All Those Little Rituals

[Sum]

Well i wanted to start this as partially a bit of an advice thread. But also thought it could carry on into a discussion.

Basically at the moment with how busy i am i don't have time to chat with my sub (whom some have said has the attitude of a true little slavegirl) as often as i would like or as i feel indeed she deserves.

She's been feeling a decided lack of control over her at the moment and has been quite upset by it.

So I'm planning on implementing a set of daily rules and rituals that she must keep up with. This will give her a control element even if i am not there personally for her to implement it.

I'm looking for help developing good, sensible things that she can maintain over a period of time.

This is what i have so far,

Firstly
When not under order from me she is allowed two cum days per week, Monday and Thursday. On these days and these days only she is allowed to cum of her own free will.

Secondly
currently she is working as my back up alarm clock. Basically this means that she has to make sure she's up for a certain time. Then at the specified time, if i have not text her to say good morning to her she is to ring me to wake me up.
This is good for two reasons, one it makes sure i get up and don't over sleep and secondly she's been sleeping badly, so giving her a fixed routine of when she gets up should help her get to sleep better at night. (that's the theory anyway)

Finally
We've been looking into tying a simple Shinju that can be worn under the clothes, she's going to try it out and if everything goes ok she'll be wearing it each day.


That's what i have so far, any suggestions for a few more little rituals i can add?

She quite likes food control (as in me taking control of what she eats) but i don't want to set a fixed menu that she has to stick to, I'd find that firstly too time consuming and secondly though i don't mind controlling this aspect to an extent i don't want to take full control of it at this time.


On the more discussion side of the thing, this kind of control is the where it moves out of the bedroom and becomes a lifestyle thing. I was wondering what the other Doms/subs Masters/slaves thought about this.

I know there will be a few (names i can think of already) who will answer this with good input. But I'd particularly like to hear form other people who frequent this section whom we don't hear from as often.



i wonder why i get a blank page if i time out on my log in when posting a new thread.

And yes i did use Microsoft Comic Sans, what of it?

[SubMissChievous]

You know, it’s interesting because I had thoughts about this subject recently. I have already mentioned in some other posts about the “safety feeling” I get from being a slave & this feeling I get has a lot to do with my rules & rituals (as it seems these two always come together, at least in my case…)

I can’t speak for others as I’m aware that everyone’s different but here’s my own personal theory about it: As already mentioned, from these little daily rituals I get a feeling of safety. Having those & feeling “safe” increase my confidence level in being able to carry all other tasks & orders I am given. And as a result from being safer & confident this makes me happy as well.

I don’t know if I can come up with good suggestions but I can always give some examples of the rules & rituals I have & perhaps you’ll get some ideas out of them…

Personally I like bedtime rituals a lot. I had several rules about it in the past & right now I have one that’s particularly interesting which involves self-bondage & my teddy bear

And there are the more “classic” ones like having to wear signs and/or symbols & having my clothes chosen for me. But this one may not be the best idea if you’re too busy currently as it requires some time & organization (and lists…)

About the clothing one: This is funny but I would have never thought I would enjoy having such a rule in the past. Only when I started having them chosen occasionally did I realize I liked this.

And yes, I agree that these rituals make it more of a lifestyle than a “game”. The way I see it, it’s the basic. It starts & grows from there

[lydiab6]

Good luck! Even if you are implementing these because you can not be around as much, make sure that you check in enough to see how she is handling these 'rituals'.

In terms of food control, you could try implementing something that would be good for her diet, keep her conscious of you, and not be enough of an intrusion to feel as if you are taking total control. For example you could have her drink the recommended 8 cups of water every day. They can be at drunk at times you specify or left up to her as long they are finished. This way it is a reminder of you, without it being a large upset to her life.

Once again good luck, sorry if I am not much help.

[Sum]

Originally Posted by naughty_chloe

Personally I like bedtime rituals a lot. I had several rules about it in the past & right now I have one that’s particularly interesting which involves self-bondage & my teddy bear

You can't say that and then not give details!! O_o

Seriously though i think what you're saying about security is exactly what she's been trying to express to me. I slightly think her need for control has grown past my need to control, at the moment at least. Worries me as i start to think I'm not going to be a firm enough Top for her.

Oh well I'll take it as a learning curve.

Originally Posted by lydiab6

For example you could have her drink the recommended 8 cups of water every day. They can be at drunk at times you specify or left up to her as long they are finished.

