for a few months and I admitted to her that I sucked at it. I am a guy who shrugs things off more than often and I can't get myself to punish her in any way that would be like a punishment. Now later I have found out that the way she was introduced into being a slave was forced more or less. She has been traumatized by it and she is still very afraid and scared of her old master who chained her in a hut and forced her into doing what he wanted. Now I don't know what to do. I love her with all my heart and I am interested in being her master and take care of her the best I can, but I am unsure how to do that and if me being a master really is the right way. More information about her. She hasn't had another master. It happened to her in September we have been dating since December and we started our Master and Slave relationship in January. Any kind of advice would be appreciated.

Your situation sounds like trying to juggle whilst walking a tightrope. I can relate to some elements of your story.

The best advice I can give is communication is key. Sit down with her every once in awhile and give her an opportunity to see how she's feeling about things. Ask about any concerns you have. My girlfriend and I had the reverse where we started in a Master/sub relationship and grew into boyfriend/girlfriend. We've see-sawed between the two at different times but by talking and being open about things we found the right balance for us.

Given she told you about her desire to be your slave within a month of you two going out I don't think you should be concerned about her talking to you.

Try and help her deal with her past. Take care of her.

Lastly, everyone has different views on what being a Master should be. Some feel like subs should be given impossible expectations so that they have a reason to be punished regularly. Some subs enjoy being cheeky and disobedient so that they are punished. For me I hate punishing I'd much rather an obedient pet who behaves and I can reward. I only punish when I have to. Again you just need to work out if she feels like she needs to be punished. Communication and compromise, key to any relationship. If you want to talk more, PM me.

If you want to talk more, PM me.

Thoughtwrangler · 05-25-2013, 05:55 PM

I have gotten my first slave and I want to know how much should I punish her? Like, should I punish her every time she does something wrong or should I let her off every now and then? She disobeyed for her first time and I told her I would let it go this one time but next time will be different, I gave her a warning sense it was her first time. Was that wrong of me to do as a Dom?

Yes, no, maybe. The right thing to do all depends on the circumstances.

Before I get into what things you might want to consider when deciding whether to dole out punishment lets clear up one thing. Being a Dominant does NOT mean that you have to be ridiculously strict. You do not have to set impossibly high standards nor do you have to constantly handing out punishments. I'm not saying you can't do those things. You need to find the style that's right for you and the partner who is right for that style. I just want to make it clear for any new Dom's who read this, forget the stereotypes in your head. Being Dominant doesn't mean you have to be a particular person, you're you. You're just the Dominant part of a relationship.

Ok, the things you may want to consider when deciding whether or not to punish are as follows.

Do I want to give a punishment?
I hate giving punishments. I love causing my sub all sorts of pain and humiliation but I hate punishing her. She's a good girl most of the time, if I punish her she feels bad because I'm unhappy, I feel unhappy because she's unhappy. So if I feel the situation doesn't need a punishment I don't. Nothing wrong with that, nothing wrong with giving a punishment when it isn't needed just because you enjoy it?

Do they want a punishment?
Some subs like being put into place. They like being naughty so they can be punished. Even my good little girl is guilty of it once in awhile. I don't like it and I don't think I'd ever have a bratty sub like this, but if you're ok with it then feel free to give them the punishment they secretly desire.

Do they need a punishment?
Sometimes my sub disappoints me. It's rare but it does happen. Doesn't matter how many times I tell her I've forgiven her she still finds it hard to get over it. Sometimes she needs a punishment because it helps her feel like she's earned my forgiveness. Helps her move on.
Also, sometimes sub's really just need a punishment to get the message. If they keep breaking a rule or being disrespectful. They're not doing it to be willfully disobedient. Sometimes they just need a punishment to put them back into line.

Hope this helps.

Jacob-Gates · 05-25-2013, 06:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Thoughtwrangler

I have gotten my first slave and I want to know how much should I punish her? Like, should I punish her every time she does something wrong or should I let her off every now and then? She disobeyed for her first time and I told her I would let it go this one time but next time will be different, I gave her a warning sense it was her first time. Was that wrong of me to do as a Dom?

