The Party Girl![Fiction]

hotstuff90 · 12-18-2007, 02:52 PM

this is my first story so i'm going to try let me know what u think and and any ideas u have are open pm me! and happy holidays!

Who is this party girl? This party girl is nancy she was an ordenary girl nice body, normal hieght 5 foot 11 inches, nice big brest, and sweet ass and pussy. she was a popular, party animal! nancy was geting rady to go to yet another party (her 229th and 33th of this school year! and it was only the middle of the 1st quarter). so she was picking out what to where when her date walked in. she was nude. her date was sam he was the hottiest guy in the world (well at school at least

). nancy didn't care tho they were going out and he's seen her nude before. so nancy told him to help her pick somethig out and she'll give sam a "reward" for it. so he started goig throught her clothes and found a thong and bra and said wear these, nancy said sure and put it on and started to walk out the door. but sam said "hey what about my reward?" so nancy said this is reward and...

Submissive_Master · 12-18-2007, 02:59 PM

its a little rushed. take your time, maybe strike up a real conversation with party girl and her boyfriend. Get us attached to the characters, so that when things to get dramatic or fun, we can enjoy it as well. its a good idea though, just try and be a little more descriptive.

anayguy · 12-18-2007, 04:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Submissive_Master

its a little rushed. take your time, maybe strike up a real conversation with party girl and her boyfriend. Get us attached to the characters, so that when things to get dramatic or fun, we can enjoy it as well. its a good idea though, just try and be a little more descriptive.

i agree with that comment

hotstuff90 · 12-18-2007, 05:51 PM

thankx 4 commenting it my first story and the comments will help make it better and i'll try now:

"i think you'll like the other part after the party sam" then sam just said lets go baby! so sam and nancy got into sam's car and started diriving to the party. on the way many of guys walking by and driving by honked their horns or whislted at nancy. nancy liked this. finaly when sam and nancy get to the party everyone was shocked stunded speachless yeah i think get the point. everybody knew that nancy was the party animal of the school but no one ecpected that

molten man · 12-18-2007, 09:27 PM

interestin but a little rushed!!

Davros · 12-19-2007, 10:15 AM

Longer posts + less rushed.

I'd rather wait a month per chapter than have it rushed.

seth18 · 02-24-2009, 08:29 PM

wait, nvm, lol, I'm stupid..I thought that said 2008...sorry..lol.

Hampers · 02-24-2009, 09:48 PM

Rightio...

Um...

Locked.

12-18-2007, 02:52 PM	#1
hotstuff90 Junior Member Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 20	The Party Girl![Fiction] this is my first story so i'm going to try let me know what u think and and any ideas u have are open pm me! and happy holidays! Who is this party girl? This party girl is nancy she was an ordenary girl nice body, normal hieght 5 foot 11 inches, nice big brest, and sweet ass and pussy. she was a popular, party animal! nancy was geting rady to go to yet another party (her 229th and 33th of this school year! and it was only the middle of the 1st quarter). so she was picking out what to where when her date walked in. she was nude. her date was sam he was the hottiest guy in the world (well at school at least). nancy didn't care tho they were going out and he's seen her nude before. so nancy told him to help her pick somethig out and she'll give sam a "reward" for it. so he started goig throught her clothes and found a thong and bra and said wear these, nancy said sure and put it on and started to walk out the door. but sam said "hey what about my reward?" so nancy said this is reward and...

12-18-2007, 05:51 PM	#4
hotstuff90 Junior Member Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 20	thankx 4 commenting it my first story and the comments will help make it better and i'll try now: "i think you'll like the other part after the party sam" then sam just said lets go baby! so sam and nancy got into sam's car and started diriving to the party. on the way many of guys walking by and driving by honked their horns or whislted at nancy. nancy liked this. finaly when sam and nancy get to the party everyone was shocked stunded speachless yeah i think get the point. everybody knew that nancy was the party animal of the school but no one ecpected that Last edited by hotstuff90; 12-18-2007 at 06:14 PM.

12-18-2007, 09:27 PM	#5
molten man Distinguished Member Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Mumbai, India Posts: 946	interestin but a little rushed!! __________________ MMan 26/m/straight Skype: molten_man007 Kik: molten_man

02-24-2009, 08:29 PM	#7
seth18 Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Google Posts: 196	wait, nvm, lol, I'm stupid..I thought that said 2008...sorry..lol. __________________ Here we go; Cool people use a ;; Duh! Likes: Candy. Dislikes: You. Limits: 'You have to cause I say so'

02-24-2009, 09:48 PM	#8
Hampers Kiss Kiss FIRE! Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Suitcase Posts: 1,798 Blog Entries: 24	Rightio... Um... Locked. __________________ ...Tubas in the Moonlight...

12-18-2007, 02:59 PM	#2
Submissive_Master Junior Member Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 23	its a little rushed. take your time, maybe strike up a real conversation with party girl and her boyfriend. Get us attached to the characters, so that when things to get dramatic or fun, we can enjoy it as well. its a good idea though, just try and be a little more descriptive.

12-19-2007, 10:15 AM	#6
Davros Account Banned Join Date: Aug 2007 Posts: 2,943	Longer posts + less rushed. I'd rather wait a month per chapter than have it rushed.