This i like a lot. I've already said that she must have breakfast and lunch each day (she has a bit of a tendency to skip meals). I had forgotten to mention dinner as well, as in my mind that's always such a meal that i think you'd never skip it. So as i hadn't mentioned it yesterday and so she skipped it.

and Lydiab you know I'll keep an eye on her and "not lead where she can't follow" I'm adding to the rituals and building them up rather than give them to her all at one go, that way i can monitor how she's getting on.

[lydiab6]

I just had to mention it. Both for you, and so that other members can hear it as well. Its an important part of the process that I feel is often forgotten.

[Merlin]

Originally Posted by sum1(2)

So I'm planning on implementing a set of daily rules and rituals that she must keep up with. This will give her a control element even if i am not there personally for her to implement it.

My actual slave also likes these little rituals
Like Chloé already said they mark a point where things get a bit more serious. Not because the things are different but because they start to involve even the time when you are not there to order something. And depending on the rule even have an small effect on the daily life.

Originally Posted by naughty_chloe

[...] I have already mentioned in some other posts about the “safety feeling” I get from being a slave & this feeling I get has a lot to do with my rules & rituals (as it seems these two always come together, at least in my case…)

I can’t speak for others as I’m aware that everyone’s different but here’s my own personal theory about it: As already mentioned, from these little daily rituals I get a feeling of safety. Having those & feeling “safe” increase my confidence level in being able to carry all other tasks & orders I am given. And as a result from being safer & confident this makes me happy as well.

Most slaves get a feeling of safety from being "reminded" of being a slave and also from having a clear structure (Chloé's love of lists is maybe also a form of this). Where signs/marks (on the skin or by wearing an special item for example) can be a good reminder and give the slave some safety by that, rituals can do the same and add the other thing i was talking about... structure. To use Chloés night time example the bondage every night produces a form of continuity she knows every night that she will be bound and continuity produces safety. On the other side the fact that she has to be bound every night reminds her of being a slave from the moment she is going to sleep to the moment she is standing up again in the morning...
So in my opinion rituals are a good way to produce saftey not only if you are not there...

Originally Posted by sum1(2)

Firstly
When not under order from me she is allowed two cum days per week, Monday and Thursday. On these days and these days only she is allowed to cum of her own free will.

Personally i like to control things like that. But want to add 1-2 things you should think about here
1. Be more clear of what is allowed.
- Can she cum as often as she wants or only once?
- When does this rule really take effect? Every week or only if you are not around?
- Does this rule only include orgasms or also masturbation? is she allowed to masturbate outside this time frame as long as she has no orgasm (As you can also restrict masturbations)
2. How often was she able to have an orgasm/to masturbate at the moment? As going down there to fast can also cause a problem (Personal experience with my slave ...)

Originally Posted by sum1(2)

Secondly
currently she is working as my back up alarm clock. Basically this means that she has to make sure she's up for a certain time. Then at the specified time, if i have not text her to say good morning to her she is to ring me to wake me up.
This is good for two reasons, one it makes sure i get up and don't over sleep and secondly she's been sleeping badly, so giving her a fixed routine of when she gets up should help her get to sleep better at night. (that's the theory anyway)

Would not work for me as i don't have clear times i have to stand up, still a good idea in general

Originally Posted by sum1(2)

Finally
We've been looking into tying a simple Shinju that can be worn under the clothes, she's going to try it out and if everything goes ok she'll be wearing it each day.

Also a little note from me (although i think you know it already but maybe for others) Wearing a rope that is rubbing over the skin can cause "rope marks" up to real bruises. How fast this will happen depends on the rope and how tight it is bound. So i would test things like that first before i order someone to wear it for a whole day...

That's what i have so far, any suggestions for a few more little rituals i can add?

Some rule over night is always a good idea, still they don't have to be really over night but can also be things she has to do before going to bed and after standing up... like taking on or off some things.... writing a good morning to you... kissing an item from you... spanking herself (not often)...
If you didn't do it already you maybe also want to add some form of little item she can wear/carry around all day as token from you, so if she feels unsure she can touch it, or hold it in her hand and will so become safer.
There are some others but these are the first things that came to my mind.

Originally Posted by sum1(2)

[...]I slightly think her need for control has grown past my need to control, at the moment at least. Worries me as i start to think I'm not going to be a firm enough Top for her.

