Help Needed

sub_at_heart · 07-19-2008, 12:22 PM

Ok, so here goes. I have put myself in an unwanted situation here, and need some help to get out of it. Any advice is welcome, but please be nice, i already know i am an idiot. I did the exact thing that Tempered Sugar wrote about in her thread Ownership. I read that this morning and realized I was one of those stupid people. When I found this website, I wanted nothing more than to find a MAster, and as quick as possible. I had just broken up with my boyfriend, and needed someone. Also, I have been wanting a realtionship like this for so long that I jumped head on into the first one I had a chance at. Now, the problem is, I think i moved too fast, and I have now locked myself into a relationship with someone that although I am sure could make a great Master, I barely know him. I know now that I should have waited and not gotten too excited and should have talked to other people first. I now have passed up the chance to talk to other Masters to find someone better, and all because I was an idiot and moved too fast.

I like my Master, but I am getting the feeling that he is not as strict of a master as I would like, and he is also a slave too, and i think that i may need someone more dominant. Again, i dont know him that well, so i dont want to say that he isnt right for me because he may very well be. How do i bring this up to him or reverse what I have started. I think now I may need some more time to think and look at my options, but i dont want to cause problems or hurt anyone! I am just so confused and have no idea what to do, please help.

Knots101 · 07-19-2008, 12:35 PM

Ok, Props for reliseing this before it became a problem and addmitting that you shouldn't of jumped in head first. Now this is a basic thing with all slave/Master/Mistress relationships go for a 1 week to 1 month trial at first. In this time you can find out how strict he/she is how careing they are and alot about your personality. But never ask the first Master/Mistress you see to immedietly start to dom you. As for your Master he is a Switch meaning he likes to play both roles. I myself am one. If you beleive he is not the right one be it any reason. Ask respectfully for your freedom and to be released.

I hope that helps

slave.2008 · 07-19-2008, 01:17 PM

I agree there, speak to him.
Express your concerns, and work it out.

I wish you the best of luck, I know things like this can be hard.
But it has to be done for the best tomorrow.

Bandit|Queen · 07-19-2008, 05:36 PM

First off thanks for posting this and being honest. I can now understand why one person at least jumped into ownership hole heartedly so fast

When i wrote my post I was a bit erm.....ranty so let me just say that I don;t think you are a total idiot or anything. When I met my Master online my rl bf and I where well on our way to breaking up. I was feeling lonely, depressed, had no self confidence and was reaching out to someone who could make me feel wanted and worth while. I totally understand why you wanted to find a Master so badly and jumped at one when they came along. Breakups are tough and the M/s relationship can be one of safety, care and love that gives the submissive a feeling of being wanted, needed and worth while. So don't feel bad for what you have done. Everyone is vulnerable at points in their life and needs someone to lean on

As to not being sure about your Master being right for you I have to agree with Knotty. Talk to him, communication is the key to any successful relationship, especially M/s. Tell him that you would like some extra control and that you feel like you could benefit from him being stricter with you. The only thing is don't assume because he is your Master he needs to be harsh or keep you in line 100% of the time. Slip ups happen so don;t beat yourself up too much if you do something wrong. He could just be easy going, my Master is and it took a bit of adjusting to because I had a preconceived idea of how a Master should be. Not every mistake needs punishing etc.

Don't dismiss him because he is a switch, again my Master is and in my experience switches can make very good Doms. They can see things from both sides of the fence. Just talk to him about your concerns and explain areas that you want him to be firmer about. If part of the attraction for M/s for you is the control and firmness from the Dom then you need to get that to get pleasure. Don't give up, see if you can iron out some of the creases before you decide if you want to continue or not. At the end of the day you need to get pleasure out of your submission so take some time to see how things go for a little while and if you still aren't happy then think about asking to be released, even though that can be hard there is no point in being in a half assed relationship in my opinion.

Hope that this helps some and my other post wasn't supposed to be an attack on anyone just me getting of my chest the fact that I don't understand it sometimes

sub_at_heart · 07-19-2008, 06:34 PM

thanks everyone. I talked to him and guess what! We are great, he listened and we talked, and wow! It worked!

