[Fiction] The Challenges

[Story_Teller53]

Hi, I'm pretty new here but have been reading some stories and checking out some dares for a while. I was inspired by some of the stories here especially ShinyDemon's Trilogy! So this is my first ever time writing and I hope you enjoy!
All feedback/constructive criticism is appreciated
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Chapter 1 | How it all started

I found myself sitting at my desk with my fingers on the w,a,s,d keys and my hand on the mouse playing cod on pc. I had been playing for hours on end since my parents left to go on a vacation for their 13th wedding anniversary. My sister Chantelle was in the room next door doing something girlish. I had just been killed for the final killcam when almost on cue I heard my phone buzz. It was my mate Mike from just down the street.

The text read: "Hey man my girl and I were wonfering if you and your girl wanted to hang out at my place tonight? Text me back if you can "

I then called my girlfriend Courtney to see if she wanted to come and she said "Yea but only if we can go back to your place afterwards" to which of course I replied "sure! <3"

I then texted Mike back saying: "It's all good, cya down there at 5.00"

I turned off cod ignoring the fact i had just been killed about six times during that long break. I then went into my sister, Chantelle's room and asked if she would be ok to which she replied yes. So then I waited for Courtney to arrive and then we started walking down to Mike's place.
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I know it was a short chapter to start it off but how did you think I went?

[Story_Teller53]

Here are some character descriptions (clothed):

Courtney:
15/f
5'10"
Not skinny but not chubby either
Perfect waste and a face that seems perfect

Claire:
15/f
5'11"
Slim but not much more than Courtney
Perfectly proportioned breasts and a sexy waist line

Matt:
16/m
6'4"
Average weight for his age, doesn't look fat or skinny
Built well, very strong

Mike:
15/m
6'7"
Same as Matt but a little skinnier
Average build, almost as much strength as Matt
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Chapter 2 | TorD fires up!

We knocked on the door at Mike's place and he answered it welcoming us in. He got us a soda each and sat us down on the sofa where his girlfriend Claire was. We talked for a while and we got bored. Claire asked if we wanted to watch a movie. The next event was completely unexpected but my girlfriend Courtney spoke up and said "Why don't we play a game instead?"
"What type of game were you thinking of?" asked Mike
"I don't know, maybe, truth or dare?"
I wondered what Courtney was going on about. I hadn't played truth or dare before. I hadn't really done much 'dares' at all except for when I was really young like 4 years old. You know the muck around games like 'I'll show you mine if you show me yours" when I was really young but other than that nothing potentially sexual at all.

"Sounds good to me" said Claire after pondering on the idea
"I'm in" said Mike

I sat there silently not knowing what to do. I could play and ruin friendships and even a relationship that I was enjoying so much or I could play and potentially end up having sex with my girlfriend. I decided I like the second option and that eventually persuaded me to play

"Sure" I said not knowing what to add.
"Ok well since Courtney suggested the game, truth or dare Courtney?"asked Mike
"Uhm, truth." she replied
"Ok, uhm, have you played this game before with anyone else?"
"Yea I have played it with a few girlfriends, uhm, Claire, truth or dare?"
"truth please" replied Claire

Another unexpected comment came out of my girlfriend's mouth. "Have you ever, been naked infront of anyone?"

Hearing this Claire blushed and said: "Yes, infront of Mikey!" and with that she gave him a peck on the lips.

"Ok Matt, you're the only one who hasn't been involved yet so truth or dare?" Claire asked me
"I'll start of easy with a truth."
"Ok, uhm this might seem a little out of the box but, have you ever masturbated?"
I felt my cheeks flush bright red because I knew that now I had to confess my love for masturbation. I had started masturbating early at about 15 years old. I had done it ever since and I loved it.

"Yes, I have once or twice" I said.
Mike laughed at me and Claire gave a little chuckle while Courtney just took another sip of soda trying not to get involved.

We silently just sat there doing nothing for about 10 minutes not knowing what to do. The stereo was softly playing in the background and I noticed Mike get up to get another soda for each of us.

"uhhh, Matt? You're turn dude" said Mike handing me my soda.
"Oh right, I forgot sorry. Uhm, Claire tru..."
"Wait!" Courtney interrupted me
"Why don't we make it that there are no more truths?" stated Courtney "And we'll make up some rules so that no one gets hurt or humiliated badly."
"I agree to that" I said backing up my girlfriend.
"Sure why not, I mean, this could get pretty interesting!" said Mike
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Thanks for reading, more coming soon!

[Saphir]

Hey
Sounds good so far!

All feedback/constructive criticism is appreciated

Let me point some stuff out, that I'd improve:

Variety of used words and phrases, especially in sentence beginnings. It's very important in order to make a text flow and bring the content better to the reader:

1. Chapter:
4/5 Paragraphs start with I - lemme give examples how to alter it:
1. I found myself sitting at my desk with my fingers on the w,a,s,d keys
->Finding myself
2. I then called my girlfriend
-> Then I called..
3. I then texted Mike back saying: "It's all good, cya down there at 5.00"
-> Using then right after then = evil
-> After that...
4. I turned off cod ignoring the fact i had just been killed about six times during
-> Even though I had just been killed six times.... turned off blah

Of course a sentence can start with I or whatever, but if it comes again and again it sounds boring.


Chapter 2/general:
Same for sentence beginnings. Do not only use subjects (acting part of a sentence) to start. -> even though, although, after, before, then, neither... nor, either... or, when, if, as, since, reading, seeing, not having, just, this morning, at late night, etc. etc. etc

Formatting:
Paragraphs, empty spaces after every direct speech:

(...) and said: "Why don't we play a game instead?"

"What type of game were you thinking of?" asked Mike

"I don't know, maybe, truth or dare?"

I wondered what Courtney was going on about. I hadn't played truth or dare before. I hadn't really done much 'dares' at all except for when I was really young like 4 years old. You know the muck around games like 'I'll show you mine if you show me yours" when I was really young but other than that nothing potentially sexual at all.


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That's it so far, I hope you can use this criticism in further chapters, keep writing, send me a message when you got any questions

Love
Saphir

Ps: ShinyDemon is awesome =D And keep going, new writers are always needed :3

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Feel free to check out my story.

[Username87654]

Decent start. how old are these characters supposed to be?

[Story_Teller53]

Thanks so much Saphir!! really appreciate it. Username I have edited it and the ages are now in the descriptions.

[Saphir]

You're welcome

[dickface]

this sounds good i cant wait for more