Yes, no, maybe. The right thing to do all depends on the circumstances.

Before I get into what things you might want to consider when deciding whether to dole out punishment lets clear up one thing. Being a Dominant does NOT mean that you have to be ridiculously strict. You do not have to set impossibly high standards nor do you have to constantly handing out punishments. I'm not saying you can't do those things. You need to find the style that's right for you and the partner who is right for that style. I just want to make it clear for any new Dom's who read this, forget the stereotypes in your head. Being Dominant doesn't mean you have to be a particular person, you're you. You're just the Dominant part of a relationship.

Ok, the things you may want to consider when deciding whether or not to punish are as follows.

Do I want to give a punishment?
I hate giving punishments. I love causing my sub all sorts of pain and humiliation but I hate punishing her. She's a good girl most of the time, if I punish her she feels bad because I'm unhappy, I feel unhappy because she's unhappy. So if I feel the situation doesn't need a punishment I don't. Nothing wrong with that, nothing wrong with giving a punishment when it isn't needed just because you enjoy it?

Do they want a punishment?
Some subs like being put into place. They like being naughty so they can be punished. Even my good little girl is guilty of it once in awhile. I don't like it and I don't think I'd ever have a bratty sub like this, but if you're ok with it then feel free to give them the punishment they secretly desire.

Do they need a punishment?
Sometimes my sub disappoints me. It's rare but it does happen. Doesn't matter how many times I tell her I've forgiven her she still finds it hard to get over it. Sometimes she needs a punishment because it helps her feel like she's earned my forgiveness. Helps her move on.
Also, sometimes sub's really just need a punishment to get the message. If they keep breaking a rule or being disrespectful. They're not doing it to be willfully disobedient. Sometimes they just need a punishment to put them back into line.

Hope this helps.

I don't know if I am supposed to reply here or not (if not just delete this). I am the one that asked the question. I just wanted to say this was very helpful and made a lot of sense, thank you for your advice. I definitely learned from it. she definitely wants to be punished and I would like to punish her when she needs it so I will when she doesn't obey and not all the time.

Thoughtwrangler · 06-23-2013, 10:58 PM

Master and Mistress, are there any who are online not expecting use of a camera and will give instructions online? never_cum

Possibly. I mean everyone has their own set of preferences. I can not really give any advice here apart from if you can't find someone who isn't looking for camera/webcam then perhaps you need to decide whether you are willing to compromise on that point. If your not then you'll need to be patient.

Jock Slave 18 · 07-11-2013, 09:08 AM

Could anyone help me...?

Is it safe to put sweets like skittles up my ass?

Sindrato · 07-11-2013, 04:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jock Slave 18

Could anyone help me...?

Is it safe to put sweets like skittles up my ass?

It should not be more dangerous than any other anal play. As always with it, stop as soon as you fell intense discomfort, pain, or bleeding.

the saved · 07-12-2013, 05:43 AM

I feel I should add here, whilst not part of the advice team or whatever, whilst yeah skittles are perfectly safe, anything inserted anally ingests a LOT quicker, so if you insert a lot of sweets, you will feel a substantially bigger sugar rush than you would get eating them, the same goes for things like alcohol, you will feel a lot more drunk with alcohol there than you would drinking it. This is why some medicine is administered anally so it gets digested into the body quicker.

Jock Slave 18 · 07-12-2013, 09:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by the saved

I feel I should add here, whilst not part of the advice team or whatever, whilst yeah skittles are perfectly safe, anything inserted anally ingests a LOT quicker, so if you insert a lot of sweets, you will feel a substantially bigger sugar rush than you would get eating them, the same goes for things like alcohol, you will feel a lot more drunk with alcohol there than you would drinking it. This is why some medicine is administered anally so it gets digested into the body quicker.