I don't know her so i can only guess, but you don't need to be tough to increase the control, and by adding these little rules you will already start to produce a bigger binding ...
Still i can understand you if you are feeling unsafe (not only slaves can feel unsafe) maybe the best way to feel save again is talk with her and askher what she thinks of your ideas...

[Sum]

Merlin, I knew i could rely on you to add a wonderful contribution!

Originally Posted by Merlin

Personally i like to control things like that. But want to add 1-2 things you should think about here
1. Be more clear of what is allowed.
- Can she cum as often as she wants or only once?
- When does this rule really take effect? Every week or only if you are not around?
- Does this rule only include orgasms or also masturbation? is she allowed to masturbate outside this time frame as long as she has no orgasm (As you can also restrict masturbations)
2. How often was she able to have an orgasm/to masturbate at the moment? As going down there to fast can also cause a problem (Personal experience with my slave ...)

Sorry i should have been more clear when i said about this one to you guys. Actually had this rule inforce for a few weeks now and she's really liked it.

Currently she is allowed a max of 3 orgasms over the two days, how she uses them is up to her.

The rule is always in force, even when i am about, but of course when i am i can use her as well.

Hadn't thought about the just masturbating part, I will discuss with her soon about this element.

Originally Posted by Merlin

Also a little note from me (although i think you know it already but maybe for others) Wearing a rope that is rubbing over the skin can cause "rope marks" up to real bruises. How fast this will happen depends on the rope and how tight it is bound. So i would test things like that first before i order someone to wear it for a whole day...

Yep, we've been talking with some people on irc about it, they had the wonderful suggestion of ribbon.

Merlin again, I thank you for your supurb suggestions, I have been thinking some bedtime rituals are in order, have the morning one and some building up for the day. I'll have a think about what i'll have her put on/take off.

Also very much like the idea of giving her a token.

[Bandit|Queen]

First off let me say thanks to everyone who replyed to this, me and my Master have discussed over it and have taken some of the ideas and board

One thing that neither of us had actually thought about was the whole masturbation thing.

Originally Posted by Merlin

- Does this rule only include orgasms or also masturbation? is she allowed to masturbate outside this time frame as long as she has no orgasm (As you can also restrict masturbations)

I had been doing this without cumming (and yes loosing control a few times) not really thinking that it was something I should check about. I do find it a form of stress relief even if I can't cum and sometimes has nothing to do with hornyness. I've now discussed this with my Master and we both decided restricting this as well would be a step too far for me right at this time.

I have to say I do love the little rituals and enjoy that it is something I have to be trusted to do as obviously my Master can't be there to check up all the time as well as it reminding me of my submission in little ways. I do find that when I break this trust that guilt quickly sets in and even though I normally put it off for a few days I do tell my Master.

Last week I went over my cum limit, I'm allowed 3 over 2 days (others in between when I play with my Master) and went over by 2. For me the guilt mainly comes from that I have broken trust rather than the disobedience. I sit there and think its fine he won’t find out and then over that day and the days till I tell him it just pops into my head what I’ve done and the guilt builds up until I finally tell him. Why I don’t just tell him straight off I have no idea but so far I never have. Perhaps it’s the whole naughty child thing that it won’t matter if you don’t tell. It’s not so much that I dread punishment either because I’ve gotten to the point where I will accept punishment knowing that it’s because its deserved and not something trivial, smaller things are normally just discussed and his disappointment is normally enough to make me realise it’s not worth doing again.

Sometimes I do rebel and go against his orders deliberately, I don’t think I’m alone there and I do find myself resenting his Dominance but this is normally short lived and stems from that I’m not feeling at my best or something outside of Dom/sub has put me in a bad mood and has me discontented. When this happens it’s the little rituals that go out the window first I guess because they are the easiest to ignore or forget. However I think they are my favourite because they are subtle forms of submission no one else around me would know that I’m now drinking water daily (thanks for that one) because my Master has told me to, I like that it’s just me and him that knows. It doesn’t have to be a grand gesture to make me feel controlled and submissive

[Agia]

Found a lot of useful information in this post and I agree that a ritual is very important. I have always had my slaves follow one to insure that they are doing the right thing even if I am not around. A very important one no one seems to ever mention is smoking. Yes, Sometimes a slave is stressed about things outside of your control like work and they need to smoke to relieve stress so set a limit to how many a day do not take them away completely.