07-19-2008, 12:22 PM	#1
sub_at_heart Junior Member Join Date: Jul 2008 Posts: 20	Help Needed Ok, so here goes. I have put myself in an unwanted situation here, and need some help to get out of it. Any advice is welcome, but please be nice, i already know i am an idiot. I did the exact thing that Tempered Sugar wrote about in her thread Ownership. I read that this morning and realized I was one of those stupid people. When I found this website, I wanted nothing more than to find a MAster, and as quick as possible. I had just broken up with my boyfriend, and needed someone. Also, I have been wanting a realtionship like this for so long that I jumped head on into the first one I had a chance at. Now, the problem is, I think i moved too fast, and I have now locked myself into a relationship with someone that although I am sure could make a great Master, I barely know him. I know now that I should have waited and not gotten too excited and should have talked to other people first. I now have passed up the chance to talk to other Masters to find someone better, and all because I was an idiot and moved too fast. I like my Master, but I am getting the feeling that he is not as strict of a master as I would like, and he is also a slave too, and i think that i may need someone more dominant. Again, i dont know him that well, so i dont want to say that he isnt right for me because he may very well be. How do i bring this up to him or reverse what I have started. I think now I may need some more time to think and look at my options, but i dont want to cause problems or hurt anyone! I am just so confused and have no idea what to do, please help. __________________ I do not have a Master, nor do I wish for one at the moment, so please dont ask. I am waiting for the next year or so to try another. I will talk to you if you want, but that is it. I will be talking to a variety of people to find a Master that is best for me. I prefer someone in the US because I prefer offline relationships. Again, dont want a Master at the moment, but more than willing to talk. If you want to talk or know more about me, just pm me.

07-19-2008, 12:35 PM	#2
Knots101 Account Banned Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Canadian land eh Posts: 374 Blog Entries: 26	Ok, Props for reliseing this before it became a problem and addmitting that you shouldn't of jumped in head first. Now this is a basic thing with all slave/Master/Mistress relationships go for a 1 week to 1 month trial at first. In this time you can find out how strict he/she is how careing they are and alot about your personality. But never ask the first Master/Mistress you see to immedietly start to dom you. As for your Master he is a Switch meaning he likes to play both roles. I myself am one. If you beleive he is not the right one be it any reason. Ask respectfully for your freedom and to be released. I hope that helps __________________ Left getdare, due to extreme bullshit. If you need to get ahold of me you can send me a PM and their is a chance i may check it.

07-19-2008, 05:36 PM	#4
Bandit\|Queen getDare Sweetheart Join Date: Mar 2008 Posts: 414 Blog Entries: 2	First off thanks for posting this and being honest. I can now understand why one person at least jumped into ownership hole heartedly so fast When i wrote my post I was a bit erm.....ranty so let me just say that I don;t think you are a total idiot or anything. When I met my Master online my rl bf and I where well on our way to breaking up. I was feeling lonely, depressed, had no self confidence and was reaching out to someone who could make me feel wanted and worth while. I totally understand why you wanted to find a Master so badly and jumped at one when they came along. Breakups are tough and the M/s relationship can be one of safety, care and love that gives the submissive a feeling of being wanted, needed and worth while. So don't feel bad for what you have done. Everyone is vulnerable at points in their life and needs someone to lean on As to not being sure about your Master being right for you I have to agree with Knotty. Talk to him, communication is the key to any successful relationship, especially M/s. Tell him that you would like some extra control and that you feel like you could benefit from him being stricter with you. The only thing is don't assume because he is your Master he needs to be harsh or keep you in line 100% of the time. Slip ups happen so don;t beat yourself up too much if you do something wrong. He could just be easy going, my Master is and it took a bit of adjusting to because I had a preconceived idea of how a Master should be. Not every mistake needs punishing etc. Don't dismiss him because he is a switch, again my Master is and in my experience switches can make very good Doms. They can see things from both sides of the fence. Just talk to him about your concerns and explain areas that you want him to be firmer about. If part of the attraction for M/s for you is the control and firmness from the Dom then you need to get that to get pleasure. Don't give up, see if you can iron out some of the creases before you decide if you want to continue or not. At the end of the day you need to get pleasure out of your submission so take some time to see how things go for a little while and if you still aren't happy then think about asking to be released, even though that can be hard there is no point in being in a half assed relationship in my opinion. Hope that this helps some and my other post wasn't supposed to be an attack on anyone just me getting of my chest the fact that I don't understand it sometimes __________________ Have fun all! Love you my smooch!

07-19-2008, 06:34 PM	#5
sub_at_heart Junior Member Join Date: Jul 2008 Posts: 20	thanks everyone. I talked to him and guess what! We are great, he listened and we talked, and wow! It worked! __________________ I do not have a Master, nor do I wish for one at the moment, so please dont ask. I am waiting for the next year or so to try another. I will talk to you if you want, but that is it. I will be talking to a variety of people to find a Master that is best for me. I prefer someone in the US because I prefer offline relationships. Again, dont want a Master at the moment, but more than willing to talk. If you want to talk or know more about me, just pm me.

07-19-2008, 01:17 PM	#3
slave.2008 Member Join Date: May 2008 Location: England Posts: 44	I agree there, speak to him. Express your concerns, and work it out. I wish you the best of luck, I know things like this can be hard. But it has to be done for the best tomorrow.