So I can get a sugar rush, from skittles up my ass? I'm going to the shop

Star Shadows · 05-06-2014, 05:38 AM

I would like to anounce that from now on this thread will be up and running again to give advice to anyone who needs it. I apologise for my extended absence, however, with the help of Redhead18 this thread should be back and kicking very soon.

Star Shadows · 05-24-2014, 06:42 AM

"Is it still possible to have a S/m relationship when under 18?"

In the sense of "Will it blow up my internet or will my arm fall off" type thing, no, it is still possible to have a S/m relationship while you are under the age of 18, however, the site prohibits this kind of relationship and we do advise against it. I'm not really the person to tell you not to, I was in relationships before I was 18 but it really isnt something that I would advise. I know far too many people, myself included who got pretty badly hurt getting in before they were old enough, and mentally mature enough to take on the demands of a relationship. You might think youre old enough and mature enough but the chances are that you arent. Read up, learn as much as you can and perhaps start trying some more longer period dares to get a feel for it and just wait until youre 18.

Naliahgirl296 · 11-16-2015, 12:47 PM

I've been married for six years now and love my husband to the ends of the Earth, he and I have been testing and exploring the field of bdsm more and more, I truly enjoy being submissive and he enjoys taking control. I'm thinking on taking this even further for both of our enjoyment but at what point do you draw the line? I'm a submissive that doesn't mind being called a slave when collared and truly enjoy being dominated by him, it makes me feel free.

03-08-2013, 07:53 AM	#151
Star Shadows Prodigy Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: Uk Posts: 4,707 Blog Entries: 13	Is anal dangerous? While primarily I would like to direct you to the "Is it safe?" thread by nellybell, I will give a short answer here also. The safety of anal is very much in terms of what you use, the size of what you do (and in reference to previous experience and successes) and the quantity and quality and of lube you use. However in most cases the general consensus is yes. just be sure not to use anything that is too large for your ability, has nasty chemicals in, that might get stuck or break while inside (we've all heard about the mythical guy in the ER that "fell" on a loo brush and the hook got stuck). Glass toys are good glass bottles are not. as long as you take things slow and have lots of lube then you should be fine to play with your bottom to your hearts content. __________________ Do not ask me for to be your slave, your mistress, or to give you truths or dares. You're wasting your time. Informative threads: Anonymous S/M advice service Threads of note PM MEGET S/M ADVICE WORSHIPS RACHIE**

03-10-2013, 11:51 AM	#152
Star Shadows Prodigy Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: Uk Posts: 4,707 Blog Entries: 13	I've been a member of getDare for sometime and believe to now be pregnant? What would your advice be? Tell others? Leave getDare? Continue as before without mentioning? What would your reaction be to having a pregnant person on getDare & in chat, and how would you imagine others would react. Sorry I know it's not directly a S/M question, but was unsure where to ask for advice anonymously. Ultimately you have to do what you feel comfortable with, it is no-ones right to know so if you didnt want to mention it then that is entirely up to you, and I am pretty sure that people would be very supportive of you if you did decide to tell people. I'm not sure leaving is necessary, people get pregnant all the time, on this site and on others and in real life its natural. Do what youre happy with and dont care what the people here think, celebrate the miracle that is occurring inside your body! but im sure the forum will support you if you do decide to tell them. __________________ Do not ask me for to be your slave, your mistress, or to give you truths or dares. You're wasting your time. Informative threads: Anonymous S/M advice service Threads of note PM MEGET S/M ADVICE WORSHIPS RACHIE**

05-20-2013, 12:16 AM	#153
Thoughtwrangler Account Banned Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Australia Posts: 181 Blog Entries: 1	Hi ! I have a girlfriend and we have been dating for a few months and she asked me to be her Master. We had a somewhat extensive talk about what it means and so on. We tried it for a few months and I admitted to her that I sucked at it. I am a guy who shrugs things off more than often and I can't get myself to punish her in any way that would be like a punishment. Now later I have found out that the way she was introduced into being a slave was forced more or less. She has been traumatized by it and she is still very afraid and scared of her old master who chained her in a hut and forced her into doing what he wanted. Now I don't know what to do. I love her with all my heart and I am interested in being her master and take care of her the best I can, but I am unsure how to do that and if me being a master really is the right way. More information about her. She hasn't had another master. It happened to her in September we have been dating since December and we started our Master and Slave relationship in January. Any kind of advice would be appreciated. Your situation sounds like trying to juggle whilst walking a tightrope. I can relate to some elements of your story. The best advice I can give is communication is key. Sit down with her every once in awhile and give her an opportunity to see how she's feeling about things. Ask about any concerns you have. My girlfriend and I had the reverse where we started in a Master/sub relationship and grew into boyfriend/girlfriend. We've see-sawed between the two at different times but by talking and being open about things we found the right balance for us. Given she told you about her desire to be your slave within a month of you two going out I don't think you should be concerned about her talking to you. Try and help her deal with her past. Take care of her. Lastly, everyone has different views on what being a Master should be. Some feel like subs should be given impossible expectations so that they have a reason to be punished regularly. Some subs enjoy being cheeky and disobedient so that they are punished. For me I hate punishing I'd much rather an obedient pet who behaves and I can reward. I only punish when I have to. Again you just need to work out if she feels like she needs to be punished. Communication and compromise, key to any relationship. If you want to talk more, PM me. If you want to talk more, PM me. __________________ "There are three paths to wisdom: first, by reflection, which is noblest; second, by imitation, which is easiest; and third, by experience, which is the bitterest." - Confucious A bit about me. A bit more about me Discord: thoughtwrangler Proud to own this cunt

05-25-2013, 05:55 PM	#154
Thoughtwrangler Account Banned Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Australia Posts: 181 Blog Entries: 1	I have gotten my first slave and I want to know how much should I punish her? Like, should I punish her every time she does something wrong or should I let her off every now and then? She disobeyed for her first time and I told her I would let it go this one time but next time will be different, I gave her a warning sense it was her first time. Was that wrong of me to do as a Dom? Yes, no, maybe. The right thing to do all depends on the circumstances. Before I get into what things you might want to consider when deciding whether to dole out punishment lets clear up one thing. Being a Dominant does NOT mean that you have to be ridiculously strict. You do not have to set impossibly high standards nor do you have to constantly handing out punishments. I'm not saying you can't do those things. You need to find the style that's right for you and the partner who is right for that style. I just want to make it clear for any new Dom's who read this, forget the stereotypes in your head. Being Dominant doesn't mean you have to be a particular person, you're you. You're just the Dominant part of a relationship. Ok, the things you may want to consider when deciding whether or not to punish are as follows. Do I want to give a punishment? I hate giving punishments. I love causing my sub all sorts of pain and humiliation but I hate punishing her. She's a good girl most of the time, if I punish her she feels bad because I'm unhappy, I feel unhappy because she's unhappy. So if I feel the situation doesn't need a punishment I don't. Nothing wrong with that, nothing wrong with giving a punishment when it isn't needed just because you enjoy it? Do they want a punishment? Some subs like being put into place. They like being naughty so they can be punished. Even my good little girl is guilty of it once in awhile. I don't like it and I don't think I'd ever have a bratty sub like this, but if you're ok with it then feel free to give them the punishment they secretly desire. Do they need a punishment? Sometimes my sub disappoints me. It's rare but it does happen. Doesn't matter how many times I tell her I've forgiven her she still finds it hard to get over it. Sometimes she needs a punishment because it helps her feel like she's earned my forgiveness. Helps her move on. Also, sometimes sub's really just need a punishment to get the message. If they keep breaking a rule or being disrespectful. They're not doing it to be willfully disobedient. Sometimes they just need a punishment to put them back into line. Hope this helps. __________________ "There are three paths to wisdom: first, by reflection, which is noblest; second, by imitation, which is easiest; and third, by experience, which is the bitterest." - Confucious A bit about me. A bit more about me Discord: thoughtwrangler Proud to own this cunt

06-23-2013, 10:58 PM	#156
Thoughtwrangler Account Banned Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Australia Posts: 181 Blog Entries: 1	Master and Mistress, are there any who are online not expecting use of a camera and will give instructions online? never_cum Possibly. I mean everyone has their own set of preferences. I can not really give any advice here apart from if you can't find someone who isn't looking for camera/webcam then perhaps you need to decide whether you are willing to compromise on that point. If your not then you'll need to be patient. __________________ "There are three paths to wisdom: first, by reflection, which is noblest; second, by imitation, which is easiest; and third, by experience, which is the bitterest." - Confucious A bit about me. A bit more about me Discord: thoughtwrangler Proud to own this cunt

07-11-2013, 09:08 AM	#157
Jock Slave 18 Member Join Date: Jun 2013 Location: UK Posts: 75	Could anyone help me...? Is it safe to put sweets like skittles up my ass?

07-12-2013, 05:43 AM	#159
the saved Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2013 Location: Derbyshire Posts: 129 Blog Entries: 1	I feel I should add here, whilst not part of the advice team or whatever, whilst yeah skittles are perfectly safe, anything inserted anally ingests a LOT quicker, so if you insert a lot of sweets, you will feel a substantially bigger sugar rush than you would get eating them, the same goes for things like alcohol, you will feel a lot more drunk with alcohol there than you would drinking it. This is why some medicine is administered anally so it gets digested into the body quicker. __________________ 25 gender fluid, (present and born male), from the UK. So I'm back from a very long absence. Getting back in touch with my kinkier side, looking forward to re-connecting with people. As for me, I am creative, caring, self deprecating to a tee and passionate. What am I passionate about? Well... Equal rights, (fascists not welcome thanks) Gaming Art Cooking Sex and sexualities Ask for kik/ other contact details "Mono means one, rail means rail"

05-06-2014, 05:38 AM	#161
Star Shadows Prodigy Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: Uk Posts: 4,707 Blog Entries: 13	Announcement: I would like to anounce that from now on this thread will be up and running again to give advice to anyone who needs it. I apologise for my extended absence, however, with the help of Redhead18 this thread should be back and kicking very soon. __________________ Do not ask me for to be your slave, your mistress, or to give you truths or dares. You're wasting your time. Informative threads: Anonymous S/M advice service Threads of note PM MEGET S/M ADVICE WORSHIPS RACHIE**

05-24-2014, 06:42 AM	#162
Star Shadows Prodigy Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: Uk Posts: 4,707 Blog Entries: 13	"Is it still possible to have a S/m relationship when under 18?" In the sense of "Will it blow up my internet or will my arm fall off" type thing, no, it is still possible to have a S/m relationship while you are under the age of 18, however, the site prohibits this kind of relationship and we do advise against it. I'm not really the person to tell you not to, I was in relationships before I was 18 but it really isnt something that I would advise. I know far too many people, myself included who got pretty badly hurt getting in before they were old enough, and mentally mature enough to take on the demands of a relationship. You might think youre old enough and mature enough but the chances are that you arent. Read up, learn as much as you can and perhaps start trying some more longer period dares to get a feel for it and just wait until youre 18. __________________ Do not ask me for to be your slave, your mistress, or to give you truths or dares. You're wasting your time. Informative threads: Anonymous S/M advice service Threads of note PM MEGET S/M ADVICE WORSHIPS RACHIE**

11-16-2015, 12:47 PM	#163
Naliahgirl296 Junior Member Join Date: Nov 2015 Location: Pennsylvania Posts: 5	I've been married for six years now and love my husband to the ends of the Earth, he and I have been testing and exploring the field of bdsm more and more, I truly enjoy being submissive and he enjoys taking control. I'm thinking on taking this even further for both of our enjoyment but at what point do you draw the line? I'm a submissive that doesn't mind being called a slave when collared and truly enjoy being dominated by him, it makes me feel free.